My First Story

[bmailed]

It seems many people were upset that I placed this story in 'loving wives' section as opposed to 'interracial'. Anyways I was wondering if you guys think that I should continue the storyline?

http://www.literotica.com/s/the-craziest-thing-ive-ever-done

 

[_Lynn_]

It seems many people were upset that I placed this story in 'loving wives' section as opposed to 'interracial'. Anyways I was wondering if you guys think that I should continue the storyline?

http://www.literotica.com/s/the-craziest-thing-ive-ever-done

I read your story and agree interracial is the better category for it. The spouse isn't the central part of your plot, whereas the black male/white female MCs are. If your black character was white, then loving wives might have been okay.

I should back up and correct myself though. What you have isn't a full story. You have more than a scene but I hesitate to call it a story because there isn't a true plot.

You need an editor to correct the punctuation and grammar errors. In fact, your first sentence is even incorrect. Plus, you shift tenses throughout the entire piece.

My name is Nicole this is the story of the craziest thing I've done thus far.


Your first two paragraphs are dull, giving boring information that does nothing to move the story along or to keep me interested. I can see many readers clicking out by this point. I'm not sure what purpose there is in most of the information in this piece. You give a clinical assessment of her body instead of describing it as her husband or the lover sees it. You mention how she was a virgin until her wedding night, which is a bit unrealistic if they dated about a year and didn't marry for another six months.

In my opinion, there isn't anything in this piece that would make me want to read a second installment. I suggest learning some basics of writing first, then try again.

Good luck.

 

[bmailed]

I read your story and agree interracial is the better category for it. The spouse isn't the central part of your plot, whereas the black male/white female MCs are. If your black character was white, then loving wives might have been okay.

I should back up and correct myself though. What you have isn't a full story. You have more than a scene but I hesitate to call it a story because there isn't a true plot.

You need an editor to correct the punctuation and grammar errors. In fact, your first sentence is even incorrect. Plus, you shift tenses throughout the entire piece.

My name is Nicole this is the story of the craziest thing I've done thus far.


Your first two paragraphs are dull, giving boring information that does nothing to move the story along or to keep me interested. I can see many readers clicking out by this point. I'm not sure what purpose there is in most of the information in this piece. You give a clinical assessment of her body instead of describing it as her husband or the lover sees it. You mention how she was a virgin until her wedding night, which is a bit unrealistic if they dated about a year and didn't marry for another six months.

In my opinion, there isn't anything in this piece that would make me want to read a second installment. I suggest learning some basics of writing first, then try again.

Good luck.

Thanks for the honest feedback! Re-reading, I can see that it was spot on.