How Fluid is Your Sexuality?

[SweetErika]

Somewhat recently, I've found myself moving into personally uncharted territory of the spectrum. I have some ideas why that might be, but I'm still honestly surprised because I've identified as basically being in one spot for so many years (and I was probably there before I recognized and admitted I was bi, too).

Between several recent stories in the news on "Later In Life Lesbians" and seeing a lot of women in my community say they're "done with men," I've been thinking about the fluidity of sexuality a whole lot of late. [Note: I know there are similar stories about men identifying differently; I'm just not as tapped into that part of the community.]

I'm not sure if I'm asking this the right way, but I guess I'm wondering if anyone here has experienced a fairly significant shift in their sexuality/orientation? For instance, I've previously only envisioned primary relationships with men, but now I can totally see myself having a primary female partner, and I'm currently more attracted to women than men in nearly every way, which is a pretty big shift for me. Have you ever, say, moved from the hetero side or feeling firmly bisexual, to the homosexual end? Or vice versa?

Is it fairly common to move along the spectrum throughout our lives?

If you've shifted yourself, would you care to share what brought such a change about, how you dealt with it and/or any other info you feel is pertinent to the topic of fluidity?

 

[Down_UnderKid]

could it be that been in a same sex relationship is considered more "normal" than it ever has been. 20 years ago things like been gay or liking someone from the oppposite sex was frowned upon by "regular" society ie catholic/christian beliefs. and insted of repressing those feelings, they become more of a focus in your eyes.

i dont want to play the celebrity card, but maybe since there are more openly gay celebrities the community as a whole seems to accecpt it more.

maybe you could be reaching a point in your life where u feel like you may have missed out on previous activities and are looking for something else.

thats how i see it i suppose

 

[DarkFantasyRose]

Somewhat recently, I've found myself moving into personally uncharted territory of the spectrum. I have some ideas why that might be, but I'm still honestly surprised because I've identified as basically being in one spot for so many years (and I was probably there before I recognized and admitted I was bi, too).

Between several recent stories in the news on "Later In Life Lesbians" and seeing a lot of women in my community say they're "done with men," I've been thinking about the fluidity of sexuality a whole lot of late. [Note: I know there are similar stories about men identifying differently; I'm just not as tapped into that part of the community.]

I'm not sure if I'm asking this the right way, but I guess I'm wondering if anyone here has experienced a fairly significant shift in their sexuality/orientation? For instance, I've previously only envisioned primary relationships with men, but now I can totally see myself having a primary female partner, and I'm currently more attracted to women than men in nearly every way, which is a pretty big shift for me. Have you ever, say, moved from the hetero side or feeling firmly bisexual, to the homosexual end? Or vice versa?

Is it fairly common to move along the spectrum throughout our lives?

If you've shifted yourself, would you care to share what brought such a change about, how you dealt with it and/or any other info you feel is pertinent to the topic of fluidity?

I started off thinking I was straight until I started talking about sleeping with another woman with my boyfriend at the time and then realised that far from it being something to excite him, it was actually something for me. He was abusive and I was so young I didn't know how to deal with it. I then went into a relationship with another couple (male and female) and for a few months we were inseparable then after that relationship finished I stayed with the girl. I had a few more girlfriends after that as the demons from previous relationships with men were slowly being dealt with, then went back into a relationship with a guy that included a threesome with a friend before going back to men. Don't get me wrong, I still find women incredibly sexy and I have a very sexy female friend who I flirt with and I know we'd get together if we both weren't already in relationships.

I think with me it was because I never fully trusted men after being abused and women were gentler and softer and caring- and I love boobs! I have a fantastic hubby now that knows about my past and is helping me deal with things but yeah, a hot woman still turns my head!

Sorry, I just re-read all that and it's kinda all over the place. It's a confusing place sometimes in my head.

xxxx

 

[infinity706]

I'm not really sure I've changed all that much. Of course, I'm only 25. I'm not really sure there's much room to shift when you're pansexual and frequently described as "would fuck anything that holds still long enough," though. Honestly, my sexual standard is: 1 Would this person want to have sex with me? and 2 Is it likely to cause any major issues if I have sex with this person? It's basically the same standard I have for friendships. Even as far as porn, where I could pick anything I want, it's more fetish of the day than the participants.

