Am i doing it right.

[vixjohn]

Hi there, I've been lurking here for a while but have yet to post and seeing as I am in need of some help/advice, I thought this was the best place

If not, I'm sorry and please feel free to move this to where it should be.

Ok, here goes,

I'm new to the scene and after reading a BDSM novel I was intrigued and wanted to try it, my partner took some encouraging but now he is enjoying being my Dom in the bedroom.

The thing i want to ask is this....

Am I normal for feeling relaxed when he spanks/crops me? I know he's doing it hard, because it bloody hurts, and even he has said that on occasion, he thought I was going to safeword and he's held back a little, but I can't explain it, I just feel so calm and even though I can feel that it's hurting, especially when he hits his stride, I even cry out if he gives me the 'Whoppers' of hits, as we call them, but I still feel relaxed.

I have even cried during our 'play' although I did tell him before hand that it's an emotional release and if I ever do cry he shouldnt stop. But I've seen people cry during scenes so I know that that can happen, I'm just not sure about feeling relaxed.

Am I doing it wrong? Is he? Are we both doing it wrong?

Any advice will be greatly recieved.


Thanks in advance.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Hi there, I've been lurking here for a while but have yet to post and seeing as I am in need of some help/advice, I thought this was the best place

If not, I'm sorry and please feel free to move this to where it should be.

Ok, here goes,

I'm new to the scene and after reading a BDSM novel I was intrigued and wanted to try it, my partner took some encouraging but now he is enjoying being my Dom in the bedroom.

The thing i want to ask is this....

Am I normal for feeling relaxed when he spanks/crops me? I know he's doing it hard, because it bloody hurts, and even he has said that on occasion, he thought I was going to safeword and he's held back a little, but I can't explain it, I just feel so calm and even though I can feel that it's hurting, especially when he hits his stride, I even cry out if he gives me the 'Whoppers' of hits, as we call them, but I still feel relaxed.

I have even cried during our 'play' although I did tell him before hand that it's an emotional release and if I ever do cry he should stop. But I've seen people cry during scenes so I know that that can happen, I'm just not sure about feeling relaxed.

Am I doing it wrong? Is he? Are we both doing it wrong?

Any advice will be greatly recieved.


Thanks in advance.

Nope, that's perfectly alright

Pain can be very cathartic.

 

[vixjohn]

Nope, that's perfectly alright

Pain can be very cathartic.

Thanks for replying.

I was so worried that something was wrong with me.


xx

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Thanks for replying.

I was so worried that something was wrong with me.


xx

Sometimes I find myself dissociating from the pain as well.. I feel calm, my mind seems to be watching from the outside.. registering the pain, but not in a way that'll make me wriggle out of the way.

It's peaceful, but Mr has to be careful to stop, because I won't stop him.

 

[vixjohn]

Sometimes I find myself dissociating from the pain as well.. I feel calm, my mind seems to be watching from the outside.. registering the pain, but not in a way that'll make me wriggle out of the way.

It's peaceful, but Mr has to be careful to stop, because I won't stop him.

I've had times like that too...or when he has stopped, I've begged him to carry on.

I register the pain, but it's like....I just want a bit more of it, it makes me feel so dreamy and calm.

if that makes sense.

 

[switchbitch]

I've had times like that too...or when he has stopped, I've begged him to carry on.

I register the pain, but it's like....I just want a bit more of it, it makes me feel so dreamy and calm.

if that makes sense.

'dreamy and calm.' is how I feel when I hit subspace almost like I'm floating in warm oil and the flogger or hand is creating almost a whirlpool feeling in the oil, even though it is dreamy and calm it is also exciting and mind expanding for me, though many others I have spoken to do not necessarily experience at the same way that I do most of them have had some experience of what they call subspace. If it feels good just keep doing it, there are no hard and fast rules, how could there be when we are all different, just let your senses guide you.

 

[vixjohn]

'dreamy and calm.' is how I feel when I hit subspace almost like I'm floating in warm oil and the flogger or hand is creating almost a whirlpool feeling in the oil, even though it is dreamy and calm it is also exciting and mind expanding for me, though many others I have spoken to do not necessarily experience at the same way that I do most of them have had some experience of what they call subspace. If it feels good just keep doing it, there are no hard and fast rules, how could there be when we are all different, just let your senses guide you.

Thank you for replying xx

someone had mentioned subspace to me before but I just wasnt sure as we are just playing more than anything, I'm so glad it isnt just me that gets like this though.

