Committed Relationships and BDSM?

[LittleMisssubmissive]

So, I was just being my bored little self and was browsing through the threads, when something caught my attention. I noticed that there were many married women talking about having a D/s type of relationship while committed to someone else. I mean no disrespect at all I'm just curios as to how something like that works. What was your partners reaction when you told him? Are there any major problems with these relationships? And anything else you'd like to answer.

I'm still fairly new to this lifestyle but am trying to learn. Which brings me to my happy thoughts ^-^ I believe that I may have found a Dom to take me under his wing through the D/s relationship. Cross your fingers!

 

[ImOnIt]

What was your partners reaction when you told him? !

I imagine that for most it is decided or negotiated and THEN commenced. You know, between adults.

 

[LittleMisssubmissive]

I imagine that for most it is decided or negotiated and THEN commenced. You know, between adults.

with this meaning what?

Maybe I'm taking it the wrong way but I was simply asking a question that I was curious about. No need to be a smart ass.

 

[ImOnIt]

I answer your question

What was your partners reaction when you told him?

, it might not be that the partner was 'told', but instead consulted.

For many, cheating is a dealbreaker. An open or non-standard relationship is negotiated.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I am very happily married in a vanilla-ish slighty kinky but not BDSMy marriage. I am also in a D/s relationship with another man.

My marriage is about 25 yrs old, my D/s relationship about 6 yrs old. At this point there are no problems at all. Hubby and Daddy don't interact with each too often but when they do they get along extremely well.

I was looking for a dominant when I met Daddy. I was just playing on a sex-related site and he and I hit it off. I told hubby right away that I met someone interesting. Hubby already had allowed me to date/have occasional hook-ups etc with some standard rules in place. So my relationship with Daddy started out like that. As it evolved I learned he was a dominant and I learned more about BDSM and my own submissive nature.

After I committed to being owned I told hubby. He was concerned about my safety. We talked about it. As time went on and I continued to come home alive and happy Hubby relaxed. He still doesn't like the fact that a man hits me, but he accepts what it means to me.

The whole situation works extremely well for us.

 

[Primalex]

Which brings me to my happy thoughts ^-^ I believe that I may have found a Dom to take me under his wing through the D/s relationship. Cross your fingers!

But maybe he is a serial killer or turns you into a psychological wreck - wouldn't it be better that we don't cross our fingers then?

 

[catalina_francisco]

So, I was just being my bored little self and was browsing through the threads, when something caught my attention. I noticed that there were many married women talking about having a D/s type of relationship while committed to someone else. I mean no disrespect at all I'm just curios as to how something like that works. What was your partners reaction when you told him? Are there any major problems with these relationships? And anything else you'd like to answer.

I'm still fairly new to this lifestyle but am trying to learn. Which brings me to my happy thoughts ^-^ I believe that I may have found a Dom to take me under his wing through the D/s relationship. Cross your fingers!

So are you asking about the situation of married women pursuing another relationship because that is where you are at and want either tips on how to make it work in general; how to make it acceptable to your present partner so you are free to do your thing with someone else; or because you need some validation? I am a little confused as the last part of your post came across as unrelated in that you find yourself dabbling, but don't mention a present vanilla partner, but given the first part, it made me wonder if this was what you were really asking for. If you are clearer, you will likely find all you want and more, here.

Catalina

 

[Etoile]

So, I was just being my bored little self and was browsing through the threads, when something caught my attention. I noticed that there were many married women talking about having a D/s type of relationship while committed to someone else. I mean no disrespect at all I'm just curios as to how something like that works. What was your partners reaction when you told him? Are there any major problems with these relationships? And anything else you'd like to answer.

I'm still fairly new to this lifestyle but am trying to learn. Which brings me to my happy thoughts ^-^ I believe that I may have found a Dom to take me under his wing through the D/s relationship. Cross your fingers!

I'm a little confused. You saw that here? Or in BDSM Personals? Most of us around here, at least I think, are in committed relationships that ARE D/s.

 

[infinity706]

Yeah, I don't remember encountering that particular situation in the BDSM section, either.

Of course, in my case, it would be multiple relationships with both sexes, possibly involving D/s, with widely varying commitment levels. In my case, it's no different than having a whole lot friends. I just happen to have sex with a large number of them as well as other people that may or may not later become friends.

 

[rida]

So, I was just being my bored little self and was browsing through the threads, when something caught my attention. I noticed that there were many married women talking about having a D/s type of relationship while committed to someone else. I mean no disrespect at all I'm just curios as to how something like that works. What was your partners reaction when you told him? Are there any major problems with these relationships? And anything else you'd like to answer.

I'm still fairly new to this lifestyle but am trying to learn. Which brings me to my happy thoughts ^-^ I believe that I may have found a Dom to take me under his wing through the D/s relationship. Cross your fingers!

I'm married and my marriage is open. Hubby knows anything he wishes to know about my other relationships and because he loves me, he worries about my well being, and also give me advices and guidance when I need it.
No problems there with telling him anything, but I still am mindful not to go overboard with sharing, when he actually does not care to know.


From your OP and questions, I gather that: 1) you are married, 2) considering entering into a D/s relationship with someone else, 3) considering telling your Husband.

The way your husband will take the news depend on the agreements on which your marriage is based. If it was strict monogamy and total honesty, I would suggest talking with him before you start your outside D/s relationship.
But if your marriage is open, just make sure when you tell your husband to make sure he does not feel as if you are wanting to replace him. Make sure he understand his place is not being compromised. And you make sure that you don't get caught up too much in NRE (new relationship energy) and end up ignoring your husband in favor of the new Dom.
And lastly, if you have a "don't ask, don't tell" type of marriage, why do you want to tell him?

Just my 2yen.

 

[roomfor1more]

The situation you are describing amounts to, in my opinion, an form of an open relationship. Open relationships can work, for some couples, but for those who do try an open relationship it can lead to problems due to a variety of issues such as jealousy or communication breaking down. This means for it to work the couple must be willing to invest the time, be willing to discuss issues as they come up, are able to communicate, and are able to mange their emotions so that they do not ruin the relationship. Essentially this will lead to boundaries being established and having those boundaries reviewed along with regular discussions about what is happening. If as a couple you are committed making an open relationship work then there should it should be worth trying.

 

[marieR19]

I answer your question , it might not be that the partner was 'told', but instead consulted.

For many, cheating is a dealbreaker. An open or non-standard relationship is negotiated.

I think this really says it all. The OP said "What was your partners reaction when you told him?", and to that, I would say, the most likely response would be anger, hurt, betrayal, and possible leaving.

Open relationships are not "told", they are discussed. Openly, in advance, with both parties needing to agree before anything is done. Otherwise, it's just cheating.

 

[redheadedtxn]

If all parties involved (husband, wife, Dominant, submissive,) are AWARE and comfortable then hey! party on.

If there are secrets and sneaking and hiding and lying?
Well.....not good.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Seems we failed to give the correct answers.....OP never came back after the first post.

Catalina