Women, how do you protect yourselves?

[girlsmiley]

No disrespect meant from me, I understand that violence is more prevalent in places other than my cushy suburb. I'm sad that you guys have to be so scared.

Are you saying that teaching children to fear those who would hurt them is a bad thing?

 

[kbate]

Are you saying that teaching children to fear those who would hurt them is a bad thing?

Teaching fear is never good. Teaching that danger exists and teaching how to mitigate it is always good.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

What works well in black neighborhoods is whittling a stick of wood with a large knife. The other precaution is to act like you own the fucking place and came to collect rent. They scatter.

 

[girlsmiley]

I know your answer is no.

The silent march for Jill was an effort by the community of Melbourne in support of her and her family. We don't want this to happen again.

 

[Wings]

Are you saying that teaching children to fear those who would hurt them is a bad thing?

No. I think there is a difference between teaching fear and teaching them to be aware and what danger can exist. I don't bubble wrap my kids but I equip them with knowledge and ability to defend themselves. When my second was born a very well-meaning nurse said to me after she had seen me with both kids "You have to be extra careful around these parts because blond-haired, blue-eyed kids get taken most often". Now I was appalled that she even said that to me at the time but I researched and she's right. Stupid that such a thing even makes a difference but it made me even more aware at an earlier age with them.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Teaching fear is never good. Teaching that danger exists and teaching how to mitigate it is always good.

Fear comes along without your permission or bidding. In Vietnam, on one occasion, I crawled thru serious mortar explosions to douse a street light they were aiming at. I cried like a blubber-baby all the way to the electric panel.

 

[girlsmiley]

Teaching fear is never good. Teaching that danger exists and teaching how to mitigate it is always good.

Don't talk to strangers. Look out for weird behaviour. Don't get into a car with a stranger. Because I don't know those strange people.
When we're older we tend to forget.

 

[girlsmiley]

No. I think there is a difference between teaching fear and teaching them to be aware and what danger can exist. I don't bubble wrap my kids but I equip them with knowledge and ability to defend themselves. When my second was born a very well-meaning nurse said to me after she had seen me with both kids "You have to be extra careful around these parts because blond-haired, blue-eyed kids get taken most often". Now I was appalled that she even said that to me at the time but I researched and she's right. Stupid that such a thing even makes a difference but it made me even more aware at an earlier age with them.

You can word it however you like, the fact of the matter is we're all on the same page. I have kids around 24/7, and they've all been told not to talk with strangers. If you want to call it "instilling fear" than so be it.

 

[Wings]

You can word it however you like, the fact of the matter is we're all on the same page. I have kids around 24/7, and they've all been told not to talk with strangers. If you want to call it "instilling fear" than so be it.

No, I don't call the basics installing fear. And you're right, we are on the same page.

Just as an example, my mother used to tell my much younger sister that all men were to be feared. All of them had the potential to physically hurt her. THAT is a bullshit way to raise a child.

 

[CandiCame]

You are making up your numbers on the spot.

only 8.7% of rape victims are male.
In 0.2% of rapes the offender is a female raping a male.
in 0.8% of rapes, the offender and victim are both female.
20% of women report some instance of rape in their lives.

Where are your 40% of women who rape in these numbers? You won't find that number published anywhere other than in your own post, at least not by any reasonable authority.

We aren't talking "general violence" we are talking about gender related violence. Men killed selling or buying drugs from other men - skew the violence statistics, but fit nicely into your statement, "MEN experience violence more often."

You yelled, "let's not talk abuse" but in order to get your "men 10x" you have to use in-home abuse and drug related crime.

Try again.

