Revenge Writing

[AngelBell]

Not sure if I am posting here to get talked out of this idea or just curious to see what you all say. Recently, this guy really treated me like crap. I know it happens move on but I'm a writer and one way I deal is by turning our break up into some pretty twisted stories of hate sex and revenge.

Problem is he knows my handle here. If he ever bothered to check he would see it. Plus I'm tempted to use his name (it's a common name).

So any other writers guilty of vilifying your exes? Is this healthy or pathetic? The subject matter is his personal secret fetishes etc. Not trying to reveal his like address or something to hurt him that way. That's not what I'm about.

Am I alone in this?

 

[sr71plt]

I think it might be healthy to write about it--and then burn it. I don't think it's healthy to publish it. It so often comes back to bite you for various reasons, including the acquisition of new perspectives as the storm clouds clear.

 

[SydneyBlake]

I think it might be healthy to write about it--and then burn it. I don't think it's healthy to publish it. It so often comes back to bite you for various reasons, including the acquisition of new perspectives as the storm clouds clear.

I concur!

 

[PennLady]

I also agree. Don't make problems for yourself -- it won't be worth it. Write it down and keep it for yourself or burn it or whatever gets it out of your system. Also, take the higher road and don't "name" him in a story that gets posted -- if that were to happen, you'd look bad.

 

[Guest]

i agree with the other posters writer but then either keep it for yourself or burn it but do NOT publish it

 

[LettersFromTatyana]

If you want to write a story that is close to the truth and that details every awful moment of your relationship... I agree with the others: burn it.

But can you find a middle ground? Was there a sentence, a look, a lie, etc. that stands out as being the worst? I find that's how it usually is; the entire relationship may have been crap, but there's usually one moment that stands out as being extra-craptacular.

Write about that one thing. Create characters that are completely different from the two of you, use new locations, occupations, physical characteristics, etc.

You'll get your closure and you'll have the satisfaction of knowing its out there, but there is no way--none--that the person will ever be able to find themselves in your story. Plus you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you were pretty damn creative with Mr. Crap's awfulness. It will be a win-win.

ETA:

So any other writers guilty of vilifying your exes? Is this healthy or pathetic?

Yes, each story I've written (though there haven't been many ) has involved a villain from the past (though they haven't all been exes). It's so buried and altered they would never notice, but I know it's there and that's all that counts. As for it being healthy, in all cases, I've found it better than crying, ice cream, exercising, shoe shopping.... I had weird dreams/nightmares about an ex of sorts for years until I wrote him into a story. No more dreams.

 

[Sugary_Comfort]

You're not really alone in it. I don't haven't written anything for Lit based off past partners or whatever, but I did realize that my baby's daddy is the embodiment of the villain in the book series I'm writing. I'd been looking for a good personality for the character for a long time and then, suddenly, with something the guy said, I realized that here was my villain's personality!

Someone who pretends to be nice and says they're fair and respectful but turns out their views on fair and respectful are skewed. He'll go ballistic over the most random crap, etc.

 

[cfuhrer]

devils advocate

Just pointing out the other side of the coin, many singer/songwriters do awefully well at not keeping their displeasure to themselves.

 

[sr71plt]

He'll go ballistic over the most random crap, etc.

Like finding himself in one of your books, for instance. Hope you have a strong front door.

 

[lovecraft68]

I don't know about vilifying, but in my story "The Breaking of Allison", the character of Allison is based on the older woman who introduced me to "The lifestyle" back in my late teens.

My first Mistress, and not an overly kind one. And yes "Allison" gets it and good in that story.

 

[3113]

I'm in agreement with others. In addition to avoiding trouble, don't be so sure that you can therapy write a story that readers will understand or connect to. The thing is, when we "therapy" write, we're not thinking of the best way to create and communicate our tale; we're only thinking of how to make ourselves feel good. I remember a writer telling of how he was going through a nasty divorce in the middle of writing a sequel to one of his novels and the characters started sounding way too much like him and his wife; which was making him feel good (he was winning these fictional arguments with her), but was turning his story into complete nonsense. He managed to pull them both out of the story and got the novel back on track.

Therapy writing's goal is (generally!) adverse to good storytelling (though not to good poetry writing )--it doesn't care if it makes sense, or if other readers connect to the characters, it only wants to achieve it's emotional goal. And sometimes, as others have said, in the middle of all these high feelings we thoughtlessly and ill-advisedly put such things out there and end up regretting it. Which is why I agree that it's a good idea to write it but not post it. Save posting it for when you've put plenty of distance between you and this relationship, when you can read it and know it's a good story that others will enjoy, and that you won't regret seeing on the internet.

