What stops you from coming out?

[Jiffylube5701]

Being who you are? What stops you? Why not live the live you were meant to live? Personally, I'm in the closet and its hard to live this way.

 

[leahsgirl84]

Being who you are? What stops you? Why not live the live you were meant to live? Personally, I'm in the closet and its hard to live this way.

I can't speak for others but for me its the acceptance issue. One of my really good friends is very closed minded about homosexuality. I'm also married and although my husband knows I am bi, I don't know what his fairly conservative family will think. I agree it is hard to live this way, and I'm slowly opening up more and more people.

 

[Eastborn]

I just can't. Not that I would, but I would like to live a free lifestyle, and just do whatever the fuck I wanted, anytime I wanted. I hate denying myself this freedom.

 

[bicuriouscd]

I can't speak for others but for me its the acceptance issue. One of my really good friends is very closed minded about homosexuality. I'm also married and although my husband knows I am bi, I don't know what his fairly conservative family will think. I agree it is hard to live this way, and I'm slowly opening up more and more people.

I know it isn't the same thing but I have to tell you that of all of the people I have told about my cross-dressing not one of them has treated me any differently and most of them where pretty amazed that I was comfortable enough to share that part of me with them.
I am a firm believer in living for yourself and making yourself happy , if your friend has a problem with you being bi that would be her problem not yours , a least in my opinion.
Live life and enjoy it while you can !
T

 

[Fmature2play]

Oh to be able to do just that. To be able to hold hands while we are shopping or a small kiss when she opens the car door for me. I have said before that I admire the women that have the ability to live their lives as they wish and not give in to the scrutiny or social and family pressures. For me I would face a tremendous amount of questioning from family and co workers and even some friends. My two kids know and one is all for it and the other is just as much against it. Seems to be the same in society. Perhaps in my lifetime I will be able to get married to a woman and not have to feel like I have to defend my decision. Oh to be able to do just that.

 

[Eastborn]

Oh to be able to do just that. To be able to hold hands while we are shopping or a small kiss when she opens the car door for me. I have said before that I admire the women that have the ability to live their lives as they wish and not give in to the scrutiny or social and family pressures. For me I would face a tremendous amount of questioning from family and co workers and even some friends. My two kids know and one is all for it and the other is just as much against it. Seems to be the same in society. Perhaps in my lifetime I will be able to get married to a woman and not have to feel like I have to defend my decision. Oh to be able to do just that.

Just make peace with the fact that you're not living your true self, and be done with it. I'm not ready to do that yet, however, I'm not married w/children either. Good luck.

 

[Krystal89]

I so agree with everyone. It's so hard to come out but so important to be yourself. Honestly I haven't done a good job of coming out and telling people I'm bi. My hubby knows and supports it. Another friend or two know. That's it. I don't know what stops me. Fear of what people will say????

Good luck. We are here for you when you do.

 

[leahsgirl84]

I know it isn't the same thing but I have to tell you that of all of the people I have told about my cross-dressing not one of them has treated me any differently and most of them where pretty amazed that I was comfortable enough to share that part of me with them.
I am a firm believer in living for yourself and making yourself happy , if your friend has a problem with you being bi that would be her problem not yours , a least in my opinion.
Live life and enjoy it while you can !
T

I think it is the same thing. Its a lifestyle that per society is "not normal". I have always been caught up in what other people think of me and its a hard thing to just ignore. However, the more and more people I let in on my sexuality, the more I feel more comfortable with myself. I am hoping that one day I really won't care how other people feel about me. Like you said, its their problem, not mine. Its just hard to see the disappointment in their eyes.

 

[CandiCame]

Im pretty much out to my friends, but I cant come out to my family. Ill lose my grandfather, and for whatever reason, his homophobic ass means alot to me. My father would kill me- literally put me in the ground. This is a man who shot me in the back with a shotgun because I was "getting to big for my britches" the morning of the day I tried to leave for college. It would not go well...

And I just dont see a reason to risk my life like that unless we were getting married or something.

