How to make amends?

[heavyhitter01]

She wasn't attacking the wife. She was stating Her opinion on the partner who stays. She didn't say anything mean.

Her last two posts, both focusing on the wife, suggest she is headed in that direction.

 

[KierstH12]

......................

 

[heavyhitter01]

I am not attacking anybody. The truth is most people do not stop after the first time they are unfaithful. It is reality, with or without counseling.

Perhaps that's true, but I don't believe that is reason to say the wife deserves it if it happens a second time. Yes, she knew she was investing in someone who had done it before, but that doesn't mean that her hopeful nature should be shot down by those who would say "you should have known better."

My friend was a jerk to his wife. But your comments suggest that if he does it again, she should have seen it coming, and thus you don't feel sorry for her. That point of view seems very harsh to me.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Perhaps that's true, but I don't believe that is reason to say the wife deserves it if it happens a second time. Yes, she knew she was investing in someone who had done it before, but that doesn't mean that her hopeful nature should be shot down by those who would say "you should have known better."

My friend was a jerk to his wife. But your comments suggest that if he does it again, she should have seen it coming, and thus you don't feel sorry for her. That point of view seems very harsh to me.

Bwhahaha. Are you really talking about a harsh view?

I think she is simply saying that she can't act surprised.

 

[KierstH12]

.....................

 

[heavyhitter01]

Bwhahaha. Are you really talking about a harsh view?

I think she is simply saying that she can't act surprised.

You bet I am.

It's one thing to attack my friend, ms_intrigue or me. It's quite another to say that my friend's wife might be culpable in any way, or deserve it in any way, if my friend cheats on her again.

I understand that attacking me and my friend is obviously in vogue right now, but with the tone of this thread and the pack mentality, I've been fully expecting someone to attack my friend's wife. I suppose seeing the hint of that in recent posts makes me think that we're there.

 

[whynotjustsayit]

I wouldn't dare attack your friend's wife. I do believe she is certainly not to blame for forgiving her fiancee-now-husband and wanting to believe in him and continue to love him, despite his past failings...which were pre-marriage too.


It's just her choice of friends I find questionable...

 

[heavyhitter01]

I wouldn't dare attack your friend's wife. I do believe she is certainly not to blame for forgiving her fiancee-now-husband and wanting to believe in him and continue to love him, despite his past failings...which were pre-marriage too.

Thank you very much for saying that. It's not the kind of thing I anticipated hearing on this thread.

 

[Lord Pmann]

You bet I am.

It's one thing to attack my friend, ms_intrigue or me. It's quite another to say that my friend's wife might be culpable in any way, or deserve it in any way, if my friend cheats on her again.

I understand that attacking me and my friend is obviously in vogue right now, but with the tone of this thread and the pack mentality, I've been fully expecting someone to attack my friend's wife. I suppose seeing the hint of that in recent posts makes me think that we're there.

No one is attacked the wife. No one has done so. You are drawing bad assumptions and using faulty logic.

Think of it like this... Imagine a guy walking through the bad part of town wearing a Rolex watch. Let's say he gets his ass beaten and his watch stolen. Then, he does the exact same thing again. Maybe he won't get his ass beaten. But if he does, should he be shocked? I would will feel bad for him. But I wouldn't be surprised, nor should he.

Now, transfer that impeccable logic to this situation and see that it works.

 

[bailadora]

Now, transfer that impeccable logic to this situation and see that it works.

That's asking a bit much, don't you think?

 

[KierstH12]

.......................

 

[heavyhitter01]

Now, transfer that impeccable logic to this situation and see that it works.

It does. But that situation is not like this thread. Attacks have been thrown about here, sometimes without any attempt to understand the situation. It has gotten so bad that I honestly, fully expect my friend's wife to be attacked as well.

I sincerely hope it hasn't gotten to that point, and if I got it wrong with the poster who mentioned the wife, then I apologize.

 

[Ellafun]

Two things:

1) Would anyone like some popcorn? and
2) is there a way to make this into a more "readable" version and submit it for the "Summer Lovin'" Contest? Because honestly...I've spent more time reading this than today's submissions...

 

[ima6uldv8]

"Pack mentality" because one or two people talked about the wife? And none attacking her. You need to brush up on your definitions, sugar

 

[Lord Pmann]

Two things:

1) Would anyone like some popcorn? and
2) is there a way to make this into a more "readable" version and submit it for the "Summer Lovin'" Contest? Because honestly...I've spent more time reading this than today's submissions...

