Interracial Non-consent Story. Thoughts?

[imagine_that]

Hello to all. I'm not new to the site at all, but I am a new contributor. I would love any constructive feedback on the finished story I have.

My name: imagine_that
Story: Breaking Into Jade
Category: Nonconsent/Reluctance
URL: http://www.literotica.com/s/breaking-into-jade

I appreciate any feedback!

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Hi, IT. I've no hangups with non-consent but just think it's extremely hard (no pun intended) to balance erotic tension with the concept of coercion. I can't do it and I don't think you do here.

You have a well-written story of agression where a guy, with nebulous rationale, threatens to destroy a woman's home and she 'buys' him off with sex - but for me, it's a thriller and not erotica. Will she prevail or not?

For me, perhaps I'm a girly, there aren't enough mind games, aka the Stockholm Syndrome, where the captive can fall under the spell of the captor and ultimately concede. Paco will be on my tail, but us non-Y chromosomes need to get all hot and bothered in the preamble to fully enjoy the bout.

Others may disagree, but I think you sacrifice development of the interreaction of the protags to an overuse of background description. Just taking your first two paragraphs;

Jade sat at the dining room table and re-read her paper for the tenth time. She started out telling herself that she would finish up some notes on one endless section of her dissertation, just to make sure that it was cohesive. That was four hours ago. At this point, she was exhausted and done with the whole damn thing.

Rubbing her eyes wearily, she got up to go to the kitchen, which was connected to the dining room by adjoining double doors. She padded into the dark kitchen, feeling her way to the open pantry. She reached up for the big box of Cheerios and pulled it down.

I would edit this down to;

Jade re-read her draft dissertation for the tenth time in four hours. She was exhausted and, rubbing her tired eyes, padded into the kitchen and reached up in the dark for the Cheerios box.

The points you need to get across are that Jade is tired and is standing in her kitchen in the dark. The rest is superflous. This is the same throughout.

To keep readers turning pages you must keep the action rolling and avoid too much description or too many adverbs.

I think you write very well but could use one of the volunteer editors to hone your stories.

Elle

 

[PacoFear]

Paco will be on my tail, but us non-Y chromosomes need to get all hot and bothered in the preamble to fully enjoy the bout.

Actually, some of us XY folks feel the same way, elfster.

 

[PennLady]

I think I agree with elfin; there's a connection missing between Jade and the intruder. Rape is an act of violence and power. This guy is not after Jade, or anything like that, he's after this box. And if the box was left and hidden by his former partner, why would Jade know where it is? Deciding to rape her doesn't actually make sense in this context.

I also found myself wondering whether Jade owned the house or rented. I assumed since she was a student that she rented, but I guess not. If the house has been empty for a year, why didn't the intruder go in then? Is there a connection between the former business partner and Jade? Why would this guy think Jade knows anything?

I'm not one for non-con stories, but I do think if you're going to have Jade enjoy this at all, there has to be some foundation, and I don't see that. Does Jade have rape fantasies? Enjoy dom role play?

Also the intruder doesn't have the foundation (for me), or the anger, to go from "I want a box" to "I want to fuck you."

The story is basically good in the sense that it's decently written, doesn't contradict itself, and moves along. But some of the parts don't connect up.

 

[lovecraft68]

I think I agree with elfin; there's a connection missing between Jade and the intruder. Rape is an act of violence and power. This guy is not after Jade, or anything like that, he's after this box. And if the box was left and hidden by his former partner, why would Jade know where it is? Deciding to rape her doesn't actually make sense in this context.

I also found myself wondering whether Jade owned the house or rented. I assumed since she was a student that she rented, but I guess not. If the house has been empty for a year, why didn't the intruder go in then? Is there a connection between the former business partner and Jade? Why would this guy think Jade knows anything?

I'm not one for non-con stories, but I do think if you're going to have Jade enjoy this at all, there has to be some foundation, and I don't see that. Does Jade have rape fantasies? Enjoy dom role play?