Um... ok.

http://www.springerlink.com/content/g2380704m27914t0/

http://jiv.sagepub.com/content/17/4/432.short

http://policeprostitutionandpolitics.com/pdfs_all/GOVERNMENT%20REPORTS%20US%20Justice%20Dept%20stats%20SEE%20ALSO%20TRAFFICKING%20ALL/Rape%20and%20Sexual%20Abuse%20Adults%20Including%20Rapes%20in%20Prison/intimate%20partner%20violence%20through%201999.pdf

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1023/A:1007741526169/abstract

https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/Digitization/147004NCJRS.pdf

https://www.ncjrs.gov/app/abstractdb/AbstractDBDetails.aspx?id=169592

https://www.ncjrs.gov/app/abstractdb/AbstractDBDetails.aspx?id=132831

http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1993-37979-001

http://jiv.sagepub.com/content/10/2/201.short

http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02674659608404443

http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224498809551401

https://www.ncjrs.gov/app/abstractdb/AbstractDBDetails.aspx?id=176039

https://www.ncjrs.gov/App/abstractdb/AbstractDBDetails.aspx?id=183781

https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/Digitization/147004NCJRS.pdf

And if you're tired of scholarly articles, at least give this a read.

http://www.straightstatistics.org/article/how-panic-over-rape-was-orchestrated

http://empathnegative.tumblr.com/post/23864085113/rape-sorcery-a-definition

The orchestration of "rape culture" is a way of social control. It keeps women in fear, it keeps them down. And you are contributing to it. I might not be able to change your mind, but maybe if I can show one person that they don't have to live in fear, that they can 'take back the night' that they are a whole person and not a victim, then maybe i've done something before work today.

 

[CandiCame]

No, I don't call the basics installing fear. And you're right, we are on the same page.

Just as an example, my mother used to tell my much younger sister that all men were to be feared. All of them had the potential to physically hurt her. THAT is a bullshit way to raise a child.

See, that's what I'm talking about. There's a difference between explaining the way the world really is and orcastraiting a society wherein your daughters blame themselves for being raped. There's a HUGE difference. One is good parenting, the other is fear-mongering.

 

[JohnnySavage]

The people acting like a gun will protect them are absolutely correct. Every assailant is required to make the following disclaimer prior to instituting the assault:


"Ma'am, I'm here to assault you. Kindly take your gun out, chamber a round, take off the safety, and prepare to be assaulted. Thank you for your cooperation."

 

[CandiCame]

The people acting like a gun will protect them are absolutely correct. Every assailant is required to make the following disclaimer prior to instituting the assault:


"Ma'am, I'm here to assault you. Kindly take your gun out, chamber a round, take off the safety, and prepare to be assaulted. Thank you for your cooperation."

Do you know how little time it takes to draw say, a simple .22?

The safety is right by your thumb if you're right handed. Most ladies that I know wear ankle holsters. It's one smooth motion. It can be done in less then a second. And the vast majority of assailants will run once they see the weapon.

However, most rapes are done by someone that you know personally and a are pre-planned. Stranger raped is even more rare then rape as a whole. These people are already emotionally manipulative and crazy, so they're gonna get you when they know that at your most defenseless. In your own home or whatever.

 

[Wings]

And if someone grabs you from behind how do you get to your ankle? I'm flexible as hell but I can honestly say after having been assaulted from behind, I would have never been able to get there.

Having a gun often gives you a false sense of security and is often taken from you by your assailant.

 

[JohnnySavage]

Do you know how little time it takes to draw say, a simple .22?

The safety is right by your thumb if you're right handed. Most ladies that I know wear ankle holsters. It's one smooth motion. It can be done in less then a second. And the vast majority of assailants will run once they see the weapon.

However, most rapes are done by someone that you know personally and a are pre-planned. Stranger raped is even more rare then rape as a whole. These people are already emotionally manipulative and crazy, so they're gonna get you when they know that at your most defenseless. In your own home or whatever.

Ok... you're pretty, I see you walking down the street and hide around a corner or in a doorway. You pass and I jump out and punch you square in the nose, knocking you to the ground. Then I throw my 200 pound body on top of you.

Go ahead and tell me about how easy and fast it is to get your cute little gun out.

Living on a planet filled with humans is a dangerous thing because there are lots of dangerous people on it, and real life is nothing like the movies.

 

[girlsmiley]

No, I don't call the basics installing fear. And you're right, we are on the same page.

Just as an example, my mother used to tell my much younger sister that all men were to be feared. All of them had the potential to physically hurt her. THAT is a bullshit way to raise a child.

I agree. I mean, I saw the ugly men and women myself and was able to judge for myself who was teh ugly and who wasn't. I wasn't told who to like.

