Play or lifestyle??? I say lifestyle!!

[BigDaddyDom]

Which is it?

Lifestyle is the preferred but not many can give themselves to it. Most take it as a part time thing for erotic entertainment value.

I say lifestyle, Dom\sub Master\slave.

For some people that think there is no respect, I say the opposite. There is more respect and trust in a that lifestyle than in a normal vanilla marriage.

You the sub\slave give 100% over to your Owner\Dom; in return He is obligated to provide and take care of you. The trust of Ownership FAR outweighs the commitment of "vows"

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Which is it?

Lifestyle is the preferred but not many can give themselves to it. Most take it as a part time thing for erotic entertainment value.

I say lifestyle, Dom\sub Master\slave.

For some people that think there is no respect, I say the opposite. There is more respect and trust in a that lifestyle than in a normal vanilla marriage.

You the sub\slave give 100% over to your Owner\Dom; in return He is obligated to provide and take care of you. The trust of Ownership FAR outweighs the commitment of "vows"

What is the question, the topic of discussion regarding the BDSM culture, which is the purpose of this forum?

 

[geekmaster24]

What is the question, the topic of discussion regarding the BDSM culture, which is the purpose of this forum?

He's right there wasn't much of a question in there.

 

[Netzach]

There is more respect and trust in a that lifestyle than in a normal vanilla marriage.

You the sub\slave give 100% over to your Owner\Dom; in return He is obligated to provide and take care of you. The trust of Ownership FAR outweighs the commitment of "vows"

--- horseshit. 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Another 25 percent probably ought to. And in the "successful D/s relationship that doesn't implode in a public brouhaha within one year" percentage, I'd say about 3.

I've seen as much idiocy perpetrated in the name of "obliged to trust and care for blah blah" and "obliged to obey" as I have in the name of marriage. People are people and their ideals are generally lofty and their execution of those ideals generally a mess.

 

[Stella_Omega]

BDSM is not defined by D/s.

Trust of ownership is only as trustworthy as the people involved, and the longest D/s relationships that I know of, are between couples who are legally married anyway. Otherwise, it's just another form of dating, with more potential for drama than usual.

Subs are not always female, doms are not always male and heterosexuals are not always creepy-- but damn sometimes it's hard to remember that.

 

[desertslave]

You the sub\slave give 100% over to your Owner\Dom; in return He is obligated to provide and take care of you. The trust of Ownership FAR outweighs the commitment of "vows"

I've seen vanilla marriages that had an enormous amount of trust and sense of obligation to each other. I've seen D/s relationships that were about as solid as fog. It all depends on the people who are in the relationship, whatever it is.

That said, I'm much happier and more balanced in a long-term M/s relationship. I went through a period of 'play when I can with whoever I can' and it just didn't do it for me. I don't find it easy to relax enough to get into the kind of play that I enjoy with someone with whom I don't have a substantial relationship. Obviously (I hope) I'm only speaking for myself. I never much cared for random, casual vanilla sex, either. I guess I'm more longer-term-relationship driven. I think that trust is part of the key (for me) either way.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Lifestyle is the preferred

I think you mean "my preferred"...

but not many can give themselves to it.

Rather, not many CHOOSE to. (At least among subs; I'm sure there are plenty of wannabe masters out there who'd love a 24/7 relationship if they could just find a woman who shared their vision.)

I don't know if you intended it this way, but your wording comes across as if you're painting other people's personal choices as psychological inadequacy.

Most take it as a part time thing for erotic entertainment value.

...and there's nothing wrong with that. BDSM is not a contest and beyond the basics of "safe, sane, consensual" there is no One Right Way to do it. If you want 24/7 lifestyle BDSM, I wish you the best of luck, but it doesn't make your fun any more authentic than that of the lady who likes to be gently spanked once in a blue moon after reading "50 Shades of Grey". Or the vanilla monogamous couple down the road.

 

[BigDaddyDom]

Ok wow it was taken totally out of context and I got shredded for my fist post. I'll watch myself and lurk a bit more.

Otherwise thanks for the responses

 

[KlaytonFrost]

I think there can be as just as much trust and closeness in a relationship where BDSM is considered play rather than lifestyle as in any relationship. In fact (and I think this is why you got "shredded") I'm a bit put out by your assumption that your relationship is better, and mine is just for "entertainment".

 

[Cattypuss]

I think there can be as just as much trust and closeness in a relationship where BDSM is considered play rather than lifestyle as in any relationship. In fact (and I think this is why you got "shredded") I'm a bit put out by your assumption that your relationship is better, and mine is just for "entertainment".

This.

 

[Stella_Omega]

BDSM is not a contest and beyond the basics of "safe, sane, consensual" there is no One Right Way to do it. If you want 24/7 lifestyle BDSM, I wish you the best of luck, but it doesn't make your fun any more authentic than that of the lady who likes to be gently spanked once in a blue moon after reading "50 Shades of Grey". Or the vanilla monogamous couple down the road.

Word, word, motherfucking word.

 

[SirLeo]

This must be a night where uranus is retrograde, I mean some of the threads are just so wtf....

I'll go back into my hole until I have something nice to say.......

 

[BigDaddyDom]

I think there can be as just as much trust and closeness in a relationship where BDSM is considered play rather than lifestyle as in any relationship. In fact (and I think this is why you got "shredded") I'm a bit put out by your assumption that your relationship is better, and mine is just for "entertainment".

