I don't know why I am posting this.

[Sinceresub]

Hello.

Maybe I'm posting this because I don't have anyone to talk to about it really so I felt compelled to pour myself out here for whatever reason.

Ive dated quite a few women and we had fun and such but it never went anywhere. We would just end up being friends. Which was fine for a while but now it's so not so fine.

My whole life the women I'd been attracted to and drawn to have something about them most women don't. A look in their eyes maybe, I don't know, I can't explain it really. But they bring out feelings in me most women don't. They make me feel shy, nervous, intimidated, embarrassed, and ummmmmmm VERY submissive. I mean I love those feelings, a lot, but because of those feelings I can't approach them so I haven't exactly well..........been with a woman so to speak.

As time goes on it's gone from a curiosity, to a want, to a need. I'd been this way since I was younger. This isn't a fly by night idea for me I'd spent a long time looking, reading, chatting a bit. I met one dominant woman once for a drink and not much happened but it was enough to tell me I needed more, a lot more, hopefully more than I can handle.

The longer I wait the more of a deep seeded aching need it is, like a knot inside me. Aside from a few limits they can ask, tell, or force me to do any dirty, kinky, depraved, taboo thing they want. Even if I didn't care for something I'd still enjoy pleasing them.

This has just been on my mind more than usual lately and perhaps I needed some outlet to talk about it so I chose here.

 

[PaxNurgle]

Welcome to the boards. This is a situation that many guys face. It is very difficult to find a woman who is into being dominant, as many guys will attest, and even more difficult to find one with whom you click, both in relationship goals, chemistry, attraction, dynamics and all of those things that make good D/s work. If you know of any professional dominants in your area- "Pay to Play" so to speak, it might be a temporary outlet for some of these fantasies, although if you go that route (and even then, pro-dominatrixes are hard to come by) you will discover that a "Pay to Play" relationship is no substitute for the emotional intimacy of the real thing.

 

[Sinceresub]

Thanks for the reply but I'm not really interested in someone that only would pay attention to me because I am paying them to. It's too impersonal for me. It's like paying someone to go on a date with you, they aren't there because you actually turn them or interested in you, they are there because you have money and no other reason.

 

[Subsy]

Thanks for the reply but I'm not really interested in someone that only would pay attention to me because I am paying them to. It's too impersonal for me. It's like paying someone to go on a date with you, they aren't there because you actually turn them or interested in you, they are there because you have money and no other reason.

Hmm….ache for it, need it, never had it…..but resolutely refuse to hire it. How’s that working out for you? An experienced femdom may be just the thing that helps you have the experience and memories you don’t have any prospects of otherwise.
I wrote of such a lady I once knew. She had an acquaintance….a gentleman who like yourself was likely to never experience his most ardent desires. His involved a woman coercing him to feminize….then in front of strangers he was bound and used by these same strangers. He was liberated by having his favorite fantasies fulfilled. He had two more sessions….by liberating himself and gaining experience he grew as a person.
There-is a saying : Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. If you want to fly, hire a flight instructor. If you want to golf well hire a teaching pro. Have a fetish…..you know.

 

[Sinceresub]

Guess I'll abandon this thread since only responses I get are ones telling me to find a prostitute despite me saying that doesn't interest me

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Guess I'll abandon this thread since only responses I get are ones telling me to find a prostitute despite me saying that doesn't interest me

This is also a fairly slow moving forum. It can take some time for a lot of people to see a thread and comment.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

Guess I'll abandon this thread since only responses I get are ones telling me to find a prostitute despite me saying that doesn't interest me

If you haven’t already I’d suggest using that for a personal ad outside of this section. or possibly as RP in that section Of the site.

good luck finding what you are looking for , or them finding you.

 

[PaxNurgle]

Thanks for the reply but I'm not really interested in someone that only would pay attention to me because I am paying them to. It's too impersonal for me. It's like paying someone to go on a date with you, they aren't there because you actually turn them or interested in you, they are there because you have money and no other reason.

I did the pro-domme thing and believe it or not, I think your response and Subsy's response below yours are both equally valid.

