early weeks of new lifestlye

[Brand_New_Dom28]

hey all, My fantacy of being in a Dom/Sub relationship has finnaly come true, I met someone who as of last week has begun a new lifestlye with me being her Dom.

Both of us are relativly new to this kinda lifestyle. In these beggining weeks I've been working on her to be more and more submissive to me. the thought of using physical punishment on my sub is something i never wanted to do. I've been using other methods such as taking away things she enjoys, or letting her know im upset, when she disobeys or shows lack of submission.

Things have been going great, my question is, can true submission really take place without the use of some sort of Physical punishment along the way? Any thoughts? thanks

 

[CutieMouse]

First off, I will warn you that terms like "true submission" are hot buttons around here. There is no such beastie outside of folklore.

My *personal* opinion of physical punishment is that it's only necessary when both parties decide it needs to be a part of their dynamic. There are those who have a genuine need for punishment in order to feel absolution; for those people a punishment dynamic would be a good thing.

As for the necessity of physical punishment - again, it would depend on the individuals, but I can't really think of a reason why a D/s relationship would NEED to include physical punishment [outside of the individual's desires for such].

 

[midwestyankee]

First off, I will warn you that terms like "true submission" are hot buttons around here. There is no such beastie outside of folklore.

My *personal* opinion of physical punishment is that it's only necessary when both parties decide it needs to be a part of their dynamic. There are those who have a genuine need for punishment in order to feel absolution; for those people a punishment dynamic would be a good thing.

As for the necessity of physical punishment - again, it would depend on the individuals, but I can't really think of a reason why a D/s relationship would NEED to include physical punishment [outside of the individual's desires for such].

Word.

What matters most in maintaining the dynamic that you've set up is to understand what triggers the desired responses from each of you. Physical punishment will only improve your relationship if it's essential to both of your needs. If not, then it will destroy the relationship.

Your choice.

 

[SyncereLeeYours]

this is interesting..mind sharing your progression with her!!! and how you've managed to achieve what you define as true submission..and yes that is a red hot button, you'll attract all the bad beasts roaming around in here lol.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Hey all, my fantasy of being in a Dom/Sub relationship has finally come true. I met someone who as of last week has begun a new lifestlye with me being her Dom.

Both of us are relatively new to this kind of lifestyle. In these beginning weeks I've been working on her to be more and more submissive to me. The thought of using physical punishment on my sub is something I never wanted to do. I've been using other methods such as taking away things she enjoys, or letting her know I'm upset, when she disobeys or shows lack of submission.

Things have been going great. My question is, can true submission really take place without the use of some sort of physical punishment along the way? Any thoughts? Thanks.

1.) This is Literotica, where the size of your polysyllable matters. For Cod's sake, you have to know that your spelling and punctuation usage are less than impeccable, but you can at least use a spell-checker, and try to write in complete (not run-on) sentences.

2.) Regarding the substance of your inquiry: Every D/s relationship - hell, every relationship, period - is different. The degree and circumstances of her submission (and your dominance) depend on the needs of the two of you. The type(s) of consequence for "unacceptable behavior" on her part depend(s) on what works for both of you. Try discussing the subject with your partner, and see how each of you, and the two of you together, feel about it. As I've said repeatedly in other threads regarding beginning relationships, the most important thing you can do to make it work is

communicate, CoMmUnIcAtE, COMMUNI-freakin'-CATE!

Good luck.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Whoo boy, I'm staying out of this one. Just dropped in to say that.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Taking away nice things is definitely the suckiest punishment.

 

[Brand_New_Dom28]

Thanks for the responces.

She often fails do to forgetfulness. I have cancled dinner reservations, taken away her Soda which she loves to drink for a time period, and other such disciplines.

Yesterday she showed great signs of progress and desire to obey, I was so happy for my sub. I let her know how pleased i was with her last night, and this morning i gave her a few new things i will be expecting from her.

I think this relationship can work without using physical pain, which I'm excited about.

 

[LyndiLou]

Oh wow. You're my opposite, only I don't find the "physical punishment" to be a bad thing

I really am interested to see how things with you and your girl progress. Please, do keep us posted!

 

[CurvAppeal]

1.) This is Literotica, where the size of your polysyllable matters. For Cod's sake, you have to know that your spelling and punctuation usage are less than impeccable, but you can at least use a spell-checker, and try to write in complete (not run-on) sentences.

2.) Regarding the substance of your inquiry: Every D/s relationship - hell, every relationship, period - is different. The degree and circumstances of her submission (and your dominance) depend on the needs of the two of you. The type(s) of consequence for "unacceptable behavior" on her part depend(s) on what works for both of you. Try discussing the subject with your partner, and see how each of you, and the two of you together, feel about it. As I've said repeatedly in other threads regarding beginning relationships, the most important thing you can do to make it work is

communicate, CoMmUnIcAtE, COMMUNI-freakin'-CATE!

Good luck.

Amen.

Everyone and their kinks and their limits will always be different. What have may worked with the pervious sub (I noticed you are fairly new at this so you might not have any subs before this girl) may not work with this girl. You must come to a happy medium, a medium that works the best for both of you. If you have great communication with one another, you'll get farther in the relationship than you would without.

