Ladies, help: What do I(domme) wear to my first play party?

[Lady_In_Black]

I'm attending my first play party tomorrow night. It's a women only event and I was instructed to wear black or fetish, then as a side note, was told to make sure I wear something "dommy"(PYL) so as not mistaken as a submissive(pyl) (which I am not.)

Now, I'm new to the actual social aspect of BDSM, and aside from two munches, this is my first event, and it's all women. I think I have something that will look alright, but I'm incredibly nervous. And it's other women, so...the "Do I look alright?!" aspect is making me nervous.

Here is what I had in mind: Black 14 eyelet Docs, black jeans, and this top.

Is this "dommy" enough? How does one dress as a PYL as apposed to dressing like a pyl?

 

[BiBunny]

I'm attending my first play party tomorrow night. It's a women only event and I was instructed to wear black or fetish, then as a side note, was told to make sure I wear something "dommy"(PYL) so as not mistaken as a submissive(pyl) (which I am not.)

Ugh. That sounds vile.

Now, I'm new to the actual social aspect of BDSM, and aside from two munches, this is my first event, and it's all women. I think I have something that will look alright, but I'm incredibly nervous. And it's other women, so...the "Do I look alright?!" aspect is making me nervous.

I can understand that, but I'd be damned if I'd dress like someone else told me to just because they had a certain way in mind that dominants should dress. You're the dominant one; wear what you want. It shouldn't be hard to set other people straight if they make a mistake.

Here is what I had in mind: Black 14 eyelet Docs, black jeans, and this top.

The top is cute.

Is this "dommy" enough? How does one dress as a PYL as apposed to dressing like a pyl?

Personally, I wouldn't give a damn if it were "domly" enough or not. If it was what I wanted to wear, I'd wear it, and everyone else could kiss my ass.

You'll look great, whatever you choose. Hope you have a good time!

 

[Lady_In_Black]

What if I wear the naked pelt of a submissive fastened about my shoulders with a golden pin in the shape of a miniature flogger?

I just want to be taken seriously!

 

[ImOnIt]

Wear a baggy comfortable hoody and track pants. Carry either mace or a mace. Apply weapon liberally to anyone who judges based on dress.

Draw a sad face with either blood or tears (weapon dependant) on their forehead as they writhe.

 

[YourCaptor]

Fuck em all and wear a white suit.

 

[switchbitch]

I choose according to how the clothes make me feel:does it make me put on my strut?Do I have ease of movement to comfortably swing a flogger?Do I like what I see in the mirror?
Fuck convention does it make you feel good?

 

[CutieMouse]

Personal pet peeve - people being told that Dominants/submissives are supposed to dress or look a certain way.

What would YOU wear if there weren't any "rules"?

 

[ImOnIt]

Personal pet peeve - people being told that Dominants/submissives are supposed to dress or look a certain way.

What would YOU wear if there weren't any "rules"?

If you're so submissive then why are you tall?

 

[CutieMouse]

If you're so submissive then why are you tall?

I know. Epic fail, right?

DAMN YOU GENETICS!!!!!

*shakes fist at the sky*

 

[Netzach]

What makes you feel powerful? Wear that. Since people are kind of obtuse, I usually do wear black, but I would anyway.

I've been on a suit kick myself, so I'll often wear what I'd wear to a meeting to an event.

That's very lovely and sexy, but I hope you've bought it because you're in love with it.

 

[Keroin]

What would YOU wear if there weren't any "rules"?

This is a most excellent question.


And I shudder to think what I would be expected to wear to a party to prove that I am a pyl. No piece of clothing I own - with perhaps the exception of my pajamas - says "submissive".

 

[CutieMouse]

This is a most excellent question.


And I shudder to think what I would be expected to wear to a party to prove that I am a pyl. No piece of clothing I own - with perhaps the exception of my pajamas - says "submissive".

My current lover is slightly shorter than me, slightly slighter than me, and has a thing for funky, oddball striped socks... he splits time between here and his hometown, and before he left the other week he made a very offhand comment that I *would* be wearing a rather fabulous pair of 4½" stilettos the next time we saw one another. It never even crossed my mind to balk at the suggestion [that wasn't a suggestion at all].

Apparently neither of us ever read the memo saying that we had to look a certain way to qualify as pyl/PYL types .

 

[ImOnIt]

I for one like a single piece of colour with leather shoes, dark trousers and jacket.

ALWAYS BLACK SOCKS. Alwaaaaaaays. My younger self would have been laid more often with nice shoes and black socks. I used to think piercings were the way to go, so I wore many.

 

[Pleasure_Fan]

I'm attending my first play party tomorrow night. It's a women only event and I was instructed to wear black or fetish, then as a side note, was told to make sure I wear something "dommy"(PYL) so as not mistaken as a submissive(pyl) (which I am not.)