You need to go back and reread what I posted, I never said I was in a BDSM relation ship, it was a mere observation and comment and open for discussion and opinions, nothing more.

So much for having an opinion and posting thoughts openly for mature discussion.
You people are comical.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Dude, you are getting opinions and conversation.

Some of the opinions are about your posting style, but then-- it's the kind of style that invites opinions.

 

[desertslave]

You need to go back and reread what I posted, I never said I was in a BDSM relation ship, it was a mere observation and comment and open for discussion and opinions, nothing more.

I think what some folks might be trying to figure out is whether you are speaking from an experienced point of view (a past D/s or M/s relationship) or whether you're only speaking from secondhand observation. Genuine experience makes a difference, IMHO.

 

[BigDaddyDom]

Dude, you are getting opinions and conversation.

Some of the opinions are about your posting style, but then-- it's the kind of style that invites opinions.

Perhaps, didn't mean for it to come across confrontational.

I think what some folks might be trying to figure out is whether you are speaking from an experienced point of view (a past D/s or M/s relationship) or whether you're only speaking from secondhand observation. Genuine experience makes a difference, IMHO.

I have genuine experience but I am not currently in a M\s relationship. So in essence I am speaking from experience and just throwing it out there for thoughts and opinions.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Perhaps, didn't mean for it to come across confrontational.



I have genuine experience but I am not currently in a M\s relationship. So in essence I am speaking from experience and just throwing it out there for thoughts and opinions.

in my thoughts and opinions-- formed by observation of many people, as well as my own experience) not every collar is more binding than every wedding ring.

Nor have I noticed that every sub put (her, which is already making me twitchy) trust into just the right dom (male, which twitches me right off my seat). I see a lot of subs put their trust in a dom for a few weeks, take their trust away and throw it at the next dom they meet... very often to a rousing chorus of the dramalama waltz.

I watch Dommes try to drive each other away from venues because someone is now Dommme-ing someone's ex sub. I see Doms do similar things, and I also see them attempt to Dom every woman in the room because female. I hear them utterly disrespect female dommes and male subs in coversations among themselves and talking with those individuals.

Meh. Sorry, I didn't mean to go off on a tear there.

 

[HottieMama]

in my thoughts and opinions-- formed by observation of many people, as well as my own experience) not every collar is more binding than every wedding ring.

Nor have I noticed that every sub put (her, which is already making me twitchy) trust into just the right dom (male, which twitches me right off my seat). I see a lot of subs put their trust in a dom for a few weeks, take their trust away and throw it at the next dom they meet... very often to a rousing chorus of the dramalama waltz.

I watch Dommes try to drive each other away from venues because someone is now Dommme-ing someone's ex sub. I see Doms do similar things, and I also see them attempt to Dom every woman in the room because female. I hear them utterly disrespect female dommes and male subs in coversations among themselves and talking with those individuals.

Meh. Sorry, I didn't mean to go off on a tear there.

You've been hanging around my city/group again huh?!?!?!

 

[midwestyankee]

in my thoughts and opinions-- formed by observation of many people, as well as my own experience) not every collar is more binding than every wedding ring.

Nor have I noticed that every sub put (her, which is already making me twitchy) trust into just the right dom (male, which twitches me right off my seat). I see a lot of subs put their trust in a dom for a few weeks, take their trust away and throw it at the next dom they meet... very often to a rousing chorus of the dramalama waltz.

I watch Dommes try to drive each other away from venues because someone is now Dommme-ing someone's ex sub. I see Doms do similar things, and I also see them attempt to Dom every woman in the room because female. I hear them utterly disrespect female dommes and male subs in coversations among themselves and talking with those individuals.

Meh. Sorry, I didn't mean to go off on a tear there.

Sometimes I think that observing the bdsm scene with any amount of clarity ought to be sufficient qualification for a Ph.D. in sociology, anthropology, and developmental psychology.

And just for Stella: a post-doc study in semantics.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Sometimes I think that observing the bdsm scene with any amount of clarity ought to be sufficient qualification for a Ph.D. in sociology, anthropology, and developmental psychology.

And just for Stella: a post-doc study in semantics.

And neurology and anatomy!

 

[angie19]

Play 100%

..

Play 100%.

 

[Beck31]

play or lifestyle

that is a good question. for me i would love to say lifestyle with a tad bit of play. i am always gonna be a sub and wear a collar. that ain't gonna change.
no matter what i am my Mistress's puppy.

 

[Bandit58]

We are in a long term (over 8 years) relationship which includes being married for nearly 6 years. I am sub - I've always had a subservient personality and this relationship allows me to "be myself" as it were.

Sir has encouraged me to speak up for myself. My self esteem (which had been badly damaged by over 20 years of emotional abuse in my first marriage) is heaps better. I would say we are D/s rather than M/s, although I have been told in the past that I would make a good slave (I say bollocks to that lol).

Sir has health issues which are ongoing so I am "in service" as His carer. We don't "play" as such with toys and bondage etc but I'm available as and when He wants me in a sexual way. So I guess we are "lifestyle" but without all the trimmings

 

[Beck31]

play

interesting.

 

[Deleted member 1405174]

For me it's all play. An enhancement to the healthy relationship the mrs and I have. She loves the fact that I'm usually the sub. I like to surprise her by placing myself in some kind of bondage and having her walk in and find me. She usually torments me by laying beside me and pleasing herself, then eventually releases me or pleases me. She let me be in charge once....so HOT!