It does feel amazing when it's happening.

x

 

[catalina_francisco]

For some of us, pain play can be the best thing for stress release. Enjoy the moments and continue to explore together to find what works for both of you, not what someone else or a book tells you is right.

Catalina

 

[Sir_Winston54]

.... Enjoy the moments and continue to explore together to find what works for both of you, not what someone else or a book tells you is right.

QFT.

And you're far from the only person who's ever felt that sensation of relaxation while being spanked/flogged/caned/whatever. It's not uncommon at all, as Cat said earlier in her post.

What's most important is that, at least for a while, the two of you continue to communicate, both before and after sessions (though perhaps not *immediately* afterward; a lot of people aren't really coherent, even to themselves, right after a session). As you learn, talk to one another about how *each* of you felt during it, the thoughts you had (or didn't have, in some cases ), how you feel if he pauses between strokes, or if they come fast and furious, etc.

Good luck to you both... and feel free to post pics of the aftereffects if you'd like!

 

[Stella_Omega]

It sounds to me as if you're doing it very, very right

 

[vixjohn]

For some of us, pain play can be the best thing for stress release. Enjoy the moments and continue to explore together to find what works for both of you, not what someone else or a book tells you is right.

Catalina

oh its such a great stress reliever, I've even 'asked' for a spanking in the last week as a close aunt died and I needed grounding, I actually felt so amazing afterwards, I just couldnt believe it.

I had no clue it would feel like this.



Thank you for replying xx

 

[vixjohn]

QFT.

And you're far from the only person who's ever felt that sensation of relaxation while being spanked/flogged/caned/whatever. It's not uncommon at all, as Cat said earlier in her post.

What's most important is that, at least for a while, the two of you continue to communicate, both before and after sessions (though perhaps not *immediately* afterward; a lot of people aren't really coherent, even to themselves, right after a session). As you learn, talk to one another about how *each* of you felt during it, the thoughts you had (or didn't have, in some cases ), how you feel if he pauses between strokes, or if they come fast and furious, etc.

Good luck to you both... and feel free to post pics of the aftereffects if you'd like!

Thanks for this, we've done lots of talking, sometimes even during, like...Ooh do that again...and stuff, just to get 'into' it, there are times when all i can manage is a gasp though...which is fun too

I do have this pic of one of the first spankings we did, I think it's pretty red.....

http://cdn1.fetlife.com/510/510266/c8941bb4c0c8a8e43fee3a75d7e73ba2_20100911135321_510.jpg

We were pretty proud of that one

 

[vixjohn]

It sounds to me as if you're doing it very, very right

This made me

Thank you xx

 

[catalina_francisco]

oh its such a great stress reliever, I've even 'asked' for a spanking in the last week as a close aunt died and I needed grounding, I actually felt so amazing afterwards, I just couldnt believe it.

I had no clue it would feel like this.

Yep, it can work wonders. When I am going through something extremely stressful, I find I crave even more pain. One of my favourites is when he spanks me, then uses wire brushes as an impact implement, then when the blood is flowing, uses the crop, cane or flogger on the same area. It is wonderful.

Catalina

 

[vixjohn]

Yep, it can work wonders. When I am going through something extremely stressful, I find I crave even more pain. One of my favourites is when he spanks me, then uses wire brushes as an impact implement, then when the blood is flowing, uses the crop, cane or flogger on the same area. It is wonderful.

Catalina

I know what you mean, it's like a total release without me freaking out and kicking things...cos i'm not allowed too, well I can, but at that time all I can do is lie there and take whatever he is giving me, its freaking AWESOME!!

It makes me smile as he was so like HELL NO!! when i first brought it up, now he's all toppy and Domly....*sigh* it's wonderful.

Vix x

 

[KoPilot]

When I am going through something extremely stressful, I find I crave even more pain.

When I felt that way in high school, I reached for an xacto and cut up the palms of my hands~

 

[Stella_Omega]

When I felt that way in high school, I reached for an xacto and cut up the palms of my hands~

See, it would be nice to not have to go there, wouldn't it?

 

[KoPilot]

See, it would be nice to not have to go there, wouldn't it?

Way I see it, I did it then because I liked the feeling of catharsis it brought, the dull euphoria, and it reminded me that I could trust myself.

Now I outsource that to S because it's cathartic, euphoric, and so that I can learn to trust him as much, if not more, than myself.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Sounds like you just have your head in the right space, vix... Being scared and panicky would be an indication of bad mojo going on. "You will know when you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack. "

Oh, wait... wrong movie. Sorry - I'm still geeking from Dragon*Con a little bit.

