Women, how do you protect yourselves?

[richard_daily]

Fear mongering, I believe.

Fear mongering is generally used for monetary gain. I am failing to see what it would be in this case, if it were true, which I don't believe it is.

 

[Wings]

Fear mongering is generally used for monetary gain. I am failing to see what it would be in this case, if it were true, which I don't believe it is.

I was spouting nonsense in the face of other nonsense.

 

[richard_daily]

I was spouting nonsense in the face of other nonsense.

Carry on...







With your liberal, gay, jew, muslim agenda.

 

[neci]

I agree that there is no such thing as being 100% safe, but there are several preventative measures I take when out and about. I've taken a self defense class and am also trained in restraints. I don't go out and get drunk by myself. When walking to my car, I always keep a key sticking out of my fist for eye/throat gouging. I try to stay aware of my environment at all times. If someone is walking towards me, I look at them. Maybe not in the eyes, but i want to see what they look like. If I hear someone coming up behind me, I turn and look at their face. I try to stay confident and not appear scared. If i have any worries, I look for the closest place where there are other people. Nothing is fool proof, but safety is safety - regardless of gender.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

In college one of my professorettes was an old woman named Dr. Shea. Dr.Shea was maybe 5 feet tall, weighed maybe 98 pounds, and was in her 70s. But you couldnt pay anyone to fuck with her. That old lady had some evil MoJo hid somewhere on her, and her scowl said, MAKE MY DAY PUNK, FUCK WITH ME! C'MON PUSSY BOY!

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

When you head out the door you gotta believe that youre the baddest mutha out there, and then youll be okay.

 

[Arlan]

I'll answer this one because most people still see me as female at this point.

When I'm riding my bike along low-traffic paths through parks and forest to get to work every day, there is a small chance that I could be attacked at random by a violent maniac. Given family history, however, there's about a 50% chance that cardiovascular problems will be what kills me eventually, and by taking this chance to fit exercise and enjoyment of nature into my busy schedule, odds are good that I am adding years to my life. I am also more concerned about being hit by a car if I bike on the busy road than I am about being killed by a random maniac along the bike path.

In my life, there have been three people have forcefully touched me sexually in ways that it was crystal clear that I was not happy with, and one of them also attempted rape. All of them were people I was dating. Since I quit dating assholes, I haven't had any of that sort of trouble.

So yeah. I think I do a lot to improve my safety by maintaining a zero tolerance policy for assholes.

 

[warrior queen]

Wow, while I've been asleep, this thread grew legs!

I agree with the comments about needing to be aware of what's around you. I see women and girls all the time, walking with their earphones in, texting on their phones as they go, completely unaware of their surroundings (to the point where they will walk straight into traffic!)

I also believe that women need to go to self-defence classes at a young age, and to continue training as they grow up. Not so much to stop an attack from happening, but to give themselves a chance to break free and get away should it ever happen.

And while attacks such as the one on Jill Meagher are rare, they DO happen. I don't need to instil fear in my daughter about these types of attacks.... she's developed her own fear as a result of seeing the reports and hearing about the randomness of it all (I think it's that 'random attack' thing that gives her the fear.)

 

[satindesire]

What I've been saying the entire time is that the overreaction creates the rape culture. That was the entire point of all of my posts. People hear about something like this and they're like, "Oh my god, I need to beware of stranger danger!"

When that is so rare as to be insignificant. When it happens, it's tragic, but more often then not there's nothing that the victim could have done. It focuses the rape alert on stranger rape, which is rare and takes focus away on common rapes- domestic violence, date rape, and child abuse. That's what we need to be focused on. Overreacting to situations like these, teaching your children that strangers are the most dangerous people, is dangerous. It creates both false fear and a false sense of security. It creates a culture of victim blaming, for both the individuals that judge and the victim themselves, because it leads them to think that there was something they could have and should have done. There are a large number of problems with the things in this thread, and I just want people to be aware of it. I think that we should focus on real problems. This woman is already dead, and her case is reported because of the unusual situation. The woman in the abusive relationship doesn't make headlines until she snaps and takes a shotgun to the guy who's been systematically raping her for years. The little kid being molested never makes headlines and grows up to be an abuser because he thinks it's normal.

I've got to go to work- so I got to cut this short, but maybe that explains what I mean.

