How physically affectionate are you?

[Eilan]

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?

How affectionate are you with your SO? Your children (if you have them)? Other family members? Your friends?

If you who are in a relationship, have you ever encountered any issues with physical affection being (mis)interpreted as an invitation to sex? If so, how have you and your SO dealt with it?

There's a similar discussion on one of my other online haunts, and it has taken a really interesting turn over the last couple of pages. I'm interested in what the HT-ers have to say.

I'll respond later.

 

[NomadLady]

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?

How affectionate are you with your SO? Your children (if you have them)? Other family members? Your friends?

If you who are in a relationship, have you ever encountered any issues with physical affection being (mis)interpreted as an invitation to sex? If so, how have you and your SO dealt with it?

There's a similar discussion on one of my other online haunts, and it has taken a really interesting turn over the last couple of pages. I'm interested in what the HT-ers have to say.

I'll respond later.

I wasn't raised in a physically affectionate environement. I've learned through the years to become someome who hugs, etc. No kids and no SO at the moment but with friends and family now there are hugs.

Haven't had any problems with it being viewed as an invitation to sex...well unless I initiated it with a longer hug, kiss and some ass grabbing

 

[orgasmsgalore]

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?

How affectionate are you with your SO? Your children (if you have them)? Other family members? Your friends?

If you who are in a relationship, have you ever encountered any issues with physical affection being (mis)interpreted as an invitation to sex? If so, how have you and your SO dealt with it?

There's a similar discussion on one of my other online haunts, and it has taken a really interesting turn over the last couple of pages. I'm interested in what the HT-ers have to say.

I'll respond later.

I was raised in an affectionate family. The extended family hugs openly. I give friends hugs. When I was younger I was more affectionate with boyfriends. Now I offer little affection from me. I don't let them sleep where I am sleeping. And none of that afterglow shit. I found none of it to be of any REAL meaning, so I just don't do it to spare myself the let down.

 

[silverwhisper]

eilan queried:
were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?

nope. being asian, physical affection just isn't part of how family interacts. they've gotten more open about it since my childhood though, and that's a welcome change.

eilan queried:
how affectionate are you with your SO? your children (if you have them)? other family members? your friends?

my wife & i are often that couple: very often in physical contact (holding hands, etc), often (unintentionally) dressed in matching/complementary outfits, etc. no kids thus far over here. for siblings/parents/etc, usually hugs. i'm a hugger by nature & that extends to female friends and certain male friends. guys in the northeast aren't generally huggers with one another, so i try to keep it appropriate to my friend's sensibilities.

eilan queried:
if you who are in a relationship, have you ever encountered any issues with physical affection being (mis)interpreted as an invitation to sex? if so, how have you and your SO dealt with it?

early on, "do you want a backrub" was usually a very clumsy and predictable prelude to sex, yes, so i've certainly been guilty of it. it took me years to understand that cuddling is itself a fun activity, independent of whether more intimacy follows. i think i was like a lot of men that way. however, as the question is phrased, i'm fairly certain married folks aren't the intended focus of the question.

ed

 

[culloden]

I wasn't raised in touchy-feely family. Consequently, I'm not terribly comfortable with hugging friends and family - it's not a problem, but it feels awkward, and it's not something I ever initiate. I don't like being with people who are constant touchers.

My wife and I aren't particularly huggy, either, although we spend a lot of evenings on the couch together and have a great relationship.

We were physically affectionate with our kids up until adolescence, but now, unless someone has been away for a couple of weeks, we don't hug.

None of this is to say we aren't close as a family. We just don't express it physically.

 

[Setanta84]

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?
No.

How affectionate are you with your SO?
If I'm really into the person, I love to touch, mainly as a little reminder that I'm fond. Otherwise, not so much.

Other family members?
My mom and my nieces are the only living family members I can stand touching me and vice versa.

Your friends?
I'm uncomfortable with physical contact between friends.

 

[DarkBee]

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?
I believe so: I kiss most of my relatives (on the cheek), including my dad and brothers and some uncles I really like.

How affectionate are you with your SO? Your children (if you have them)? Other family members? Your friends?
When I had a relation, we may have overdone it: most of the time hugging and kissing.
I'm not really physical towards friends and family, except of course when greeting.