 

[LettersFromTatyana]

I'm not sure if I expressed myself clearly (and I have a feeling I wasn't included in 3113's "others"), so...

what I was trying to say is that I think there's a continuum between a character that is a carbon copy of your ex, and a character that is in no way based on any mean person you've ever met in your entire life. It seems to me that somewhere in between is a sweet spot that allows you to develop a character that is interesting for the story you want to tell, while at the same time allowing you to tap into some emotion within.

As far as "proper" storytelling, I've never taken a creative writing class in my life (so who knows if what I do is correct or if I'm turning out shit ). However, I turned on my local PBS station last night and found a documentary made with Donald Davis, a storyteller in North Carolina. The segment I saw focused on using people from your past as the basis for your stories; as seeds, he suggested thinking about "the child no one should ever have," "the person you'd never want to live with," etc. I think this is what I was trying to get at with suggesting a sentence; it isn't the same as copying a real person, but it is, essentially, the same as asking, "what would you never want to hear from a lover," or something along those lines. You already have the answer to the question; now you just need a character to go with it.

 

[sr71plt]

I think it's natural to use the perceived essence of people you know in stories. However, the closer you get to writing for the purpose of revenge--which was clearly claimed in the title of this thread--the more dangerous ground you are on to be precipitous, unfair, and damaging to existing relationships (not necessarily with the one you are slamming) that mean a great deal to you even if the anger of the moment prevents you from seeing how complex and how widely based your system of relationships is.

I've noted before that I once pulled a book back from printing and swallowed the cost of redoing it to change a story thread that was a real zinger but that, upon reflection, threatened to put a neighbor in a bad light that I didn't intend. Luckily, in the eleventh hour I began to realize the ramifications of what I wrote. And this had nothing to do with revenge or even family relationships.

Every since then, I've forced myself to stop and think (A) why am I writing this person this way and (B) how--realistically--is this going to affect my broad base of relationships and/or hurt people I love?

When you start by saying it's revenge writing, I suggest you already are beyond the safety edge.

And I also have to say that a good 90 percent of "let's you and me together get that bastard" situtations I've seen suggested for writing up here and on other writing Web sites didn't come across to me as "the bastard" being the only one who was out of line in a relationship.

 

[Stella_Omega]

It's all grist for the mill. Good experiences, bad ones. if you write, you write them into what you're writing. You don't have to write for revenge particularly. You can still use the person's character, for good or evil, to further your own plots.

 

[Handley_Page]

Not sure if I am posting here to get talked out of this idea or just curious to see what you all say. Recently, this guy really treated me like crap. I know it happens move on but I'm a writer and one way I deal is by turning our break up into some pretty twisted stories of hate sex and revenge.

Problem is he knows my handle here. If he ever bothered to check he would see it. Plus I'm tempted to use his name (it's a common name).

So any other writers guilty of vilifying your exes? Is this healthy or pathetic? The subject matter is his personal secret fetishes etc. Not trying to reveal his like address or something to hurt him that way. That's not what I'm about.

Am I alone in this?

I agree with the others. However;

Write it in intimate detail and then destroy it (do not be tempted to keep it safe somewhere).
Now, use the details of the plot in a story, but have any details so blurred as to be difficult to see.

And one thing more:
Get a new screen name (handle) without telling them.

 

[estragon]

Angel, I second previous suggestions that you not do it. When I started out lawyering in the last millennium, I was told "never send a letter you wrote when you were mad or drunk."

Your anal-bead story was really good, and I said so on my embarras de richesse thread on SF. Don't throw your talent away. Write the revenge story, write it as hot and as mad as you can, put it on a floppy or a CD, and throw the floppy or CD in a roaring fire.

Then get on with the good work you have to do.

 

[Sugary_Comfort]

Like finding himself in one of your books, for instance. Hope you have a strong front door.

It's his personality, not him. If you'd actually read the post, you'd get that. Besides, he thinks he's just fine and dandy. He doesn't get that he's overbearing and tyrannical.

 

[sr71plt]

It's his personality, not him. If you'd actually read the post, you'd get that. Besides, he thinks he's just fine and dandy. He doesn't get that he's overbearing and tyrannical.

I did read the post. The post that was posted. Not his side of the issue. You don't get that?

Who's to say he's the one who is overbearing and tyrannical just because someone--one side of it--has posted that?

Aren't you making a really, really big assumption?

 

[3113]

Too fresh is not good for prose

It's all grist for the mill. Good experiences, bad ones.

I think we all agree with that.

Iwhat I was trying to say is that I think there's a continuum between a character that is a carbon copy of your ex, and a character that is in no way based on any mean person you've ever met in your entire life. It seems to me that somewhere in between is a sweet spot that allows you to develop a character that is interesting for the story you want to tell, while at the same time allowing you to tap into some emotion within....As far as "proper" storytelling, I've never taken a creative writing class in my life

Again, I think we all agree with this, and I did understand your point. The point I was making was that outside of poetry and country songs--which seem to thrive on spilling one's guts while one is freshly wounded--storytellers writing up a short or long story tend to do better if they hold off and let such emotions age and mature. Like a good wine. You need to store it away and let yourself and your perspective on it develop before you break it open again--otherwise all you get is bad tasting grape juice.

