Have you ever been called a "Monster!"?

[ZeroLance]

Have you ever been in your lovers arms and asked for some thing light like, "May I spank you?" Or "Could you just hold me down?" Only to have this person shove you away and call you, A monster or worse? I happed to me and I am haveing a hard time "getting over it." And was wondering if any one has had a simler exp? If so how did you over come it?

 

[amofiga]

Have you ever been in your lovers arms and asked for some thing light like, "May I spank you?" Or "Could you just hold me down?" Only to have this person shove you away and call you, A monster or worse? I happed to me and I am haveing a hard time "getting over it." And was wondering if any one has had a simler exp? If so how did you over come it?

I never had that exact scenario but I've felt the cold sting of rejection with the implication that I'm some sort of pervert or weirdo for things I've indicated as turn-ons. It's hard to remember that not everyone shares the same interest in approaching the edge (or slightly beyond) ordinary sexual boundaries. I've learned that what you see on a website like this or other similar venues does not necessarily represent mainstream sexual America. There are still many (probably a significant majority) of people that don't think beyond missionary sex with the lights off. Their sexual vocabulary reads like a medical text book and they never go beyond page three of the marriage manual.

It's unknown how long you've known this particular lover or what your relationship was like before you suggested something that revealed your interest beyond basic vanilla, but if they are that upset at something as innocent as you seemed to indicate, then it may be for the best that you find out now. I'm always amazed at the posts here and other places that say, "How can I get my wife to swallow?" or "how can I get my wife to do anal?" or "How do I get my husband to spank me?" Sadly, these are things that should have been found out before getting married or getting into a long term relationship. True, people can change with time, but usually there are some pretty good clues up front.

Good luck. The best way to overcome rejection is to be true to yourself and know that there are indeed others out there that will be a better match for you. You can't let yourself feel guilty for who you are.

 

[ZeroLance]

I never had that exact scenario but I've felt the cold sting of rejection with the implication that I'm some sort of pervert or weirdo for things I've indicated as turn-ons. It's hard to remember that not everyone shares the same interest in approaching the edge (or slightly beyond) ordinary sexual boundaries. I've learned that what you see on a website like this or other similar venues does not necessarily represent mainstream sexual America. There are still many (probably a significant majority) of people that don't think beyond missionary sex with the lights off. Their sexual vocabulary reads like a medical text book and they never go beyond page three of the marriage manual.

It's unknown how long you've known this particular lover or what your relationship was like before you suggested something that revealed your interest beyond basic vanilla, but if they are that upset at something as innocent as you seemed to indicate, then it may be for the best that you find out now. I'm always amazed at the posts here and other places that say, "How can I get my wife to swallow?" or "how can I get my wife to do anal?" or "How do I get my husband to spank me?" Sadly, these are things that should have been found out before getting married or getting into a long term relationship. True, people can change with time, but usually there are some pretty good clues up front.

Good luck. The best way to overcome rejection is to be true to yourself and know that there are indeed others out there that will be a better match for you. You can't let yourself feel guilty for who you are.

we were togather 6 years and only in the last 6 months did I express *my* sexual desires, it was a total freze out after that, then she moved out while I was at work. I hope that I can just get past it but its been hard not feeling that it was my falt.

 

[Cherry_Rose]

we were togather 6 years and only in the last 6 months did I express *my* sexual desires, it was a total freze out after that, then she moved out while I was at work. I hope that I can just get past it but its been hard not feeling that it was my falt.

You just need to move forward. I will say that is a REALLY long time to keep your desires to yourself, I know I wouldn't have been able to not demand what I wanted.. or needed once I felt comfortable.

I do think its a matter of finding someone who likes what you like, not everyone is the same... I've never had a lover do that, but I said something off the cuff once to a close friend, who looked at me horrified and told me I was a total freak. It stung at the time, thankfully for me, my husband loves what we were talking about so I shrugged it off and gave her a raised eyebrow and basically said "well thank god i'm not fucking someone like you then hmm?" So I can imagine the string from a lover to more intense then that.

Hopefully you'll find someone soon who is likes similar things and the string from this rejection will fade.

Best of luck

 

[Russ1982]

You just need to move forward. I will say that is a REALLY long time to keep your desires to yourself, I know I wouldn't have been able to not demand what I wanted.. or needed once I felt comfortable.

I do think its a matter of finding someone who likes what you like, not everyone is the same... I've never had a lover do that, but I said something off the cuff once to a close friend, who looked at me horrified and told me I was a total freak. It stung at the time, thankfully for me, my husband loves what we were talking about so I shrugged it off and gave her a raised eyebrow and basically said "well thank god i'm not fucking someone like you then hmm?" So I can imagine the string from a lover to more intense then that.

Hopefully you'll find someone soon who is likes similar things and the string from this rejection will fade.

Best of luck

out of curiousity could I ask what the off the cuff remark was?