The only difference is that I've had physical sex with far more men than women. Of course, if you count heavy flirting, cyber sex, phone sex, etc. it's pretty equal. The biggest factor is, honestly, the fact that it's far easier for 2 men or 2 women to get some alone time without any rumors flying.

Now, as far as romantic relationships, I have both men and women on the list.

 

[DarkBee]

I only want a relationship with a woman, but when in bed I'm not that picky (kinda curious how it's like to be fucked or even fisted anally).

 

[hottchic]

Somewhat recently, I've found myself moving into personally uncharted territory of the spectrum. I have some ideas why that might be, but I'm still honestly surprised because I've identified as basically being in one spot for so many years (and I was probably there before I recognized and admitted I was bi, too).

Between several recent stories in the news on "Later In Life Lesbians" and seeing a lot of women in my community say they're "done with men," I've been thinking about the fluidity of sexuality a whole lot of late. [Note: I know there are similar stories about men identifying differently; I'm just not as tapped into that part of the community.]

I'm not sure if I'm asking this the right way, but I guess I'm wondering if anyone here has experienced a fairly significant shift in their sexuality/orientation? For instance, I've previously only envisioned primary relationships with men, but now I can totally see myself having a primary female partner, and I'm currently more attracted to women than men in nearly every way, which is a pretty big shift for me. Have you ever, say, moved from the hetero side or feeling firmly bisexual, to the homosexual end? Or vice versa?

Is it fairly common to move along the spectrum throughout our lives?

If you've shifted yourself, would you care to share what brought such a change about, how you dealt with it and/or any other info you feel is pertinent to the topic of fluidity?

I would say I am alot more fluid sexually than I used to be in all directions, transgender, sexual preferrance and polyamory. I am not really sure I have changed much inside, it seems to be more about having more understanding of who I really am.

 

[CuriousLisa1980]

Somewhat recently, I've found myself moving into personally uncharted territory of the spectrum. I have some ideas why that might be, but I'm still honestly surprised because I've identified as basically being in one spot for so many years (and I was probably there before I recognized and admitted I was bi, too).

Between several recent stories in the news on "Later In Life Lesbians" and seeing a lot of women in my community say they're "done with men," I've been thinking about the fluidity of sexuality a whole lot of late. [Note: I know there are similar stories about men identifying differently; I'm just not as tapped into that part of the community.]

I'm not sure if I'm asking this the right way, but I guess I'm wondering if anyone here has experienced a fairly significant shift in their sexuality/orientation? For instance, I've previously only envisioned primary relationships with men, but now I can totally see myself having a primary female partner, and I'm currently more attracted to women than men in nearly every way, which is a pretty big shift for me. Have you ever, say, moved from the hetero side or feeling firmly bisexual, to the homosexual end? Or vice versa?

Is it fairly common to move along the spectrum throughout our lives?

If you've shifted yourself, would you care to share what brought such a change about, how you dealt with it and/or any other info you feel is pertinent to the topic of fluidity?

I feel the same way!! I'm not sure if it is due to my hatred for my not soon enough, to be exhusband (we seperated recently) and the years of being treated poorly from him, or just that I have always found women attractive.
Lately I have been wanting women more and more!! I find myself fantasizing when I'm awake, and having very vivid erotic dreams in my sleep. I catch myself checking out other women like I used to check out men.

 

[RedheadedHaze]

My -personal- belief is that all sexuality is based on a sliding scale and can shift given situations, circumstances, personal history, etc. I believe that everyone garners *some* iota of bisexuality b/c they would never be able to recognize the attractive qualities of the same sex. All relationships require some kind of chemistry and attraction to exist, even if they're purely platonic.

I also think that the qualities one may find attractive in the same/opposite sex are often internal and less external. Thus, I fall in love with people. Not sexual orientation.

That's just me, though and my crazy hypothesis. I don't get hung up on labels or stereotypes or outer shells. And I find the older I get, the more I rebuke even many of the convictions I myself had about a certain type of person hither and tither.

So, to answer your question in the short, yes, I absolutely believe in the fluidity of sexuality and that it's an ever shifting, changing thing.

If you open yourself to that belief, it certainly resolves a lot of the fear and loathing that many people stumble upon when trying to put a name on how they subscribe to their orientation.

Wishing you the best in your personal journey....and it is very much that for every individual.