I disagree. Overreaction doesn't create rape culture. Joking about rape, bragging about sleeping with drunk/passed-out women, victim-blaming, and slut-shaming creates rape culture.

The "Stranger Danger" myth is a problem, but fear mongering does not create rape culture. Largely, men create it due to it being socially acceptable for men to act in the ways listed above.

 

[girlsmiley]

Wow, while I've been asleep, this thread grew legs!

I agree with the comments about needing to be aware of what's around you. I see women and girls all the time, walking with their earphones in, texting on their phones as they go, completely unaware of their surroundings (to the point where they will walk straight into traffic!)

I also believe that women need to go to self-defence classes at a young age, and to continue training as they grow up. Not so much to stop an attack from happening, but to give themselves a chance to break free and get away should it ever happen.

And while attacks such as the one on Jill Meagher are rare, they DO happen. I don't need to instil fear in my daughter about these types of attacks.... she's developed her own fear as a result of seeing the reports and hearing about the randomness of it all (I think it's that 'random attack' thing that gives her the fear.)

I live in a nice area and have good neighbours, but that doesn't mean shit doesn't happen around here. Shit happens everywhere. I am mostly out and about, but when I'm home the kids who live on my street usually fill me in on the latest goss. And eat all my food. I'm quite up-to-date with what's going on. The stories are enough to keep us on our toes.

 

[warrior queen]

I disagree. Overreaction doesn't create rape culture. Joking about rape, bragging about sleeping with drunk/passed-out women, victim-blaming, and slut-shaming creates rape culture.

The "Stranger Danger" myth is a problem, but fear mongering does not create rape culture. Largely, men create it due to it being socially acceptable for men to act in the ways listed above.

I think it goes a lot further.
What woman here hasn't been harrassed by men - even something as simple as 'Nice tits!' or a wolf-whistle?
Why is behaviour such as this somehow acceptable?
Many women have had even more.... that 'accidental' ass-grope at the pub, the drunk guy who blocks your way when you try to get around him, the comments about how 'you know you want it'. The guy in your workplace who's convinced you want to go out with him, and harrasses you repeatedly for a date.... despite the fact that you've clearly said no.
Why are these types of behaviour still ok?

Women get this sort of thing CONSTANTLY. It gives us a sense that anything worse could happen without warning.

 

[sereneone4u]

Teaching fear is never good. Teaching that danger exists and teaching how to mitigate it is always good.

THIS.

 

[dolf]

i scanned enough of the thread to see that it's descended into candy talking utter twaddle and everyone disagreeing with said twaddle... is there anything to add? prob'ly not. i'm going to bed.

 

[sufisaint]

I used to teach a women self defense class where the main means of last defense was a small double edged razor sharp knife. It went over like a lead balloon...but in close quarters it is more effective than a firearm, more concealable, quiet and it quite easy to get a good blood flowing cut in before an assailant even knows he is in a knife fight. He basically has to choose whether to continue and bleed to death ( or overcome the fear of it) or cover his wound and let go.

 

[JohnnySavage]

I used to teach a women self defense class where the main means of last defense was a small double tang razor sharp knife. It went over like a lead balloon...but in close quarters it is more effective than a firearm, more concealable, quiet and it quite easy to get a good blood flowing cut in before an assailant even knows he is in a knife fight. He basically has to choose whether to continue and bleed to death ( or overcome the fear of it) or cover his wound and let go.

The tang of a knife is the part you hold on to. What's a double tang knife?

 

[desiree_d]

I've given a lot of thought about protecting myself and my son at home and in public. As mentioned above, if you buy a fire arm BE prepared to shoot and shoot to kill. Since I am only 4'10", it's more likely for an assailant to disarm me and then use it on me.

At home, my son and I came up with a plan for him to go to his closet, with an extra cell phone...and if possible, then go into my bedroom and out the sliding glass doors. Again, that's a plan, but in reality he's training in martial arts in Kempo Karate, which does use weapons. His goal is to have his black belt before 16, just as the Soke Dai did. There could be a time when he could protect himself and disarm an assailant at home and in public.

For me at home, I do have a dog that would give us warning. I've taken a basic self defense class, but after watching my son progress in his pursuit, I've decided to start my own journey in the same martial art.

