What girls think about doing to guys

[mike2010fc]

.....

 

[MsQuote]

I always write PMs to women on Lit about the myriad of things I would do, all the ways I would kiss and tease and make them shudder. I've always been wired that way, to explore, not to receive.

But I was thinking, what about all the things that girls want to do to guys? I've never really talked with someone about that before, and honestly in my own experience, it doesn't seem like women really want men? Am I missing something?

Write about it here, or if it's too risque, try it out in a PM..

Mike

How about reading some of the thousands of stories written by and posted by women on Lit?

What most women don't want are men who PM them out of the blue to talk about sex so some guy can get his rocks off.

I don't know what makes you think women on Lit are here for your free and on-demand sexual pleaure.

 

[MsQuote]

These posts give me a lot to think about. I'll add a couple things real quick, although since this is below the fold, hard to say if anyone will see them. The main thing I've learned from this thread is that if I ask women what they like about sex with men (as opposed to me telling them what I like about sex with them), it's met with hostility. This mirrors my experiences in real life uncannily.

I'm not on Lit to date. I'm actually in a fairly long term relationship with a girl and we are very invested in each other. But we never have sex. Maybe every month or two if we are lucky. But I would like to have sex almost every day. I feel profoundly disconnected from her and I don't know why.

A lot of it has to do with stuff that happened to me growing up that put me last in line in everything, I was a huge nerd and didn't lose my virginity until just before I turned 20. So I see women as almost supernatural, they have more freedoms than I do when it comes to sex. They can do it whenever they want, they can learn whatever they want because men will tell them anything. I don't have those same freedoms, I'm limited by my appearance and my income and a whole bunch of metric that are difficult for me to control.

I think that maybe my girl misunderstands me the way that many of you do, that I want to objectify her. The weird thing for me to wrap my head around is that she wants to be objectified on some level, I think that she is submissive like I am and so would respond better if I was more dominant. But what I want is an equal, someone who challenges me, basically a strong, knowledgeable woman who can show me the way. She views talking about sex as belittling to women, like men are rubbing women's faces in the fact that they are female. I view it as precisely the opposite, that there is a whole world that many women aren't even aware of (things like pompoir and G spot orgasms and multiples, all that stuff) and we can't unlock her sexual potential if we don't talk about it.

Where it gets a little fuzzy is that I feel the kind of dark butterflies when a woman dominates me, or does things to me that she enjoys regardless of how I feel about it. I'm uncomfortable or not ready to talk about that with my girl because it's personal and involves all my failures in dating and I don't know if it will make any sense to her without context. So I wanted to go on Lit and find out if my desires are perversions or normal but just a little fringe. That way if I find out something's broken in me, I can fix it by being aware of it and I wouldn't have to put her through it.

I guess, I dunno, maybe I had this fantasy that there were basic things women like doing to guys that are sort of in line with what I like and I could ask her if she wanted to try them. At this point, there is nothing, she doesn't touch me in any way, and I am taking it that she isn't attracted to me. I'm probably going to have to break up with her soon if something doesn't change and it's heartbreaking.

What the heck, I'll add one more thing, I think that she is holding out on me because she wants to have unprotected sex, but I'm not ready for children, because I have not moved past the hangups that are keeping me immature, that I just talked about. That's why I said the stuff about children and keeping up appearances. If she and I can't talk, I don't know what to do. So here I am. As for the rest of the speculation of why would I PM women etc etc, this is Lit, not match.com. I for one am grateful that there's an open forum to discuss the deeper things in life without a gatekeeper. The entry fee is being able to face the fire though. I honestly thank everyone from the bottom of my heart even if you told me I am completely wrong hah, because even the criticism helps.

Mike

The first things I want to know and see when I get to know a man are who he is, what his personality like, if we share common interests and values, how he treats me, if he's interested in me as a person and not just a sex buddy, and if we have chemistry before I even want to talk about sex.

If the two of you have been dating for a while and you're only having sex once a month and that's problematic for you, move on. If you're really set on sticking with this woman, give her feedback in bed. Tell her when you like what she's doing. Tell her she's beautiful, sexy and wonderful.

