Anonymous Secrets Thread

[LoveToLurk]

I feel a need to post this, in this thread, because the nick is anonymous enough & because during previous visits to Lit I have found that one can speak one's mind here without being judged & find support

My secret is that the last 6 years of my life/marriage have been a lie. I was not happy, felt imprisoned and manipulated & couldn't get out because I felt guilty for not being able to live up to the standards that were set for me.

I tried so hard to please everyone ( i.e. my partner ) but it never was good enough, things that went wrong always were my fault and I accepted that even when it was not true. He said so, so it had to be true. I even went to therapists so I could be "fixed" to his liking.

My world was limited to my family and work. I had no friends, no social life and therefor no frames of reference to compare my situation with. In hindsight : exactly the way he liked it. At times I tried to flee & get away in virtual environments but it got too hard keeping that a secret as well, and ofcourse I never found there what I was looking for.

I felt like I was wearing a mask, had to wear a mask because the real me wasn't acceptable. At the same time I didn't know who I really was but I knew the real me was there somewhere & not being able - and not being allowed - to surface.

And then, a few years ago, I lost everything. The secret of the heart had indeed continued to grow & fester & eat me up from the inside and it blew up in my face.

At present, I am living alone, divorced, and with the help of a therapist of my choosing finally finding out who I really am.
I now have freedom of mind, freedom to be who I want to be, I have two very dear & close friends, and the freedom to be so unbelievably fucking mad at my former partner for dominating and manipulating me for such a long time.
Pieces of the puzzle keep falling into place faster than ever and I am finally able to see him objectively. It's not a pretty sight at all.

I now know I am not a "bad person". There is nothing wrong with me, and I *am* strong. It's OK for me to be who I am & be true to myself first. So no more secrets and subsequent lies.
This is me, and if you don't like it, fuck off

( Thank you neruda for providing the opportunity to get this off my chest )

I'm really sorry that you suffered in that situation for so long. I am sure that there are many folks here on Lit that unfortunately relate closely to your experience (myself included). You are correct that this is a safe non-judgmental forum to share. Keep moving forward on your journey - it gets better step by step. ALWAYS trust your gut; it generally does not mislead. I'm so glad that you now have the freedom and strength to be yourself! Best wishes.

 

[sunshinegirl05]

Sex in church is great.

I remember in HS I had sex at a True Love Waits rally, while everyone else was busy exchanging purity rings.

Okay...this made me snort. LOL

 

[sunshinegirl05]

What? Christian pop/rock music isn't amazing?

Colour me shocked!

Actually some of the stuff isn't bad.

 

[SkylarFalling]

No idea how you delete stuff. But tis very edited now.

 

[njoyndesire]

I feel a need to post this, in this thread, because the nick is anonymous enough & because during previous visits to Lit I have found that one can speak one's mind here without being judged & find support

My secret is that the last 6 years of my life/marriage have been a lie. I was not happy, felt imprisoned and manipulated & couldn't get out because I felt guilty for not being able to live up to the standards that were set for me.

I tried so hard to please everyone ( i.e. my partner ) but it never was good enough, things that went wrong always were my fault and I accepted that even when it was not true. He said so, so it had to be true. I even went to therapists so I could be "fixed" to his liking.

My world was limited to my family and work. I had no friends, no social life and therefor no frames of reference to compare my situation with. In hindsight : exactly the way he liked it. At times I tried to flee & get away in virtual environments but it got too hard keeping that a secret as well, and ofcourse I never found there what I was looking for.

I felt like I was wearing a mask, had to wear a mask because the real me wasn't acceptable. At the same time I didn't know who I really was but I knew the real me was there somewhere & not being able - and not being allowed - to surface.

And then, a few years ago, I lost everything. The secret of the heart had indeed continued to grow & fester & eat me up from the inside and it blew up in my face.