JS, if I am correct, in our state any blade longer than 4 fingers is considered a weapon. Also, a double edged knife and epending on the laws in your state, or equivalent outside the USA, it could be illegal to carry because it would be carrying a concealed weapon without a permit. In your home, it's actually supposed to be secured in it's sheath.

With all that said, my plan is to learn how use that kind of knife in addition to other weapons that can be concealed. I'll go thru the necessary channels to carry, but I totally agree with Sulisaint, that in close quarters, a knife can be much more effective. And could you could also keep it between mattress and box spring .

It is also amazing what is in your house that can stun an intruder in order to give you time to escape. I have a collection of crystals and stones, some of which weight more than 5 lb.s.

It is sad that so much thought has to go into just going for a walk in your neighborhood. But stay aware of your surroundings, have a plan for home & when out. I do not let that fear run my life, I try to be knowledgeable in how to protect myself and my family.

Just my 2cents....if any of my statements are incorrect, pls correct me. Stay safe everyone.

 

[satindesire]

I think it goes a lot further.
What woman here hasn't been harrassed by men - even something as simple as 'Nice tits!' or a wolf-whistle?
Why is behaviour such as this somehow acceptable?
Many women have had even more.... that 'accidental' ass-grope at the pub, the drunk guy who blocks your way when you try to get around him, the comments about how 'you know you want it'. The guy in your workplace who's convinced you want to go out with him, and harrasses you repeatedly for a date.... despite the fact that you've clearly said no.
Why are these types of behaviour still ok?

Women get this sort of thing CONSTANTLY. It gives us a sense that anything worse could happen without warning.

Absolutely. I can't even count how many times things like that has happened to me. I'm looking forward to the day when women are treated like people instead of walking holes, and if a stranger wolf-whistles at us from across the street, his friend standing next to lets him have it for acting like a Neanderthal.

http://jezebel.com/5950287/slut+dropping-and-other-ways-college-teaches-kids-to-be-sexist-assholes

 

[berry juice]

In the wake of Jill Meagher's tragic death, which has made worldwide news, the question is.... when you are out, and need to protect yourself from attack, how do you ensure your personal safety?

http://m.heraldsun.com.au/news/vict...f-murder-hearing/story-e6frf7kx-1226482868669

She only had to walk about 700m home, and yet she was murdered.

Do you think about this? What steps have you taken to make sure you are safe?
Can anything keep you safe if some homicidal asshole targets you?

I'd go for their balls with my heels and stick my fingers in their eyes and then spit on them when im done. That'd teach them. Heck, i've no idea.

 

[sufisaint]

The tang of a knife is the part you hold on to. What's a double tang knife?

Edge...rarely but sometimes I even get a dyslexic misfire with words instead of vowels, middle digits or similar words...wrong end of the knife..lol.

 

[sweepthefloor]

I hide.

 

[BotanyBoy]

I think it goes a lot further.
What woman here hasn't been harrassed by men - even something as simple as 'Nice tits!'

I agree with the rest of it but this is absurd....women spend thousands putting them on grand display at every chance for exactly that reason.

I have seen thousands and thousands of women in mundane places of all sorts dressed like
http://www.tinyadda.com/images/d346neb0iclyfteitrf.jpg

And there is no fucking way you will ever convince me dressing with ones assets on display as such is unintentional or innocent.

That's like me running around with half a chub hanging out going "WTF are you looking at? Quit harassing me!!!"

I'm not saying dressing provocatively validates rape at all, but to get all butt hurt over the stares, comments or even being hit on or whistled at when you throw it out there on grand display is fucking retarded. Guys universally LOVE tits....you don't want anyone staring at them or complementing you on them then put them away it's really that simple.

 

[richard_daily]

I agree with the rest of it but this is absurd....women spend thousands putting them on grand display at every chance for exactly that reason.

I have seen thousands and thousands of women in mundane places of all sorts dressed like
http://www.tinyadda.com/images/d346neb0iclyfteitrf.jpg

And there is no fucking way you will ever convince me dressing with ones assets on display as such is unintentional or innocent.

That's like me running around with half a chub hanging out going "WTF are you looking at? Quit harassing me!!!"

I'm not saying dressing provocatively validates rape at all, but to get all butt hurt over the stares, comments or even being hit on or whistled at when you throw it out there on grand display is fucking retarded. Guys universally LOVE tits....you don't want anyone staring at them or complementing you on them then put them away it's really that simple.