I agree that there need to be forums in which we talk about sex openly. I have a blog where I'm always posting something about sex from a woman's point of view. OK, it's my point of view, but if you don't like my what I have to say, find another sex blog written by a woman. There are tons of them out there.

But as a lot of people have mentioned in this thread, approaching a woman you don't know in an unsolicited PM to ask her about her sex habits is creepy and disrespectful. Even if sex chats with men I don't know was something I was into, I wouldn't have enough hours in a day to get back to them.

Finally, you are wrong about women being supernatural and having the upper hand on when and how they want sex. Men are picky -- often unrealistically picky -- in how they choose and pursue women they want to have a relationship with.

 

[Lord Pmann]

This is seriously one of the most interesting threads I've ever read.

Mike...

Unsolicited PMs to women are a dime a dozen. Seriously. If you're going to send a PM to a girl, then you better have a reason to do so. And on top of that reason, it better be memorable.

Strictly speaking from a numbers standpoint on Lit... Girls have the "upper hand", as you like to say. Not in the sense that they just hold some magical power. But just that women are not as likely to send out random PMs, as they have their pick of the litter, so to speak. They get loads of PMs from guys all the time. So, if they are looking to talk with a guy, then they have a lot of choices.

The fact that you've sent out over a thousand PMs and had such few responses means that you're just doing something wrong. I don't mean that to berate you. I'm just saying, based on the rate of return, the sandwiches you're serving have some shit on them somewhere.

I'd really like to see what you're sending to girls. Could you maybe post a PM that you send out as "an opener"? Or send it to me personally? Again, just based on sheer odds I'm amazed that out of 1000 messages your rate of return is so low. I'm hoping that you don't play the lottery.

You seem like a genuinely nice guy and you seem open to suggestion. That already puts you head and shoulders above a lot of cockwallets that post and ask for help.

 

[Emerson40]

I'm not on Lit to date. I'm actually in a fairly long term relationship with a girl and we are very invested in each other. But we never have sex. Maybe every month or two if we are lucky. But I would like to have sex almost every day. I feel profoundly disconnected from her and I don't know why.

........

I guess, I dunno, maybe I had this fantasy that there were basic things women like doing to guys that are sort of in line with what I like and I could ask her if she wanted to try them. At this point, there is nothing, she doesn't touch me in any way, and I am taking it that she isn't attracted to me. I'm probably going to have to break up with her soon if something doesn't change and it's heartbreaking.

What the heck, I'll add one more thing, I think that she is holding out on me because she wants to have unprotected sex, but I'm not ready for children, because I have not moved past the hangups that are keeping me immature, that I just talked about. That's why I said the stuff about children and keeping up appearances. If she and I can't talk, I don't know what to do. So here I am. As for the rest of the speculation of why would I PM women etc etc, this is Lit, not match.com. I for one am grateful that there's an open forum to discuss the deeper things in life without a gatekeeper. The entry fee is being able to face the fire though. I honestly thank everyone from the bottom of my heart even if you told me I am completely wrong hah, because even the criticism helps.

Mike

I'm not sure what, in your mind, defines relationship. I don't know what you mean by being "invested" in each other, but it is clear by your description that you guys do not communicate, and what little communication is taking place is not being done well. Do you care for this girl? Do you love her? If she means the world to you, you best stop posting here and sending out blind PMs looking for magic answers.
First of all, there are no magic, one-size-fits-all answers. You are setting yourself up for failure with that search.
Secondly, you have already failed her (and your "investment") if your thoughts, attentions and devotions are primarily here. You should spend a little introspective time with yourself and figure out what you want and expect from yourself, and what you (honestly) bring to your relationship. Along with the lack of communication, there is clearly an emotional disconnect between you two. And you are doing the exact opposite of helping the situation by being here and distracting yourself from what you really should be doing.

Lastly - and I'll preface this with a warning that this is going to sound harsh - DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN RIGHT NOW! You guys are barely a relationship, have different ideas about what makes up a relationship, and can barely sustain the basic responsibilities (communication, empathy, honesty, etc) needed to maintain and nurture a relationship. Bringing a child into the middle of this mess would only complicate things further, make things messy if and when a split happens, and realistically, neither of you sound like you are in a position to provide the support, care, or the healthy and sustained environment that is ideal for children. You guys sound like kids yourselves.