Also the intruder doesn't have the foundation (for me), or the anger, to go from "I want a box" to "I want to fuck you."

The story is basically good in the sense that it's decently written, doesn't contradict itself, and moves along. But some of the parts don't connect up.

Jade doesn't seem to have rape fantasies or have a foundation to "want it" and the guy goes from wanting his box to her box my dear Penn because it is a non consent rape story. If she wanted it it would then be no fun for the rape crowd. I agree decently written but what you are looking for isn't there because it is about a sick act in the sickest category on Lit. Trust me whether the author was striving for more- which I feel they were- all that matters to that crowd is a helpless woman being hurt (and it hurts spare me the rational that they all love it like the defenders 0f this category claim) Personally Imagine I think you're a better writer than this category warrants. All they need here is someone screaming "oh god please don't" so they can get off then go out and try to buy snuff films. Sorry I seem harsh on the topic but i am fresh off another entertaining e-mail telling me how incest is the sickest category on this site and I am the sickest of the sick cause I have BDSM tossed in, Oh well must be good at something. In general Imagine your skill is there but the topic isn't yours. Be thankful for that.

 

[PennLady]

Jade doesn't seem to have rape fantasies or have a foundation to "want it" and the guy goes from wanting his box to her box my dear Penn because it is a non consent rape story. If she wanted it it would then be no fun for the rape crowd. I agree decently written but what you are looking for isn't there because it is about a sick act in the sickest category on Lit. Trust me whether the author was striving for more- which I feel they were- all that matters to that crowd is a helpless woman being hurt (and it hurts spare me the rational that they all love it like the defenders 0f this category claim) Personally Imagine I think you're a better writer than this category warrants. All they need here is someone screaming "oh god please don't" so they can get off then go out and try to buy snuff films. Sorry I seem harsh on the topic but i am fresh off another entertaining e-mail telling me how incest is the sickest category on this site and I am the sickest of the sick cause I have BDSM tossed in, Oh well must be good at something. In general Imagine your skill is there but the topic isn't yours. Be thankful for that.

LC, I think some of that was my point.

It's fine that it's a non-con story, but to be better than most, I guess, it should have some kind of lead in or build up. From everything I've read, like I said, rape is a crime about power and dominance and not so much sex. That's why I brought up the disconnect with the guy. At one point, Jade does seem to be aroused, so that's where I wondered about any possible fantasies on her part, that I realize weren't there.

 

[lovecraft68]

LC, I think some of that was my point.

It's fine that it's a non-con story, but to be better than most, I guess, it should have some kind of lead in or build up. From everything I've read, like I said, rape is a crime about power and dominance and not so much sex. That's why I brought up the disconnect with the guy. At one point, Jade does seem to be aroused, so that's where I wondered about any possible fantasies on her part, that I realize weren't there.

Oh yes, i was not contradicting you at all just expounding (and ranting.) In the catagory description Nonconcent reluctance has the tag line "Fantasies of control". First off the two are very different. Reluctance is just that. the woman may not want to but does because she is in some type of no win scenario-classic example: college girl can;t afford rent landlord says well maybe we can work it out- she doesn't really want to but at the end it is still her choice. Nin consent is pure and simple rape and the "Power and control" to me is the rush that a pure coward gets from hurting someone. Rapists are not "cool, powerful bad ass sexy types" Rapists are tiny little men, with no self estem, who are meek in their daily life and get doninated left and right by everyone around them. having someone helpless is the only way they can get their way. One of the classic lines in rape is of course "Yeah you like that?" or if the rapist knows the victim "What do you think of me now bitch" Although I like everyone have an opinion on everything I generally stay laid back with mine or even if I spend time debating it never get upset it's just a conversation. This topic gets to me personally as years ago a very good friend of mine was raped, I sw what she went through and still years later goes through. I would like to think that anyone who thinks these stories are sexually arrousing has never known anyone that has been raped because if they have and still get off, Then they are sick sorry excuses for human beings and need to be locked up before the ycommit the act themselves, I was involved in a long thread with Pure and the late Safebet (May she rest in piece) Safebets lover was once sexually abused badly and the vehemence that she attacked a person defending the nonconsent category was impressive. These men are cowards who put in a situation where they would have to fight a man would drop to their knees and beg for mercy. I feel the hardcore readership of that category are no different-notice I did say hardcore not a casual tak it or leave it reader- and for the authors some write them to give it a shot as Imagine did here and some try to make i a "sexual tension" type of story but the "stroke" stories of this category are women simply being forced. Lit takes a hard stance with underage and I disagree with it. I do not have an "age kink" and would never want to read about 13 year olds but in incest and the first time categories it would be realistic to think 16 would be the age and characters exist before the age of 18. rape is a violent crime and it is glorified in this category. It's their site and I follow the rules but I really wish the ywould think on this subject more just leave it at "reluctance".

