I Must Be Stupid

[LetteEnvy18]

A few months ago I went through a terrible experience.. I had been talking to this guy, a potential Dom, and it was great we talked every day, we got to know each other. And then I get a call one day from a woman who claimed she was his girlfriend of 3 years, I get bitched out and that was it.

No more contact with him. I hated it because it seemed that we connected really well and the fact that he lied hurt even worse.

Well out of curiosity I emailed him just to seehow he was. I didn't expect him to email me back....but he did. He asked if I had found anyone new to help me and I told him no, which I haven't, he then proceeds to ask if we can talk this weekend so he can explain what happened on his end.

I feel so stupid to be even thinking about letting him back into my life, but I've missed talking to him, and want to know his side of things.

If you were in this situation what would you do?

 

[PartyMart]

Honestly....how much of a DOM can he be if his GF found out, bitched you out, and he didn't have the control to stop her?

 

[LetteEnvy18]

Honestly....how much of a DOM can he be if his GF found out, bitched you out, and he didn't have the control to stop her?

I know, I thought the same thing, but I think I'm just having wishful thoughts that it was just some crazy ex.....probably not.

I'm not sure. Your probably right though, I think I'd like to hear what his excuses were.

 

[PartyMart]

I know, I thought the same thing, but I think I'm just having wishful thoughts that it was just some crazy ex.....probably not.

I'm not sure. Your probably right though, I think I'd like to hear what his excuses were.

I don't blame you, I would also enjoy hearing what they were..

Perhaps you need to have him email them to you...of course this would make you the DOM....

Let me ask you this, if I may, did you ever plan to meet him in real life?

If not, does it matter what he says....you can just pick up where you left off..

 

[LetteEnvy18]

I don't blame you, I would also enjoy hearing what they were..

Perhaps you need to have him email them to you...of course this would make you the DOM....

Let me ask you this, if I may, did you ever plan to meet him in real life?

If not, does it matter what he says....you can just pick up where you left off..

We had every intention of meeting, his work let him travel a lot and he had planned to request a few weeks near my town. I was really looking forward to it, but that's when everything happened and we never got the chance.

 

[PartyMart]

We had every intention of meeting, his work let him travel a lot and he had planned to request a few weeks near my town. I was really looking forward to it, but that's when everything happened and we never got the chance.

Well if having a potential stalker in his ex or current GF doesn't bother you, I would say hear him out...

With you being the sub, do you really have a say if he tells you he wants to tell you??

 

[LetteEnvy18]

Well if having a potential stalker in his ex or current GF doesn't bother you, I would say hear him out...

With you being the sub, do you really have a say if he tells you he wants to tell you??

It doesn't bother me, what does is that he lied. Any relationship is about trust and honesty ya know.

But I'm still not sure, I think I'm going to hear what he says, but I'm not sure if I could let him back into my life like he was before. *sigh* Damn life is complicated ha

 

[PartyMart]

It doesn't bother me, what does is that he lied. Any relationship is about trust and honesty ya know.

But I'm still not sure, I think I'm going to hear what he says, but I'm not sure if I could let him back into my life like he was before. *sigh* Damn life is complicated ha

Yes liars never win, sounds like he might suspect what he has lost with you already..


I believe life is what you make of it, you can listen to him and then make a decision based on how you feel about what he tells you..

You can also begin the search again, and see where it goes..

Face it we all know the final destination of our lives, the unknown is the path that we take to get there..

 

[the captians wench]

Honestly....how much of a DOM can he be if his GF found out, bitched you out, and he didn't have the control to stop her?

Don't see what one has to do with the other honestly, as far as "controling her" goes.

With you being the sub, do you really have a say if he tells you he wants to tell you??

Um... yes, she has every say. Sub does not equal "must do everything potential dom type says with out thinking".


Personally I would ask myself: "do I respect myself enough to walk away from this?"

Whether he neglected to mention a current girlfriend, or it was a crazy ex, could you really expect to be more than spare time?

I've been "the other woman" in many forms. The only one that lasted any time was the one in which I was more of a family pet than his other girl. It was full of open communication, boundries, and what not, and even though the relationship has changed greatly, those foundations still exist. But I deserve to be some one's primary, and not just free time fling, so that is what I continue to persue.