If you who are in a relationship, have you ever encountered any issues with physical affection being (mis)interpreted as an invitation to sex? If so, how have you and your SO dealt with it?
Unfortunately, in the only kinda serious relation I ever had, we never had sex (it only lasted 10 months and I'm single since).

 

[cromsgirl]

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?

Yes. Not only were we hugging all the time, my sister and I would trade back rubs often.

How affectionate are you with your SO? Other family members? Your friends?

Very, very affectionate with hubby. Even driving in the car, we touch each other. Still hug family and friends when I haven't seen them in a while.

If you who are in a relationship, have you ever encountered any issues with physical affection being (mis)interpreted as an invitation to sex? If so, how have you and your SO dealt with it?

Nope. That has never been a problem for us. Early in our relationship, I would move away from him if he was initiating sex and I wasn't in the mood. Now we are comfortable enough I can just say sorry not in the mood. I don't know that he has ever not been in the mood.

 

[ElegantlyElle]

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?

How affectionate are you with your SO? Your children (if you have them)? Other family members? Your friends?

If you who are in a relationship, have you ever encountered any issues with physical affection being (mis)interpreted as an invitation to sex? If so, how have you and your SO dealt with it?

There's a similar discussion on one of my other online haunts, and it has taken a really interesting turn over the last couple of pages. I'm interested in what the HT-ers have to say.

I'll respond later.

I was raised in the opposite of a physically affectionate environment. There were no hugs, no kisses, and we were told to suck it up if we got hurt. My mother is a very cold woman and that has affected me to this day. I hate being touched by everyone except my fiance who I never even shied away from. The first time he touched me and I didn't pull away I knew he was it, because it seemed so natural.

We're only having one child, but I plan on spoiling them with hugs and kisses. I never snuggled with my mom, she never read to us, and would lock us out of the house to watch soaps. My problem will be finding the happy medium of cold and helicopter. As for other family members, the only time I've hugged any of them is when my sister had a miscarriage and I knew what she was going through, so I hugged her and said, "Sorry."

As for affection being misconstrued...We've had a deal since the beginning. If one of us wants sex we're going to have sex. There are times when we obviously don't-sickness, very heavy period, exhaustion-but we both love sex, making out, snuggling, touching. There's no misinterpretation for us.

 

[Eilan]

To answer my own questions:

I'm not physically demonstrative with people who aren't a part of my household. I rarely hug my friends. To be honest, I'm actually pretty uncomfortable with physical contact from people I don't know well. My yoga instructor is a hugger, and to be honest, it bothered me a little when I attended yoga regularly.

I didn't kiss anyone until I was 19, partly because people thought I was ugly, but also because the thought of physical intimacy scared the crap out of me. Once someone makes the first move, though, I'm fine.

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?
Yeah, but there was also a lot of yelling and physical violence.

How affectionate are you with your SO?
I think we're pretty affectionate; the kids make fun of us sometimes when they catch us hugging. We hold hands and occasionally kiss in public, but we don't go overboard with the PDAs.

Your children (if you have them)?
My girls get hugs and kisses whenever they want them (and sometimes when they don't ). My oldest has never been particularly physically affectionate, so I don't push it. When she wants affection, she gets it.

If you who are in a relationship, have you ever encountered any issues with physical affection being (mis)interpreted as an invitation to sex? If so, how have you and your SO dealt with it?
I haven't encountered this, but I saw an exchange on one of my other online haunts that went as follows:

Ladies: Every time I hug my husband, he thinks it's an invitation to have sex.

Men: Well, if y'all would put out more often. . .

Ladies:

 

[bailadora]

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?

Yep. Hugging was second nature in our family.

How affectionate are you with your SO? Your children (if you have them)? Other family members? Your friends?

My husband and I are very affectionate. We keep it G rated, but we'll hug, kiss or hold hands in front of the kids or out in public. Like you, Eilan, my kids get kisses and hugs whenever they want and sometimes when they don't. My son is becoming more aware of his "dignity", so I try not to embarrass him in front of his friends. That said, he still likes his bedtime cuddles and will come looking for me if I've been delinquent.