Plus, he probably wouldnt get in trouble for it. This guy I went to highschool with had a crush on another guy and actually had the courage to tell him. The guy acted cool- they even managed to sneak off and fuck. Then word got out. The dude he had liked was on the football team, and I guess couldn't risk his reputation or whatever, so he lured the guy into a situation where he and some of his jock buddies raped him, beat the shit out of him, and left him tied up naked in the football field. He was to scared to talk and his ma wouldn't press charges. No one got in trouble, and they moved out of town. Hate crimes still happen. I'm fucking scared. Aren't you guys scared?

 

[Fondelum]

My close friends know but there are a lot of people that I wouldn't feel comfortable telling & would NOT be happy with my choice. I recently lost an aquaintance I knew that used to live in my old building who when I pmed him out of the blue yahoo to say hi said..."Yo man i'm not gay, no offense." I thought he was f in around and said hey dude it's me from the old building, to which he replied "I know who you are, you said on your facebook profile that you like men and women." No huge his loss here really we only had Hip Hop music in common. My point is that he like many Str8 guys had that mistaken notion that since i'm bi and he's male automatically = get 'hit' on 'Ohhh please' spare me.

 

[Fondelum]

Im pretty much out to my friends, but I cant come out to my family. Ill lose my grandfather, and for whatever reason, his homophobic ass means alot to me. My father would kill me- literally put me in the ground. This is a man who shot me in the back with a shotgun because I was "getting to big for my britches" the morning of the day I tried to leave for college. It would not go well...

And I just dont see a reason to risk my life like that unless we were getting married or something.

Plus, he probably wouldnt get in trouble for it. This guy I went to highschool with had a crush on another guy and actually had the courage to tell him. The guy acted cool- they even managed to sneak off and fuck. Then word got out. The dude he had liked was on the football team, and I guess couldn't risk his reputation or whatever, so he lured the guy into a situation where he and some of his jock buddies raped him, beat the shit out of him, and left him tied up naked in the football field. He was to scared to talk and his ma wouldn't press charges. No one got in trouble, and they moved out of town. Hate crimes still happen. I'm fucking scared. Aren't you guys scared?

I understand. I really do. Be safe out there man

 

[Safe_Bet]

what's this closet you speak of

Indeed!

I'm not sure which is the more apt quote for this thread:

"Burst down those closet doors once and for all, and stand up and start to fight."
(Harvey Milk in case some of you don't know)

Or

"They are so far back in the closet they can see Narnia!"

 

[HornyTeenBoy]

It used to just be the whole "I'm not ready" issue with concerns about how my family would take it. Most of them are fairly liberal-minded though and it's a close family so I'm not too worried about that, but you really never know. Not so much worried about my friends; a fair number of them are gay too, and I really just can't associate with homophobic people in general so I try not to even have acquaintances who are.

The trouble right now is that, even though I feel more and more like I want to just come out and get it over with, I'm in a long-term relationship with someone who absolutely does not. What makes it really tricky is that we have a lot of mutual friends who have always kind of joked about us being an "item," and honestly I think they might suspect it already anyway, but if I come out then the suspicion will instantly be cast on him, which hardly seems fair. I know that seems like a stupid situation to let myself be in, but you do crazy things when you love someone. It's been a point of growing frustration for me, though, especially since I started a new degree this past September and most/all of my friends there know about me, which has been extremely liberating. It makes it feel... weird to hang out with my friends who don't know, who I've known for ages, like I'm a whole different person or something.

I'm fortunate enough to live in an area (Toronto) where true fear doesn't really need to enter the equation. But the things you do for a significant other can be just as paralyzing. :\

 

[PressNightly]

Well I finally took the leap a few months ago, and I'm really sorry I didn't do it sooner. It feels so good just to be me, or at least be on the road to discovering who 'me' is. I didn't just not tell anyone about what I feel, I actively tried to hide any hint of it from other people and in the process I subdued a very large portion of my own personality.... Don't wear pink or purple, don't drive effeminate cars, don't listen to touchy feely music, and never EVAR check out guys in public. Now I drive a Jetta, have discovered that my favorite color is purple (dark manly purple, mind... Plum Crazy even ) and I can leave my windows rolled down when I have a girly song on the radio when I come to a stoplight.

