What am I?
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bhndblueyes88
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2010
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- 2,236
The situations you describe are not things that "all proper subs" should be willing, able, or wanting to do. Some subs may be into those things. Some subs may not be.
There are plenty of others here who can (And probably will) field this post a lot better than me and I'm going to let them do it. I just wanted to let you know that you're looking through a very narrow set of windows and there's a really wide world out there. Just because those specific scenarios don't appeal to you doesn't mean you're not a sub. If those specific scenarios DID appeal to you, it doesn't mean you ARE a sub. So be prepared for some folks here to adjust your windows for you
Despite what your Dom friend seems to have told you, there are few absolutes here. There are a lot of shades of grey. The important thing is to remain true to who you are, and to feel comfortable in your own skin.
And as far as your last bit goes, I strongly encourage you not to cheat on your husband, but to answer your questions, any decent Dom/top should respect boundaries you put up, particularly if there are good reasons. Just make sure to establish those and make sure they agree FIRST and not DURING.
There are plenty of others here who can (And probably will) field this post a lot better than me and I'm going to let them do it. I just wanted to let you know that you're looking through a very narrow set of windows and there's a really wide world out there. Just because those specific scenarios don't appeal to you doesn't mean you're not a sub. If those specific scenarios DID appeal to you, it doesn't mean you ARE a sub. So be prepared for some folks here to adjust your windows for you
Despite what your Dom friend seems to have told you, there are few absolutes here. There are a lot of shades of grey. The important thing is to remain true to who you are, and to feel comfortable in your own skin.
And as far as your last bit goes, I strongly encourage you not to cheat on your husband, but to answer your questions, any decent Dom/top should respect boundaries you put up, particularly if there are good reasons. Just make sure to establish those and make sure they agree FIRST and not DURING.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
Don't mind primalex, he's lost his little pill jar again.
You don't have to BEEEE a SUUUUUB to enjoy some specific games, at certain specific times, that entail emotional masochism.
Your Domly friend is telling you the things that HE likes. He's talking about protocol, all that sitting in the corner stuff. (ask him if he's doing "gorean" protocol) Many partners love doing things that way. Many don't.
He likes making girls cry, and he wants pain to be painful, and he wants to tell girls they are worthless-- or else, he has a girlfriend that's taught him to Dom her in these ways. Since those things don't make YOU happy or fulfilled, he and you are not going to be a good match. You don't have to change to suit him. He's not going to change to suit you.
When you are negotiating a scene, you do not have to accept anything you don't like. But you DO have to be able to discuss it, sometimes you will be willing to make a compromise, and remember that the top doesn't have to accept anything s/he doesn't like either. In fact, this is one of the hardest things in BDSM as we play it these days: Everyone has to take responsibility for their own shit.
You might find, in fact, that if you can take responsibility for your own shit, you will get some fun out of your hubby...
You don't have to BEEEE a SUUUUUB to enjoy some specific games, at certain specific times, that entail emotional masochism.
Your Domly friend is telling you the things that HE likes. He's talking about protocol, all that sitting in the corner stuff. (ask him if he's doing "gorean" protocol) Many partners love doing things that way. Many don't.
He likes making girls cry, and he wants pain to be painful, and he wants to tell girls they are worthless-- or else, he has a girlfriend that's taught him to Dom her in these ways. Since those things don't make YOU happy or fulfilled, he and you are not going to be a good match. You don't have to change to suit him. He's not going to change to suit you.
When you are negotiating a scene, you do not have to accept anything you don't like. But you DO have to be able to discuss it, sometimes you will be willing to make a compromise, and remember that the top doesn't have to accept anything s/he doesn't like either. In fact, this is one of the hardest things in BDSM as we play it these days: Everyone has to take responsibility for their own shit.
You might find, in fact, that if you can take responsibility for your own shit, you will get some fun out of your hubby...
HottieMama
Notta Domme
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2007
- Posts
- 6,066
I won't comment on the implied or actual infidelity here...(casting stones...glass house...all that...)
However, a lot of BDSM is trial and error. Some things you may know right away you won't like. Some things you might be unsure of, and some other you may think you will love. The interesting part comes in when you try one of those things that you were unsure of and it turns in to a "love" and one of those things you thought you would love turns into a "never again." Give yourself the opportunity to EXPERIENCE things as opposed to just "saying" yes or no, based on theory...
If what you are primarily looking for is a "scene" or "play," then I wouldn't struggle with being submissive or not right now. I would focus on the one thing you know for sure. You want to "bottom..." to have these things done TO you, as opposed to doing them TO ANOTHER. For a scene, that's really as simple as it gets.
However, a lot of BDSM is trial and error. Some things you may know right away you won't like. Some things you might be unsure of, and some other you may think you will love. The interesting part comes in when you try one of those things that you were unsure of and it turns in to a "love" and one of those things you thought you would love turns into a "never again." Give yourself the opportunity to EXPERIENCE things as opposed to just "saying" yes or no, based on theory...
If what you are primarily looking for is a "scene" or "play," then I wouldn't struggle with being submissive or not right now. I would focus on the one thing you know for sure. You want to "bottom..." to have these things done TO you, as opposed to doing them TO ANOTHER. For a scene, that's really as simple as it gets.
Lilac_Sky
Mistress's Hypnoslut
- Joined
- May 1, 2011
- Posts
- 1,741
And you shouldn't expect him to. Changing simply to suit another's desires leads to bad stuff (in my opinion). Growing together, experimenting together, learning together is wonderful. Compromising who you are or what you need or want is not.
QFT, especially the bold part!