At present, I am living alone, divorced, and with the help of a therapist of my choosing finally finding out who I really am.
I now have freedom of mind, freedom to be who I want to be, I have two very dear & close friends, and the freedom to be so unbelievably fucking mad at my former partner for dominating and manipulating me for such a long time.
Pieces of the puzzle keep falling into place faster than ever and I am finally able to see him objectively. It's not a pretty sight at all.

I now know I am not a "bad person". There is nothing wrong with me, and I *am* strong. It's OK for me to be who I am & be true to myself first. So no more secrets and subsequent lies.
This is me, and if you don't like it, fuck off

( Thank you neruda for providing the opportunity to get this off my chest )

*Hugs you tight* my ex wasn't abusive but my marriage was a lie and by the time I got out I'd spiraled so low I was ready to commit myself.

Huge kudos to you for being a Phoenix of sorts and rising from the ashes.

Your story reminds me how strong and frail the human spirit can be. Continue to heal and grow.

 

[Kudram123]

I feel a need to post this, in this thread, because the nick is anonymous enough & because during previous visits to Lit I have found that one can speak one's mind here without being judged & find support

My secret is that the last 6 years of my life/marriage have been a lie. I was not happy, felt imprisoned and manipulated & couldn't get out because I felt guilty for not being able to live up to the standards that were set for me.

I tried so hard to please everyone ( i.e. my partner ) but it never was good enough, things that went wrong always were my fault and I accepted that even when it was not true. He said so, so it had to be true. I even went to therapists so I could be "fixed" to his liking.

My world was limited to my family and work. I had no friends, no social life and therefor no frames of reference to compare my situation with. In hindsight : exactly the way he liked it. At times I tried to flee & get away in virtual environments but it got too hard keeping that a secret as well, and ofcourse I never found there what I was looking for.

I felt like I was wearing a mask, had to wear a mask because the real me wasn't acceptable. At the same time I didn't know who I really was but I knew the real me was there somewhere & not being able - and not being allowed - to surface.

And then, a few years ago, I lost everything. The secret of the heart had indeed continued to grow & fester & eat me up from the inside and it blew up in my face.

At present, I am living alone, divorced, and with the help of a therapist of my choosing finally finding out who I really am.
I now have freedom of mind, freedom to be who I want to be, I have two very dear & close friends, and the freedom to be so unbelievably fucking mad at my former partner for dominating and manipulating me for such a long time.
Pieces of the puzzle keep falling into place faster than ever and I am finally able to see him objectively. It's not a pretty sight at all.

I now know I am not a "bad person". There is nothing wrong with me, and I *am* strong. It's OK for me to be who I am & be true to myself first. So no more secrets and subsequent lies.
This is me, and if you don't like it, fuck off

( Thank you neruda for providing the opportunity to get this off my chest )

I wish I had something to say that could make it better, shed a new more positive light on it.

But I don't have anything to say, that is why it took me so long to reply (my apologies for not doing it sooner)

I'm just stunned. but I'm happy you are doing better now!

 

[Kudram123]

Thanks to Neruda's post I have an idea for a topic for today.

Is there anything you do while on vacation that you don't do at home?
What sort of things do you do when away from all preying eyes from home?

I myself become a lot more loose with nudity, changing into a pair of swimshorts next to the car while flashing a few people, nooo problem.
Have an eyefull, store it in your spankbank, I don't care

While at the local pool, I double check if the doors are locked!

What do you do while away from home?
Visit a stripclub?
Flash a stranger?
Flirt without shame?

Hell!! I do that while AT home. The things I do away from home are....

Um, nevermind. You'll have to wait for the book.

Haha, a free spirit!

I wish I could be more like you.


Must be a book worth reading

 

[JennyNo1]

I feel a need to post this, in this thread, because the nick is anonymous enough & because during previous visits to Lit I have found that one can speak one's mind here without being judged & find support

My secret is that the last 6 years of my life/marriage have been a lie. I was not happy, felt imprisoned and manipulated & couldn't get out because I felt guilty for not being able to live up to the standards that were set for me.

