The Dream of a perfect Dom coming True

[christy1989]

Very much a 'Virgin' to this scene. I have met a special someone who is very much a Dom. I never thought I would get into something like this, but the way he commands me enthralls me to the point of no return.

I want to know what I can do to make him happy. I find myself dreaming of new ways for him to use me he would like. Things that I am embarrassed to even type!

Is it okay if the sub suggests these ideas to the Dom?

 

[HottieMama]

The easiest way to know what to do to make him happy is to talk to him about it. You aren't expected to be a mind-reader.

As for making suggestions, it pretty much depends on your relationship but I think making suggestions is fine, just be sure that they don't come out as demands. Also, be prepared that he might have very different ideas as to what he wishes to do and how the relationship will run.

 

[Etoile]

He's in charge. You can make suggestions, and you can definitely have preferences, but in the end it's his show to run.

 

[christy1989]

Thank you both for your feedback. It is much appreciated.
That is kind of the problem, I am not sure I am a sub. I do want to please, but have always had problems with authority and taking orders.

However, that usually gets me what I want in the first place...more spankings!!!

 

[FurryFury]

My husband says to me, "Have you been a bad girl?" SPANK SPANK

I say, "Absolutely not." Cause I haven't. That doesn't mean that we can't enjoy spanking and being spanked or that I want him to stop.

In no way do we use spanking when we've actually been "bad" either.

FF

 

[Etoile]

Thank you both for your feedback. It is much appreciated.
That is kind of the problem, I am not sure I am a sub. I do want to please, but have always had problems with authority and taking orders.

However, that usually gets me what I want in the first place...more spankings!!!

Perhaps you're more of a "bratty sub" (a perfectly valid way to be) or maybe just more of a bottom than a submissive?

 

[christy1989]

Pardon the pun...but NAILED IT!!! Bratty Sub!! That's me, always pushing the limits to see what I can get away with.

 

[PrettyProse]

Oooo, congratulations on finding a Dom.


A Dom/sub is like any relationship, I would imagine. Communication is always key. Let him know what your fantasies are and I'm sure that it will show him how eager you are to please him.

 

[ecstaticsub]

The most effective way of telling my dominant what I would like to try without it sounding like a demand or even a request is to write him a story. If I am fantasizing about something that really turns me on then he wants to know. He has never used it as a script of course but he has included elements of my fantasy writings in experiences we have shared.

The only downside is sometimes I write him stories that I know turn us both on but are fantasy only for me. Yes, it turns me on but are over the edge for me. I mark this as "Fantasy Only". Occasionally he will use elements of those stories to a certain extent. (so far this has turned out ok, though has been a little scary at times but he knows me very well)

 

[eastern sun]

The most effective way of telling my dominant what I would like to try without it sounding like a demand or even a request is to write him a story. If I am fantasizing about something that really turns me on then he wants to know. He has never used it as a script of course but he has included elements of my fantasy writings in experiences we have shared.

The only downside is sometimes I write him stories that I know turn us both on but are fantasy only for me. Yes, it turns me on but are over the edge for me. I mark this as "Fantasy Only". Occasionally he will use elements of those stories to a certain extent. (so far this has turned out ok, though has been a little scary at times but he knows me very well)

Yes. I've done this too.

 

[MisterSir]

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken.

...oh, I see, that's not what this thread about. My bad.

 

[DVS]

Communication is the best way to remove any doubt.

 

[satindesire]

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken.

...oh, I see, that's not what this thread about. My bad.

xDDDDD

 

[Mz_Cunningham]

Like in any relationship, communication is key. I feel somehow that this should be like a public announcement made to anyone who comes into a BDSM relationship (actually I think even people in vanilla relationships )

So yes, I say go ahead tell him, I don't think there are many doms that would be upset over you telling him all the things you'd love for him to do to you, especially if he's as good and caring as you say.

The most (least?) that will happen is that he just won't act on them, but if you don't tell him then you have very little chance, outside of coincidence, of them happening.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

The most effective way of telling my dominant what I would like to try without it sounding like a demand or even a request is to write him a story.

I keep thinking about doing this, but I can hardly make myself get past the first sentence XD Part of that is because he's such a good writer though (man has SUCH a nice way with words *fans self*), I'm afraid to write poorly for him

 

[christy1989]

He is very receptive to any ideas I have and very open to anything I want to play. It is just my embarrassment that I need to get over. I have done the story thing, and though the are probably very 'vanilla' to him, he seems to really enjoy them.

I think writing stories for and about each other is one of the most loving and sensual ways to express desires and interests.

 

[christy1989]

Sorry, ladies, I'm taken.

