The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Handley_Page]

and you get a Martian farmer.

I put in a new cash crop...

and it's ruined by the unseasonable weather.


I put in a riding crop

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and it's ruined by the unseasonable weather.


I put in a riding crop

and, the old nag does exactly as you wish.

I put in a pot of glue.

 

[Handley_Page]

and, the old nag does exactly as you wish.

I put in a pot of glue.

and the next batch of Christmas decorations comes along nicely.


I put in a decent Pen.

 

[YoursSINSerely]

and the next batch of Christmas decorations comes along nicely.


I put in a decent Pen.

and, it writes an indecent tale of love and sex.

I put in a tail and Christmas balls.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and, it writes an indecent tale of love and sex.

I put in a tail and Christmas balls.

and it leads to a bit of pornoel.

I put in a hike on the Compostela Road...

 

[DehviantGirl]

and it leads to a bit of pornoel.

I put in a hike on the Compostela Road...

And you get "shit creek" without a paddle.

I put in a cheeky monkey.

 

[Handley_Page]

And you get "shit creek" without a paddle.

I put in a cheeky monkey.

with a striped ass that shines at night.


I put in a warning beacon

 

[Tio_Narratore]

with a striped ass that shines at night.


I put in a warning beacon

and you're hired as the Keeper of the Eddystone Light.

I put in a porpoise and a porgy...

 

[xOxCherryxOx]

and you're hired as the Keeper of the Eddystone Light.

I put in a porpoise and a porgy...

And the other was me!

I put in a mermaid with seaweed hair..

 

[Handley_Page]

And the other was me!

I put in a mermaid with seaweed hair..

but there's no hairdressers' round here!


I put in a travelling squid

 

[Tio_Narratore]

but there's no hairdressers' round here!


I put in a travelling squid

and you get Apple's latest - the Cephalo-Pod, complete with an app for thinking on your feet.

I put in a dream of the fisherman's wife...

 

[DehviantGirl]

and you get Apple's latest - the Cephalo-Pod, complete with an app for thinking on your feet.

I put in a dream of the fisherman's wife...

You get a woman that comes (ah hem) with a cookbook and lots of ways to cook fish.

I put in my phone bill

 

[Tio_Narratore]

You get a woman that comes (ah hem) with a cookbook and lots of ways to cook fish.

I put in my phone bill

and the VM refuses to pay for your 900-number calls.

I put in a call centre in Mumbai...

 

[Handley_Page]

I put in a call centre in Mumbai...

And the Bengali voice causes a few puzzled frowns.


I put in a simple telephone.

 

[Noor]

And the Bengali voice causes a few puzzled frowns.


I put in a simple telephone.

You get a Marathi voice wondering how a Mumbai line got crossed with a Delhi one.

I put in a pair of rag wool socks

 

[Kat73]

You get a Marathi voice wondering how a Mumbai line got crossed with a Delhi one.

I put in a pair of rag wool socks

Add got a couple of patched up sock monkeys!

I put in compassion.

 

[Handley_Page]

Add got a couple of patched up sock monkeys!

I put in compassion.

and discover that "de passion vill com" - eventually.

I put in a tube of good Port wine.

 

[vrosej10]

and discover that "de passion vill com" - eventually.

I put in a tube of good Port wine.

And I get drunk and a migraine.

i put in a large, cactus shaped, spiny arse scratcher.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And I get drunk and a migraine.

i put in a large, cactus shaped, spiny arse scratcher.

and the Doms at the BDSM forum all want one for their Subs.

I put in an olla of Saguaro wine...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the Doms at the BDSM forum all want one for their Subs.

I put in an olla of Saguaro wine...

And Cactus flavoured wine is the treatment of choice.


I put in a seedling

 

[Tio_Narratore]

And Cactus flavoured wine is the treatment of choice.


I put in a seedling

and before you know it, you have spruce roots in your sewer.

I put in a mixed deciduous/coniferous forest...

 

[vrosej10]

which gets over run by lantana cause it was stupidly located in Australia

I put in a DVD of the movie Lantana.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

which gets over run by lantana cause it was stupidly located in Australia

I put in a DVD of the movie Lantana.

and the director's cut hints that the fall was no accident, but a deliberate trip by a sentient weed.

I put in a day with the Triffids...

 

[Handley_Page]

and the director's cut hints that the fall was no accident, but a deliberate trip by a sentient weed.

I put in a day with the Triffids...

and discover that Weed Killer does not work very well.


I put in a flame-thrower

 

[Tio_Narratore]

and discover that Weed Killer does not work very well.


I put in a flame-thrower

and it throws an old flame your way.

I put in a Class Reunion...