I tried so hard to please everyone ( i.e. my partner ) but it never was good enough, things that went wrong always were my fault and I accepted that even when it was not true. He said so, so it had to be true. I even went to therapists so I could be "fixed" to his liking.

My world was limited to my family and work. I had no friends, no social life and therefor no frames of reference to compare my situation with. In hindsight : exactly the way he liked it. At times I tried to flee & get away in virtual environments but it got too hard keeping that a secret as well, and ofcourse I never found there what I was looking for.

I felt like I was wearing a mask, had to wear a mask because the real me wasn't acceptable. At the same time I didn't know who I really was but I knew the real me was there somewhere & not being able - and not being allowed - to surface.

And then, a few years ago, I lost everything. The secret of the heart had indeed continued to grow & fester & eat me up from the inside and it blew up in my face.

At present, I am living alone, divorced, and with the help of a therapist of my choosing finally finding out who I really am.
I now have freedom of mind, freedom to be who I want to be, I have two very dear & close friends, and the freedom to be so unbelievably fucking mad at my former partner for dominating and manipulating me for such a long time.
Pieces of the puzzle keep falling into place faster than ever and I am finally able to see him objectively. It's not a pretty sight at all.

I now know I am not a "bad person". There is nothing wrong with me, and I *am* strong. It's OK for me to be who I am & be true to myself first. So no more secrets and subsequent lies.
This is me, and if you don't like it, fuck off

( Thank you neruda for providing the opportunity to get this off my chest )

I empathize with you, having spent a (fortunately) brief time in a marriage like you describe. I know what a weight it is off your shoulders to find your freedom as you have. I'm so happy for you to be starting on a new journey and to have good friends to support you. It will be a long time before the scars your ex gave you are gone, but you can do it and you will be that much stronger for it. Congratulations, and welcome to your new life!

 

[SlySubmissive]

What do you do while away from home?
Visit a stripclub?
Flash a stranger?
Flirt without shame?[/QUOTE]


Away from home things feel more free and easy.

I'll go out, have a few drinks, dance and flirt with a stranger.

Spend time at a clothing optional beach.

You know the typical vacation type things of course

 

[wooodyme]

I feel for Alivea. Tough road to travel but many of us have been there and can empathize and sympathize. But, I think Alivea is also a tough person and will rebound for the better. She certainly has my support.

 

[neruda]

Okay...this made me snort. LOL

You're welcome.

 

[NymphMyosotis]

I feel a need to post this, in this thread, because the nick is anonymous enough & because during previous visits to Lit I have found that one can speak one's mind here without being judged & find support

My secret is that the last 6 years of my life/marriage have been a lie. I was not happy, felt imprisoned and manipulated & couldn't get out because I felt guilty for not being able to live up to the standards that were set for me.

I tried so hard to please everyone ( i.e. my partner ) but it never was good enough, things that went wrong always were my fault and I accepted that even when it was not true. He said so, so it had to be true. I even went to therapists so I could be "fixed" to his liking.

My world was limited to my family and work. I had no friends, no social life and therefor no frames of reference to compare my situation with. In hindsight : exactly the way he liked it. At times I tried to flee & get away in virtual environments but it got too hard keeping that a secret as well, and ofcourse I never found there what I was looking for.

I felt like I was wearing a mask, had to wear a mask because the real me wasn't acceptable. At the same time I didn't know who I really was but I knew the real me was there somewhere & not being able - and not being allowed - to surface.

And then, a few years ago, I lost everything. The secret of the heart had indeed continued to grow & fester & eat me up from the inside and it blew up in my face.

At present, I am living alone, divorced, and with the help of a therapist of my choosing finally finding out who I really am.
I now have freedom of mind, freedom to be who I want to be, I have two very dear & close friends, and the freedom to be so unbelievably fucking mad at my former partner for dominating and manipulating me for such a long time.
Pieces of the puzzle keep falling into place faster than ever and I am finally able to see him objectively. It's not a pretty sight at all.

