To Be or Not To Be

[xxDominaxx]

I consider myself to be as my username conveys... dominant. To look at me you would never guess. I suppose there are many people who don't outwardly fit their darker, lustier sides. Anywho, am I considered "switch" just because I like being spanked or beaten? I don't feel the need to grovel at one's feet but sometimes I love the feel of pain. With even that; I like to have some form of control. Does enjoying pain make me submissive? It was a debate a friend and I were having not too long ago. He thinks it is submissive to bend over or to take a beating/whipping/spanking. However, I love pain but disagree. Guess I'm just curious as to anyone else's take on the matter.

 

[seela]

I consider myself to be as my username conveys... dominant. To look at me you would never guess. I suppose there are many people who don't outwardly fit their darker, lustier sides. Anywho, am I considered "switch" just because I like being spanked or beaten? I don't feel the need to grovel at one's feet but sometimes I love the feel of pain. With even that; I like to have some form of control. Does enjoying pain make me submissive? It was a debate a friend and I were having not too long ago. He thinks it is submissive to bend over or to take a beating/whipping/spanking. However, I love pain but disagree. Guess I'm just curious as to anyone else's take on the matter.

This is where the terms top and bottom come to play. You can be dominant and still bottom. There's no contradiction there. I'm sure Stella will chime in with more wisdom in no time.

 

[xhardchick]

I think you combine both a submissive and a Dominant side. If you enjoy pain then you're just masochistic. Since you have the power and you enjoy being spanked then you should rename it as an "alternative pleasure"; if that makes any sense.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yes, you are, in some ways a switch. You top in some ways and bottom in others.

You don't have to be submissive to enjoy recieving sensation. I learned long ago that my physical needs were too specific and precise-- if I let someone else take charge, I was most likely not going to get what I wanted from them. Instead, I ask for what I want-- a spanking, bondage, cutting-- and I lay out the scenario with my partner so that they understand my needs.

If you saw me crying while getting spanked, you might think you were witnessing submission. But ten minutes before that, I was telling my partner; "I want you to spank me. Don't stop when I yell and wriggle, please. I want to let go, so you'll have to keep hitting until I cry. Understand?"

And then we got out the rope and I got my fun on.

I know people for whom the status of Dom is more important (presumably) than any physical pleasure might be. I remember falling into that trap myself-- ghawd it was boooring!

 

[tenacinmaine]

I know people for whom the status of Dom is more important (presumably) than any physical pleasure might be. I remember falling into that trap myself-- ghawd it was boooring![/QUOTE]

I very much agree with you about it being boring. I think as long as you are receiving the pleasure you crave then status isn't important.

 

[tumbledown]

Heh. Welcome to the club! As a dominant who craves sensation that other people like to call pain, I wondered if that made me submissive - but the idea of experiencing that sensation in a submissive manner leaves me cold so nope, that's not it. I want my pyl to top me, which is just another thing I can request from him. No contradiction there, really.

If I am dominant and I tell you to do something and you do it, does it matter what it is? Does one activity leave me still as the dominant but another suddenly makes me submissive? I don't think so.

 

[anneski]

Why on earth can't it just be that you're dom with masochistic tendencies?

I've got a domme friend, who does NOT sub, but rather enjoys receiving pain on occasions... domme, with a masochistic streak. Simples

 

[JonDav]

Why on earth can't it just be that you're dom with masochistic tendencies?

I've got a domme friend, who does NOT sub, but rather enjoys receiving pain on occasions... domme, with a masochistic streak. Simples

That sounds very complicated!

 

[anneski]

That sounds very complicated!

Really? Blimey, I thought it was easier! No messing with the 'am I domme, am I sub, am I switch...' sortathing, just she's domme, plain and simple, but just enjoys receiving a bit of pain now and again.

Can't get much simpler, surely?

 

[JonDav]

Really? Blimey, I thought it was easier! No messing with the 'am I domme, am I sub, am I switch...' sortathing, just she's domme, plain and simple, but just enjoys receiving a bit of pain now and again.

Can't get much simpler, surely?

I'm a simple man remember, I would have though liking being in the receiving end sometimes gave her some sub tendencies, or am I being too simplistic?

 

[anneski]

Well, no, because even when receiving the pain she is doing the instructing. She has none of the mental submissiveness that I have, for example. She is telling the person inflicting the pain exactly what to do.

As far as her and I can see, the total absence of mental feelings of submission rule out 'sub tendencies'.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Well, no, because even when receiving the pain she is doing the instructing. She has none of the mental submissiveness that I have, for example. She is telling the person inflicting the pain exactly what to do.

As far as her and I can see, the total absence of mental feelings of submission rule out 'sub tendencies'.

Perfectly explained, anneski.



Funny how much this has come up recently!

 

[anneski]

Thank you Stella

Has it? I must have a mooch around, I've not been over here for well over a year, I think - once I found Fetlife and IC I was off there, so many more local people to help teach me. Back then I was still a very nervous newby as far as bdsm goes, I feel a little more experienced now. Labels always seem to be a bone of contention though, everywhere.

 

[JonDav]

Well, no, because even when receiving the pain she is doing the instructing. She has none of the mental submissiveness that I have, for example. She is telling the person inflicting the pain exactly what to do.

As far as her and I can see, the total absence of mental feelings of submission rule out 'sub tendencies'.

Thank you that is very clear, I think I understand now. You patience is much appreciated.

 

[anneski]

@JonDav - that's ok, I'm always happy to try and explain my viewpoints.

Had to laugh a bit there though, anyone who knows me would say "Anneski, patient? Yer 'avin' a larf, aren't ya?"

 

[JonDav]

@JonDav - that's ok, I'm always happy to try and explain my viewpoints.

Had to laugh a bit there though, anyone who knows me would say "Anneski, patient? Yer 'avin' a larf, aren't ya?"

Realy, so I was lucky was I? LOL

I disappeared for the restart of the GP, that was an amazing race.

 

[anneski]

Realy, so I was lucky was I? LOL

I disappeared for the restart of the GP, that was an amazing race.

Hehehe, not really, and I am not really impatient except with eejits and timewasters. But I'm a bit of a control freak so do tend to take over and do everything, and that gives the impression that I've got no patience

And ohhh yes, the GP was a good 'un wasn't it? I had it on here as well - and normally everything stops for F1, but as even the commentary went down for a while I decided to surf