sex, soul and the inability to cry.

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Mar 26, 2009
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i need to cry. that hollow aching, the tight, lax, heaviness of soul and clouding of vision. tight in my throat and my chest, struggling to present a comforting, cheerful face.

and i can't. it doesn't come to me. a constipation of emotion causing pressure to build up without release. like waiting for a storm to break.

i've had a tough month. death, trauma, car crashes and heart break... yet i can't muster a single tear.

my mother once told my sister that 'dolfy doesn't have emotions' and, when my sister objected, she qualified that with 'yeah but not proper ones like everyone else has'. of course, she's full of shit.

and what it makes me want is sexual brutality. not random violation but the passionate violence coupled with genuine mutual affection. to make me cry, a nurturing act, an act of tenderness, like spoon feeding a hungry baby, a basic need met with an act of devotion.

i may be nuts.

i'm not sure where this is going. i suppose, as is often the case, that i'm looking for an understanding. i don't think entirely clearly in this frame of mind.
cue trolls
 
Tears are not needed and overrated.

I don't let anyone see me cry, it shows weakness.
 
I have offered many times over the past years to make you cry...

:caning:

And I can make you cry every day of the week. Which sideways remind me... hows the ah, lil less than midget nowadays?

As for el dolforino.... you are wired differentally, so traditional doesnt work one way, not inclined to work for the other
 
Princess was near death two weeks ago.


We got her to the hospital just as her appendix burst. But she is better now, almost ready to return to work and take her math final.

;) ;)
 
Unless you're trying to justify you need of sex brutality, and I'm not saying you need to, I don't see why that would make you cry. There's an emotional blockage somewhere there, and unless you don't untie the knot, nothing would do the trick.

Of course, you need to really REALLY want to untie that knot.
 
Unless you're trying to justify you need of sex brutality, and I'm not saying you need to, I don't see why that would make you cry. There's an emotional blockage somewhere there, and unless you don't untie the knot, nothing would do the trick.

Of course, you need to really REALLY want to untie that knot.

2 things, sexual brutality is good, and papa midnite would not allow that, let alone brother is darker than most midnites I've been near.
 
Princess was near death two weeks ago.


We got her to the hospital just as her appendix burst. But she is better now, almost ready to return to work and take her math final.

;) ;)

I'd say dont jump on her next time, but she has no appendix left!

So, next time she says she's sick, go from the second story... how DARE you not work every day.
 
2 things, sexual brutality is good, and papa midnite would not allow that, let alone brother is darker than most midnites I've been near.

There's nothing in this world that is absolutely good or absolutely bad. So I'd say that sexual brutality can be a good thing, yes. For certain people and in certain situations.

I don't know about papa midnite, but PapaMIdnite has no saying on what other people do, so it's not up to him to allow or disallow it. When it comes to him, some sexual brutality in certain situations would make PapaMIdnite a happy bunny... ok, I just got the mental picture of me actually dressed as a happy bunny and that didn't come out as intended :) I hope you got my meaning, anyway ;)
 
I'd say dont jump on her next time, but she has no appendix left!

So, next time she says she's sick, go from the second story... how DARE you not work every day.

She refused to admit she was sick, she just claimed she ate too many raisins.

I had to drive half-way to Chicago to get her from the horse show she insisted on going to.

She kept saying, "I'm fine."

Even as she dropped off the couch doubled over in pain, she kept saying (with teen exasperation) "I'M FINE!"

Tough kid. :)
 
She refused to admit she was sick, she just claimed she ate too many raisins.

I had to drive half-way to Chicago to get her from the horse show she insisted on going to.

She kept saying, "I'm fine."

Even as she dropped off the couch doubled over in pain, she kept saying (with teen exasperation) "I'M FINE!"

Tough kid. :)

You admit when you are dead, you know that!

It amuses me your love for her and the crucifixtion of others, but I dont think less of you for it.

Though others think less of me for it.

But hey, try dunking her in sheep dip before the next trip, she'd make it then
 
There are no easy answers for this one.

Do you think that the fact you can't cry is linked to not being able to come?

Can't allow yourself to fully let go and find release? Catharsis can be scary.

Maybe some visualization? Picture yourself tied to a rock, your liver laid bare for the birds and let go...
 
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