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Actually, some of us XY folks feel the same way, elfster.

Just teasing, PF. I know it's not really your scene but could you give the story a quick glance to judge whether I was overly critical of the male POV?

 

[PacoFear]

Just teasing, PF. I know it's not really your scene but could you give the story a quick glance to judge whether I was overly critical of the male POV?

Have to bow out on that, e_o. I'm just not a non-consent guy. I'm a snuggler at heart, not a hold 'em down type.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Have to bow out on that, e_o. I'm just not a non-consent guy. I'm a snuggler at heart, not a hold 'em down type.

And there's me with this image of the hunter-gatherer, tiger skin draped over one shoulder, wielding his cudgel to bring the roast home for the weekend.

Seriously though, why do you think that many women, whilst petrified of rape, have some vague fantasies of consensual non-consent (as shown in romantic fiction) when most men have your reaction and recoil with horror at the mere thought of it?

I's a snuggler as well but there is something.

 

[lovecraft68]

And there's me with this image of the hunter-gatherer, tiger skin draped over one shoulder, wielding his cudgel to bring the roast home for the weekend.

Seriously though, why do you think that many women, whilst petrified of rape, have some vague fantasies of consensual non-consent (as shown in romantic fiction) when most men have your reaction and recoil with horror at the mere thought of it?

I's a snuggler as well but there is something.

Because if a woman has the fantasy it's just a fantasy. Normal men are conditioned (and quite correctly) that forcing a woman is a crime and a heinous offense. there fore when the thought crosses are mind we quickly push it away. Most I mean there is a whole section for the spineless freaks who enjoy it.

 

[PacoFear]

And there's me with this image of the hunter-gatherer, tiger skin draped over one shoulder, wielding his cudgel to bring the roast home for the weekend.

Seriously though, why do you think that many women, whilst petrified of rape, have some vague fantasies of consensual non-consent (as shown in romantic fiction) when most men have your reaction and recoil with horror at the mere thought of it?

I's a snuggler as well but there is something.

I had a gf in college, let's call her Hottie McNutty, that was into rape fantasy. I did my best to play along by drinking, a lot, to wear down my inhibitions on the subject.

McNutty explained her fetish thusly: in a strange sort of way, it was an ego boost to picture herself as so attractive, so desirable, that a man would simply lose control, break basic social conventions to have her. Basically, she loved the idea that she was driving a guy wild with lust.

It helped that Hottie wasn't uncomfortable with violence too. We met in a martial arts class. I asked her out after she kicked me in the nose. XD

Can't say that McNutty's motivations translate to all, but I'm guessing that she's representative of some portion of the gals who swoon for the non-con.

 

[PennLady]

I had a gf in college, let's call her Hottie McNutty, that was into rape fantasy. I did my best to play along by drinking, a lot, to wear down my inhibitions on the subject.

McNutty explained her fetish thusly: in a strange sort of way, it was an ego boost to picture herself as so attractive, so desirable, that a man would simply lose control, break basic social conventions to have her. Basically, she loved the idea that she was driving a guy wild with lust.

