Switching roles

[Leeroyfan]

Me and my partner have this fun little supremacy game that we play before we start. Basically we try and trick the other person into being the sub for the evening/week/month(varies), usually in indirect methods. Most recently for example she snuck up on me and managed to quickly restrain my hands with cuffs making me the sub for the night, while she filled the role of Dom. Other nights I do the same with her in similar or more creative ways.

So I'm wondering is this usual in a Sub/Dom relationship? I mean obviously we don't follow the traditional way of one partner being the dominant one while the other being the submissive one.
And are either of us true subs or doms since we can shift roles rather easily and seem to enjoy being either?

 

[bambikiller]

It's called being a switch.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You guys are switching and damn it sounds like fun! I love to hear about people who play the way you two are doing!

 

[Noira]

Who cares if it's not traditional when you're having fun? No, it's not traditional for a sub/dom relationship... but a kinky relationship, go for it. You don't HAVE to be sub/dom all the time as long as you two are both having consentual kinky fun times and loving it.

(And man, it sounds fun. Who cares if you're not twoo somethings, keep on keeping on.)

 

[Leeroyfan]

Don't get me wrong I don't care if were traditional or not. I really enjoy what we do and could care less what others think of it. I was just wondering if what we have is common since most of the time the sub/dom relationships I hear about typically have a set sub and a set dom.

I guess this was more of a raise your hand if you do this too kinda thread haha

 

[Kurokami]

Consider my hand raised, then. Wife and I play like that a lot, and boy is it fun! Occasionally one of us will feel like taking either the sub or dom role, and a little negotiation sets that right up. Sometimes, if punishment for whoever's the sub is necessary- for whatever reason- the dom can give them... veto cards, I guess? So that, on whatever day we have in mind, we can pull out these little cards and force the other to take the sub role for the night. The look on her face when she bounces in, ready to dom, and I pull out my little reminder, for her cumming without permission or whatever, is really fun.

Just another idea~!

 

[Netzach]

Don't get me wrong I don't care if were traditional or not. I really enjoy what we do and could care less what others think of it. I was just wondering if what we have is common since most of the time the sub/dom relationships I hear about typically have a set sub and a set dom.

I guess this was more of a raise your hand if you do this too kinda thread haha

There is one person in my life I function with, more or less, like this, and even with him it varies season to season a lot and I wind up on top a lot.

 

[intothewoods]

Don't get me wrong I don't care if were traditional or not. I really enjoy what we do and could care less what others think of it. I was just wondering if what we have is common since most of the time the sub/dom relationships I hear about typically have a set sub and a set dom.

I guess this was more of a raise your hand if you do this too kinda thread haha

I know plenty of people who aren't in the BDSM lifestyle but do enjoy playing similar sex games. Have fun!

 

[Stella_Omega]

I know plenty of people who aren't in the BDSM lifestyle but do enjoy playing similar sex games. Have fun!

Do you mean the D/s lifestyle? because BDSM is all about the kinky games.

 

[intothewoods]

Do you mean the D/s lifestyle? because BDSM is all about the kinky games.

Well, I said BDSM lifestyle (the whole kit and kaboodle...er, caboodle?) because I think of lifestylers as being more wedded to fixed roles (even if the role is top or bottom) and the OP is talking about the roles being pretty fluid.

Does that make sense? I had a glass of wine tonight and it went right to my head.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Well, I said BDSM lifestyle (the whole kit and kaboodle...er, caboodle?) because I think of lifestylers as being more wedded to fixed roles (even if the role is top or bottom) and the OP is talking about the roles being pretty fluid.

Does that make sense? I had a glass of wine tonight and it went right to my head.

Well, it depends on which community you're around.

it seems to be true that the hetero community mostly looks at Dominant and submissive as a pairing of lifetime roles, the way they view male and female as unalterable lifetime roles. Husband and wife. Boyfriend and girlfriend. The Natural Order. A romance novel in every bedside drawer, right next to the lube and the benwa balls and the rabbit vibe.

Which is a motherfucking shame, says this here second-wave feminist queer.

And also, plenty of couples play rough, or used to, before kink got all codified by the Romance novelists. Lots of gay and lesbian couples wrestle around as foreplay, and to see who will be top for the night.

I would love very much to see more hets remember that women and men can be equal enough for this kind of game.

 

[JMohegan]

I know plenty of people who aren't in the BDSM lifestyle but do enjoy playing similar sex games. Have fun!

I do, too. And ditto.

 

[intothewoods]

Well, it depends on which community you're around.

it seems to be true that the hetero community mostly looks at Dominant and submissive as a pairing of lifetime roles, the way they view male and female as unalterable lifetime roles. Husband and wife. Boyfriend and girlfriend. The Natural Order. A romance novel in every bedside drawer, right next to the lube and the benwa balls and the rabbit vibe.

Which is a motherfucking shame, says this here second-wave feminist queer.

And also, plenty of couples play rough, or used to, before kink got all codified by the Romance novelists. Lots of gay and lesbian couples wrestle around as foreplay, and to see who will be top for the night.

I would love very much to see more hets remember that women and men can be equal enough for this kind of game.

I really, really wasn't thinking pushing the Domist agenda though I swear. Fwiw, most kinky people I know in real life identify as queer.

In the leather community, people still ID as something right? My only point was that there are plenty of people - yes, het or LGBT - that, as you say, like to roll around and see who will be on top for the night, without making those games part of their identity.