 

[midwestyankee]

Thanks for this, we've done lots of talking, sometimes even during, like...Ooh do that again...and stuff, just to get 'into' it, there are times when all i can manage is a gasp though...which is fun too

I do have this pic of one of the first spankings we did, I think it's pretty red.....

http://cdn1.fetlife.com/510/510266/c8941bb4c0c8a8e43fee3a75d7e73ba2_20100911135321_510.jpg

We were pretty proud of that one

Yep, looks like a damned good spanking to me.

Trusting your emotional responses to your play will work as long as a) you continue to be honest with yourself about what you're feeling, and b) you accept that your emotions can trick you occasionally.

For example, when you find yourself in a bad case of sub drop you may feel as if you want to escape from your partner or slit his throat or maybe cling to him like he was the tree of life. None of those feelings will be truly you for they will be how your brain responds to a diminished supply of endorphins after having been flooded with them shortly before. This is a trick that your body plays and it's not wise to fall for the trick. Instead, give yourself time to regain equilibrium and then pay attention to how you feel.

As others have said, you seem to be doing it just about right so far.

 

[vixjohn]

Sounds like you just have your head in the right space, vix... Being scared and panicky would be an indication of bad mojo going on. "You will know when you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack. "

Oh, wait... wrong movie. Sorry - I'm still geeking from Dragon*Con a little bit.

I dont want to be scared....Ok, maybe i do....just a little but not to the point where i'm not enjoying it, I mean, I dont think he'd like scaring me either...Ok again, maybe he would

I'm so glad i'm doing it right.......

Thanks for the reply

Vix x

 

[vixjohn]

Yep, looks like a damned good spanking to me.

Trusting your emotional responses to your play will work as long as a) you continue to be honest with yourself about what you're feeling, and b) you accept that your emotions can trick you occasionally.

For example, when you find yourself in a bad case of sub drop you may feel as if you want to escape from your partner or slit his throat or maybe cling to him like he was the tree of life. None of those feelings will be truly you for they will be how your brain responds to a diminished supply of endorphins after having been flooded with them shortly before. This is a trick that your body plays and it's not wise to fall for the trick. Instead, give yourself time to regain equilibrium and then pay attention to how you feel.

As others have said, you seem to be doing it just about right so far.

I've been trying to listen to them, so far, after we've played, I really can't do much, just kinda lie there like a big pile of girly goo and he'll ask if i'm ok and all I can manage is a very weak shake of my head....its GREAT

Thanks for the reply, I really appreciate it

Vix x

 

[NomadLady]

Hi there, I've been lurking here for a while but have yet to post and seeing as I am in need of some help/advice, I thought this was the best place

If not, I'm sorry and please feel free to move this to where it should be.

Ok, here goes,

I'm new to the scene and after reading a BDSM novel I was intrigued and wanted to try it, my partner took some encouraging but now he is enjoying being my Dom in the bedroom.

The thing i want to ask is this....

Am I normal for feeling relaxed when he spanks/crops me? I know he's doing it hard, because it bloody hurts, and even he has said that on occasion, he thought I was going to safeword and he's held back a little, but I can't explain it, I just feel so calm and even though I can feel that it's hurting, especially when he hits his stride, I even cry out if he gives me the 'Whoppers' of hits, as we call them, but I still feel relaxed.

I have even cried during our 'play' although I did tell him before hand that it's an emotional release and if I ever do cry he shouldnt stop. But I've seen people cry during scenes so I know that that can happen, I'm just not sure about feeling relaxed.

Am I doing it wrong? Is he? Are we both doing it wrong?

Any advice will be greatly recieved.


Thanks in advance.

It sounds like you are doing it "exactly" right and have had the great fortune to get someone you already trusted to dom you. I would venture to say that a large percentage of "newbies" don't get that and have less than happy first experiences!!

 

[vixjohn]

It sounds like you are doing it "exactly" right and have had the great fortune to get someone you already trusted to dom you. I would venture to say that a large percentage of "newbies" don't get that and have less than happy first experiences!!

I am really lucky as we've been together for 8 years so although he was very reluctant, I just asked him to try it, he spoke to a few people, a good friend of mine has a Dom so he spoke with him and got thinking about it, I promised him at the time that just because i wanted to be spanked/cropped that i wouldnt want it all the time, but he enjoyed it so much that he's really into it now. Lol.

My friends Dom keeps sending him messages suggesting to him what he can make me do and how he can make me do it.

It's so exciting, I'm like a kid a Christmas....

Thankyou for saying i'm doing it right, I appreciate it xx

Vix xx