dealing with a jealous spouse

[Morningbox]

This thread struck a sour note with me. Because it hits close to home. Ya see I'm the jealous spouse in my home. I found out my wife was having an online affair with a married man. Would quietly text him call him all on the sly,well so she thought. We've been married almost 20 yrs. and have had two children together. So I let it go for a while thinking it was just playful chatting and it wouldn't go any further, but it did.

When I confronted her about it she just kinda blew it off like its nothing we are just friends. She then decides to sit and chat with him while I was in the room. Yeah like that makes it ok cause then they would just be buddy buddy. It's the other chats and texts that I have seen among other things. The first thing she does in the morning is text him then all day long no matter what we are doing and the last thing she does at night. Not to mention thinking of anyway to get out of house or atleast away from me to call him. Like leaving for work 2 hours early just to talk to him (cell phones are in my name call logs are right there on bill) Talking to him about things we should be talking about. Masturbating for him on cam when she won't even touch me.

I've tried talking to her but she is more interested in playing games with me and chatting with him than working on our marriage. So am I jealous... Yeah I think I have every right to be. Am i pissed.... yeah i was. An affair is an affair you can put lipstick on a pig it's still a pig. Thanks for listening.

My question is do i just live with it and wait and see if this affair will just fizzle out or cut my losses and move on. I'd hate to just throw 20 yrs. out the window Any feedback good or bad would be appreciated.

 

[Eilan]

Ya see I'm the jealous spouse in my home.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I don't think there's anything wrong with being "jealous" in your situation. What do you want to happen to your relationship?

 

[TeaforMe]

This thread struck a sour note with me. Because it hits close to home. Ya see I'm the jealous spouse in my home. I found out my wife was having an online affair with a married man. Would quietly text him call him all on the sly,well so she thought. We've been married almost 20 yrs. and have had two children together. So I let it go for a while thinking it was just playful chatting and it wouldn't go any further, but it did.

When I confronted her about it she just kinda blew it off like its nothing we are just friends. She then decides to sit and chat with him while I was in the room. Yeah like that makes it ok cause then they would just be buddy buddy. It's the other chats and texts that I have seen among other things. The first thing she does in the morning is text him then all day long no matter what we are doing and the last thing she does at night. Not to mention thinking of anyway to get out of house or atleast away from me to call him. Like leaving for work 2 hours early just to talk to him (cell phones are in my name call logs are right there on bill) Talking to him about things we should be talking about. Masturbating for him on cam when she won't even touch me.

I've tried talking to her but she is more interested in playing games with me and chatting with him than working on our marriage. So am I jealous... Yeah I think I have every right to be. Am i pissed.... yeah i was. An affair is an affair you can put lipstick on a pig it's still a pig. Thanks for listening.

My question is do i just live with it and wait and see if this affair will just fizzle out or cut my losses and move on. I'd hate to just throw 20 yrs. out the window Any feedback good or bad would be appreciated.

You have to confront her now and tell her to stop. She is having a full on emotional affair and it won't take much for it to go further now that she is invested. I suggest counseling. Insist she stops, if she refuses, your marriage will not likely survive.

 

[njlauren]

This thread struck a sour note with me. Because it hits close to home. Ya see I'm the jealous spouse in my home. I found out my wife was having an online affair with a married man. Would quietly text him call him all on the sly,well so she thought. We've been married almost 20 yrs. and have had two children together. So I let it go for a while thinking it was just playful chatting and it wouldn't go any further, but it did.

When I confronted her about it she just kinda blew it off like its nothing we are just friends. She then decides to sit and chat with him while I was in the room. Yeah like that makes it ok cause then they would just be buddy buddy. It's the other chats and texts that I have seen among other things. The first thing she does in the morning is text him then all day long no matter what we are doing and the last thing she does at night. Not to mention thinking of anyway to get out of house or atleast away from me to call him. Like leaving for work 2 hours early just to talk to him (cell phones are in my name call logs are right there on bill) Talking to him about things we should be talking about. Masturbating for him on cam when she won't even touch me.

I've tried talking to her but she is more interested in playing games with me and chatting with him than working on our marriage. So am I jealous... Yeah I think I have every right to be. Am i pissed.... yeah i was. An affair is an affair you can put lipstick on a pig it's still a pig. Thanks for listening.

My question is do i just live with it and wait and see if this affair will just fizzle out or cut my losses and move on. I'd hate to just throw 20 yrs. out the window Any feedback good or bad would be appreciated.

I agree, I think the answer is to confront her with what is going on and make clear you aren't going to put up with it. What you describe is not just an emotional affair, if she is masturbating on cam for him, that is way, way beyond the pale of 'friends', and all that time she is spending texting him, or whatever, is taking time away from you two as a couple. It is very, very easy to blow this off as "play", 'not real', etc, because it is cyber, not real sex but what she is having is in effect a full blown affair even if they aren't getting together to have sex....

There is nothing innocent about what she is doing IMO. I would confront her, and quite honestly, if you are thinking of saving your marriage, I would make it a point that you two get your tails into counseling, if for anything to have someone professional explain to her what she is doing is no different then pulling down her panties for the guy and letting him screw her. Especially if what she is doing is replacing what you two should be doing with the crap with him, it is cheating, pure and simple, it is taking away from your relationship that what is rightfully yours.

I wish you well.