I now know I am not a "bad person". There is nothing wrong with me, and I *am* strong. It's OK for me to be who I am & be true to myself first. So no more secrets and subsequent lies.
This is me, and if you don't like it, fuck off

( Thank you neruda for providing the opportunity to get this off my chest )

Good for you girl!!! You are not the only one, believe me!! I am happy you were able to turn your life around. Embrace that freedom and make the most of it!!! Hugs!!!

 

[neruda]

I feel a need to post this, in this thread, because the nick is anonymous enough & because during previous visits to Lit I have found that one can speak one's mind here without being judged & find support

My secret is that the last 6 years of my life/marriage have been a lie. I was not happy, felt imprisoned and manipulated & couldn't get out because I felt guilty for not being able to live up to the standards that were set for me.

I tried so hard to please everyone ( i.e. my partner ) but it never was good enough, things that went wrong always were my fault and I accepted that even when it was not true. He said so, so it had to be true. I even went to therapists so I could be "fixed" to his liking.

My world was limited to my family and work. I had no friends, no social life and therefor no frames of reference to compare my situation with. In hindsight : exactly the way he liked it. At times I tried to flee & get away in virtual environments but it got too hard keeping that a secret as well, and ofcourse I never found there what I was looking for.

I felt like I was wearing a mask, had to wear a mask because the real me wasn't acceptable. At the same time I didn't know who I really was but I knew the real me was there somewhere & not being able - and not being allowed - to surface.

And then, a few years ago, I lost everything. The secret of the heart had indeed continued to grow & fester & eat me up from the inside and it blew up in my face.

At present, I am living alone, divorced, and with the help of a therapist of my choosing finally finding out who I really am.
I now have freedom of mind, freedom to be who I want to be, I have two very dear & close friends, and the freedom to be so unbelievably fucking mad at my former partner for dominating and manipulating me for such a long time.
Pieces of the puzzle keep falling into place faster than ever and I am finally able to see him objectively. It's not a pretty sight at all.

I now know I am not a "bad person". There is nothing wrong with me, and I *am* strong. It's OK for me to be who I am & be true to myself first. So no more secrets and subsequent lies.
This is me, and if you don't like it, fuck off

( Thank you neruda for providing the opportunity to get this off my chest )

Alivea, there is no one here but the survivors.

I have worked with a lot of battered and abused women, I have worked with women that have undergone such incredible emotional torment that most people wouldn't believe it.

In a situation like that you only have one job: Survive long enough to get out.

Good work! You're tough as nails.

 

[NymphMyosotis]

P, on your break from your vacation??

Hope you're having a great time!

 

[neruda]

Official Rule

One of the rules I have for this thread, and one of the rules that Literotica takes very seriously is the need to keep any activity involving someone under the age of 18 off the site.

If you want to post something on the thread directly, you are welcomed to, but please respect this rule by omitting the age or changing it.

Thanks.

 

[Kudram123]

One of the rules I have for this thread, and one of the rules that Literotica takes very seriously is the need to keep any activity involving someone under the age of 18 off the site.

If you want to post something on the thread directly, you are welcomed to, but please respect this rule by omitting the age or changing it.

Thanks.

Indeed, I do agree, lets not get our favorite thread of a wonderful site into trouble!

 

[Kudram123]

What do you do while away from home?
Visit a stripclub?
Flash a stranger?
Flirt without shame?


Away from home things feel more free and easy.

I'll go out, have a few drinks, dance and flirt with a stranger.

Spend time at a clothing optional beach.

You know the typical vacation type things of course

Indeed

It does feel wonderful to get rid of the social control every now and then doesn't it?

I would like to repeat the question and see if anyone has anything to share today

 

[Kudram123]

No idea how you delete stuff. But tis very edited now.

Very edited indeed.

Thank you, I hope you won't feel like you can't share anything else.

Because this thread is really open to all who enjoy a secret or two!

Please feel free to keep joining the fun, maybe even a submit a secret or two
Anonymous via Neruda, BBB or myself. or non anynomous if you prefer!