It helped that Hottie wasn't uncomfortable with violence too. We met in a martial arts class. I asked her out after she kicked me in the nose. XD

Can't say that McNutty's motivations translate to all, but I'm guessing that she's representative of some portion of the gals who swoon for the non-con.

And see, there's the thing: most articles and all that I've read say that rape isn't about lust or sex, it's about power and violence. And then she's not really unwilling, is she? She's more into the idea of teasing and then being overpowered. And of course since it's fantasy, she's really in control of it all.

I mean, I was reading in the Washington Post the other day about these elderly women who had been raped by the same guy -- obviously that's not a lust issue (well, presumably not anyway). It's about power and control, which he took away from these women.

 

[PacoFear]

And see, there's the thing: most articles and all that I've read say that rape isn't about lust or sex, it's about power and violence. And then she's not really unwilling, is she? She's more into the idea of teasing and then being overpowered. And of course since it's fantasy, she's really in control of it all.

I mean, I was reading in the Washington Post the other day about these elderly women who had been raped by the same guy -- obviously that's not a lust issue (well, presumably not anyway). It's about power and control, which he took away from these women.

Agreed on all points, PL.

If I were trying to supply a motivation for the OP female character's compliance/enjoyment, my instinct would be to make it, at least partially, a matter of her lowered self-esteem. Perhaps some recent event has put a dent in her self-image as an attractive woman? The reasons invoked for that could be anything.

Yes, resorting to "she did it because of low self-esteem" is admittedly hackneyed, but at least it would provide some support for the heroine's rape fantasy. Saying that X percent of women are sitting in their apartments right now quietly hoping to be raped doesn't compute for me. But that's my own fault. Since non-con isn't one of my fetishes, I'm not overly eager to suspend my disbelief on the subject; the author has to help me lift it more than he might have to for another reader.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Agreed on all points, PL.

If I were trying to supply a motivation for the OP female character's compliance/enjoyment, my instinct would be to make it, at least partially, a matter of her lowered self-esteem. Perhaps some recent event has put a dent in her self-image as an attractive woman? The reasons invoked for that could be anything.

Yes, resorting to "she did it because of low self-esteem" is admittedly hackneyed, but at least it would provide some support for the heroine's rape fantasy. Saying that X percent of women are sitting in their apartments right now quietly hoping to be raped doesn't compute for me. But that's my own fault. Since non-con isn't one of my fetishes, I'm not overly eager to suspend my disbelief on the subject; the author has to help me lift it more than he might have to for another reader.

I dunno. PL, PF, can I get away from low self-esteem and say rape, as I see it, is just bodily harm.

Getting down to basics, surely the ultimate hetero act - however loving - is female submission to male penetration. That's not a feminist rant, just a biolological observation. I mean if the female CEO of a top New York Bank 'does it' with the 18-year-old room service guy, the dynamics are totally different from when you change the genders around.

In erotica, I'm not sure we fully explore the female fantasy of consensual submission against the male dichotomy of lust versus agression.

Lecture over.

 

[PennLady]

I dunno. PL, PF, can I get away from low self-esteem and say rape, as I see it, is just bodily harm.

Getting down to basics, surely the ultimate hetero act - however loving - is female submission to male penetration. That's not a feminist rant, just a biolological observation. I mean if the female CEO of a top New York Bank 'does it' with the 18-year-old room service guy, the dynamics are totally different from when you change the genders around.

In erotica, I'm not sure we fully explore the female fantasy of consensual submission against the male dichotomy of lust versus agression.

Lecture over.

Oh, absolutely, e_o. Rape is an assault, and I don't care how high or low your self-esteem is. As always, we've deviated from the original question/story. In that story, a man breaks into a woman's house looking for an item, which the he cannot find and the woman doesn't know about, and then he decides to rape the woman. There is no real foundation for this; it's more: oh, I can't find it, might as well "get some" while I'm here. Then, of course, the woman is aroused.

I'll buy that sex, when you get down to it, is female submission to the male. However, in this particular story, if the woman is going to be aroused by the non-con aspect, again, no foundation was laid.