Submitting to a pro gave me the experience that I craved and for a time, yes, it was wonderful and yes, it was fulfilling. It is a bit different experiencing something in reality vs. imagining it. For instance, being paddled and spanked HARD does hurt! However, overall I feel like I did learn a lot, about women, relationships, how to please, and how to be a patient and understanding sub. I did gain a lot from the experience, and perhaps you may, as well, if you go that route.

But ultimately I also came to the same conclusion that you did; it was not the personal connection I craved, the relationship was not destined to last, and it became more and more apparent that she was just using me as a cash cow. In addition to paying for the sessions, she began to demand more and more expensive gifts, usually in the hundreds of dollars.

As I have mentioned before, I have pretty much resigned myself to dating in the vanilla world, as the pool of dominant females who are truly looking for a partner (As opposed to a client, cash cow, or free-laborer) is almost non-existent. I'm okay with this, largely because I have already experienced the domme thing with a pro, but just not in a true romantic setting. Because, at some point, you just want LOVE. Romance, affection, and companionship, and to be with the person that makes your heart flutter. A person for whom you would lay aside your own selfish kinks for a desire to please her- even if pleasing her means letting go of your submissive and/or kinky side. It is possible you may eventually realize this, too.

 

[Wonderer67]

I have always had submissive needs and desires. It has taken a long time for my wife to come around and to understand them and to help me with them. It’s been a long journey of many years of experiencing deeper levels of submission to my wife.

It has been a long journey that requires tons of very open and super honest communication.

It’s tough to find what you were describing, but not impossible by any stretch. After having a fairly vanilla but very sexual relationship I gradually started asking my wife about being a submissive man. It was gradual because I did not want to scare her off. It is not perfect, (nothing is ever is) but if you work for it, search for it, have patience and an open mind I think you can find it.

Finding a pro domme is not a bad idea to get a taste.

There’s a saying in business, you build or you buy. Building takes a longer time and may not work, buying is faster but expensive.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I’ve missed this before and OP may have given up on this place but something stood out to me…

Ive dated quite a few women and we had fun and such but it never went anywhere. We would just end up being friends. Which was fine for a while but now it's so not so fine.

I met one dominant woman once for a drink and not much happened

What stands out here to me, is the passive form.
It never went anywhere and nothing much happened, because if anything is to move or change course or shape, an unbalanced force needs to be applied.

My whole life the women I'd been attracted to and drawn to have something about them most women don't. A look in their eyes maybe, I don't know, I can't explain it really. But they bring out feelings in me most women don't. They make me feel shy, nervous, intimidated, embarrassed, and ummmmmmm VERY submissive

And what you see in them might be a more dominant personality.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that they are sexually dominant and even if they are, we are still in varying degrees caught in cultural expectations about who should take initiative for things to happen and go somewhere.
It’s not fair, but it is something you need to factor in.

Aside from a few limits they can ask, tell, or force me to do any dirty, kinky, depraved, taboo thing they want. Even if I didn't care for something I'd still enjoy pleasing them.

What is actually required may not be the dirty, kinky, depraved or taboo, but rather putting yourself out there and making yourself vulnerable by taking action.

And this is by the way no longer about the expectations on male and female behaviour in dating.
The mind reading dominant seems to mostly hang out in fantasy land, regardless of gender.

If you want the kind of loving partnership @PaxNurgle and @Wonderer67 are talking about, I think there must be a connection and indication that the other person has what it takes to be a life partner with all the pesky adulting stuff that entails, as well as the right connection on the Ds/kink level.

I also think it is worth to think about this:

It is a bit different experiencing something in reality vs. imagining it. For instance, being paddled and spanked HARD does hurt!

And in your fantasies, you are the one in charge.

I can understand not wanting to go the pro route, so perhaps getting to know people in your local kink scene could be a way forward or keep trying with the dating but being more open about what you want?