I'm going to make a movie of this. I'll be the male star, of course, because of my huge cock. Now for ladies... I'll be holding auditions soon. It will be professional, I promise. That means no anal.

 

[ima6uldv8]

I'm going to make a movie of this. I'll be the male star, of course, because of my huge cock. Now for ladies... I'll be holding auditions soon. It will be professional, I promise. That means no anal.

Hilarious! Of course the casting couch will be cleaned?

 

[Lord Pmann]

Hilarious! Of course the casting couch will be cleaned?

What am I? A janitor?

 

[whynotjustsayit]

I'm going to make a movie of this. I'll be the male star, of course, because of my huge cock. Now for ladies... I'll be holding auditions soon. It will be professional, I promise. That means no anal.

So, what part are you playing? Heavyhitter01...because he's a big dick?

Or the cheating husband whose dick got around?

 

[Lord Pmann]

So, what part are you playing? Heavyhitter01...because he's a big dick?

Or the cheating husband whose dick got around?

I'll be playing the one who gets laid, so not heavyhitter. I will have to have sex with my girlfriend, then sex with TL, then sex with my girlfriend/fiancée/wife. But the thing is, my now wife likes threesomes and sixsomes, so, there will be many ladies to enjoy the role. Like I said, I take artistic liberties. But only for the sake of art, mind you.

Oh, and for all those ladies who've asked (you know who you are), when I said no anal, I meant no anal for me. You won't be doing me up the arse. No penises. No fists. No feet. Nothing. But you will get anal, as you've all requested.

 

[imemkay]

http://smiliesftw.com/x/popcorn_1.gif

Another day, another 5 pages of dribble!

Dribble, yes...mostly. but on the upside we have all been offered anal by pmann. As long as he doesn't try to sneak in a fist or a foot it should be all good!

 

[imemkay]

I must have missed the memo!

Oh wait.... maybe I'm not invited.

I dare say PMann is a lover of all women......I'm certain you're invited.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I dare say PMann is a lover of all women......I'm certain you're invited.

This.

And Rainshine, didn't you say your bum was rosey?

 

[Sistinas74]

I'll be playing the one who gets laid, so not heavyhitter. I will have to have sex with my girlfriend, then sex with TL, then sex with my girlfriend/fiancée/wife. But the thing is, my now wife likes threesomes and sixsomes, so, there will be many ladies to enjoy the role. Like I said, I take artistic liberties. But only for the sake of art, mind you.

Oh, and for all those ladies who've asked (you know who you are), when I said no anal, I meant no anal for me. You won't be doing me up the arse. No penises. No fists. No feet. Nothing. But you will get anal, as you've all requested.

Haha! Sounds like you are an analphobe..someones been spending too much time in another thread...

 

[Sistinas74]

So here's a wrapup so far:

Everyone here seems to have an issue with what I have done, and they like to use snark to try to make their point (which just gets you ignored, if you haven't noticed yet).

Everyone here seems to think they are not capable of doing the same thing I have done to ms_intrigue -- though most of them admit that they have never been cheated on or have never cheated (so how can they possibly know?).

The fact of what ms_intrigue has done seems to be glossed over in favor of attacking those who are actually here (me, and by extension, my friend) -- perhaps because that's feeding drama?

The fact of what I have done seems to be dragged up again and again, as though we weren't already aware of it by now.

Now that the drama about ms_intrigue and what happens to her next has died down, there needs to be more drama -- so now the attacks on my friend are starting, (and turning into quite the high school pettiness, I must say).

The bottom line appears to be this:

I'm seen as an asshole, a bully, or whatever other negative term you might like to call me.

My friend is seen as a coward with no self-control.

My friend's wife is seen as a poor little wifey who will suffer forever for her husband's indiscretion.

ms_intrigue, what she did and what she does or does not deserve, seems to be lost in the shuffle of blame and accusations.

When the bottom line is REALLY this:

I'm not actually an asshole or a bully. I'm doing something I feel is the right thing to do, but there are many out there who don't agree with it, for whatever reason. In the absence of honest discourse and questions, there are names being tossed about -- which diminishes your arguments.

My friend is not a coward; on the contrary, he has shown incredible strength and courage in taking full responsibility for his actions and going above and beyond to make his marriage work.