Remember, sub does not mean that you don't have choices and that you don't get to think for yourself, at least not until you agree to do so.

 

[LetteEnvy18]

Don't see what one has to do with the other honestly, as far as "controling her" goes.



Um... yes, she has every say. Sub does not equal "must do everything potential dom type says with out thinking".


Personally I would ask myself: "do I respect myself enough to walk away from this?"

.

Believe me I'm far from that type, I think for myself and do as I want, but with him....there is just something I can't and don't want to say no to.

Even after a month or two of not talking he still has that effect over me and I honestly don't mind it, I'd just want to know what exactly happened to put me second.

I mean he told me he was single and that I was the only female he was even thinking about as far as relationships go.

I do respect myself though and maybe after hearing what he says my mind will change, I'm not one to fall for smooth talking, so well see.

 

[the captians wench]

Believe me I'm far from that type, I think for myself and do as I want, but with him....there is just something I can't and don't want to say no to.

Even after a month or two of not talking he still has that effect over me and I honestly don't mind it, I'd just want to know what exactly happened to put me second.

I mean he told me he was single and that I was the only female he was even thinking about as far as relationships go.

I do respect myself though and maybe after hearing what he says my mind will change, I'm not one to fall for smooth talking, so well see.

Forgive me for being blunt, but it sounds like you've already fallen for "smooth talking".

I did have a simular experience, only I knew I was a second. Normally I wouldn't have thought of being in this relationship (at the time), but something about him could speak to my inner core. He got me to do things I swore I'd never do, but the relationship was totally one sided. He made promises he didn't keep, I could only speak to him when his live in girl wasn't home, I was expected to open my home to any of his friends or girls he wanted to be potential others, and many things that were on my hard limit list. The relationship was not good and the only way I thought I could get out of it was to cut all ties, change my phone number and locks on my door and forget the whole thing ever happened.

A few months after I cut ties, he left a note on my door. He said that he was opening a shop and wanted to have some of the toys I make in it. Seemed innocent enough right? I burnt the note. I knew that with in 6 words (or less) he would have me in that some mind numb will do anything spot. For days I struggled, wanting to know what he would say. I thought if I could just hear what he wanted to say, what kind of deal he wanted to propose for my toys, Hey it would be another sourse of income right? I was glad I decided to burn the note in the end. If I hadn't, I know I would have eventually made the call, and would have been sucked in again. He just had that much power over me, or rather he knew how to speak to that core that would do anything for him.

I'm not saying your situation will be the same. I just sort of see the writing on the wall. If he made you puddy once, he will again, and if I were you, I wouldn't take the call.

Take this all for what it's worth.

 

[welkin]

Even after a month or two of not talking he still has that effect over me and I honestly don't mind it, I'd just want to know what exactly happened to put me second.

I mean he told me he was single and that I was the only female he was even thinking about as far as relationships go.

What happened was simple: he has a girlfriend whom he chooses over you, and then he lied to you.

You can keep replaying all the sugar talk he made, dwelling on the idea that that was just a crazy ex, and sure, there's a one in a thousand chance that you made the right bet, or did you?

Take his call -- it seems to me that you've already made that decision, but here's my advice nonetheless: if the first thing he offers is not to explain everything to you IN FRONT of that "crazy ex", I would get the he'll away from him, and this time for good.

And by the way, the next time you cut ties, you need to do better than "Well out of curiosity I emailed him just to seehow he was".

 

[LetteEnvy18]

And by the way, the next time you cut ties, you need to do better than "Well out of curiosity I emailed him just to seehow he was".

I wasn't the one who decided to cut ties thanks. He was, and being the curious girl that I am I contacted him, thinking we could atleast be friends.

 

[midwestyankee]

It's not unusual to have these yearnings to get back in touch with someone who moved you. However, I find that whenever people start out a comment by saying something like "I must be ___," they usually are about to act in a ___ way.

It's good that you're self aware. Now I suggest that you act on it.

 

[Stella_Omega]

No, you can't be friends with him, he has a GF who will bitch you out if you try that.