I think you should wear a pink TShirt with FUCK! magic markered on the front, and YOU? on the back. Act mysterious if anyone questions you about it. Look over your shoulder a lot, to see if anyone is reading your shirt. The ones gravitating to YOU? will obviously be the pyl's. Anyone gravitating to FUCK! will be a PYL. Do 180's all night and watch them panic.
Ok - not helpful. But as all have said... just have fun! I think you might be a bit too nervous about your first "gig"...

 

[Keroin]

My current lover is slightly shorter than me, slightly slighter than me, and has a thing for funky, oddball striped socks... he splits time between here and his hometown, and before he left the other week he made a very offhand comment that I *would* be wearing a rather fabulous pair of 4½" stilettos the next time we saw one another. It never even crossed my mind to balk at the suggestion [that wasn't a suggestion at all].

Apparently neither of us ever read the memo saying that we had to look a certain way to qualify as pyl/PYL types .

Oh yeah, I...

Wait. You have a lover? Hm, slipped that one by us, Miss Mouse.

/Nosy Nellie

 

[CutieMouse]

Oh yeah, I...

Wait. You have a lover? Hm, slipped that one by us, Miss Mouse.

/Nosy Nellie

Yes... ish... LOL

 

[wicked woman]

What you suggested will be fine.

It's my experience that pyls often wear substantially less clothes than PYLs at play parties, although sometimes the only difference is in the personality/attitude the person is wearing.

 

[Etoile]

It's not about what you wear, it's about how you carry yourself.

 

[Cattypuss]

This is a most excellent question.


And I shudder to think what I would be expected to wear to a party to prove that I am a pyl. No piece of clothing I own - with perhaps the exception of my pajamas - says "submissive".

Same here. I think I'd have to wear a badge with "SUB" printed on it

 

[DVS]

Not being a woman but I am a PYL, didn't they say wear black or fetish? So, wear what you consider to be fetish wear. Personally, I like to feel good in what I wear, so if I were female Domme, I think I'd wear what feels/looks good to me. If you don't have to worry about your attire, your attitude is free to ooze out.

Wear something that shows off your figure or drapes your body well as you're using a flogger. Maybe carry a flogger with you, as an accessory...you know, one that has a leather retaining strap that you can let it dangle loosely from your wrist. It might also be sexy to wear a strap-on harness under that top, so if anybody wants to know, all you'd need to do is attach that big black dildo and you're good to go. If you don't wear the strap-on, sling it over your shoulder with the dildo connected.

 

[DVS]

This is a most excellent question.


And I shudder to think what I would be expected to wear to a party to prove that I am a pyl. No piece of clothing I own - with perhaps the exception of my pajamas - says "submissive".

If you ask me, I think pajamas do say submissive. Especially if they have little bears on them or something...a drop seat is a plus.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Personally, if I had been in your situation, and told what to wear and why, I wouldn't be wasting anytime worrying about it as I wouldn't be attending. It seems their priorities are not so much about D/s as creating an impression and image, not to mention buying into a stereotype found on porn sites, and that is not my scene. If you do go, the best way to show your dommeliness is by showing you have the strength of character to be yourself without compromising that to fit someone else's idea of how a PYL should dress....never know, perhaps that is their intention, to see what you do, step out confidently and as an individual, or arrive fulfilling their orders and nervous incase they do not approve.

Catalina

 

[BiBunny]

Personally, if I had been in your situation, and told what to wear and why, I wouldn't be wasting anytime worrying about it as I wouldn't be attending. It seems their priorities are not so much about D/s as creating an impression and image, not to mention buying into a stereotype found on porn sites, and that is not my scene. If you do go, the best way to show your dommeliness is by showing you have the strength of character to be yourself without compromising that to fit someone else's idea of how a PYL should dress....never know, perhaps that is their intention, to see what you do, step out confidently and as an individual, or arrive fulfilling their orders and nervous incase they do not approve.

Catalina

Yep. All this, right here.

 

[midwestyankee]

I'm of the mind that parties such as this with a dress code say much more about the psychological needs of the hosts than anything else.

In your case, I'd be quite tempted to wear a shockingly bright pink or yellow suit with a black rose in the breast pocket or pinned to the lapel. Carry a whip if you wish, but I suspect that your independence will speak more loudly than any other element of costume.

Who wants to go to a costume party where the costumes are dictated by the host?

 

[Bandit58]

We've been to a couple of play parties (years ago) where the dress code was "fetish or basic black". The Dommes I saw wore variations of black skirt (knee or floor length, one had a side split up to the knee), corset-like tops and black boots.