But, when it came to looking after myself, my brothers and my sisters, we always followed the things we were taught when we were young.

 

[CandiCame]

And if someone grabs you from behind how do you get to your ankle? I'm flexible as hell but I can honestly say after having been assaulted from behind, I would have never been able to get there.

Having a gun often gives you a false sense of security and is often taken from you by your assailant.

Wait, really? You can't?

I can get to an ankle holster in almost any position. Of course, I've been in quick-draw competitions and my grandpa was kind of obsessed with marksmanship and whatnot, but if you're that terrified of it, there are classes like 'Take back the night" classes you can take that teach you how to get out of holds and stuff.

But again, random rape is so rare as to be significantly insignificant. The vast majority of people who are raped are raped by someone that they thought they could trust. So you're really preparing for the wrong situation. You aren't going to be out in the street where you get jumped by a stranger. You're going to be getting ready for bed and getting jumped by your husband. You're going to be fighting with a boyfriend who wants to exert his dominance. You're going to be a child whose being assaulted by the adult who was supposed to take care of you.

So I don't know how you would prepare for something like that.

 

[Wings]

I agree. I mean, I saw the ugly men and women myself and was able to judge for myself who was teh ugly and who wasn't. I wasn't told who to like.

But, when it came to looking after myself, my brothers and my sisters, we always followed the things we were taught when we were young.

One of my best friends teaches self defense to women and children. I'm proud to say I finance part of his business because I believe in it. I believe in preparing our kids and empowering our women.

It tends to be true that we are only as strong as our weakest person. Build up the weak and watch the progress.

 

[Wings]

Wait, really? You can't?

I can get to an ankle holster in almost any position. Of course, I've been in quick-draw competitions and my grandpa was kind of obsessed with marksmanship and whatnot, but if you're that terrified of it, there are classes like 'Take back the night" classes you can take that teach you how to get out of holds and stuff.

But again, random rape is so rare as to be significantly insignificant. The vast majority of people who are raped are raped by someone that they thought they could trust. So you're really preparing for the wrong situation. You aren't going to be out in the street where you get jumped by a stranger. You're going to be getting ready for bed and getting jumped by your husband. You're going to be fighting with a boyfriend who wants to exert his dominance. You're going to be a child whose being assaulted by the adult who was supposed to take care of you.

So I don't know how you would prepare for something like that.

Seriously? I know you're smarter than this. Some person stands behind you with his arm across your throat and you think you can just casually bed down and grab your ankle? Don't be dumb.

And violence doesn't always mean rape. It's often just violence, crime of opportunity.

 

[CandiCame]

Ok... you're pretty, I see you walking down the street and hide around a corner or in a doorway. You pass and I jump out and punch you square in the nose, knocking you to the ground. Then I throw my 200 pound body on top of you.

Go ahead and tell me about how easy and fast it is to get your cute little gun out.

Living on a planet filled with humans is a dangerous thing because there are lots of dangerous people on it, and real life is nothing like the movies.

Been in this situation. Drag queen. Don't know if it was gonna be a rape or not, it was more of a 'beat the shit out of a fag' thing. My friend Pierce was there, but I had the guy off me before he jumped in. There were four of them and two of us, but they ran after i pulled my gun. We never even involved the cops.

I have gotten arrested for gun violence, as have some of my friends, but it never stuck. Except for Shane. Shane got jail time for NO FUCKING REASON. Even the crack head he shot was like, "No, I deserved to be shot at."

 

[CandiCame]

Seriously? I know you're smarter than this. Some person stands behind you with his arm across your throat and you think you can just casually bed down and grab your ankle? Don't be dumb.

And violence doesn't always mean rape. It's often just violence, crime of opportunity.

Again, I've done it before. Were I standing in front of you I could show you how. The holds for how to do this are taught in self-defense classes. You don't bring your body down, you bring your leg up. Your knee reaches to your chin when you extend your leg up all the way.

And if someone has their arm across your throat you bring your leg up, shift your weight so that you throw your core strength into their chest. That's your best bet.

How do you guys not know this? Were you not beat up as children? Am I the only nerd on here?

