The Push Present

[bailadora]

So this morning as I'm taking the kids to school, the morning DJs start talking about something called the Push Present.

I'd never heard of it before, but apparently it's becoming quite the trend for the father to give the mother some sort of gift (usually some sort of jewelry) upon the birth of a child as a "thank you" for all she had to go through due to pregnancy and delivery. According the female DJ, this is something some women are openly discussing now as if it is something that a woman should expect, as in: "What did you get for a push present?" And if the guy didn't get his spouse/SO something, then he looks like a total douche. The female DJ even went so far as to say that the female should get some sort of thank you token from the male because pregnancy and childbirth changes women's bodies so much and then the guys are ever after complaining about it.

I guess I'm hopelessly out of date, but I just don't understand why the hell a woman would expect something like this. Presumably, when a couple decides to have a child, it's (usually) a joint decision and the "gift" comes in the form of a child. Why is anything else expected or required?

But then again, I've never been one to keep up with the latest trends, so I thought I'd throw the question out there to my fellow Litsters. What say you regarding the idea of a "push present"?

 

[SpiritRider]

Sounds like another creation from the people that gave us Valentines Day.

 

[unregistered]

 

[emap]

Makes about as much sense as handing out trophy's to every kid that played whatever.

 

[Eilan]

We've become a society of gift-grubbers! Okay, that's a bit of hyperbole, but still. . . .

Now I'm bitter 'cause I missed out on four opportunities to grub for gifts. I wonder if I could get my husband and my ex to split the cost of lifting my boobs off the floor?!

 

[Mac98]

We've become a society of gift-grubbers! Okay, that's a bit of hyperbole, but still. . . .

Now I'm bitter 'cause I missed out on four opportunities to grub for gifts. I wonder if I could get my husband and my ex to split the cost of lifting my boobs off the floor?!

I don't know of many husbands who would deny you that...

 

[favoritesgoddess]

I'd like to slap whoever came up with that label. It's repulsive.

Perhaps we're odd in my family and circle of friends, but giving gifts to celebrate milestone events is pretty common. I consider growing a person from scratch to be a pretty significant accomplishment, personally. My husband was impressed too and he still tells me that. He didn't get me a gift because I asked for it, or because the jewelery store told him he had to, but because when I pushed that baby out, he knew he was in the presence of greatness.

The next day, to celebrate our first daughter, he surprised me with the earrings that I'd been lusting after, and four years later he surprised me with a matching necklace to celebrate the birth of our second daughter. They are two of my most treasured pieces of jewelry, next to my wedding rings (which he gave me to celebrate our wedding), and my grandmother's engagement ring (from my aunt to celebrate my college graduation.) Oh, and grammy's pearls that I got for my Confirmation. And the diamond birthstone ring my parents gave me when I turned 21. (I like shiny things. YMMV.)

I think if a gift is given out of love, it's lovely. As in all things, it's the thought behind it that counts.

 

[JuanVato]

I heard this came from an urban culture where many babies are born out of wedlock. Since the woman did not get a diamond ring beforw the birth, she should now get something. As I heard one woman say on this subject: "The men get their present when the doctor puts that extra stich in when he sews us up."

So if you are married, then no "push present" is required. I don't have kids, but if I was married and got a son, yeah-my wife would get some diamonds.

 

[Toqueme]

.....

 

[philos]

actually a very old tradition. Some rulers gave their wives castles and kingdoms.

 

[SweetErika]

I wonder how many of these push present people (givers and receivers) are free of bad debt, don't live on credit, have a sufficient emergency fund and insurance and are putting enough into education funds for their kids. I'm guessing not many at all; most are probably those who have catered to their wants all of their lives, and this is just one more excuse for getting something they want vs. what they need.

Because having a kid is freaking expensive, even if when you do it on the cheap.

Apart from the actual kid, my push present was my portion of the medical bills for having the kid and everything it takes to cover his essentials. I'd never consider wanting something as unnecessary and extravagant as jewelry when there are so many new necessities to take care of, especially in the first year.

 

[fire_breeze]

actually a very old tradition. Some rulers gave their wives castles and kingdoms.

I apologise in advance.

This is completely off topic, but actually, no, I'm sorry to disagree. Or it's a very rare case, at least in many places in the world. First of all, the culture among the ruling class was so completely different that to label it as an 'old tradition' is actually a misnomer. While it may be a tradition in some cultures to present a mother with a gift, it's not the norm and is incomparable to what you have stated.

Second of all, these wives were given castles if they produced an heir. The king was too busy waging wars and visiting his vassals that the castles ended up being a source of revenue for his family.

Third, IF a king gave a kingdom to a wife (which was in itself was very unusual), it was in co-rulership with the king. He had the final say, they jointly ruled, and it was often understood that she was the regent until the heir took his rightful place. If she independently ruled, it's because she was the rightful queen of the state.

Which leads to fourth, almost always, the mother held fiefdom until her son reached an age of majority. If she was clever - and these court ladies were - she'd rule behind the throne, i.e. everyone knew who was the boss, and it was not the son.

In short, it's the very rare exception to the rule.

/of history of culture lesson.


On a separate note, I just think it's sad that something that is supposed to be freely given, a gift, is expected. It ceases to be a gift and instead becomes an exchange.

 

[BrazenFellow]

To expound on what Firebreeze said, I find it more than mildly disturbing that childbirth has now become some sort of transaction...