~Red

 

[sunandshadow]

The hormones in one's body can affect one's sexuality. Bodily hormone balance changes due to puberty, pregnancy, menopause, taking birth control pills, eating a large amount of soy, stress, illness, etc. In a book on bisexuality that I read about 10 years ago several bisexuals interviewed said their sexuality had shifted noticeably between their 20s and their 50s.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

I have considered myself queer since age 15, more than 20 years ago. The only major changes have happened in the past 5 years~ when after years of trying to fit into what I considered the more *normal* end of the spectrum, I said to hell with this and started dealing with women only.

The shift wasn't internal, as I have ALWAYS been more attracted to women, ALWAYS been more hurt by women, ALWAYS held a higher standard of what I expected women TO BE. (Hell my first long term relationship in high school was a female.) So, I never doubted my queerness, never doubted my sexuality. Just felt like the more I tried to fit the mold of hetero, the worse I needed a woman. Til it got the point where I felt like~I bred, I did my duty for the world, had some kidlets....I TRIED it your way, it sucked. Now, I am just gonna do me.

I do think that sexuality can flow and does move about, whether internal or external. I just don't think (for myself) that i changed internally. I believe that I have always been this way but it wasn't until recently that I said no more trying with guys to make me fit in....I prefer women, I love women. Period.

(Only odd thing is~I still like the LOOK of men, I still prefer MEN for serious conversations and friendship. I assumed that would change once I came fully into being who I always was~a boi, a Daddi. It hasn't though)

 

[Safe_Bet]

My -personal- belief is that all sexuality is based on a sliding scale and can shift given situations, circumstances, personal history, etc. I believe that everyone garners *some* iota of bisexuality b/c they would never be able to recognize the attractive qualities of the same sex. All relationships require some kind of chemistry and attraction to exist, even if they're purely platonic.

I also think that the qualities one may find attractive in the same/opposite sex are often internal and less external. Thus, I fall in love with people. Not sexual orientation.

That's just me, though and my crazy hypothesis. I don't get hung up on labels or stereotypes or outer shells. And I find the older I get, the more I rebuke even many of the convictions I myself had about a certain type of person hither and tither.

So, to answer your question in the short, yes, I absolutely believe in the fluidity of sexuality and that it's an ever shifting, changing thing.

If you open yourself to that belief, it certainly resolves a lot of the fear and loathing that many people stumble upon when trying to put a name on how they subscribe to their orientation.

Wishing you the best in your personal journey....and it is very much that for every individual.

~Red

Uh, no. Sorry but there ARE hard 1's and 5's on the K Scale. Also please don't confuse associating or even "liking" a guy with wanting to EVER have sex with him. They are completely different things and I think you are under-rating the scope of "friendship" and over-rating the range of "sexuality" when you do so, IMO.

The hormones in one's body can affect one's sexuality. Bodily hormone balance changes due to puberty, pregnancy, menopause, taking birth control pills, eating a large amount of soy, stress, illness, etc. In a book on bisexuality that I read about 10 years ago several bisexuals interviewed said their sexuality had shifted noticeably between their 20s and their 50s.

Yeah, It's called maturity!

I have considered myself queer since age 15, more than 20 years ago. The only major changes have happened in the past 5 years~ when after years of trying to fit into what I considered the more *normal* end of the spectrum, I said to hell with this and started dealing with women only.

The shift wasn't internal, as I have ALWAYS been more attracted to women, ALWAYS been more hurt by women, ALWAYS held a higher standard of what I expected women TO BE. (Hell my first long term relationship in high school was a female.) So, I never doubted my queerness, never doubted my sexuality. Just felt like the more I tried to fit the mold of hetero, the worse I needed a woman. Til it got the point where I felt like~I bred, I did my duty for the world, had some kidlets....I TRIED it your way, it sucked. Now, I am just gonna do me.

I do think that sexuality can flow and does move about, whether internal or external. I just don't think (for myself) that i changed internally. I believe that I have always been this way but it wasn't until recently that I said no more trying with guys to make me fit in....I prefer women, I love women. Period.

(Only odd thing is~I still like the LOOK of men, I still prefer MEN for serious conversations and friendship. I assumed that would change once I came fully into being who I always was~a boi, a Daddi. It hasn't though)

No worries, hon! No need to "I am just gonna do me"! There's a bunch of us who will gladly "do" you!