My advice is to join fetlife.com it's like facebook, for pervs. Look for fetlife groups that are specific to your area. join those, start lurking on the convos and watching for events that you can get to-- especially, watch for munch announcements.

Give yourself a better chance of meeting people, and a chance to sample some activities without making some kind of lifetime commitment first. You deserve that for yourself

 

[welkin]

If he wanted to be with you, if he had any redeeming explanation, he would've offered back then.

Why did you post here in the first place? Did you expect to receive support in the form of "awww I'm sure he loves you he just needs to sort his own problems out first and really he only lied because he didn't want you to be worried for him..."? Or "oh yeah my friend totally hooked up with this cheating lying bastard but people change! He is now a reformed new man and they are now living happily ever after!"?

Even writing that made me sick.

 

[redheadedtxn]

No, you can't be friends with him, he has a GF who will bitch you out if you try that.

My advice is to join fetlife.com it's like facebook, for pervs. Look for fetlife groups that are specific to your area. join those, start lurking on the convos and watching for events that you can get to-- especially, watch for munch announcements.

Give yourself a better chance of meeting people, and a chance to sample some activities without making some kind of lifetime commitment first. You deserve that for yourself

You took the words right offa my fingertips!

Hun, you don't have the right to infiltrate yourself into his and his girlfriend's relationship. Find someone for yourself. Let it go. Like, yesterday.

 

[LetteEnvy18]

Alright, point taken. Probably better off leaving this alone anyway.

To those of you who were helpful-thank you I appreciate it, I've never been in this type of situation and was only looking for FRIENDLY advie.

 

[Stella_Omega]

We worry for your safety, and for the quality of your BDSM experience. That's pretty friendly -- considering that you are a complete stranger to us.

 

[welkin]

I think I was the unfriendly person in question.

Friendly or not, I don't think the advice to stay away is taken. It reminds me of my more foolish times, when looking back I wish I had someone to slap me hard to wake me up to reality.

Maybe one can learn, not from someone else's advice, but only from the consequences. I just hope it won't be too dear a tuition to pay.

 

[NATURALMASTER]

I have to agree with most here, and say "Don't do it".

I'm a real DOM, and against my own rules, I ended up keeping... staying involved with... a sub, even after I found out that she wasn't broken up with her bf. I may be a DOM, but I believe in fairness, and I have a heart. Against my own common sense, I stuck around, thinking "If I just make it clear to her that I do not want to be the catalyst for her relationship ending, I can stay and enjoy this new thing!".

Months later, needless to say... FAIL. Well, I said it anyway lol!.

So... here I am... :

1. Feeling rather responsible for the break up of what seemed to me to be a salvageable relationship, if only her bf had grown some balls....

2. Feeling really bad for the poor guy, since his heart was blown to bits, from what I saw....

3. Feeling like now that things seem to be nearing the end of it's course with her and I, that perhaps if I had turned her down instead of giving into her ... lovely persuasions.... multiple times... (um... she's really hot lol ) perhaps I'd have been in a guilt-free state of mind, with a sub who isn't a "Liar" in my mind.

Anyway, my point is.... don't do it.

N.MASTER

 

[Stella_Omega]

 

[ultramarineblue]

If you're questioning if it would be wise to talk to him, then it's your natural instincts of self-preservation kicking in. Listen to that voice inside you telling you to let it go. Falling back into that same place will just make you regret it all the more.

Like Stella said, get to know other people at munches in your area and you can usually find them through fetlife. If you're scared to go or are concerned over privacy, message back and forth with a few of the people in the group that regularly post and appear to be involved locally.

 

[Etoile]

I can understand wanting to know what happened, but I'd drop it like it's hot.

 

[caw1265]

It doesn't bother me, what does is that he lied. Any relationship is about trust and honesty ya know.

But I'm still not sure, I think I'm going to hear what he says, but I'm not sure if I could let him back into my life like he was before. *sigh* Damn life is complicated ha

Personally, I wouldn't let him back into your life. You already knows he lies and apparently cheats; and people like that don't change.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, unfortunately some people are just not what they seem to be.