My first story...

[Bestroika]

When I joined Lit, everyone here in the author's hangout were just awesome, awesome folks. You made me feel really welcome and encouraged me. And I appreciate it. I was also told that everyone wanted me to post the link to my first story so they could give it a look. So, here it is.


http://www.literotica.com/s/life-springs-eternal

I am hoping to get some feedback on it if you have the time to do so. Thank you so very much

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I read one paragraph and tossed it back. Its bad writing at its finest.

 

[lovecraft68]

I read one paragraph and tossed it back. Its bad writing at its finest.

First off JBJ I thought it was well written, just not a mainstream appeal type of piece.

Second of all it is her first story and exactly one more than you have or ever will publish.

Bestroika,
This is JBJ he is the resident troll here. he is not quite all bad therefore he lurks here rather than the general board but you would have a better chance of wringing blood from a stone than of ever getting a compliment from him.

 

[PennLady]

I'm with lc68 -- ignore that. Your writing was fine. It was grammatically correct, which is more than a lot of people who post here can say. It was not the usual, but there's nothing wrong with that at all.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

First off JBJ I thought it was well written, just not a mainstream appeal type of piece.

Second of all it is her first story and exactly one more than you have or ever will publish.

Bestroika,
This is JBJ he is the resident troll here. he is not quite all bad therefore he lurks here rather than the general board but you would have a better chance of wringing blood from a stone than of ever getting a compliment from him.

I compliment good writing. Bestroika's effort is not good writing or mediocre writing; its a bag of adjectives in a brisk wind.

 

[lovecraft68]

I compliment good writing. Bestroika's effort is not good writing or mediocre writing; its a bag of adjectives in a brisk wind.

and you are just a bag of brisk wind. You've now insulted it twice try keeping your ignorance in one post would you?
And once again good bad or indifferent she had the stones to put something out there. I like how you throw stones at people but never give any one a chance to see your much vaunted work if any even exists. How about it people? wouldn't it be great if JBJ popped something up here for critique?
Before you give your patented "I only write paying pieces" I think we should take up a collection and give JBJ a few dollars to post. I think it would be well worth a token investment.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

and you are just a bag of brisk wind. You've now insulted it twice try keeping your ignorance in one post would you?
And once again good bad or indifferent she had the stones to put something out there. I like how you throw stones at people but never give any one a chance to see your much vaunted work if any even exists. How about it people? wouldn't it be great if JBJ popped something up here for critique?
Before you give your patented "I only write paying pieces" I think we should take up a collection and give JBJ a few dollars to post. I think it would be well worth a token investment.

She asked for feedback; I assumed she wanted honest responses. What part did I miss? Is there an appeal for insincere flattery and a plastic affirmative action trophy? Your famous I TRIED trophy.

What I post or dont post doesnt improve or hurt her effort.

 

[lovecraft68]

She asked for feedback; I assumed she wanted honest responses. What part did I miss? Is there an appeal for insincere flattery and a plastic affirmative action trophy? Your famous I TRIED trophy.

What I post or dont post doesnt improve or hurt her effort.

There is a difference between insulting and constructive criticism is what you never see, to realize. You can say well it's not a bad first effort but I felt there were too many adjectives.. Not an example of bad writing.
Say what you mean but don't say it mean. Know what I mean?

 

[Bestroika]

I read one paragraph and tossed it back. Its bad writing at its finest.

I've read all your responses JBJ and as you said, I did ask for honest criticism when I posted. I wasn't begging for votes when I posted this, but as a first timer I thought it would be nice to hear from folks that have been around the block.

You are more than entitled to your own opinion, as everyone else is to their own.

I also noticed that you said I had a penchant for using too many adjectives. So in the spirit of that I thought I would post something to show you how well I can also use verbs:

Why don't you fuck off? Fuck: intransitive verb

 

[Bestroika]

PennLady and Lovecraft, thank you both for both your crits and your kind words.

Trust me, I'm not worried about the troll commentary. Unfortunately they are like legion, and more fun to be around than being completely nude in a cactus patch.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

There is a difference between insulting and constructive criticism is what you never see, to realize. You can say well it's not a bad first effort but I felt there were too many adjectives.. Not an example of bad writing.
Say what you mean but don't say it mean. Know what I mean?