Also what you obviously need is a Butch Daddy! Some strong, confident dyke at whose feet you can kneel while you look up at her adoringing (after you've cooked her dinner and cleanened her house first of course)

 

[RedheadedHaze]

Uh, no. Sorry but there ARE hard 1's and 5's on the K Scale. Also please don't confuse associating or even "liking" a guy with wanting to EVER have sex with him. They are completely different things and I think you are under-rating the scope of "friendship" and over-rating the range of "sexuality" when you do so, IMO.

Note my emphasis on those being my -personal- beliefs/opinions and crazy hypotheses. But I get what you're saying.

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks to all who have contributed thus far. I'm finding your thoughts and experiences very interesting.

Does anyone think that fluidity in some bisexuals gives credence to the idea of some people that we're "fence-sitters" or "really in denial" or "just confused" regarding who we are and what we're looking for?

 

[infinity706]

I've, personally never heard bisexuality described as fence sitting or confusion other than on the internet. The popular opinion here is that it's an excuse to act like a whore. It actually is pretty accurate here, in many cases, though. I know quite a few bi people that claim to be straight as a cover for discreetly racking up quite a few same sex partners.

 

[Safe_Bet]

Thanks to all who have contributed thus far. I'm finding your thoughts and experiences very interesting.

Does anyone think that fluidity in some bisexuals gives credence to the idea of some people that we're "fence-sitters" or "really in denial" or "just confused" regarding who we are and what we're looking for?

The term I heard today (and that I thought was funny as hell) was "Tourists".



As for the "denial" & "fence-sitter" thing I'm sure that there are a lot of queer dudes and chicks that "say" they are "only" bi while they are learning who they are really are. No major problem with that though. If saying you're bi makes for an easier transition then more power to them.

That said, I DO NOT think that EVERY bi chick is really a dyke ready to dash back into the closet. Being "really" bi is every bit as real as being "really" queer or straight.

I think that if there is animosity that you are sensing it's aimed more at the bi chicks who let a queer chick know that she's bi AFTER she has sex (and that she is going back to her husband/boyfriend/SO).

So no problems with being "really" bi, "confused" or "in transition", just be freakin' honest about it BEFOREHAND, K? (cuz some of us don't dig being bi "by proxy", ya dig?)

 

[RedheadedHaze]

The term I heard today (and that I thought was funny as hell) was "Tourists".



As for the "denial" & "fence-sitter" thing I'm sure that there are a lot of queer dudes and chicks that "say" they are "only" bi while they are learning who they are really are. No major problem with that though. If saying you're bi makes for an easier transition then more power to them.

That said, I DO NOT think that EVERY bi chick is really a dyke ready to dash back into the closet. Being "really" bi is every bit as real as being "really" queer or straight.

I think that if there is animosity that you are sensing it's aimed more at the bi chicks who let a queer chick know that she's bi AFTER she has sex (and that she is going back to her husband/boyfriend/SO).

So no problems with being "really" bi, "confused" or "in transition", just be freakin' honest about it BEFOREHAND, K? (cuz some of us don't dig being bi "by proxy", ya dig?)

I agree with the woman on that Q&A.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

No worries, hon! No need to "I am just gonna do me"! There's a bunch of us who will gladly "do" you!

Also what you obviously need is a Butch Daddy! Some strong, confident dyke at whose feet you can kneel while you look up at her adoringing (after you've cooked her dinner and cleanened her house first of course)

*cracks up* You SOOOOOO need a friggin hug. I am THE daddi in my house. Soft butch and dyke enough that OTHER'S do the kneeling thing. (Hell my kidlets do the cooking and cleaning in my house. I earn the money and hand out punishment....THAT is my job!!!)

I've, personally never heard bisexuality described as fence sitting or confusion other than on the internet. The popular opinion here is that it's an excuse to act like a whore. It actually is pretty accurate here, in many cases, though. I know quite a few bi people that claim to be straight as a cover for discreetly racking up quite a few same sex partners.

That makes me ill. Even when i considered myself 'bi' I wasn't a fan of stepping out or doing it secretly. My children's father knew, my girl friends knew. (And I stayed away from pure lesbians BECAUSE I felt it would be disrespectful as FUCK to allow them to pleasure me in any way~while I was dealing with a man.)

The term I heard today (and that I thought was funny as hell) was "Tourists".



As for the "denial" & "fence-sitter" thing I'm sure that there are a lot of queer dudes and chicks that "say" they are "only" bi while they are learning who they are really are. No major problem with that though. If saying you're bi makes for an easier transition then more power to them.

That said, I DO NOT think that EVERY bi chick is really a dyke ready to dash back into the closet. Being "really" bi is every bit as real as being "really" queer or straight.

