Marauding Gay Hordes

[Peregrinator]

Marauding Gay Hordes Drag Thousands Of Helpless Citizens From Marriages After Obama Drops Defense Of Marriage Act


WASHINGTON—Reports continue to pour in from around the nation today of helpless Americans being forcibly taken from their marital unions after President Obama dropped the Defense of Marriage Act earlier this week, leaving the institution completely vulnerable to roving bands of homosexuals. "It was just awful—they smashed through our living room window, one of them said 'I've had my eye on you, Roger,' and then they dragged my husband off kicking and screaming," said Cleveland-area homemaker Rita Ellington, one of the latest victims whose defenseless marriage was overrun by the hordes of battle-ready gays that had been clambering at the gates of matrimony since the DOMA went into effect in 1996. "Oh dear God, why did they remove the protection provided by this vital piece of legislation? My children! What will I tell my children?" A video communique was sent to the media late yesterday from what appears to be the as-yet unidentified leader of the gay marauders, who, adorned in terrifying warpaint, announced "Richard Dickson of Ames, Iowa. We're coming for you next. Put on something nice."

http://www.theonion.com/articles/marauding-gay-hordes-drag-thousands-of-helpless-ci,19325/

 

[Sean]

Lol. Satire will never die while The Onion lives.

 

[koalabear]

BB does this type thread much better.

 

[Peregrinator]

Lol. Satire will never die while The Onion lives.

Love it. And this has to be one of the stupidest bits of doublethink ever. How in the hell does someone else's marriage threaten mine?

 

[Peregrinator]

BB does this type thread much better.

Except that he actually believes the shit he posts.

 

[Sean]

Love it. And this has to be one of the stupidest bits of doublethink ever. How in the hell does someone else's marriage threaten mine?

It doesn't, of course, but you can't expect them to come out and admit they're just hate filled bigots, can you?

 

[Peregrinator]

It doesn't, of course, but you can't expect them to come out and admit they're just hate filled bigots, can you?

Sad experience has shown me that I cannot. So have the French conquered England yet? I hear you have gay soldiers.

 

[Sean]

Sad experience has shown me that I cannot. So have the French conquered England yet? I hear you have gay soldiers.

I think they're waiting 'til after dinner. You know what the frogs are like.

 

[butters]

I think they're waiting 'til after dinner. You know what the frogs are like.

if they wait till after dinner, this thread will lack legs

 

[Peregrinator]

I think they're waiting 'til after dinner. You know what the frogs are like.

Then it will be the gay defending against the drunk. Hmmm. I hope your cane-loving troops can handle the stench of garlic breath. Then again, where could they run to? Trapped between France and Scotland. Gah!

 

[RightField]

Did they capture Obama or did he go willingly?

 

[RightField]

I think they're waiting 'til after dinner. You know what the frogs are like.

Are they going to use escargot in their effort to capture England...or sparrows?

 

[SuprSalor]

And it doesn't just stop in the family homes. There's a domino effect affecting all facets of society! Local bar turns gay.

 

[pointless]

well, thank god no one has told the lesbians yet. that would be a nightmare beyond comprehension.

 

[Saint Peter]

Love it. And this has to be one of the stupidest bits of doublethink ever. How in the hell does someone else's marriage threaten mine?

When her hubby calls your wife?

 

[zipman]

I can't believe you people are making jokes while the fabic of our society is ripped to shreds.

Fear teh gays.

 

[Bacigalupo]

Gay banditos.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwtpMmssKv8

 

[unregistered]

 

[Peregrinator]

As an aside, I see your sporting an AV commensurate with having your position impeached so thoroughly on global warming.

Search the GB for the name and you'll see why. Look for Hogan posts.

So, Vette, are you going to defend the idea that two guys I've never heard of getting married would somehow affect my marriage?

How about the idea that now that gays can serve openly the Marines are suddenly going to become a bunch of pussies and get their asses handed to them in battle?

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

It doesn't, of course, but you can't expect them to come out and admit they're just hate filled bigots, can you?

There are worse things than being a hate filled bigot. Faggot comes to mind.

 

[unregistered]

 

[unregistered]

 

[Peregrinator]

Andrew Johnson~Impeached

No.

I think there will be morale problems, along with the majority of combat Marines, The Commandant, and many Marine Corps Generals, but what do we know when faced with the towering intellect of liberal back benchers who aren't qualified to carry their boots?

Marines are housed in two man rooms. No straight Marine is going to want to be roomed with a known gay man, and subject himself to the whispers, snickers, and friendly hazing he will inevitably be subjected to. I'm telling you right now this will cause problems. You might not think so, but it will.

I think the United States Marine Corps knows more about what makes a good combat Marine, knows more about success on the battlefield, than a bunch of dick smoking Democrats who will never be housed in the same manner they are, or subjected to the trials and tribulations they will.

We are talking about a premier fighting organization, not a barrel head upon which a sap sucking President of lesser character can repay the support of his aberrant constituency. You asked, and I replied, so rave on now about how bigoted I am.

So then to hell with DOMA is okay with you? I'm glad to hear it.

Service men and women are constantly giving each other shit over politics, state of origin, music, civilian clothes, gender, ethnicity, which sports teams they like, etc, etc, etc.

What I don't understand is how it's any worse than the late 40's when soldiers and marines had to tolerate being called "nigger-lovers."

I also don't understand how the IF and the Brits and countless other militaries manage to get along. Do you disagree that the IDf is a bad ass organization? Is there something about Israelis that makes them more able to tolerate gays?

You were a platoon sgt, right? So how would you handle that sniggering you're so worried about? How did you handle blatant racism or sexism? Did you let those things "cause problems" and reduce combat effectiveness?

Btw, nothing in your post was especially bigoted except "dick-smoking Democrats" and "aberrant constituency." That was unnecessary and shows your hatred of gay people. Which is a shame, because it's irrational.

 

[Luk]

It's not so much about you being a bigot as it is about you being a dumb fuck.

 

[KRCummings]

The great thing about The Onion is that there's always a couple people that think it's real.