As far as extended family - we're what you'd call kissing cousins. At family functions, there's the obligatory round of hugs and kisses upon arrival AND departure. My husband's family was not very demonstrative and I think this freaked them out when they first started attending functions on my side of the tree. But they eventually got used to it and during a recent conversation, my FIL mentioned how welcome my family has always made him and all my inlaws feel. He made it a point to mention how much he treasured it.

I'm also huggy with my friends, unless I sense it makes them uncomfortable.

If you who are in a relationship, have you ever encountered any issues with physical affection being (mis)interpreted as an invitation to sex? If so, how have you and your SO dealt with it?

In the beginning, it might have, but we've managed to work it out pretty easily now. We have key words and phrases that clue us in.

 

[qrayze]

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?

no

How affectionate are you with your SO?

was very affectionate when I had one

Your children (if you have them)?

very, lots of kisses and hugs

Other family members? Your friends?

feels very awkward to just give them a hug, and friends? almost never

 

[DarianBlack]

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?

No.

How affectionate are you with your SO? Your children (if you have them)? Other family members? Your friends?

With my SO? Very. Kissing or even hugging in public used to be very taboo for me - I'd get very anxious about it. Not anymore. Shit... I've fucked in public now xD' But anywho, yeah, I like touching, kissing, eye contact with my girl.

Family? Yes with my sister (we'd been seperated for many years), yes to select few others (an uncle, a niece)... No to everyone else.

Friends? Yes. Embarrassingly so When people don't know me they think I'm some big scary guy with muscles. After they friends, they know ima teddy bear ;p

If you who are in a relationship, have you ever encountered any issues with physical affection being (mis)interpreted as an invitation to sex? If so, how have you and your SO dealt with it?

Yeah, all the time. I'll either slap her hand away and laugh, or tell her not right now. She'll do the same. We don't get bent out of shape about it... You can't expect your libido to match 100% of the time.

However, I find I can get myself in the mood with some effort. As can she for the most part. It's just sometimes we prefer other things. Cuddling is a big contender next to sex. Prolly laziness too. The only exercise I've been getting lately is sex... and especially on those "three times a day" days... ya get tired xD' (also working full-time o.o)

There's a similar discussion on one of my other online haunts, and it has taken a really interesting turn over the last couple of pages. I'm interested in what the HT-ers have to say.

I'll respond later.

Twas fun.

 

[Cattypuss]

I was raised in a very unaffectionate family - both physically and emotionally.

I am very very touchy-feely with lovers (I mean in a non-sexual, expressing affection kind of way).

I never touch my platonic friends and I recoil when they touch me.

 

[unregistered]

 

[blueberree]

A wide sense of personal space

I wasn't raised in an environment where there was a ton of hugging or kissing. Probably on the very low end of the spectrum, actually.

With SOs, feels awkward to have public displays of affection beyond mild stuff like sitting near each other, maybe holding hands.

I'm not fond of the trend of hugging upon greeting or departure of people who aren't my friends or family. It makes me feel uncomfortable and when people start making the rounds, I have a choice of either being comfortable in my space or feeling like a jerk for not participating in the stupid hug fest.

 

[Plinth]

My whole family is very physically affectionate, so it's no real surprise that I am too in relationships. Not too clingy -- but it's a wonderful feeling, being with a girl in a crowded room, and running your hand down her back, or feeling her hand on your knee, and then your eyes meet -- to reassure each other of your connection, I suppose.

And as for full on snogging and groping in public -- well, the others will just have to deal with it!

 

[steelrfn]

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?
No, not really
How affectionate are you with your SO?
Not nearly as much as she wants
Your children?
fairly with the younger children, but have reached that awkward age with my 15 year old boy.

Other family members?
No

Your friends?
I get weirded out when people invade my personal space and am very awkward with social touching.

If you who are in a relationship, have you ever encountered any issues with physical affection being (mis)interpreted as an invitation to sex?
Not from my end

 

[liv21]

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?
My mom and dad both gave me plenty of love. I was cuddly until about three or four. As odd as it sounds, I was diagnosed with depression around the age of four or five. I kind of backed away from them since then.

How affectionate are you with your SO?
I'm really affectionate towards my fiance. Hugs and kisses, plenty of cuddling. I love going to sleep with his arms around me.