 

[koalabear]

Running away works pretty well. The average violent offender can't run 10 miles.

Plus, having a cell phone all the time makes violence less likely, 911 is only seconds away.

Fantasy land!

 

[SalviaDivinorum]

Um... ok.

http://www.springerlink.com/content/g2380704m27914t0/

http://jiv.sagepub.com/content/17/4/432.short

http://policeprostitutionandpolitics.com/pdfs_all/GOVERNMENT%20REPORTS%20US%20Justice%20Dept%20stats%20SEE%20ALSO%20TRAFFICKING%20ALL/Rape%20and%20Sexual%20Abuse%20Adults%20Including%20Rapes%20in%20Prison/intimate%20partner%20violence%20through%201999.pdf

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1023/A:1007741526169/abstract

https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/Digitization/147004NCJRS.pdf

https://www.ncjrs.gov/app/abstractdb/AbstractDBDetails.aspx?id=169592

https://www.ncjrs.gov/app/abstractdb/AbstractDBDetails.aspx?id=132831

http://psycnet.apa.org/psycinfo/1993-37979-001

http://jiv.sagepub.com/content/10/2/201.short

http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/02674659608404443

http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224498809551401

https://www.ncjrs.gov/app/abstractdb/AbstractDBDetails.aspx?id=176039

https://www.ncjrs.gov/App/abstractdb/AbstractDBDetails.aspx?id=183781

https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/Digitization/147004NCJRS.pdf

And if you're tired of scholarly articles, at least give this a read.

http://www.straightstatistics.org/article/how-panic-over-rape-was-orchestrated

http://empathnegative.tumblr.com/post/23864085113/rape-sorcery-a-definition

The orchestration of "rape culture" is a way of social control. It keeps women in fear, it keeps them down. And you are contributing to it. I might not be able to change your mind, but maybe if I can show one person that they don't have to live in fear, that they can 'take back the night' that they are a whole person and not a victim, then maybe i've done something before work today.

I find your links quite confusing - links to PDFs that I either have to buy or register for, or seemingly random links to spousal violence, trauma etc.
Anyway, the end result is that I have no idea if your statistical claim of 40% of rape perps are female is true.

Although it's true that the person most likely to kill a woman is her husband/boyfriend (ex or current), it is almost certainly true that the "stranger" murders would be a hell of a lot higher if women did not take the precautions that most of us do as a matter of course.
Things like avoiding walking home alone; being careful where we park our cars; leaving lights on in our apartments when we go out late; taking self defence classes; carrying mace etc.

Almost every single one of my circle of girlfriends have been harrassed, abused or attacked by strange men, even in broad daylight.

I've been flashed at more times than I can remember. I've been touched up on a bus and on an escalator - the guy on the bus hit me in my face when I lifted his hand off my boob! My fellow passengers did nothing to intevene when he got off at the next stop, because, as I found out once he was gone, they thought he was my boyfriend.
I've been followed home from work, I've had men stepping in my way when I'm going to the bathroom in a bar, et fucking cetera.

And this is not even mentionning all the times I've been called "an uptight bitch" when I didn't answer banter from some random guy, or being called "fucking whore" when I did.

This culture of abuse is rea and I'm not a victim because I take precautions that I shouldn't have to take.

 

[Wings]

Again, I've done it before. Were I standing in front of you I could show you how. The holds for how to do this are taught in self-defense classes. You don't bring your body down, you bring your leg up. Your knee reaches to your chin when you extend your leg up all the way.

And if someone has their arm across your throat you bring your leg up, shift your weight so that you throw your core strength into their chest. That's your best bet.

How do you guys not know this? Were you not beat up as children? Am I the only nerd on here?

Please don't assume I don't know how to defend myself.


And your statement here implies that women are taught basic self-defense moves. Most aren't.

 

[pete]

Please don't assume I don't know how to defend myself.


And your statement here implies that women are taught basic self-defense moves. Most aren't.

actually most men aren't taught self-defense either, especially if you don't include the guys who enter police or military service.

most guys just think they're tough enough, or strong enough, to fend off an attack. and they usually aren't.