How to start?

[pussyg]

I wondered if anyone could offer some advice for a newby couple. My husband and I have very recently acknowledged the true nature of our connection, ie he's my Dom. However neither of us have any experience of the roles outside of our own relationship. We are learning alot online, and our personal connection is growing daily - we've never been so close. But how do we learn about this lifestyle? How does the love of my life learn about safety and boundaries? Where can I find out about what I might or might not like?
We have children, so we can't go setting up a St Andrew's Cross in our bedroom!
Any helpful advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Lord_Steve]

i'm going to act out of type here for a second

but this is actually really cute and nice. I don't have any advice that doesn't relate to trolling or english literature, but i wish you guys the best of luck.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I wondered if anyone could offer some advice for a newby couple. My husband and I have very recently acknowledged the true nature of our connection, ie he's my Dom. However neither of us have any experience of the roles outside of our own relationship. We are learning alot online, and our personal connection is growing daily - we've never been so close.

1. But how do we learn about this lifestyle?
2. How does the love of my life learn about safety and boundaries?
3. Where can I find out about what I might or might not like?

We have children, so we can't go setting up a St Andrew's Cross in our bedroom!
Any helpful advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

1. Read a lot of BDSM stories, and even watch some *decent* BDSM vids. Discard about 85-95% of what you read, and about the same amount of the vids, because they're fantasy, but you *can* adopt - or adapt - some of the things that strike a chord with the two of you. Read a lot of threads in BDSM Talk, BDSM Café, and perhaps even the Fetish Forum. (Don't know for sure about that one yet - haven't taken the time to go check it out since its inception.)
2. See response to #1 above.
3. See responses to #1 and #2 above.

 

[pussyg]

Thank you both for your comments. I am having a good look around the site - there are so many places to look I get a little lost at times! I'll keep looking though. Someone's suggested I look at the thread for newbies - but I can't seem to find it. Does anyone know what it's called, or an easy way to find it??

 

[Kirabeth]

adapting

First overlook my typing and spelling errors if you will its not an excuse or shouldnt be but I am on some strong pain meds right now due to having had sevral serguries and more coming up so bare with my typos and spelling if you will. now back on topic.

I have Children too even though they are mostly grown now they werent when my husband I first brought this lifestyle into our home.

You mentioned the St, Andrews Cross ok you cant just stand one in the corner of your room and not have them ask hey mom what the heck is that but you can adapt your toys and equipment to fit your home you life and yes aorund the kids. you can put eye hooks in a closet door that can be used for any number of things if the kids do see them hey its a hook to hang daddy's shirt on at night so it is easier for him to get dressed in the morning. you can also add them to a bed frame both the headboard and foot boards they are under the bed hidden out of site but easy to get to when you need them. toys like vibrators and dildos handcuffs feathers etc can be hiddenina toolbox with a lock so it looks like dad got a new tool box not a new toybox. you can also lock fetish wear inside it too. a collar can be a dog collar or any thing ellaborate to something as simple as a necklace with his intial or yours on it wher eonly you and him know what it means.
you can show your submission to him in any number of ways even with the kids or anyone else in the room and no one be the wiser it can be something as simple as you fixing his plate and bringing it to him or him sitting on the couch and you on e the floor at his feet head on his knee while you watch a movie, my kids are adults now but this lifestyle was so much apart of my everyday life when they were growing up that they saw the little things as just that ordinary everyday things to them even there friends did. They were and to this day thin its cool that there MOm and Dad love each so much they spend time together and dont fight and the little things they see is just what we do because we love each other.
So if it just the kink keep it in the bedroom behind closed doors but th elittle things you can incorparate them by taking some small steps. like sitting on the floor at his feet while you watch a movie from time to time, add some small hidden objects like eye hooks around your house you can use in bondage or any number of ways, make a few small rules for yourself or whatever it is that makes the two of you happy.
But it can be done around the kids just make some small adaptions thats all so you cant have a St andrews cross but ya can still adapt a door frame to work like one.
not sure if I went off subject or not but maybe something was useful to you.

 

[pussyg]

Thank you Kirabeth, what brilliant and practical advice. I wear a leather thong necklace and bracelet which are our own representation of a collar and cuff - we know what it means, but as for the hooks that really makes a lot of sense. It's really good to hear from someone who has lived this life in a real and practical sense.
Did you say you were having an operation? I wish you well.

 

[Kirabeth]

Thank you Kirabeth, what brilliant and practical advice. I wear a leather thong necklace and bracelet which are our own representation of a collar and cuff - we know what it means, but as for the hooks that really makes a lot of sense. It's really good to hear from someone who has lived this life in a real and practical sense.
Did you say you were having an operation? I wish you well.

glad something I said was helpful to you. would be glad to share more information with you if you want just pm me.

yes I have already had two surgeries this year so far and still have one more to go through in August. This year has been an uphill batter for me so far but I am doing much better thank you so much for your thoughts and well wishes.