My wife and most of my friends know that I'm bi (the few I have at this point), but unfortunately I'm still not able to come out to my familly. My father told me when I was a teenager, when I was contemplating getting an earing, that earings were for gay people and he'd disown me if I ever got one because he's "not about to have a son who's gay". I think in a big way that one conversation was the reason I've tried to hide it for so long.

So yeah to actually answer your question: It took me 15+ years to come out because of fear of losing my dad, and fear that my extremely religious wife would take my kids from me if I ever told her that I wanted to fuck men.

 

[klippert]

I think it is the same thing. Its a lifestyle that per society is "not normal". I have always been caught up in what other people think of me and its a hard thing to just ignore. However, the more and more people I let in on my sexuality, the more I feel more comfortable with myself. I am hoping that one day I really won't care how other people feel about me. Like you said, its their problem, not mine. Its just hard to see the disappointment in their eyes.

People are much more accepting than you think. You might be labeling your husbands family the same way you don't wish to be labeled. What is bothersome to many people (me included) is having ones life-Choice forced down their throats...... I have Bi-sexual interests, but, the only opinion I'm concerned about is my wife's. I don't have any intention of airing my sexual interests with my family, or do I find it necessary to walk into a room full of my family and friends, and announce; "I like Cock as well"...... heck I really don't care what choices one has made in life, until, it infringes on my life, my rights and freedoms. I don't need to be forced too accept your life style. Just live your life. Some have a disorder, They have too be accepted....IT IS A MUST. By whatever means necessary. Then people wonder why their is push back.

To answer the Thread question.....I guess I'm afraid of what the reaction would be, my wife's reaction. I know she would ask; 'are you gay'. If she were to tell me she had G/G interest....Hubby(me) just says hell ya, well heck enough ya....I would ask the question. Will this interest have adverse affect on our marriage....like are you changing teams...does this interest include me watching...hehe. I don't know if she would have the same reaction....I have posed the question to her....a voyeur question. about watching people.....same sex, voyeur.. she crinkled her nose up

 

[gk6h]

I agree...sex is fun when you open up and just enjoy but people like to judge and not just enjoy the moment. People freak out. Worry because they are being judged for there pleasure. I am not explaining this well but I guess if people would just take it for what it is..****, sex, pleasure, and connection. Then just went on with your life then we all could explore our passion no matter what it is.

 

[Safe_Bet]

I agree...sex is fun when you open up and just enjoy but people like to judge and not just enjoy the moment. People freak out. Worry because they are being judged for there pleasure. I am not explaining this well but I guess if people would just take it for what it is..****, sex, pleasure, and connection. Then just went on with your life then we all could explore our passion no matter what it is.

Wow. Spoke just like a bi dude that can run right back to his happy ass str8 life when he's done.

Just to clue you in Slick, for some of us this isn't just a moment, but our lives.

 

[gk6h]

Wow. Spoke just like a bi dude that can run right back to his happy ass str8 life when he's done.

Just to clue you in Slick, for some of us this isn't just a moment, but our lives.

Sorry did not mean to offend...I guess it is ok for you to live your life your way but I can live my life mine...enjoy

 

[Safe_Bet]

Sorry did not mean to offend...I guess it is ok for you to live your life your way but I can live my life mine...enjoy

Okay, fine. Enjoy your moments.

Just remember that they are bought and paid for with the blood and the courage of the openly out members of the LGBT community that have been fighting and earning what ever level of acceptance you currently enjoy.

