Invited to first play party

[temp256]

I've been attending an S&M club at school, and having lots of fun. I fit in rather well, especially with my ability to make kinky toys for everyone. Anyway, we're having a demonstration at a dungeon, after which we'll have full access to. Basically, this means I've been invited to a play party, where there will be much nudity and kinky ongoings.

This would be my fist party, and my first of any sort of S&M experiences as well, so naturally I have reservations about it. One of my biggest concerns is doing such things without an emotional attachment. I have a feeling I will become very attached to whoever can stimulate such powerful emotions in me, and if they don't reciprocate, I'm not sure how well I'll handle it, especially since I've been very lonely and vulnerable.

I very much want to try these things, but I've always imagined doing so with a stable partner. From what I can tell of the dynamics of the group, this is unlikely to happen.

My other concern is I'm a transwoman, and they don't know. I'm not terribly concerned about this, seeing how half the members are bisexual, the meetings are held in the GLBT room of the school, and they were friendly to the several transpeople we happened to meet at a munch. Still, I can't be too careful about these things, especially when I might be in a compromising position.

I have no problems with merely watching, but I have no idea what to do about the rest.

 

[BiBunny]

I wouldn't worry too much, if that's possible. Just go, watch, and enjoy yourself. If you feel like playing when you get there, play. If not, you certainly don't have to. I think if you let things happen naturally, you'll be much more comfortable.

Have fun!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Hmm. Damn. I would love to tell you your fears are meaningless, but I totally understand your hesitation. I mean-- if you were loud and proud about being trans of course, everyone would have had plenty of time to get used to the idea. But so many of us would prefer not to have to BE loud and proud all the time. And for you, in this group of yours, it just never came up...

1) Is there anyone in the club that you trust, that you can tell, ask them what they think? Then one person knows.

2) You don't have to get completely nakie-- I bet only a few people will, in fact. It's easy to talk about, for many people not so easy to do the first time. You can run around in your frillies and no one will really comment.

3) set up some scenes beforehand, with people who want to "service top" for others. If the scene you set up requires that they know about your body, that's when you tell them.Gender doesn't matter for a flogging on your back. Kneeling and performing service, ditto. Genital torture-- yeah, that could be an issue.

My experience with play parties is that by their nature, they are about the actoin, less about the reactions. There won't be as much overwhelming emotion involved-- mostly you'll be getting used to these crazy new sensations.

And finally, this cranky old dude wishes to point out that it's usually better to establish some sexual compatibility when you want a relationship based on sexual preferences. Fuck around some! Explore!

*shakes cane at those crazy kids and hobbles off stage left*

 

[FurryFury]

This is true. You don't have to "play" at a play party. I've been to several and not played. Only do what you are comfortable with. I've never been pressured at all. I never took off my clothes either.

FF

I wouldn't worry too much, if that's possible. Just go, watch, and enjoy yourself. If you feel like playing when you get there, play. If not, you certainly don't have to. I think if you let things happen naturally, you'll be much more comfortable.

Have fun!

 

[temp256]

I attended the party. I received some light flagellation on my backside, but beyond that no one seemed interested in me. I actually felt rather lonely more than anything. Sure there were several hot naked women suspended from the ceiling and being forced to orgasm repeatedly with vibrators while I took pictures of them, but they were the ones having all the fun, not me.

 

[FurryFury]

Glad you went. Sorry you felt lonely. It takes a while to build relationships with people in your local group. It doesn't happen overnight. Keep with it.

*hugs*

FF

 

[lowMaz]

i'd like to try going to these parties but have no idea where to find em .