 

[K0fcali]

Thanks for the reply but I'm not really interested in someone that only would pay attention to me because I am paying them to. It's too impersonal for me. It's like paying someone to go on a date with you, they aren't there because you actually turn them or interested in you, they are there because you have money and no other reason.

Isnt that true of any date you go on with a woman? She would only be there with you because you are paying. All women costs $$ and youre not actually serious about finding one unless your willing to spend some on her!

 

[IrisAlthea]

Isnt that true of any date you go on with a woman? She would only be there with you because you are paying.

I’ve heard that it’s still rather traditional in the US with men being expected to pay for dates, but I would hope that most women don’t date just because they want their food payed for?

 

[PaxNurgle]

We guys pay for dates because it's considered the customary and gentlemanly thing to do, and most women (those who I have dated anyway) typically expect it from us. I don't mind doing so at all; if I like someone then of course I want to treat them!

There is a difference though, between a guy being a gentleman, chivalrous and generous, and being a "mark."

The difference is, there are women out there who do like to "use" men like this, get free meals, free gifts, free stuff, etc without any real affection for them. And a lot of guys will, if a woman is typically only interested in a "Free meal" (or a "Sugar Daddy") as opposed to genuine companionship with them, most guys will eventually pick up on that. And some are okay with this, and some of those who ARE okay with this at first will eventually want a less superficial and deeper relationship as time goes by.

 

[IrisAlthea]

The difference is, there are women out there who do like to "use" men like this, get free meals, free gifts, free stuff, etc without any real affection for them.

I’m sure there are, but is it so prevalent thet the quote below holds true?

Isnt that true of any date you go on with a woman? She would only be there with you because you are paying.

 

[emme8]

No. It's expected that the men pay, but I doubt most dates are only for a free meal.

And I took out a few guys for dates and I treated, because I asked and I planned it. But I may not be totally normal to have gone that far.

 

[K0fcali]

No. It's expected that the men pay, but I doubt most dates are only for a free meal.

And I took out a few guys for dates and I treated, because I asked and I planned it. But I may not be totally normal to have gone that far.

Its not normal at all. Women dont normally pay for or ask men out on dates.

 

[emme8]

Its not normal at all. Women dont normally pay for or ask men out on dates.

I know I'm better than normal.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Its not normal at all. Women dont normally pay for or ask men out on dates.

I think it depends a lot on age group/social group and on where you are in the world.

Here I’d say you’d be smart to expect to pay for your own meal and drinks unless someone very clearly expressed that it’s their treat.
These last years, you’ll even find that the waiting staff actually expects you to order and pay separately.

A woman paying or asking someone out on a first date would still be less common than a man doing the same, but if you are already dating, I don’t think it would raise any eyebrows at all.

 

[K0fcali]

I think it depends a lot on age group/social group and on where you are in the world.

Here I’d say you’d be smart to expect to pay for your own meal and drinks unless someone very clearly expressed that it’s their treat.
These last years, you’ll even find that the waiting staff actually expects you to order and pay separately.

A woman paying or asking someone out on a first date would still be less common than a man doing the same, but if you are already dating, I don’t think it would raise any eyebrows at all.

I didn't think we were talking about already dating someone. As a man I don't expect to be asked out or for a woman to pay.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I didn't think we were talking about already dating someone.

Well, I think the below is a tall order (from both sides) for a first date:

The difference is, there are women out there who do like to "use" men like this, get free meals, free gifts, free stuff, etc without any real affection for them.

 

[emme8]

As a man I don't expect to be asked out or for a woman to pay.

Would you be put off if your were asked out?

 

[K0fcali]

Would you be put off if your were asked out?

No not at all. I just dont think it likely to happen.

 

[K0fcali]

I believe you are better than normal.

 

[K0fcali]

No. It's expected that the men pay, but I doubt most dates are only for a free meal.

And I took out a few guys for dates and I treated, because I asked and I planned it. But I may not be totally normal to have gone that far.

Can you imagine if gurls had to pay for every single date they went on? Im sure they would be much less frequent.

 

[emme8]

But if more guys were good with being asked, it might be more frequent dates.

There would probably be less sex on the dates, too.