Just because she's putting them on display, doesn't mean that she's putting them on display for you, and it doesn't imply that you have a right to say something crude like "nice tits", anymore than a woman has a right to come up and squeeze your package.

 

[BotanyBoy]

Just because she's putting them on display, doesn't mean that she's putting them on display for your, and it doesn't imply that you have a right to say something crude like "nice tits", anymore than a woman has a right to come up and squeeze your package.

Doesn't matter if she was fishing for a compliment from me or not, she baited the hook and tossed it into public waters....then got mad b/c she she hooked a trout when she wanted a salmon. Too fucking bad!!!! either go fish a salmon only stream or don't fish the public waters. If she want's to flaunt her stuff privately then she needs to do so.

Negative, her grabbing my junk would be physical assault bro...some guy saying "nice tits" or "Nice ass" b/c she decided to go out wearing a a couple of rubber bands is a complement. Comparing the two is a sexist as hell double standard. I have every right to be as crude/rude as I want as long as I leave her alone when she tells me to fuck off/burn in hell/crawl under a rock and die etc.

 

[CandiCame]

I agree with the rest of it but this is absurd....women spend thousands putting them on grand display at every chance for exactly that reason.

I have seen thousands and thousands of women in mundane places of all sorts dressed like
http://www.tinyadda.com/images/d346neb0iclyfteitrf.jpg

And there is no fucking way you will ever convince me dressing with ones assets on display as such is unintentional or innocent.

That's like me running around with half a chub hanging out going "WTF are you looking at? Quit harassing me!!!"

I'm not saying dressing provocatively validates rape at all, but to get all butt hurt over the stares, comments or even being hit on or whistled at when you throw it out there on grand display is fucking retarded. Guys universally LOVE tits....you don't want anyone staring at them or complementing you on them then put them away it's really that simple.

Alright, here's what bothers me about this and I feel it needs to be addressed because there are people in the world that feel like this. When people are dressed slutty- or at least when I am dressed slutty, I'm either dressing that way because I like it- or, and as I am a very sexual person, I am trying to attract a sexual partner. But that doesn't mean that I want a RANDOM partner. I have these standards, and I make a decision based on them, and you're either rejected or accepted. If you're rejected, you're rejected. Don't fucking move in with my next door neighbors to watch me. Don't fucking wait on my porch for four hours for me to come home. Don't get my number from a friend and text me. Don't add me on facebook. You were rejected. Get over it, and move on with your fucking life.

But I do think that you can't get pissed at people for asking. And yes, it does lead to some awkward situations. I mean, you get aggressive people sometimes, you get stalkers. Because PEOPLE ARE FUCKING CRAZY. But this is in no way limited to men. I've had men stalk me, I've had women stalk me. I've had men hit me- but honestly, I would rather fight a man then a woman, because I've never had a man try to claw my fucking face off when I'm driving or set my car on fire.

Of course some people get hit on by cool people, but I get hit on by crazy bitches.

I disagree. Overreaction doesn't create rape culture. Joking about rape, bragging about sleeping with drunk/passed-out women, victim-blaming, and slut-shaming creates rape culture.

The "Stranger Danger" myth is a problem, but fear mongering does not create rape culture. Largely, men create it due to it being socially acceptable for men to act in the ways listed above.

The thing is, it's not socially acceptable for men to act that way. It happens, but other men will kick their asses for it. Rapists tend to get the living shit raped out of them in prison. Slut shaming is a huge problem and it is socially acceptable, and I am just as pissed about it as you are. Or more so. I've participated in slut walks, I'm proud of my sexuality, and i won't be shamed for it. But anyone who brags about sleeping with a passed out/drunk chick is usually ostracized and called out for it. It's not something that we get together and 'brag' about. Terry's frat house actually kicked a guy out over that shit. Because it's unacceptable. Plus, if you do something like that you get kicked out of their little club or whatever because 1: You're a piece of shit and 2: girls won't come to your parties if you rape them.

This is what I'm talking about. This shit is NOT socially acceptable, but the media sensationalizes it as if it is. Apparently. Because people have this idea that men are complete assholes when there are no chicks in the room, and that's totally not true. Men are human. We have an entire range of human fucking emotion. We aren't fucking animals, we aren't all rapists, and I HATE being lumped into a category because of a few assholes who deserve everything they get. ((The rapists, not the victims)).