I think that if there is animosity that you are sensing it's aimed more at the bi chicks who let a queer chick know that she's bi AFTER she has sex (and that she is going back to her husband/boyfriend/SO).

So no problems with being "really" bi, "confused" or "in transition", just be freakin' honest about it BEFOREHAND, K? (cuz some of us don't dig being bi "by proxy", ya dig?)

And Amy's statement proves that I did it the right way~all the way around.

*GO ME!!!!*

 

[amyforfun]

I am not sure how to answer. I like to cum and make others cum. If it is a man in my bed, great; a woman, great; a couple...well you get the idea. I do go through phases though, but I think it is more hormonal than anything.

 

[Safe_Bet]

*cracks up* You SOOOOOO need a friggin hug. I am THE daddi in my house. Soft butch and dyke enough that OTHER'S do the kneeling thing. (Hell my kidlets do the cooking and cleaning in my house. I earn the money and hand out punishment....THAT is my job!!!)


That makes me ill. Even when i considered myself 'bi' I wasn't a fan of stepping out or doing it secretly. My children's father knew, my girl friends knew. (And I stayed away from pure lesbians BECAUSE I felt it would be disrespectful as FUCK to allow them to pleasure me in any way~while I was dealing with a man.)

Pffffft! If you ever ended up with a REAL Butch Dyke Daddy you wouldn't be allowed up on your knees (to look up adoringly) until after "snetraM .rD" was embossed into the back of your neck!

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Pffffft! If you ever ended up with a REAL Butch Dyke Daddy you wouldn't be allowed up on your knees (to look up adoringly) until after "snetraM .rD" was embossed into the back of your neck!

*Dies giggling*

I don't WANT a REAL Butch Dyke Daddy!! (Ok I want Stella, does she count??) And I be damned if I am looking up adoringly...not gonna happen, more than likely Ima be looking up anyway (hell Amy I AM only 5 feet tall, gimme a break!!!) but on my knees? Only if I have hot wet tightness gripping fingers and tongue for however long that lasts...

*smirks*

(My Doc's and Timberlands are size 5.5 but they are HAWT!!!)

 

[Nikki31]

As someone who can relate to many of the posts above, I really appreciate this thread and would love to chat with you all.

 

[infinity706]

That makes me ill. Even when i considered myself 'bi' I wasn't a fan of stepping out or doing it secretly. My children's father knew, my girl friends knew. (And I stayed away from pure lesbians BECAUSE I felt it would be disrespectful as FUCK to allow them to pleasure me in any way~while I was dealing with a man.)

I don't mean they cheated on anyone. I mean hiding it from the general public. It's way easier to do that when you're fucking same sex people.

I'd say you probably missed out on a lot of fun lesbians that wouldn't have given a shit whether you liked guys or not. Being strictly clitly doesn't have to involve guy bashing.

 

[Safe_Bet]

I don't mean they cheated on anyone. I mean hiding it from the general public. It's way easier to do that when you're fucking same sex people.

I'd say you probably missed out on a lot of fun lesbians that wouldn't have given a shit whether you liked guys or not. Being strictly clitly doesn't have to involve guy bashing.

And you are basing this opinion on exactly what, dude?

The woman showed respect for people's preferred sexuality and choices. She did that based upon her own knowledge and involvement in lesbian culture. That is something I'm guessing you don't have a lot of experience with.

Why don't you show HER some respect and stop disagreeing with things you know nothing about.


P.S. Oh, and not wanting to fuck you isn't exactly "guy bashing" (unless you're 16 y.o. punk posting on a porn board, of course )

 

[girlsmiley]

*Dies giggling*

I don't WANT a REAL Butch Dyke Daddy!! (Ok I want Stella, does she count??) And I be damned if I am looking up adoringly...not gonna happen, more than likely Ima be looking up anyway (hell Amy I AM only 5 feet tall, gimme a break!!!) but on my knees? Only if I have hot wet tightness gripping fingers and tongue for however long that lasts...

*smirks*

(My Doc's and Timberlands are size 5.5 but they are HAWT!!!)

I want Stella, too!

That woman is like unobtanium!!! A highly valuable female found on the moon Pandora

 

[scriptordelecto]

I want Stella, too!

That woman is like unobtanium!!! A highly valuable female found on the moon Pandora

*snortgigglespew*


Agreed!