 

[ZeroLance]

You just need to move forward. I will say that is a REALLY long time to keep your desires to yourself, I know I wouldn't have been able to not demand what I wanted.. or needed once I felt comfortable.

I do think its a matter of finding someone who likes what you like, not everyone is the same... I've never had a lover do that, but I said something off the cuff once to a close friend, who looked at me horrified and told me I was a total freak. It stung at the time, thankfully for me, my husband loves what we were talking about so I shrugged it off and gave her a raised eyebrow and basically said "well thank god i'm not fucking someone like you then hmm?" So I can imagine the string from a lover to more intense then that.

Hopefully you'll find someone soon who is likes similar things and the string from this rejection will fade.

Best of luck

Thank you, ya it cut me like a Razor but she was not for me (just so ppl know I say 6 years but the time frame is off I was 15 now I am 22 she has ran out on me 2 time befor for abought a year year and a half all togather) now I can look for what will make me happy

 

[DVS]

Have you ever been in your lovers arms and asked for some thing light like, "May I spank you?" Or "Could you just hold me down?" Only to have this person shove you away and call you, A monster or worse? I happed to me and I am haveing a hard time "getting over it." And was wondering if any one has had a simler exp? If so how did you over come it?

You have to put things into perspective. If what you asked of her was something you truly enjoy and would like to have in your sexual life, you can't feel bad about her leaving. Even though it was after an 6 year relationship, for those 6 years, you were living a lie. Maybe she couldn't handle the change. I think it would have been to her benefit to at least want to talk it over with you, before calling you a monster. But, there are some really sexually up tight people out there and I guess it seems like she is one of them.

I've never been called a monster, but monster isn't any worse than pervert or just plain crazy, when you think about the person it came from. It was just a word she chose. She could have just as easily picked pervert but maybe it wasn't in her vocabulary. Monster is fairly strange to be associated with a basic BDSM kink. If you had asked if you could use a knife to slice her skin off and eat it while she watched, I think monster might have been a fitting word to use.

Don't let it bother you. It's her loss. She didn't even give it a chance. That sounds to me like she might not have been that happy in the first place. You just gave her the quick way to get out. That's a nice way to clean house. Now you can seek out someone more likely to say yes to a little kinky experimentation.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thank you, ya it cut me like a Razor but she was not for me (just so ppl know I say 6 years but the time frame is off I was 15 now I am 22 she has ran out on me 2 time befor for abought a year year and a half all togather) now I can look for what will make me happy

Ah, that makes sense. Yes, now that you mention it-- I too was called names-- by teenaged boys, when I was a teenager.

 

[Cherry_Rose]

out of curiousity could I ask what the off the cuff remark was?

Makes it worse, but nothing too hard core, just that i like to be faced fucked, not that bluntly.. of course, but pretty much that it was something we do. She felt that me doing that willingly made me a bit of a freak.

I learnt with her though that I don't mention any of the other more kinky things hubby and I get up to. Unless I want to feel like my desires are unworthy and stupid.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Alot of times you learn more about other people because of their reactions,then they learn about you.

Anyone who tells you that your desires are evil, or nasty,or disgusting-- as long as your desires involve consenting adults-- has just exposed themselves as ignorant and brainwashed. It's easy to be brainwashed when you are ignorant. You should feel sorry for them.

 

[Russ1982]

Makes it worse, but nothing too hard core, just that i like to be faced fucked, not that bluntly.. of course, but pretty much that it was something we do. She felt that me doing that willingly made me a bit of a freak.

I learnt with her though that I don't mention any of the other more kinky things hubby and I get up to. Unless I want to feel like my desires are unworthy and stupid.

yea some people arent tolerant like that I guess, that or she was perhaps to embarrassed to admit she wanted to try it too but wasnt as brave as you perhaps were about it?

 

[eric60red]

No, Im to kind he he he . I'm also a compusive liar.

 

[amofiga]

Makes it worse, but nothing too hard core, just that i like to be faced fucked, not that bluntly.. of course, but pretty much that it was something we do. She felt that me doing that willingly made me a bit of a freak.

I learnt with her though that I don't mention any of the other more kinky things hubby and I get up to. Unless I want to feel like my desires are unworthy and stupid.

Frankly I see nothing wrong with your "off the cuff" remark. It's unfortunate that some people have a lower tolerance for such remarks than others. I personally find that remarks like that from women are a tremendous turn-on for me. But that's me. I've always loved the "secret slut" type of woman. Unfortunately, I've found that the opposite (women finding such remarks from men) to be the case with many women. They haven't learned, or haven't accepted, the erotic power of words and their ability to arouse men. Women tend to think that men are all visual when in fact, many men (if they are open minded) love that kind of talk from women and appreciate being accepted when they can use it directed to them.

Achieving a relationship where both parties are compatible in all regards is extremely difficult. However, as I said in a previous post, I used to make the mistake of trying to fit or adjust my personality/sexuality to the person with whom I was trying to establish a relationship. I wasn't being true to myself and it always eventually went down in flames. "This above all, to thine ownself be true."