A lot of it has to do with stuff that happened to me growing up that put me last in line in everything, I was a huge nerd and didn't lose my virginity until just before I turned 20. So I see women as almost supernatural, they have more freedoms than I do when it comes to sex. They can do it whenever they want, they can learn whatever they want because men will tell them anything. I don't have those same freedoms, I'm limited by my appearance and my income and a whole bunch of metric that are difficult for me to control.

Mike

You have some pretty messed up ideas, and make some goofy generalizations about women and the roles of men and women in relationships. These seem based on unrealistic and flawed stereotypes, which I hope you recognize and are making efforts to correct. This kind of thinking will always create problems for you in maintaining relationships, intimate and social.

I think that maybe my girl misunderstands me the way that many of you do, that I want to objectify her. The weird thing for me to wrap my head around is that she wants to be objectified on some level, I think that she is submissive like I am and so would respond better if I was more dominant. But what I want is an equal, someone who challenges me, basically a strong, knowledgeable woman who can show me the way. She views talking about sex as belittling to women, like men are rubbing women's faces in the fact that they are female. I view it as precisely the opposite, that there is a whole world that many women aren't even aware of (things like pompoir and G spot orgasms and multiples, all that stuff) and we can't unlock her sexual potential if we don't talk about it.

Mike

This paragraph is like a gordian knot, only more tangled and messy, like a bag of snakes. You're all over the place here. Read it through to yourself, slowly and aloud.
Focus less on updating women on the world of vaginal possibilities, and focus more on the world of getting to know her. Start with your "investment" - what movies / books / TV shows does she like and why? What's her favorite color, fragrance, ice cream flavor? Team Edward or team Jacob? The point is to show her (and anybody for that matter) that you care, that you are interested in her. If you show her you care, she will care for what you show her. Even if what you want to show her is the marvels of "multiples".

Where it gets a little fuzzy is that I feel the kind of dark butterflies when a woman dominates me, or does things to me that she enjoys regardless of how I feel about it. I'm uncomfortable or not ready to talk about that with my girl because it's personal and involves all my failures in dating and I don't know if it will make any sense to her without context. So I wanted to go on Lit and find out if my desires are perversions or normal but just a little fringe. That way if I find out something's broken in me, I can fix it by being aware of it and I wouldn't have to put her through it.
Mike

Again with the me, me, me nonsense. Stop it already. If we take what is bolded above and change the perspective a bit, we get something like this:

I feel uncomfortable when Mike2010fc PMs me, or posess questions to me that he enjoys regardless of how I feel about it. I'm uncomfortable or not ready to talk about that with Mike2010fc because it's personal and involves all my failures in dating and I don't know if it will make any sense to him without context

 

[Aurelia_Malys]

The main thing I've learned from this thread is that if I ask women what they like about sex with men (as opposed to me telling them what I like about sex with them), it's met with hostility. This mirrors my experiences in real life uncannily.

I give up! I fucking give up!!! Mike, I spent how much time writing you pm's? .. trying to give you a woman's perspective. And you comment that you've gotten hostility from women because of this thread? I am re-reading the posts here and have to say I am amazed at the patience and support being shown by men and women. [And in case you mistake my words for hostility ... they are born of exasperation and frustration, not anger or hostility.]

You have some pretty messed up ideas, and make some goofy generalizations about women and the roles of men and women in relationships. These seem based on unrealistic and flawed stereotypes, which I hope you recognize and are making efforts to correct. This kind of thinking will always create problems for you in maintaining relationships, intimate and social.

Emerson, I agree with you completely here ^

Focus less on updating women on the world of vaginal possibilities....

And here ^

Again with the me, me, me nonsense. Stop it already.

And again ^

Mike, this thread is full of good advice from men and women ....take some time, read it over, and try to make some of the suggested changes.

 

[LiterallyAngel]

Supprimer

 

[Emerson40]

Emerson, I agree with you completely here ^



And here ^



And again ^

A perfect trifecta!! Mrs. E won't believe it.