 

[audiodiva]

I googled PA and BDSM - there are MANY different clubs - no doubt they each have parties and munches.

http://domsubfriends.com/cgi-local/...=PENNSYLVANIA&view_records=View+Records&ww=on

My first time - I lucked out by finding a party place a couple of hours from me. I called the organizer and told him I was new, but had read several of the books and attended a BDSM meeting of one of the local groups that actually only has parties a couple of times a yr. He took me under his wing and made sure that I met a couple of people who were good with a newbie. By the end of the evening I was invited to a group that was right around the corner and had regular parties. It really is a small community, but we are everywhere

 

[satindesire]

I attended the party. I received some light flagellation on my backside, but beyond that no one seemed interested in me. I actually felt rather lonely more than anything. Sure there were several hot naked women suspended from the ceiling and being forced to orgasm repeatedly with vibrators while I took pictures of them, but they were the ones having all the fun, not me.

The thing is with attention...the more you give and the more open you are to receiving, the more you get.

Look at how we'd view the situation with an example of three kitty cats.

Kitty one is looking at you. Maybe she meows at you. Rubs against your leg. Purrs. We probably want to pet this kitty, because she not only gives us attention but seems open in getting it.

Kitty two is looking at you but is not purring, does not touch you or meow. You might pet this kitty, if you're bold, but you might not because you're not really sure if she's open to the attention.

Kitty three is curled up in a corner, looking disinterested and bored. We probably won't pet this kitty because it looks...well, disinterested and bored.

I know it's scary to purr at strangers, but if you want to be petted, you might consider trying.

 

[lowMaz]

any more updates about you attending parties?

 

[temp256]

The semester is over, and no one from the kinky club responds to my messages, so I doubt I'll get invited to any more parties.

 

[lowMaz]

The semester is over, and no one from the kinky club responds to my messages, so I doubt I'll get invited to any more parties.

well if your on a message group for them then theres a good possiblity that theres' locals who like to play and have those parties . heres to you getting future invites.

 

[welkin]

With safety in mind, perhaps you don't have to limit yourself to one kink club at school and venture out to some public parties where invitation is not needed.

 

[temp256]

The other problem is I'm no longer living in the city, and wouldn't have an easy way to get anywhere. I doubt there's anything in this tiny suburb.

 

[DVS]

I attended the party. I received some light flagellation on my backside, but beyond that no one seemed interested in me. I actually felt rather lonely more than anything. Sure there were several hot naked women suspended from the ceiling and being forced to orgasm repeatedly with vibrators while I took pictures of them, but they were the ones having all the fun, not me.

At my first munch, I got the same kind of cold shoulder. I don't understand why more groups don't have a special person to help the new people mix in with the regulars. Just simple introductions would be nice, but what you experienced happens a lot.

Don't take it personally. It's not you, personally. It's just that you are the new kid in the sandbox and right now, they don't trust you. Many of them have good reason to be timid with new people. Maybe their coworkers wouldn't understand their kinky side, or they have someone else they don't want to be outed to. Since you are the unknown, it will take them a while to warm up to you.

About 10 years ago in my city, Fred Phelps was picketing in front of any restaurant they knew was allowing munches. For a while, many groups thought they had moles in their group letting Phelps in on their hidden secrets so play parties were slim to none or very private. So, talk about cold shoulders to the new folks...you can imagine the looks I'd get at those parties.

Don't pressure them to like you. Just take it slow. In time, they will come around. And just like all people, there will be some who won't warm up to you. But, that will be their loss, not yours.

 

[DVS]

The other problem is I'm no longer living in the city, and wouldn't have an easy way to get anywhere. I doubt there's anything in this tiny suburb.

Google [munches in "insert your suburb here"]. You might be surprised.

 

[temp256]

Not a single hit on the search, or several variations of it.

It's hard not to take these things personally. A couple people at the kinky club made vague plans to meet up and build things with me, but when prompted, kept saying they didn't have the time. Then later they brag about playing with a girl who joined the club weeks after I did, who they somehow found time for. They don't even find the time to return messages from me.

 

[DVS]

There's kinky people all over. If you feel secure in telling the city and burg you live in, I'll do some searching. If you want, send it to me in a PM. And let me know how far you area willing to travel, in your area.

And you do understand that sex is a visual thing for many people, right? That doesn't make it a personal thing, just a physical thing. I've been rejected because I'm bald. I've also been rejected because of my age. It's a meat market out there and everybody is seeking prime rib!