It is what it is. To paraphrase Mercutio, ITS FLAWS ARE NEITHER BIG AS A BARN NOR DEEP AS A WELL, BUT THEY ARE ENOUGH.

Her effort meets my standards for crappy writing.

I get it that people relish flattery and consolation prizes and false friends. I get it that people hate the public voice that confirms the private suspicion.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I've read all your responses JBJ and as you said, I did ask for honest criticism when I posted. I wasn't begging for votes when I posted this, but as a first timer I thought it would be nice to hear from folks that have been around the block.

You are more than entitled to your own opinion, as everyone else is to their own.

I also noticed that you said I had a penchant for using too many adjectives. So in the spirit of that I thought I would post something to show you how well I can also use verbs:

Why don't you fuck off? Fuck: intransitive verb

OK but it doesnt make your story any better if I do. Its still a shoddy tale regardless of what I do.

 

[EmeraldKitten]

I also noticed that you said I had a penchant for using too many adjectives. So in the spirit of that I thought I would post something to show you how well I can also use verbs:

Why don't you fuck off? Fuck: intransitive verb

Bwahahhahaha! Love it.
The only thing that could've made it better was if you said, 'Fuck way off.'
That way, we know you mean it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Bwahahhahaha! Love it.
The only thing that could've made it better was if you said, 'Fuck way off.'
That way, we know you mean it.

It makes her feel better but does zip for the story.

Our writers need to be honest about what they really really want when they ask for feedback: PAT MY HEAD AND BACK AND BLOW SOME SMOKE UP MY ASS.

 

[EmeraldKitten]

It makes her feel better but does zip for the story.

Our writers need to be honest about what they really really want when they ask for feedback: PAT MY HEAD AND BACK AND BLOW SOME SMOKE UP MY ASS.

Not to stir the pot, but....
You obviously think this site has shit for stories... so why stay?
I don't think anyone that comes to this place is looking for literary exellence.. except you.
Have you ever thought to put things a little nicer?
No, that doesn't mean a pat on the head and a poof of smoke. It just means to say you don't like it, not tear the story and author apart.
I don't think I've ever seen you say anything that wasn't mean or nasty.
Just an observation.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Not to stir the pot, but....
You obviously think this site has shit for stories... so why stay?
I don't think anyone that comes to this place is looking for literary exellence.. except you.
Have you ever thought to put things a little nicer?
No, that doesn't mean a pat on the head and a poof of smoke. It just means to say you don't like it, not tear the story and author apart.
I don't think I've ever seen you say anything that wasn't mean or nasty.
Just an observation.

Actually I do come across (theyre rare) excellent stories here. To make my point clear, I gave one tale a '5' cuz its so excellent, and never got a peep from the author. Then this author wrote 2 pieces of crap and howled when I dinged them. The 5 story is worthy of any great writer past, present, and future. The other 2 are shit that oughta embarrass any writer.

Its not about NICE, its about honest feedback. Call a spade a spade. If the tale's shit dont say, Mmmm, merde!

I dont comment on stories HERE unless the writer asks for feedback. If you climb into the arena you damn well better expect to get a sword stuck up your ass OR make it clear you really want smoke and moonbeams.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Yes, the story is a bit heavy on the adjectives, JimBo, but we all know you absolutely hate adjectives, preferring a minimalist level of prose that even you can't achieve. (Really, JBJ, try writing without adjectives yourself.) The content and form, however, does require a certain floridity to the prose; it just needs some practice and good editing.

 

[sr71plt]

Honest negative feedback would be feedback that actually critiqued the work--even if nastily--rather than just slamming it. JBJ's "feedback" here doesn't do that. So it isn't honest at all. But it's typical JBJ.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Yes, the story is a bit heavy on the adjectives, JimBo, but we all know you absolutely hate adjectives, preferring a minimalist level of prose that even you can't achieve. (Really, JBJ, try writing without adjectives yourself.) The content and form, however, does require a certain floridity to the prose; it just needs some practice and good editing.

TRANSLATION: It sux.