 

[AnnaLee69]

I always write PMs to women on Lit about the myriad of things I would do, all the ways I would kiss and tease and make them shudder. I've always been wired that way, to explore, not to receive.

But I was thinking, what about all the things that girls want to do to guys? I've never really talked with someone about that before, and honestly in my own experience, it doesn't seem like women really want men? Am I missing something?

Write about it here, or if it's too risque, try it out in a PM..

Mike

Women REALLY want men, only that for a woman is easy to get a man but difficult to deal with the consequences...........

For the men: they get difficult a woman (depends also on the man ), but once they get her, they deal easy with the issues that might come out of that....

As about what I would do to men......almos all I've wanted, I've done it!!!

 

[mike2010fc]

.....

 

[Lord Pmann]

Thanks for posting. I'll give some advice.

---
Pompoir

Hi saw some of your posts in the howto section and thought I'd say hi. I was just wondering if you've ever used your vaginal muscles on a guy (or girl), if you can squeeze different sections individually or pull in water/toys, things like that. It's something I've always been curious about.
---

^^^^
You went straight for the vag, mate! This is a sex forum. But the girls here are still girls. Most of them, even if they like to talk dirty and be treated differently in a sexual scenario, are still big on being respected. That's kind of a universal girl thing, really.

I'm assuming whatever the thread was that this girl was on, involved something with vaginal muscles. I'm hoping. Because if you just pulled the vaginal muscles out of thin air, then... Anyway, let us presume you were on a thread talking about vagina muscles. Here is how I would have worded the PM if I was sending a similar one.

"Hello,

I saw some of your posts in thread X. I found them to be informative. I've been following the thread for some time now and I was really interested in the subject. Your posts got me thinking about something and I had a question.

I figured I'd try to introduce myself a little before I just came out and asked the question. (Maybe explain a little about why the thread is of interest to you).

Anyway, if you're okay with me asking the question, then let me know. I understand you may get a lot of unsolicited PMs, but I have a legitimate question.

Thanks for your time and your posts."

Now, I would have included a cock pic, because I'm obsessed with my beautiful cock (see avatar), as are the ladies. But normal, non horse hung people should not do this. <------ Also, don't have this attitude. I'm kidding, obviously. But no girl wants a cock pic or cock talk in an opener.

The best move I've ever made on this site was paying attention to something a girl on here wrote and, when I messaged her, I had something to talk to her about. I was the first person she ever responded to and we've become incredibly close. The reason I was able to get her attention was because I took a genuine interest in things she had to say here on the forum and I had a reason to talk to her.

If all else fails, just send flowers. I'm kidding. That would never work.

 

[Edensgarden]

Ok for pmann because I think his posts are simultanous hilarious and insightful, here is one of the oldest messages in Sent that I never got a response from, and isn't giving anything away:

---
Pompoir

Hi saw some of your posts in the howto section and thought I'd say hi. I was just wondering if you've ever used your vaginal muscles on a guy (or girl), if you can squeeze different sections individually or pull in water/toys, things like that. It's something I've always been curious about.
---

Mike

I wouldn't have responded to a PM like that.

Many of my posts are very sexual and I share what I'm comfortable with on certain threads for anyone to read. However, doing so is not an automatic invitation to divulge more sexual information behind the scenes in a PM.

Why didn't you just ask her this in the thread first and then possibly send her a less perverted PM once/if she replied to your post?

Seriously...that PM makes me cringe.

 

[Sweetdaisymae]

Thanks for posting. I'll give some advice.



^^^^
You went straight for the vag, mate! This is a sex forum. But the girls here are still girls. Most of them, even if they like to talk dirty and be treated differently in a sexual scenario, are still big on being respected. That's kind of a universal girl thing, really.

I'm assuming whatever the thread was that this girl was on, involved something with vaginal muscles. I'm hoping. Because if you just pulled the vaginal muscles out of thin air, then... Anyway, let us presume you were on a thread talking about vagina muscles. Here is how I would have worded the PM if I was sending a similar one.

"Hello,

I saw some of your posts in thread X. I found them to be informative. I've been following the thread for some time now and I was really interested in the subject. Your posts got me thinking about something and I had a question.