 

[Alivea]

Thanks to the Litsters who responded to my confession, makes me feel strong

 

[Kudram123]

Female, no age given - When I am out in the world (school, kids' sporting events, the mall) and I see couples, I imagine how they have sex - actually picture them together in my head. Are they crazy wild? Very structured? Polite and friendly? I do it all the time and am sure that there is something very wrong with me.

 

[Kudram123]

Female, no age given - When I am out in the world (school, kids' sporting events, the mall) and I see couples, I imagine how they have sex - actually picture them together in my head. Are they crazy wild? Very structured? Polite and friendly? I do it all the time and am sure that there is something very wrong with me.

Feels strange quoting myself
But I just had to leave a comment on this secret.

I'm sure we alllllll do this! and there is nothing wrong with this lady, in fact I'd be very interested to hear/see what goes through her mind on a normal day

 

[whalee1]

The air is fresher and the sun is brighter!

I feel a need to post this, in this thread, because the nick is anonymous enough & because during previous visits to Lit I have found that one can speak one's mind here without being judged & find support

My secret is that the last 6 years of my life/marriage have been a lie. I was not happy, felt imprisoned and manipulated & couldn't get out because I felt guilty for not being able to live up to the standards that were set for me.

I tried so hard to please everyone ( i.e. my partner ) but it never was good enough, things that went wrong always were my fault and I accepted that even when it was not true. He said so, so it had to be true. I even went to therapists so I could be "fixed" to his liking.

My world was limited to my family and work. I had no friends, no social life and therefor no frames of reference to compare my situation with. In hindsight : exactly the way he liked it. At times I tried to flee & get away in virtual environments but it got too hard keeping that a secret as well, and ofcourse I never found there what I was looking for.

I felt like I was wearing a mask, had to wear a mask because the real me wasn't acceptable. At the same time I didn't know who I really was but I knew the real me was there somewhere & not being able - and not being allowed - to surface.

And then, a few years ago, I lost everything. The secret of the heart had indeed continued to grow & fester & eat me up from the inside and it blew up in my face.

At present, I am living alone, divorced, and with the help of a therapist of my choosing finally finding out who I really am.
I now have freedom of mind, freedom to be who I want to be, I have two very dear & close friends, and the freedom to be so unbelievably fucking mad at my former partner for dominating and manipulating me for such a long time.
Pieces of the puzzle keep falling into place faster than ever and I am finally able to see him objectively. It's not a pretty sight at all.

I now know I am not a "bad person". There is nothing wrong with me, and I *am* strong. It's OK for me to be who I am & be true to myself first. So no more secrets and subsequent lies.
This is me, and if you don't like it, fuck off

( Thank you neruda for providing the opportunity to get this off my chest )

Congratulations.

 

[dannyboy1958]

me too!

I must agree with the comments be and stay strong. I too was in a bad relationship getting worse for the last two or three years of my former marraige, alwasy workingand always being balmed for thinsg that go wrong, which is often the case when you take a role that people think, you are indestructable. ultimatley people will take advantage of your generoisty and boy does that hurt.
I gave without conditon and accepted nothing, maybe it was pride but people didnt seem to want to give back, then of course it all falls apart when you appear to be the weaker one and of xcourse eveyone blames you for it.
that was 8 years ago, Im now happily married and seeking new adventures.

Time heals, people change, life goes on.

 

[ga400us]

Female, no age given - When I am out in the world (school, kids' sporting events, the mall) and I see couples, I imagine how they have sex - actually picture them together in my head. Are they crazy wild? Very structured? Polite and friendly? I do it all the time and am sure that there is something very wrong with me.

Feels strange quoting myself
But I just had to leave a comment on this secret.

I'm sure we alllllll do this! and there is nothing wrong with this lady, in fact I'd be very interested to hear/see what goes through her mind on a normal day

If this is wrong they are going to need a whole lotta beds in that asylum.

 

[Kudram123]

If this is wrong they are going to need a whole lotta beds in that asylum.

Well if that is wrong, i don't want to be right

and that asylum could become a very kinky place