 

[wicked woman]

Never been called a monster...no. Wicked, yes, but it was a compliment.

I think what I would suggest at your age, is to put on your criteria list for a LTR someone who is open minded about sex. You aren't always going to find someone with all your likes/dislikes and even if you do, one or both of you is going to change over time, so I think being open minded and willing to try new things is important in trying to remain sexually compatible.

Doesn't mean you're always going to be compatible about everything, but it will hopefully increase your chances...and reduce the likelihood of a repeat performance of 'monster'.

 

[kimuk]

Unfortunatly, I think , unless your up front from the begginning then to door is pretty much closed. Talking from my own perspective. We experimented at first , I found his limit. There was no nudging him any futher. So I setteled for what I had. Put a lid on the BDSM /submission box and marked it ~ file under wierd and stored it on the highest shelf out of reach.

I have been married 32 years , occasionally I opened the box , poked the contents and he slammed it firmly shut again.

Then I explored on line , found someone I greatly respect, who is open and honest and exploratory and we have translated an on line relationship to a sometimes real life one. Now I know I'm not a pervert , a freek or weirdo. But am now accepted and enjoyed and encouraged with someone who enjoyes the same things as I do and has taught me some things which had never even crossed my mind! lol

Acceptance is a good place to be

 

[infinity706]

I've been called a monster, a pervert, trashy, whore, slut, cock/cunt sucker, and all kinds of things. Of course, it tends to be part of the flirting process with me.

 

[wickedangeleyes]

Never been called a monster...no. Wicked, yes, but it was a compliment.

I think what I would suggest at your age, is to put on your criteria list for a LTR someone who is open minded about sex. You aren't always going to find someone with all your likes/dislikes and even if you do, one or both of you is going to change over time, so I think being open minded and willing to try new things is important in trying to remain sexually compatible.

Doesn't mean you're always going to be compatible about everything, but it will hopefully increase your chances...and reduce the likelihood of a repeat performance of 'monster'.

Wicked is ALWAYS a compliment.

 

[firenzi]

Have you ever been in your lovers arms and asked for some thing light like, "May I spank you?" Or "Could you just hold me down?" Only to have this person shove you away and call you, A monster or worse? I happed to me and I am haveing a hard time "getting over it." And was wondering if any one has had a simler exp? If so how did you over come it?

I've had one big freak out, a couple of disgusted or fearful looks, and one angry fight reaction. The one that affected me most was the freak out (for touching his ass with my finger and mouth)- I felt so embarrassed and awkward and like a huge loser.

Of course I was in the wrong to touch him without asking him first- but you did nothing wrong. You aren't a monster. It might take you some time to get over the hurt of your relationship, but you definitely aren't a monster for wanting those things.

Alot of times you learn more about other people because of their reactions,then they learn about you.

Anyone who tells you that your desires are evil, or nasty,or disgusting-- as long as your desires involve consenting adults-- has just exposed themselves as ignorant and brainwashed. It's easy to be brainwashed when you are ignorant. You should feel sorry for them.

^^I love this post

 

[Cherry_Rose]

yea some people arent tolerant like that I guess, that or she was perhaps to embarrassed to admit she wanted to try it too but wasnt as brave as you perhaps were about it?

Nah, from what I understand she has a very narrow view on sexuality. So I can't do much about that, I have other friends, who are more embracing of the kinds of things I say, so I don't worry too much. At the time Hubby had to talk me out of cutting her off, told me I needed to remember that its most likely because she's never experienced the pleasure we have, so has no idea what it means to be engaged sexually like we are. I hung onto that thought and it helps me understand closed minded people.


amofiga, I didn't think there was anything wrong with it either, thankfully I didn't say anything that I was too sensitive about, considering her response. I do believe its to do with a lack of understanding.. more than anything else.

 

[Kojote]

Have you ever been in your lovers arms and asked for some thing light like, "May I spank you?" Or "Could you just hold me down?" Only to have this person shove you away and call you, A monster or worse? I happed to me and I am haveing a hard time "getting over it." And was wondering if any one has had a simler exp? If so how did you over come it?

I've been called a monster. Or a devil. Or the devil.
Mostly in other backgounds, though...

In this backgound I'd say that the term 'lover' didn't really fit for your 'partner' (doesn't really fit, too). But it took till this very moment for you to get the proof.
Right term could be... um... Asshole? Dipshit?
Something like this...

 

[mitchell67]

re: reactionary labelling

I've been tagged as a misogynist, which is the same reaction by a woman with a slightly larger vocabulary, yet spoken with the same intention: "I don't understand nor enjoy thinking about the ideas that you confront me with; therefore, I must consider you bad in order to reassure myself that I am good."

 

[Kojote]

Huh...?
Where's the 'like-button'?

 

[ZeroLance]

Thank you all. I will keep reading your wonderfull and helpfull posts!!! Your wisdom has helped me grately, and I am trying to find ppl who are open minded. thank you all!!!