Which brings me back to the victim blaming. The culture of fear is what creates this idea that it's ok to blame the victim. Because s/he should have done something differently. Should have lived by the rape schedual, should have been afraid. Because our society teaches this fear that makes it the thing that people fall back on. Most rape takes place in domestic violence situations, but people act like if you just dress like a nun and stay out of the dark you'll be ok. That creates a false sense of security and leads the victim to think that their rape wasn't 'real' rape. And that is dangerous.

I agree that there are intense social problems that need to be addressed, and that just because I haven't experienced what you're talking about or just because it doesn't show up on sociology studies doesn't mean that it doesn't exist or that it isn't a problem. I mean, who's gonna take a self-assessment survey and put down, "I brag about fucking drunk chicks because I'm such a loser I can't get a sober chick". No one. So no shit it isn't gonna show up on a study. So it might actually be more of a problem then I think it is. But it is in NO WAY a socially acceptable thing to do.

Around here that shit will totally get you shot. If not by the girl herself then by her family and friends.

I think it goes a lot further.
What woman here hasn't been harrassed by men - even something as simple as 'Nice tits!' or a wolf-whistle?
Why is behaviour such as this somehow acceptable?
Many women have had even more.... that 'accidental' ass-grope at the pub, the drunk guy who blocks your way when you try to get around him, the comments about how 'you know you want it'. The guy in your workplace who's convinced you want to go out with him, and harrasses you repeatedly for a date.... despite the fact that you've clearly said no.
Why are these types of behaviour still ok?

Women get this sort of thing CONSTANTLY. It gives us a sense that anything worse could happen without warning.

See, the thing is, so do men. Or at least, I do. This is what I don't get about this- you seem to think that this is just a feminine problem. I can't count the number of times I've been 'accidentally' groped in weird places one would not think that they were gonna be groped- like not even enclosed spaces- like walking to class across the quad and shit. People are weird. I like attention, and sometimes the people who give you attention aren't people you want attention from. I just don't usually say anything about it unless it's the same person over and over or they do something completely jackassery like fucking blocking you in by your locker in the art building to hit on you and not moving until you literally knock their ass out of the way. People are fucking crazy. Like, individual people.

I know what it's like to get all tense like that. But you just kind of have to tell yourself to get ready for a fight. I've been in a lot of fights in my day, and if you wanna do something inappropriate to me, I will kick your ass, or do my very best to kick your ass. Rape is about power, and if you want a power struggle with me, it's gonna be a /struggle/. You're not gonna fuck me right there in the art building, so you'd have to like, drag me away somewhere, and if you try to do that, you might get it done, but you'll lose an eye. And do you really wanna go through life with one eye to prove some kind of power struggle point?

I don't know. I, again, just think that we really need to focus on the more common problems and try to fix those instead of being afraid all the damn time. Domestic violence, child abuse and the like. We need to realize that that is the most common, that that is what we need to be helping with. Not an attitude of fear and victim blaming circumstances that rarely happen, but about real women who are stuck in vicious relationships with rapists and afraid to leave because of the power struggle that has already been lost and the real intense fear that they live with every day- but about the children who are molested and harmed so bad sometimes that they require surgery that will never fix the mental scars of experiencing the pain from someone who was supposed to protect them- about the women in South Africa or Sudan who really do live in a rape culture where this is as real of an occurance as going to the damn store. I don't want to belittle these people by acting like my experiences in any way match their own. I feel bad bitching about getting groped or cornered by an aggressor when there are people out there dealing with this kind of shit. I don't know, maybe I've got something wrong there. But it just feels wrong to me.

 

[CandiCame]

Just because she's putting them on display, doesn't mean that she's putting them on display for you, and it doesn't imply that you have a right to say something crude like "nice tits", anymore than a woman has a right to come up and squeeze your package.

WHY THE FUCK DO WOMEN DO THAT!?

Just as an aside- chicks do this ALL THE FUCKING TIME to me! Like, every time I go to a club or some shit this happens at least once. Some bitch I don't know will grab me by the dick. Men don't do that. Men don't even do that in gay bars! That is not an acceptable handshake. I don't know who you are.

I mean, I'm not like really mad about it or anything, I just don't understand it. Are you like, checking for size or something? Is it like, 'Yup, this one is acceptable. Hi, you get to know my name now! Buy me a $12 drink."