My friend's wife is quite relieved that all this has happened to ms_intrigue, and she is definitely not suffering -- she was the other half of the equation that worked so hard to have a good marriage. She, and my friend, are very happy.

ms_intrigue got at least some of what she deserved. That seems to make everybody happy, with the exception of all of those on this thread. That seems rather...odd. But I suppose there is the whole group think/lynch mob mentality going on, and you guys don't know any better.

So that's where we all stand, right? So you can throw your accusations and snark all you like, and I will sit back and wait -- again -- for anyone who has an intelligent discussion point without name-calling, attacks and high-school antics. Then we'll talk.

Hmmm, I can barely keep up with this! Was ms_intrigue in love with your friend? I wondered why she kept on trying to contact the guy. Seems like she would just move on after the wife found out to avoid the drama! If I was your friends wife I would have well taken care of miss TL and acting my own payback towards her. As far as the couple sticking it out whose to say he will cheat again? If they get to the root of why he did in the first place, he may not want to ever do that again. I don't see why he gets a generic label based on one mistake.
HH, quiet revenge is best...intentionally going after someone & telling it on a public forum is going to get you raked over the coals by some percentage of the audience. No matter what you put on Lit, you are going to get different responses for that matter...some may high five your thoughts, others not so much....tis the nature of the beast.

 

[njlauren]

As I wrote in other posts, I can understand wanting to protect a friend, but I think my problem, HH, is where you say in effect you need to protect others from her, that she won't ruin other relationships, do the same thing, and that troubles me. I am not going to condone TL or whatever her name is, going after married men to me is a sick, sick thing (it is one thing if someone has an affair with a married man, which is bad enough, but to go after them? *ick*) but what you are doing smacks of something I detest, it is almost like you are saying TL has this magic charm that she uses to get all those innocent married men to have sex with her, and that is disturbing to me. That is the older crap in the book, the concept that if a man strays it is the woman's fault, the assumption that men are virtuous but led astray...when fact is the old saw that it takes two to tango is very, very true. I know some men who would be tempted by her, others who would laugh in her face, literally, because they are wired that way, but in neither case would I blame her alone, which in effect you seem to be doing. It is one thing to try and protect a friend, even if I feel it misguided, but being the protector of married men from her is idiotic, because it assumed that TL is the one at fault..hate to tell you, but a guy that is willing to cheat is willing to cheat, they may not be the predator out there on the prowl, but they are the type that if opportunity knocks, well.......You say your friend took responsibility for what he did, and I am glad, because he needed to; but why should you protect others from their own stupidity?

Even assuming you are doing this with your heart in the right place, that you are trying to prevent the kind of misery you have seen, which is admirable in some ways, your methods are questionable because it focuses on one woman as the jezebel, the cause of misery, when the men stupid enough to get caught in her web are equally or maybe worse; I can argue TL is a warped person who may not even be capable of feeling any remorse , maybe she is a sociopath I don't know, but how about those potential cheaters? Does TL force them into bed, does she blackmail them, drug them and then take incriminating videos, or does she simply find men all too willing to play? She may be a train wreck, I don't doubt it (and the fact that she has disappeared from this thread says a lot, that she doesn't even try to defend herself), but is it your job to protect the virtue of married men out there? You may knock out TL, maybe even do something good for her in the end, but how about the other women they will cheat with? How come you aren't on a personal crusade to be on the look out for cheating men and take vengeance on them,too? When it moved from being about protecting your friend (misguided as I thought it was), to being about protecting society from TL or rather scummy men stupid enough to cheat, it moved from a friend acting out of love to a self avenging angel gonna clean up the harlot from sinning against others, and that is not noble. If you said you thought she was going to try and hurt your friends and you acted out of worry for them, I would still think your methods were wrong but your heart in the right place; what I see hear is vengeance and vigliantiism. The old expression, that the ends don't justify the means, comes to mind.

As far as talking about sex with a spouse, in any kind of detail, no. Of men from all classes literally none talk about their sex lives with their wives, except maybe to complain how little sex they get when they have young kids. When men talk about sex, it usually is past conquests, that girl with the special whatever, etc, but their current spouse? Sure, guys love to play can you top this complaining about this and that and the other thing, which includes actually having sex, but that is banter, and never in detail like that, it is more like Rodney Dangerfield kind of humor.