After seeing the average OB/GYN waiting room crowd in this part of the US though, I can see how this "push present" concept came around as part of idiot culture/ghetto culture. I, no shit, heard variations on this exchange seven different times in two trips totaling four hours of my time: "Do you know who the baby daddy is?" "No."

 

[NippleMuncher]

To expound on what Firebreeze said, I find it more than mildly disturbing that childbirth has now become some sort of transaction...

It seems that everything in life has to be reduced to some form of compensation for services rendered. I don't personally get it, but whatever floats your boat I guess.

 

[blade_rocknut]

Doesn't mean much when you charge it on a credit card that you can't pay off- like most fickle, materialistic types would do. I agree with the post about the Valentine's crowd concocting this new gift gouging scheme!

 

[TypicalDeviant]

I pushed into her, that's present enough.

 

[philos]

Taj Mahal was a kind of push present but it is also a tribute to the wife who didn't survive the process of Childbirth. No strings just a tribute to the love he had for his wife.

 

[ElectricGinger]

I agree with the idea that the gift is the child. It's sad to me that a woman would expect something more. We've become such a materialistic society... I don't think pregnancy and childbirth should be viewed as negative things, something that we should be rewarded for enduring. We are rewarded with a child, and our men have to deal with us during the pregnancy as well. It's not as if they get off easy ;-) I guess I just would never expect or even think about getting a "push present." My man's support and the look in his eyes when he holds his new child in his arms for the first time will be quite enough for me.

 

[bailadora]

I wonder how many of these push present people (givers and receivers) are free of bad debt, don't live on credit, have a sufficient emergency fund and insurance and are putting enough into education funds for their kids.

Yeah, this is something one of the male Djs mentioned. If the idea is to celebrate/commemorate the birth of the kid, why not do something for the benefit of the kid?

My man's support and the look in his eyes when he holds his new child in his arms for the first time will be quite enough for me.

Agreed. Many times, my husband and I would wake to the baby(ies) crying in the middle of the night and he'd often tell me, "Go back to sleep. I've got it covered." To me, that was more precious than anything.

 

[philos]

Can't it be a simple act of gratitude for the wonderful gift of a child and a thanksgiving that both mother and child are well? Just a gift without all this other baggage that its some kind of quid pro quo? I often give my wife gifts without even an occasion. This is certainly something to celebrate.

 

[bailadora]

Can't it be a simple act of gratitude for the wonderful gift of a child and a thanksgiving that both mother and child are well? Just a gift without all this other baggage that its some kind of quid pro quo? I often give my wife gifts without even an occasion. This is certainly something to celebrate.

Sure, if the husband/father is moved to do it of his own accord. But as I mentioned in the opening post, it's something that some women are beginning to expect as a matter of course for having the kid. It strikes me as greedy and materialistic, but that's just my opinion. I guess it all boils down to what one values most. For me, it was sleep thus the hands on help from my honey meant more to me than sparkly baubles ever could. *shrug*

 

[NomadLady]

So this morning as I'm taking the kids to school, the morning DJs start talking about something called the Push Present.

I'd never heard of it before, but apparently it's becoming quite the trend for the father to give the mother some sort of gift (usually some sort of jewelry) upon the birth of a child as a "thank you" for all she had to go through due to pregnancy and delivery. According the female DJ, this is something some women are openly discussing now as if it is something that a woman should expect, as in: "What did you get for a push present?" And if the guy didn't get his spouse/SO something, then he looks like a total douche. The female DJ even went so far as to say that the female should get some sort of thank you token from the male because pregnancy and childbirth changes women's bodies so much and then the guys are ever after complaining about it.

I guess I'm hopelessly out of date, but I just don't understand why the hell a woman would expect something like this. Presumably, when a couple decides to have a child, it's (usually) a joint decision and the "gift" comes in the form of a child. Why is anything else expected or required?

But then again, I've never been one to keep up with the latest trends, so I thought I'd throw the question out there to my fellow Litsters. What say you regarding the idea of a "push present"?

If the woman expects that from her husband or significant other, that's just selfish....bearing a child with someone should be an act of love...not a "what are you gonna do for me thing"

 

[philos]

Yes but gifts are never about that. Or at least they shouldn't be. Am I just super naive? When you give a christmas or birthday gift is it simply a transaction? Just an expression of love, affection, and outreach of gratitude. Why read into it any further? It is a time when a husband is filled with the strongest of emotions to the mother of his child. Why is it strange that he express it in a physical way?

 

[SweetErika]

Yes but gifts are never about that. Or at least they shouldn't be. Am I just super naive? When you give a christmas or birthday gift is it simply a transaction? Just an expression of love, affection, and outreach of gratitude. Why read into it any further? It is a time when a husband is filled with the strongest of emotions to the mother of his child. Why is it strange that he express it in a physical way?

That's not really the way these push presents usually work, though. Most often, it's not the father coming up with something of his own accord, it's the mother saying, "I'm giving you this kid and I want you to give me XYZ for that." It's like telling someone they need to bring you a gift if they want to attend your Christmas or Birthday party.

 

[Red_and_Mackie]

I agree with the points on expectation. Expecting a gift or dictating what kind of gift you want in exchange for doing something you made the decision to do anyway is a little ridiculous.

That said: I would give a "push present" on my own accord. I agree that the child is the true reward but I see nothing wrong with marking the occasion with a gift for the mother.

On another note for the ladies: Why would you not enjoy receiving a push present? True rewards aside, bringing a child into this world is one of the hardest physical things you will ever do. Wouldn't a little something for your accomplishment become a token you cherish as the years go by?