Dear X,

[bobsgirl]

BG, note to self, use more lube next time.

Now that kind of pain, I ... oops, nevermind.

 

[Aurelia_Malys]

Dear allergies,
You suck.

Dear insomnia,
You suck too.

 

[imemkay]

Dear Barking Dog:

Really? 3am?? For two straight hours?? Sunday morning??? Consider yourself lucky that i do not own a gun!!

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear You,

I'm blue in the face.

Sincerely,

Me

 

[EbersMoll]

Dear Barking Dog:

Really? 3am?? For two straight hours?? Sunday morning??? Consider yourself lucky that i do not own a gun!!

Dear Sleep ruined by noisey canine Litster,

Dimitri? Mad Freddy? Call me.

Yours,

Thinking, "The owners need to take more responsibility!" Litster.

 

[imemkay]

Dear Sleep ruined by noisey canine Litster,

Dimitri? Mad Freddy? Call me.

Yours,

Thinking, "The owners need to take more responsibility!" Litster.

Dear Responsible Litster,

Unfortunately, I am the owner of the offending canine. Dimitri or Mad Freddy, maybe someone else? We've discussed my thoughts on responsibility....who do you think would be best suited to the challenge?

Curious Litster

 

[EbersMoll]

Dear Responsible Litster,

Unfortunately, I am the owner of the offending canine. Dimitri or Mad Freddy, maybe someone else? We've discussed my thoughts on responsibility....who do you think would be best suited to the challenge?

Curious Litster

Dear Self,

Spectacular own goal!!!

Yours,

Embarrassment now creeping out of every orifice Litster,

Dear Curious Litster,

Mmmm, I wonder?

Yours,

Canine whisperer Litster,

 

[imemkay]

Dear Embarrassed Litster,

Don't be silly!

Yours,
Responsible Litster

 

[EbersMoll]

Dear responsible Litster,

I am very grateful, thanks.

Yours,

No longer standing side-on Litster

 

[imemkay]

Dear responsible Litster,

I am very grateful, thanks.

Yours,

No longer standing side-on Litster

Dear casually standing Litster,

The pointy-toed shoes do not come out on Sundays. As if you ever needed to worry, anyway!

Yours,
Slipper wearing Litster

 

[EbersMoll]

Dear Slipper Wearing Litster,

I am pleased you are not working your pointy-toed shoes too hard and are complying with modern employment practices by giving them at least one day per week off.

Do they get paid overtime for Saturday duties?

Yours,
Much more relaxed Litster.

 

[imemkay]

Dear Relaxed Litster,

The pointy toed shoes are not being worked too hard. Saturdays are their busiest day, actually. They do not get paid overtime. Perhaps that is something they can discuss with their HR department, or Union representative. They are well taken care of though. I can tell you that after a hard Saturday night of dancing, the feet that employ said pointy toed shoes pay dearly.

Yours,
Another Relaxed Litster

Dear Slipper Wearing Litster,

I am pleased you are not working your pointy-toed shoes too hard and are complying with modern employment practices by giving them at least one day per week off.

Do they get paid overtime for Saturday duties?

Yours,
Much more relaxed Litster.

 

[southern_gal]

Dear X:

No, Dear sexy and tempting, teasing and smarty britches X:
Do you hear that scratching sound mister? Listen closely. That is me scratching your name off of my christmas card list. Take that. Oh no big loss you say? I will have you know that this year I am sending out pictures of me naked on all of my cards. Sooooo.........

 

[southern_gal]

Dear southern_gal,

I see your Chrissie card list suddenly doubling. I hope you don't get writers cramp.

Yours,
Passing another biro

If the day ever comes when I send naked pictures of me to anyone.......rest assured they will have to have braille on them for the greetings. But mr smarty britches got the message I hope.

 

[imemkay]

Dear Sunday,

I'm just about ready for you to be gone.

Anxiously Awaiting Monday

---------------------------------------

Dear Monday,

Please hurry!

Sick of this weekend

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear Pandora,

What the feckie? Fall Out Boy? Really? What have I ever listened to that would make you suggest that? I'd rather listen to a feral cat being raped with bagpipes.

Sincerely,

Pmann and his annoyed ear speakers

 

[imemkay]

Dear Pandora,

What the feckie? Fall Out Boy? Really? What have I ever listened to that would make you suggest that? I'd rather listen to a feral cat being raped with bagpipes.

Sincerely,

Pmann and his annoyed ear speakers

Dear Annoyed Pmann,

Now, when you say cat being raped with bagpipes, do you mean a cat being penetrated by the bagpipes, or the screeching of a cat being raped, with the sounds of bagpipes in the background? I'm sure both would be horrible to hear, but it did make me wonder.

Just curious

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear you,

I'm rubbing off on you.
Ear speakers.

Yours,
Me

"Rubbing off on me"... Heeheehee.

A cat being raped with the actual bagpipes.

 

[imemkay]

Dear noisey canine family member,

Please, please don't wake me at 3am again tomorrow.

Your sleepy human.

 

[imemkay]

Dear Haiku Writing Litster,

Thanks for that! You're sweet!!

In control, despite swirling wind, Litster

 

[Lord Pmann]

Dear Texas,

Fork you.

Sincerely,

Hating that state right now

 

[imemkay]

Dear Ballsy Neighbor,

I've seen your dog's big piles of poop in my yard before. I had assumed he left those treasures behind while he was running free. Imagine my surprise when I see you walking your dog through my yard on a leash so that he could relieve himself there. I hope you will be equally surprised tomorrow morning when you find I have left said treasures on your back porch!

Annoyed Neighbor!

 

[mwmnpa]

Dear Ballsy Neighbor,

I've seen your dog's big piles of poop in my yard before. I had assumed he left those treasures behind while he was running free. Imagine my surprise when I see you walking your dog through my yard on a leash so that he could relieve himself there. I hope you will be equally surprised tomorrow morning when you find I have left said treasures on your back porch!

Annoyed Neighbor!

I hope there's a followup to this!

 

[Eilan]

Dear you,

Fuck off and die, cunt.

Me

 

[imemkay]

I hope there's a followup to this!

Dear mwmnpa,

First, let me say this has been going on for a couple years. I've spoken to the guy on at least 3 occassions. So, I scooped up the poop and left it on their porch right outside their sliding door.

As I was waiting with my daughter for the school bus today, I heard the wife shriek!
Yep, she stepped in it. I was hoping it would be the husband as I have no beef with the wife. But I'm pretty sure he'll get the hint.