I don't mean that she should never write it. I don't mean that she shouldn't use this guy for gist for her writing mill. And yes, it's great advise for her to merge him with others who have done her wrong into whatever kind of villain works for a story. BUT at the moment she is still too close to him and what he did to her. It's still too fresh ("recently" this guy treated her like crap, yes?).

And when such things are fresh, and you write prose, that prose becomes a type of "therapy" writing. Not storytelling. I learned this not from a writing class, but from years of reading stories by friends (professional writers, good writers) who have written such stories. Exactly like Angel, these writers went through some intensely hurtful event which made them want to write a story to express their hatred, anger, sorrow, despair, etc. Almost without exception, all these stories were shit. And the reason they were shit was because those fresh emotions took over and dominated. That wish to get revenge or argue or whatever didn't translate into a story; it just came across, rather obviously and tediously, as someone ranting about how someone had done them wrong.

Good for country songs, bad for prose fiction.

This is why it is wise to write it, burn it, and then...some months or years later as you're writing that best story you've ever written--then you pull all this out of the wine cellar. You remember that guy that did you wrong. And you remember those feelings--you feel them again, but with enough detachment that you know exactly how to fit them into a character. And you also know exactly what parts of him will work for the bad guy--and what won't. You know exactly how this will further the plot, spice up the dialogue, etc...you know. Because it's not so fresh and hurting and making you mad and making you want....revenge. Instead, you can see in it, as in a good wine, complexity, layers, flavors. All the things that make you want to write a good story...not just get express what you're feeling and what you'd like to do to the one making you feel this way.

Yes?

 

[LettersFromTatyana]

The point I was making was that outside of poetry and country songs--which seem to thrive on spilling one's guts while one is freshly wounded--storytellers writing up a short or long story tend to do better if they hold off and let such emotions age and mature. Like a good wine. You need to store it away and let yourself and your perspective on it develop before you break it open again--otherwise all you get is bad tasting grape juice.

...

Yes?

Yes.

And now, I'm off to raid the liquor cabinet for some nice, aged, single malt Scotch, and I will sip it while I write about a heartbreak that's aged for almost as long.

 

[3113]

And now, I'm off to raid the liquor cabinet for some nice, aged, single malt Scotch, and I will sip it while I write about a heartbreak that's aged for almost as long.

You're right. Scotch is a much better metaphor. Wine is rather mellow as a metaphor. Scotch carries a gun and leaves traces of lipstick on starched collars

 

[JimmyHartley]

Write it and lock it away until you're over him.
Then edit the hell out of it, it could contain some very good writing, we're at our best when we're passionate and writing is no different, just look at the classic breakup songs.

 

[billrichards41]

That's what a journal is for, write it, keep it private, treat it like a draft and revise it with time. Once it's out you can't edit it. You may find a reason to publish or not, but give your chance for the theraputic part - write if that's what you do and be your own editor. Hold onto it until you can be pragmatic.

 

[Angellica1612]

If you want to write a story that is close to the truth and that details every awful moment of your relationship... I agree with the others: burn it.

But can you find a middle ground? Was there a sentence, a look, a lie, etc. that stands out as being the worst? I find that's how it usually is; the entire relationship may have been crap, but there's usually one moment that stands out as being extra-craptacular.

Write about that one thing. Create characters that are completely different from the two of you, use new locations, occupations, physical characteristics, etc.

You'll get your closure and you'll have the satisfaction of knowing its out there, but there is no way--none--that the person will ever be able to find themselves in your story. Plus you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you were pretty damn creative with Mr. Crap's awfulness. It will be a win-win.

ETA:



Yes, each story I've written (though there haven't been many ) has involved a villain from the past (though they haven't all been exes). It's so buried and altered they would never notice, but I know it's there and that's all that counts. As for it being healthy, in all cases, I've found it better than crying, ice cream, exercising, shoe shopping.... I had weird dreams/nightmares about an ex of sorts for years until I wrote him into a story. No more dreams.

I agree that its' best to write it to get it out, shelve it, and revisit it later for nuggets. But the real reason I'm responding is because I am formally adopting "extra-craptacular" - what a great phrase!

 

[lance gt]

My first 2 stories were brought out from revenge writing. I also used her name and didn't care if she read it or not. If she took offence to it, too fucking bad, sorry the truth hurts. At least I got to say all the things she wouldn't allow me to say to her face to face. I felt better getting it out of me and made me feel more at peace knowing I got to say what I wanted and expressed myself in my own way.

If the ex reads it, I hope he takes notice and understands what an ass he was to you.