She reminds me of an untalented high school poet trying to write prose.

Adjectives are like salt, and just enough is sublime.

 

[GinaTina]

I actually JAMESBJOHNSON. I figure every insult is just his way of saying how much he LOVES you!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Right, right?

 

[Tio_Narratore]

TRANSLATION: It sux.

She reminds me of an untalented high school poet trying to write prose.

Adjectives are like salt, and just enough is sublime.

No, JBJ, I didn't think it sucked. It's in a genre I don't find appealing, but when someone asks for critique of their writing, I assume it's for their style, not their genre or content. I've seen far too many "Creative Writing Teachers" criticize students for not writing the story the teacher would have written, rather than help them improve what it is they want to write.

So, JBJ, I don't criticize writers for writing the wrong kind of story, or a conclusion I don't like, but try to help them get better at what they want to do. (But, in deference to your view, I am considering putting severe limits on what I will consider for assistance).

Adjectives are like salt? I'm not sure I'd want to help with that analogy, though I do find the idea that salt could be sublime quite intriguing...

 

[Bestroika]

I thought I would throw in on this one as it seems to have grown overnight while I was sleeping peacefully in my bed. JBJ seems to want this whole thing to break down to what I like to call a "mama contest."

You know, instead of one well thought out, collected post...he wants to write more and more posts calling me names and basically slinging childish observations. He reminds me of the three year old boy, who gets told no and can't have his candy. So, in response he throws himself on the floor, red-faced and screaming, kicking and punching while the whole world walks by. They aren't paying him any attention so, he gets louder and uglier.

When all that fails, and all his energy is gone, he pulls his raggedy ass off the floor and then do you know what happens? Nothing. All that wasted energy got him nothing.

I'm here to let you know, you aren't going to run me off with a few poorly placed jibes sweetie. But if you feel like you need to keep on running your squak, feel free, the rest of us will be busy having a life and ignoring you.

Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll get so pissed off his head will explode.

*pulls up a chair with a bag of popcorn in hand*

Anyone else want to watch?

 

[sr71plt]

And as long as you respond, he'll just keep on going.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

I thought I would throw in on this one as it seems to have grown overnight while I was sleeping peacefully in my bed. JBJ seems to want this whole thing to break down to what I like to call a "mama contest."

You know, instead of one well thought out, collected post...he wants to write more and more posts calling me names and basically slinging childish observations. He reminds me of the three year old boy, who gets told no and can't have his candy. So, in response he throws himself on the floor, red-faced and screaming, kicking and punching while the whole world walks by. They aren't paying him any attention so, he gets louder and uglier.

When all that fails, and all his energy is gone, he pulls his raggedy ass off the floor and then do you know what happens? Nothing. All that wasted energy got him nothing.

I'm here to let you know, you aren't going to run me off with a few poorly placed jibes sweetie. But if you feel like you need to keep on running your squak, feel free, the rest of us will be busy having a life and ignoring you.

Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll get so pissed off his head will explode.

*pulls up a chair with a bag of popcorn in hand*

Anyone else want to watch?

If it does, will you Volunteer to take the remains to the UTK FAC?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I thought I would throw in on this one as it seems to have grown overnight while I was sleeping peacefully in my bed. JBJ seems to want this whole thing to break down to what I like to call a "mama contest."

You know, instead of one well thought out, collected post...he wants to write more and more posts calling me names and basically slinging childish observations. He reminds me of the three year old boy, who gets told no and can't have his candy. So, in response he throws himself on the floor, red-faced and screaming, kicking and punching while the whole world walks by. They aren't paying him any attention so, he gets louder and uglier.

When all that fails, and all his energy is gone, he pulls his raggedy ass off the floor and then do you know what happens? Nothing. All that wasted energy got him nothing.

I'm here to let you know, you aren't going to run me off with a few poorly placed jibes sweetie. But if you feel like you need to keep on running your squak, feel free, the rest of us will be busy having a life and ignoring you.

Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll get so pissed off his head will explode.

*pulls up a chair with a bag of popcorn in hand*

Anyone else want to watch?

Maybe so, but your story remains crap while you sit and watch me. You could spend the time improving the story but wont.