...oh, I see, that's not what this thread about. My bad.

Dang!!!

 

[Lilac_Sky]

Like in any relationship, communication is key. I feel somehow that this should be like a public announcement made to anyone who comes into a BDSM relationship (actually I think even people in vanilla relationships )

So yes, I say go ahead tell him, I don't think there are many doms that would be upset over you telling him all the things you'd love for him to do to you, especially if he's as good and caring as you say.

The most (least?) that will happen is that he just won't act on them, but if you don't tell him then you have very little chance, outside of coincidence, of them happening.

Of course I have to agree with my Mistress ... communication is key. But if you are struggling to overcome embarrassment then just "telling" him can be challenging.

Writing stories is a good idea. But you could also:

* Fill out a sex map (you can click on my signature to get a link to make your own); This lets you indicate what sorts of things you are interested in doing, as well as those that you've done and enjoyed or didn't enjoy. Your PYL can see what sorts of things interest you and it can help ease you into a conversation that isn't easy to just jump into.

* Fill out a checklist. There are many many BDSM checklists online. It can be used in a manner similar to the sex map. (The BDSM Library has a link to a few checklists:
http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=9442423&postcount=5

* Another possibility is to start writing in a journal for yourself. It could be an actual notebook or an online journal (I use penzu.com). There is something freeing about writing for yourself ..... and your PYL can read it, but it is much more comfortable than speaking directly.

Now, all of these suggestions are made to enhance direct communication and help get over any self-consciousness that you may have, not replace talking about your wants and interests. (But I understand how challenging it can be to overcome the embarrassment, so sometimes you need something to help you along the way)

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

I keep thinking about doing this, but I can hardly make myself get past the first sentence XD Part of that is because he's such a good writer though (man has SUCH a nice way with words *fans self*), I'm afraid to write poorly for him

If I may. As a Dom I would love to get a love love letter from my submissive. I don't care how well or badly written it is. I would be pleased and proud of her for telling me of her wants, needs, and desires. That to me is a sign of her trust in me and her devotion to me. I can't imaging a single thing sexier then a woman who will trust me with her most secret desires.

Girl write him and give yourself up to him. Do not worry about style. He will care even more from your words and your trust in him.

In the end you may not exactly get what you want but it will not be from a lack of trying.

Sorry I tend to ramble. Write him.

Mike.

 

[25yoDom]

He is very receptive to any ideas I have and very open to anything I want to play. It is just my embarrassment that I need to get over. I have done the story thing, and though the are probably very 'vanilla' to him, he seems to really enjoy them.

I think writing stories for and about each other is one of the most loving and sensual ways to express desires and interests.

Mmm there is nothing sexier than a sub with a dirty mind. I do not consider asserting yourself to be acting in contrast to submission rather I think it is essential to most BDSM relationships. As a Dom I want to know every aspect of what is going on in my sub's dirty little head. The power comes in choosing when or how to let your fantasy play out, perhaps teasing you with it before letting you have it.

Dom: "So you want a spanking do you slut?"
Slut: "Oh yes sir please spank me."
Dom: Drag's her around the room by her hair.
Dom: "Why would a good girl like you want a spanking?"
Slut: "Oh please sir I need to be spanked I want it so bad."
Dom: (rubbing her exposed ass) "Mmm Im sure you do but why would I want to hurt such a pretty ass?"
Slut: "Pleeeeeease sir I need it PLEASE."
SMACK

Quite tasty.

 

[bhndblueyes88]

If I may. As a Dom I would love to get a love love letter from my submissive. I don't care how well or badly written it is. I would be pleased and proud of her for telling me of her wants, needs, and desires. That to me is a sign of her trust in me and her devotion to me. I can't imaging a single thing sexier then a woman who will trust me with her most secret desires.

Girl write him and give yourself up to him. Do not worry about style. He will care even more from your words and your trust in him.

In the end you may not exactly get what you want but it will not be from a lack of trying.

Sorry I tend to ramble. Write him.

Mike.

lol, you may And yah, I can't not worry about style. I like writing too much and took too many higher level English classes And, of course, a large part of it is still embarrassment factor. I logically and consciously know that I should not be embarrassed, and there's nothing wrong with the things I want, but that doesn't mean my emotions listen Thank you for your encouragement, though I decided to go with Lilac's idea of using the sex map. I just have to find a good opportunity to send it to him!

 

[christy1989]

Thank you all for such wonderful advice! I am in the process of writing down some thoughts / ideas I would like to try. My Dom is very receptive to my needs. Sometimes it is scary, like we can read each others minds. Things have grown...pardon the pun .....and we take each other to places that neither of us have thought of before.