Other family members?
I have a sister three years younger than me. We squabbled a lot when we were kids. We get along now, but there's never been any real affection. I don't tell her I love her, and we almost never touch. I'm not sure if this is normal or not. I know a lot of sisters born within a few years of each other are very close, but I think it's awkward and uncomfortable.
I like my parents a lot, but we seem to have more of a friendly professional relationship than a familiar one. It's hard for me to say "I love you," but after meeting my fiance, I find giving hugs has become easier.

Your friends?
It depends on the friend. I have certain friends of either sex who I touch and get close to fairly often, and others who I keep my distance with.

If you who are in a relationship, have you ever encountered any issues with physical affection being (mis)interpreted as an invitation to sex? If so, how have you and your SO dealt with it?
We haven't really had any problems with it thus far. We're very affectionate towards each other, and we have sex often, so it's not like me giving him a hug says, "here's your chance." He knows how to read subtle clues that tell him I want sexual attention. That and he knows how to touch me to get me in the mood.

 

[ArchLady03]

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?

Oh yeah, my mom's side of the family (the only family I really saw) was very affectionate. Hugs, kisses, playful punches on the shoulder, all that stuff. We're all extremely close and we show it.

How affectionate are you with your SO?

Don't have one currently, but in the past I have been both affectionate and non-affectionate with my SOs, it really all depends on him. Had one guy who hugged, touched, and kissed in public and another who didn't like affection really at all, not even with just us (ha ha that one didn't last too long).

Other family members?

Always hug my family members. Especially my mom and sister. We've always been really close, even during those stressful teenage years, so affection is very common.


Your friends?

Not so much with friends. I've hugged friends if I haven't seen them in ages, but that's about it.

If you who are in a relationship, have you ever encountered any issues with physical affection being (mis)interpreted as an invitation to sex? If so, how have you and your SO dealt with it?

Never had that happen to me... yet lol

 

[fire_breeze]

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?

Pretty much so. Kissing on two cheeks was and still is the norm in my family. Hugging, meh, not so much - at least for me. I wasn't very touchy feely, so my parents respected that. My brother was (and is), so he got a lot of hugs.

In hindsight, I was a little envious of that

How affectionate are you with your SO? Your children (if you have them)? Other family members? Your friends?

I kiss everyone on the two cheeks, and certain others on the lips (with no sexual connotations whatsoever, it's a peck on the lips). Hugging for me is very intimate and I can count on one hand how many people I hug. And there was one Person that I hugged right off the bat and still miss His hugs. This is very VERY rare for me.

I hug my nieces and nephews because they want it. So while I may be uncomfortable with the intimacy of hugs, I will ignore it - and gladly - in order to give them hugs. My oldest nephew is 12, so he asks for hugs less when we're in public, and again I respect it. Interestingly enough, my youngest nephew (5) is the only kisser. He will hug rarely, but kisses everyone. Must be an Aquarian thing

If you who are in a relationship, have you ever encountered any issues with physical affection being (mis)interpreted as an invitation to sex? If so, how have you and your SO dealt with it?

Never had that happen.

 

[CoyoteTales]

Were you raised in a physically affectionate environment?

How affectionate are you with your SO? Your children (if you have them)? Other family members? Your friends?

If you who are in a relationship, have you ever encountered any issues with physical affection being (mis)interpreted as an invitation to sex? If so, how have you and your SO dealt with it?

There's a similar discussion on one of my other online haunts, and it has taken a really interesting turn over the last couple of pages. I'm interested in what the HT-ers have to say.

I'll respond later.

1. Not really. I grew up in a rather uptight family, and the only time you ever got your hand held was when you were crossing the street and under the age of 9.

2. I'm affectionate with my SO. I have a streak of feral to me, so I'm all about the nosing, playful biting, and the random caress as I pass by wherever they're at.

3. I got misread as still being involved with my ex by a relative because of the way I was comfortable leaning up against her. I used to be in love with her, and I still have a lot of respect for the woman, and we're still friends -- and old habits die hard.

Of course, the biggest reason for this is that I'm a kinesthetic. My sense of touch is pretty important to me. And so I'm big on the touch aspect of someone I trust or like. And if I like the way someone feels to me, I'm going to keep touching them if they let me. And if they like the way I feel to them? Well, the last time that happened, we eventually ended up in bed together....

-CT.