I figured I'd try to introduce myself a little before I just came out and asked the question. (Maybe explain a little about why the thread is of interest to you).

Anyway, if you're okay with me asking the question, then let me know. I understand you may get a lot of unsolicited PMs, but I have a legitimate question.

Thanks for your time and your posts."

Now, I would have included a cock pic, because I'm obsessed with my beautiful cock (see avatar), as are the ladies. But normal, non horse hung people should not do this. <------ Also, don't have this attitude. I'm kidding, obviously. But no girl wants a cock pic or cock talk in an opener.

The best move I've ever made on this site was paying attention to something a girl on here wrote and, when I messaged her, I had something to talk to her about. I was the first person she ever responded to and we've become incredibly close. The reason I was able to get her attention was because I took a genuine interest in things she had to say here on the forum and I had a reason to talk to her.

If all else fails, just send flowers. I'm kidding. That would never work.

This!! Exactly this!
On average I am getting between 20-40 unsolicited pm's a day. The ones that I answer are the ones that show respect and are interested in me as a person and my viewpoint. I will NEVER respond to a pm that straight out asks me how I would like a specifc sex act performed on me, or one that is banal to the point of pointlessness, such as "what is up" or "I wanked over a picture of your tits" yep fantastically thoughtless one liners.
You need to think about what make your post stand out and make the recipient want to get to know you. The example that you gave would go directly in the bin.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I wouldn't have responded to a PM like that.

Many of my posts are very sexual and I share what I'm comfortable with on certain threads for anyone to read. However, doing so is not an automatic invitation to divulge more sexual information behind the scenes in a PM.

Why didn't you just ask her this in the thread first and then possibly send her a less perverted PM once/if she replied to your post?

Seriously...that PM makes me cringe.

You got a purdy mouf.

^^^^
How's that???

 

[Edensgarden]

You got a purdy mouf.

^^^^
How's that???

It's better than "Hey, can I mouth fuck you?"

Besides, my mouth is dirty...not purdy!

 

[SmileyGirl]

I wouldn't have responded to a PM like that.

Many of my posts are very sexual and I share what I'm comfortable with on certain threads for anyone to read. However, doing so is not an automatic invitation to divulge more sexual information behind the scenes in a PM.

Why didn't you just ask her this in the thread first and then possibly send her a less perverted PM once/if she replied to your post?

Seriously...that PM makes me cringe.

Sorry got to agree. When you first send a Pm that is soooo not the way to go.

 

[Lord Pmann]

If all else fails take pmann's advice (I never thought I'd be saying that) and go straight to flowers. That would so work for me. I kid... like pmann said, that would never work.

Perhaps a marriage proposal would work?

 

[barebearthere]

This has been an enlightening thread. Below is a PM I sent to a woman in direct response to something she said was her hottest fantasy. I was surprised she didn't respond. I get it now.
====================
I'd love to be behind you at a concert-

You'd be wearing a short skirt, of course. the band is rocking everyone is pushed towards the front, next thing you know, you're up against the stage, right under the singer. I'm behind you and I'm totally pressed into you. I manage to align my hardening cock with the crack of your ass, but everyone is so crammed that I'm not sure if you're aware yet.
You begin jumping up and down to the #1 hit being played, at least as much as one is able to jump up and down in this crowd. It causes your skirt to ride up and now I can feel the warmth of your luscious ass right in my crotch. I groan as my cock strains my jeans. Did you just turn and wink at me or did I misunderstand? Oh god, if I didn't know better I'd swear you were grinding on my cock.

As I reach down to adjust myself, my hands end up roaming all over your ass which is basically blocking my access to my own cock. Now, this time, I'm sure you smiled at me. I can't help it anymore, I'm totally pressed up against you and if anything, your skirt being raised up is enough cover for me to unzip and let the big fella out. Now when my hot cock nestled between your ass cheeks, you totally noticed, the wide eyed smile you gave me was unmistakable.

god you looked so beautiful and your hair smelled so good and now we were grinding together skin on skin. Your tiny thong was barely even noticeable. I decided to go for it and reach around and caress you. OMG you are so wet. Any thoughts that you might not be enjoying this as much as me are long gone. My fingers slip right in. I'm running 2 fingers in and out while massaging your clit with my thumb. You reach back and grab my cock and wipe the bit of pre-cum you find and turn to look at me as you put it in your mouth.