Be easy, take things slow, get to know each other. Do not rush into anything. The more you take time the more successful a relationship will be. =)

 

[CutieMouse]

Thanks for the responces.

She often fails due to forgetfulness. I have canceled dinner reservations, taken away her Soda (which she loves to drink) for a time period, and other such disciplines.

Yesterday she showed great signs of progress and desire to obey; I was so happy for my sub. I let her know how pleased I was with her last night, and this morningIi gave her a few new things i will be expecting from her.

I think this relationship can work without using physical pain, which I'm excited about.

If she's consistently forgetting things (rules/etc, I presume?), it might be worth considering if you're introducing too many variables at once. It takes time to learn new habits. What sorts of things is she forgetting?

 

[Brand_New_Dom28]

we have two safe words, she confused them. One is to stop a command I made. One is to stop the dom/sub lifestyle.

She also was given for small tasks, she forgot one which was to make a little closet space for my clothes, since I was comming to visit.

One of the task was to get a notebook to keep things written so she wouldn't forget. She eventually got the book but already forgot what I've mentioned.

She's trying... I'll keep updating.

 

[CurvAppeal]

we have two safe words, she confused them. One is to stop a command I made. One is to stop the dom/sub lifestyle.

She also was given for small tasks, she forgot one which was to make a little closet space for my clothes, since I was comming to visit.

One of the task was to get a notebook to keep things written so she wouldn't forget. She eventually got the book but already forgot what I've mentioned.

She's trying... I'll keep updating.

She sounds a lot like me when I first started as a sub, I forgot almost EVERYTHING. It was a 1 2 3 strike with the ex Dom...I hit my second strike and he told me to go buy a notebook and planner so I can write things down. I am a lot less forgetful since, which has helped me have better relationships, as well in all aspects of life.

 

[CutieMouse]

we have two safe words, she confused them. One is to stop a command I made. One is to stop the dom/sub lifestyle.

Make it simpler.

She also was given four small tasks, she forgot one which was to make a little closet space for my clothes, since I was coming to visit.

Okay, so maybe this is a clue that what you consider to be "four small tasks" weren't really "four small tasks"? For example, if my lover asked for closet space, I'd be happy to oblige; however, given that I have one small closet and one antique wardrobe, [for me] that means sorting my entire seasonal wardrobe, deciding what could realistically be put into off-season storage, and deciding if his desire for closet space overruled my desire to safely hang/store/have access to my collection of vintage lingerie [which he happens to enjoy me wearing]. "Make a little closet space" = 4+ hours of work on wardrobe space, on top of cleaning house [for his visit], cooking his favorite food, working full time, etc.

One of the task was to get a notebook to keep things written so she wouldn't forget. She eventually got the book but already forgot what I've mentioned.

She's trying... I'll keep updating.

Again - if you have so many rules/whatevers this early in the relationship that she has to keep a notebook/list - you're probably introducing too many new things at once.

 

[Brand_New_Dom28]

The other two tasks: 1. Find out your ring size. We decided to havr her wear a ring in place of a collar.
2. Make some space in the living room for my computer. To let her know I want a long relationship, I decided to leave my desktop at her house.

I gave her 7 days to complete four tasks. I didn't load up on her.

 

[CutieMouse]

The other two tasks: 1. Find out your ring size. We decided to havr her wear a ring in place of a collar.
2. Make some space in the living room for my computer. To let her know I want a long relationship, I decided to leave my desktop at her house.

I gave her 7 days to complete four tasks. I didn't load up on her.

And again- that might not be overwhelming or a lot for you, but it might be overwhelming or a lot *to her*. If I was a few weeks into a D/s relationship and a guy was asking for space in *my home*, and talking about collars [ring in lieu of], odds are quite good I wouldn't bother doing those things either - because I don't move that quickly.* I'd also be seriously pissed if anyone decided I needed to be punished for not completing the "tasks".

One of the reasons I'm not a fan of punishment dynamics, is that IMO it can become easier to focus on the surface issue (I told her to make closet space and she didn't), and possibly miss the deeper stuff (are you both on the same page re: partially moving into her home after only a few weeks).

* It should be noted that I'm old. And grumpy. And cautious as hell with relationships. So I very well could be waaaaaaaaaaay off here. lol

 

[catalina_francisco]

Cutie Mouse has a lot of good advice here, but I also want to add another view....could it just be your pyl is someone who has a bad memory at the best of times, or could even have a medically based reason (eg. stress; medical condition) which impacts on memory?

I used to have a photographic memory, and also up until a couple of years ago, an overall incredible memory to the point as a counsellor I never needed to take notes, and still never forgot one detail of a session with any of my many clients....now though, due to a number of factors I have gone from that to forgetting anything and everything, right down to having instances of forgetting my name, how to get home from my usual weekly grocery shopping, driving around 2 corners from our home (less than 2 minutes in the car) and not knowing where I am or where I am going, getting up to get a drink and wondering why I got up. It is frustrating for both of us to say the least, but everyone's memory is different and for some remembering simple things has always been an issue. There are sometimes steps you can take to help improve memory (but punishing in these circumstances can impact on the problem), or it might be that you have just picked someone who habitually forgets things. As always, perhaps it needs more communicating between the two of you to find out why it happens.

Catalina