I don't like and won't edit non-con stories. About the only time these stories "work" for me is if it turns out to be something like role-playing.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

The original topic having been beaten to death, I am interested in returning to the discussion that developed within this thread regarding the dichotomy between "rape" and "rape fantasy," which seem to be at war with one another under the "non-consent" label.

For the purposes of this discussion, I am not interested in the "reluctance" part of the heading. That seems clear enough. "Reluctance" means engaging in consensual sex with someone or under circumstances that are otherwise undersirable, i.e., blackmail.

What is the real difference between a "rape" story and a "rape fantasy" story? I know what rape is. Rape is nonconsensual sex. It is a first class felony, and if accomplished with violence it can be a capital crime in some states.

What, exactly, is a story about "rape fantasy?" Does this mean that at the end of the story it is revealed that the characters were actually husband and wife and merely play-acting? Does every proper "rape fantasy" story end with "... then they kissed, put away the black mask and ropes, checked on the kids and then went to bed"? Or, as another poster suggested, is it just a woman imagining that she is being taken against her will? Do those stories properly end with ".. after reaching her climax she turned off the DVD player, put away her vibrator and slept soundly, dreaming of her imaginary intruder"?

Can someone who writes or reads these stories please explain the meaning of a "rape fantasy" story?

Thank you in advance.

 

[CuteBrat]

I love non-con and rape stories. But it absolutely ruins it for me when the author makes it all into a roleplay, or it was really the husband all along. Personally I think that is an author too cowardly to confront the dark side within himself.

To me, the difference between rape and rape fantasy is easy....rape is the actual commission of the act. Not writing a story about it. Not hooking up with a girl like me who does consentual non-consent in real life. Its actually raping a woman who has not agreed to taking part in the act. That is bad.

Rape fantasy is everything else. It's writing a rape story. Its being like me and getting totally wet reading a good rape story. Its roleplaying. Its finding someone who does consentual non-consent. Its acknowledging the darkness within you....but not letting it take over. These are good.

The people who think writing a story that stays true to it being about a non-consentual rape is the same thing as actually raping someone are, imho, asshats.

 

[sr71plt]

What, exactly, is a story about "rape fantasy?" Does this mean that at the end of the story it is revealed that the characters were actually husband and wife and merely play-acting?

I think the role-playing of existing sex partners is included, yes. But I think that much of rape fantasy is a personalization of the author wanting something but not wanting the responsibility of either wanting it or actually getting it--mixed with a fetish for dangerous situations and wanting to be controlled. It's more a fantasy than a rape.

I've written a few of both--and I clearly knew it was a fantasy I was writing to intensify the emotions of the act.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

I think the role-playing of existing sex partners is included, yes. But I think that much of rape fantasy is a personalization of the author wanting something but not wanting the responsibility of either wanting it or actually getting it--mixed with a fetish for dangerous situations and wanting to be controlled. It's more a fantasy than a rape.

I've written a few of both--and I clearly knew it was a fantasy I was writing to intensify the emotions of the act.

So, are you saying that the difference lies entirely in the perception of the apparent victim? Her mouth said "no,", but her eyes said "yes"? Or, to put it another way:

"Please. Don't. Stop."

was really:

"Please, don't stop"?

If they have not discussed the issue previuosly, how does the aggressor know that it is token resistance? Does he just take the chance? Or is he intent on having her anyway, no matter what she actually means? Or does he have omniscience and just knows what she wants? Does the aggressor's intent even matter?

 

[sr71plt]

So, are you saying that the difference lies entirely in the perception of the apparent victim? Her mouth said "no,", but her eyes said "yes"? Or, to put it another way:

"Please. Don't. Stop."

was really:

"Please, don't stop"?

If they have not discussed the issue previuosly, how does the aggressor know that it is token resistance? Does he just take the chance? Or is he intent on having her anyway, no matter what she actually means? Or does he have omniscience and just knows what she wants? Does the aggressor's intent even matter?