 

[timetotry]

Better yet, why not remember that all of our "moments" of freedom of any type have been bought and paid for with the blood and the courage of the incredible men and women that have fought and died for our country for two and a quarter centuries so that we may have the freedoms that we take for granted. When we stop and give a few of these moments to realize that more of these brave souls will likely die today so that we can have the freedom to pursue our own thing, perhaps we could find it within us to be more tolerable of others of which we disagree. When I read of another young man or woman that was a father or mother, brother or sister, daughter or son to someone and they won't be coming home, it makes me realize that my problems pale in comparison. Just a thought.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Better yet, why not remember that all of our "moments" of freedom of any type have been bought and paid for with the blood and the courage of the incredible men and women that have fought and died for our country for two and a quarter centuries so that we may have the freedoms that we take for granted. When we stop and give a few of these moments to realize that more of these brave souls will likely die today so that we can have the freedom to pursue our own thing, perhaps we could find it within us to be more tolerable of others of which we disagree. When I read of another young man or woman that was a father or mother, brother or sister, daughter or son to someone and they won't be coming home, it makes me realize that my problems pale in comparison. Just a thought.

Because they have ALWAYS been there and because I KNOW you wouldn't dare try to say that LGBT people are any less patriotic then str8 people, how does the military have any bearing on this discussion?

 

[timetotry]

Because they have ALWAYS been there and because I KNOW you wouldn't dare try to say that LGBT people are any less patriotic then str8 people, how does the military have any bearing on this discussion?

And we should be grateful that they ALWAYS have been there. Why did you feel compelled to try and make it a straight vs glbt issue anyway? Did my post say anything of the sort? The military has bearing in this discussion because they are the ones that have given far more blood and courage than any non military group can fathom. No group - be they gay or straight or political or whatever has ever, nor will they ever give as much blood or show more courage than the incredible men and women in our armed forces. They are the primary reason we have the freedom to chose our sexual orientation. If those that came before us and those that stand to protect freedom today were not there, you and I most likely would not be having this discussion. Our freedom would not exist in the form it does now.

 

[Safe_Bet]

And we should be grateful that they ALWAYS have been there. Why did you feel compelled to try and make it a straight vs glbt issue anyway? Did my post say anything of the sort? The military has bearing in this discussion because they are the ones that have given far more blood and courage than any non military group can fathom. No group - be they gay or straight or political or whatever has ever, nor will they ever give as much blood or show more courage than the incredible men and women in our armed forces. They are the primary reason we have the freedom to chose our sexual orientation. If those that came before us and those that stand to protect freedom today were not there, you and I most likely would not be having this discussion. Our freedom would not exist in the form it does now.

http://www.religioustolerance.org/hom_mili3.htm


So no, dude. Not so much.

 

[timetotry]

No one here has claimed that the military has not discriminated against gays past or present. Wasn't my point. Your original point was that the freedom gays have was due to the blood and courage spent from gays and lesbians. My point was that without the military winning our freedom and giving their lives for ALL of our nations freedoms, there would be NO gay freedom. Nor would there be the liberty we enjoy in all aspects of our lives. I did not discount the efforts of the glbt community. But again, without the lives lost and the courage shown from our armed forces, we simply could not be having this discussion. So any and all discussions, in my opinion, regarding freedom of any sort, starts with what those in the military have given of themselves toward our way of life. All else comes after.

 

[Safe_Bet]

No one here has claimed that the military has not discriminated against gays past or present. Wasn't my point. Your original point was that the freedom gays have was due to the blood and courage spent from gays and lesbians. My point was that without the military winning our freedom and giving their lives for ALL of our nations freedoms, there would be NO gay freedom. Nor would there be the liberty we enjoy in all aspects of our lives. I did not discount the efforts of the glbt community. But again, without the lives lost and the courage shown from our armed forces, we simply could not be having this discussion. So any and all discussions, in my opinion, regarding freedom of any sort, starts with what those in the military have given of themselves toward our way of life. All else comes after.

I'm sure Harvey Milk, Matthew Shepard and Stephen Bright agree with that distinction!

(BTW, just so you know, the military cannot, has not and never will protect anyone in the LGBT community from the discrimination, hatred and repression of their own fellow citizens and their own government.

So PLEASE stop trying to make me believe that the military has defended LGBT rights in the US. (Posse Comitatus Act ring any bells, dude)