I reach up through your shirt and start pinching and pulling on your nipples. Your breathing is getting choppy and you start to have that sense of urgency in your movements and that look on your face.

That's when the singer notices us. He's talking to the crowd between songs when he looks right at you. A picture of sexual delight as you are clearly just moments from cumming. He says into the mike "hello luv, are you enjoying yourself tonight" you barely groan out a "oh, fuck, oh yes" Now the video camera has focused on you and all 18,000 people in attendence can tell what is going on. The singer says, "will you come for us, love?" You are panting hard now "yes, yes. yes"

Well, I'm freaking out but it seems the sky is the limit. You are so wet that all I have to do is reach down and pull my cock down and line it up and it slides right in you. I keep up the pressure on your clit with my fingers. You start shaking and saying "oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck yes oh gaaawwd!" the singer holds the mike near you so everyone can hear. This is too much for me so I erupt in your pussy.

A few minutes later some of the roadies came to get you to go back stage and we got separated. I've always wondered what happened to you later that night. I'm still putting ads int he missed connections section of craigs list. I've gotten a lot of responses from people who were there and more than a few interesting offers, but it's always been just you I wanted.

 

[Aurelia_Malys]

Why didn't you just ask her this in the thread first and then possibly send her a less perverted PM once/if she replied to your post?

This^ This^ 100% This^

Barebearthere and Mike ... If I had received either of those pms I would have deleted them almost immediately ... even reading them here on a thread and not to me directly creeps me out.

 

[mike2010fc]

.....

 

[Hubs_in_hose]

Just be yourself. If you try to be someone else your story will fall apart quickly and the person you PM'ed will most likely not respond to you again. Also, if the person has been on here for a while and you make a big ass of yourself then they might tell some of their friends on here know about you. Then you are really screwed.

Not all of us are wired the same way. You may have a special kink that really gets you off but could very well turn others off. Don't hide it or run from it, just be yourself and when you find someone that shared that kink you both will enjoy it.

Don't be overbearing, assuming, or demanding. Of course there are exceptions but as long as you treat people with respect you may at least get a simple note back indicating that they are not interested.

 

[Aurelia_Malys]

Ya I get it now I guess. The funny thing is that I have actually gotten several responses, like some women had actually been thinking about what I asked them and maybe I caught them at just the right time. And I've met some incredibly interesting women on here who really blew my mind with how much care they treated me with. But ya in general, very, very low response rate, maybe 5-10%. It creates a sense of angst to get rejected so much, and sets up this self fulfilling prophecy of thinking that women basically hate you so why bother hah.

Mike

Perhaps if you are more deliberate and careful in who you pm your success rate may increase ... fewer pms sent to a more deliberate audience.

I think you are making a huge mistake in interpreting a lack of response to your pms as rejection and hatred.

And I am wondering what your goal is here at Lit. You have a relationship, yet are sending out hundreds of pms and meeting "some incredibly interesting women on here who really blew your mind with how much care they treated you with."

 

[Ex Princess]

It always is up to the female to make sexual selections. If you find one "in the mood" it might work to go 'straight for the vag' as previously stated but if you are responding to posts made long ago it is better to ease in with normal conversation.

However, please note that stating your age/sex/dick size is not how a "normal conversation" usually begins.

 

[Eilan]

If you wouldn't say something to a woman you'd just met IRL (like in a bar, a bookstore, etc.), you shouldn't say it to a female Litster via PM. I'm not sure why this is difficult for some men to understand. Just because a woman wants to talk about sex on a public forum doesn't mean she wants to (or is obligated to) talk about sex with you in private.

Now, if humiliation is your thing, then you keep on rockin' on with your bad self.

 

[silverwhisper]

aurelia malys quoth:
i think you are making a huge mistake in interpreting a lack of response to your pms as rejection and hatred.

um...i completely disagree. if unclear on why, take a gander at this thread for a little illumination.

ed