No, I didn't say/mean that. Are you trying to create an argument where one didn't exist?

In much of rape fantasy (like most everything else), these aren't real people to begin with. They are characters--vehicles--manipulated in the writer's mind to fulfill the writer's own rape fantasy--of themselves. They are focused on the emotion/act. They don't give two figs for how the characters were raised to get to this point in their emotional situation.

You are making too much of it, I think. Beyond just wanting to argue with me, of course.

 

[soflabbwlvr]

No, I didn't say/mean that. Are you trying to create an argument where one didn't exist?

In much of rape fantasy (like most everything else), these aren't real people to begin with. They are characters--vehicles--manipulated in the writer's mind to fulfill the writer's own rape fantasy--of themselves. They are focused on the emotion/act. They don't give two figs for how the characters were raised to get to this point in their emotional situation.

You are making too much of it, I think. Beyond just wanting to argue with me, of course.

Not this time. As I said below, I am trying to work out the difference between a "rape" story and a "rape fantasy" story. I wasn't disagreeing with you, only trying to probe your response a little deeper. It is beginning to appear as though this is but another example of a distinction without a difference.

 

[sr71plt]

I'm not sure that anyone but the author can determine that their story is a nonharmful rape fantasy that you wouldn't classify as a harmful rape story (if that's what you're trying to do here). A lot of stories certainly read as being rape, because there's forced sex without established consent. If the writer was writing this from an internalized desire to have her/himself in the role of the raped, though, they are the only ones who know this (unless they've stated it in a ed. note someplace--and then they could just be doing this to try to avoid the rape charge). As the author has obviously consented to have this happen to her/him, it isn't even in the realm of rape at all--although still, in my mind, a rape fantasy. Now, if the author is projecting him/herself into the role of the rapist, it's a rape story, in my mind--because the rapist isn't the one who has to provide consent to avoid it being classified as a rape. It, however, isn't an actual rape. Because it's just a fictional story, with fictional characters, and a fictional scenario.

Perhaps a more interesting question is why you need to make a distinction. What are you going to do with it once you have obtained a distinction that pleases you? Complain about stories posted to Lit. that don't meet your own definitions?

 

[soflabbwlvr]

Perhaps a more interesting question is why you need to make a distinction. What are you going to do with it once you have obtained a distinction that pleases you? Complain about stories posted to Lit. that don't meet your own definitions?

I'm beginning to think that your cynicism is terminal. It is clearly impossible to have a discussion with you that does not devolve into an argument.

In this case, your precognitive powers have failed you. If you had read any of my earlier posts, you would see that I do not have a definition of "rape story" or "rape fantasy story." I am trying to understand what others mean when they use these terms.

Why? Because to some in this forum, this distinction is crucial. "Rape fantasy" stories are acceptable for publication on this site. "Rape" stories are apparently disallowed. Since I am assuming that they are all fictional accounts (would anyone write a rape confession story?), if there is any distinction between the two it has to be something other than "rape" stories are true but "rape fantasy" stories are imagined.

I may want to write such a story some day, but I don't want to cross the line into the forbidden zone.

In any event, don't bother responding and I can assure you that I will never again respond to any of your posts.

 

[sr71plt]

I'm beginning to think that your cynicism is terminal. It is clearly impossible to have a discussion with you that does not devolve into an argument.

In this case, your precognitive powers have failed you. If you had read any of my earlier posts, you would see that I do not have a definition of "rape story" or "rape fantasy story." I am trying to understand what others mean when they use these terms.

Why? Because to some in this forum, this distinction is crucial. "Rape fantasy" stories are acceptable for publication on this site. "Rape" stories are apparently disallowed. Since I am assuming that they are all fictional accounts (would anyone write a rape confession story?), if there is any distinction between the two it has to be something other than "rape" stories are true but "rape fantasy" stories are imagined.

I may want to write such a story some day, but I don't want to cross the line into the forbidden zone.

In any event, don't bother responding and I can assure you that I will never again respond to any of your posts.

OK, you win in your judgmentalism.