Controlling my boyfriend

[jennyhussy]

Hi All

My boyfriend and I have been talking recently about his difficulty giving up control, he wants to but doesn't know how to.

We have talked and come to the conclusion that the best way is force him to do something extreme once and make him realise that its still safe when he is not in control.

The idea being that the next time it should be easier for him to give up control!

What do people think? Have you got any better advice for me?

 

[xperia2995]

My opinion is quite different.
I think you must bring out the sub in him even without him knowing.you have to start by coaxing him to do everything according to your wish and not his.

Start with luring him with love, sweet instuctions etc. Then slowly advance and take control.

For example lets take his name as shawn.
"shawn honey my feet are really aching would you give me a massage?"
"shawn do the dishes today" he might say something like "what,? i did it yesterday also", say something like " shawn i dont care, you will do it today and donot test my patience"

All you need is to be confident in yourself, be serious , and act strict (most men fall for this) they like that strict and confident woman.
Thats all they need for a start.then you can increase your control slowly and finally you will have a slave at your feet.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Hi All

My boyfriend and I have been talking recently about his difficulty giving up control, he wants to but doesn't know how to.

We have talked and come to the conclusion that the best way is force him to do something extreme once and make him realise that its still safe when he is not in control.

The idea being that the next time it should be easier for him to give up control!

What do people think? Have you got any better advice for me?

Jenny, I have to say that I disagree with this concept, especially the part bolded, fairly strongly. If he has a good-sized issue with surrendering control, I would work up *slowly,* just as I would with a new masochist. I wouldn't start a brand-new masochist out with 30 strokes of the cane. It would in all likelihood scare the bejeebers out of her, and she'd run for her life. I'd start with hand-spanking, at a low-to-medium level, perhaps even over (some) clothing, and work upward, over time, from there.

To deal with his issue, I'd suggest you begin with some control/trust play, e.g., show him a variety of finger foods (that he likes) on plates, then blindfold him, then feed him assorted bites of your choice, one at a time. The control issue is being addressed by your being the one choosing the individual bit(e)s of pleasure he's receiving, and the trust issue by his choosing to allow you to take that control over him, so that he learns that you're not going to get all sneaky and mean by unexpectedly throwing in a big spoonful of wasabe in the middle of his strawberries and chocolate bites.

Good luck!

 

[Stella_Omega]

When you say that he can "do something extreme and still be safe"-- what kinds of activities are you thinking of? Because "extreme" and "safe" don't really correlate in my mind...

I like Sir Winston's suggestion, that's a terrific exercise in trust-- even if he doesn't see it that way right away.

Also, do a search for Bette Coquette's posts here. I think she's had some wonderful things to say about dominating a man.

 

[Etoile]

Well, it depends what "extreme" is. Based on jennyhussy's tone, I am thinking that maybe we're talking about a dildo up the ass being "extreme" which, yes, is still perfectly safe.

 

[SubNebGuy]

Here's the deal...with Domination and submission...the SUB is the one with ALL the power. They're the one with the safe word, so everything's on their terms.

FORCING...is no good. If he's not into it, he's not into it and even though he might go along with it, he'll be stuck with the feelings afterwards (confusion, guilt, and other stuff). If he's not ready for this, those feelings will be overwhelming.

Maybe you need to understand that he isn't into being a sub. Period. Maybe not, but FORCING him isn't going to end well.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Another vote for Sir Winston's suggestion.

Even if you find something that is extreme to him and still safe, I still don't think it's a good idea. If it doesn't work out well, he will have even worse issues with giving up control than before and give up the whole idea instead.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Here's the deal...with Domination and submission...the SUB is the one with ALL the power. They're the one with the safe word, so everything's on their terms.

Oh, that old chestnut.

 

[Etoile]

Here's the deal...with Domination and submission...the SUB is the one with ALL the power. They're the one with the safe word, so everything's on their terms.

Um, no.

 

[jennyhussy]

Hi all

Thank you so much for your advise, i will take it all on board, it makes alot of sense!

 

[CutieMouse]

Here's the deal...with Domination and submission...the SUB is the one with ALL the power. They're the one with the safe word, so everything's on their terms.

FORCING...is no good. If he's not into it, he's not into it and even though he might go along with it, he'll be stuck with the feelings afterwards (confusion, guilt, and other stuff). If he's not ready for this, those feelings will be overwhelming.

Maybe you need to understand that he isn't into being a sub. Period. Maybe not, but FORCING him isn't going to end well.

Funny, I always thought when people used safe words, that both (doms/sub, top/bottom) had access to them...

 

[midwestyankee]

Funny, I always thought when people used safe words, that both (doms/sub, top/bottom) had access to them...

Oh, CM, why do you always have to barge in and paper the place with logic and good sense?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Funny, I always thought when people used safe words, that both (doms/sub, top/bottom) had access to them...

Oh, CM, why do you always have to barge in and paper the place with logic and good sense?

Isn't that annoying???

 

[clock1]

Isn't that annoying???

Actually she saved me, or someone else from saying it. I'm impressed with the efficiency.