cyber versus real play

[switchbitch]

BDSM and cyber
I find cyber play has a very different dynamic. Dominating isn't just saying “ do this now you slut” while in real play your dominant may have the ability to turn you to jelly by uttering this as he or she stares at you with knowing, demanding, forceful eyes in cyber play it can feel like an excuse to swear at an unknown person.
So much of dominating for me comes from being totally aware of my subs reactions to different kinds of stimuli whether it be pain, pleasure or simply an indifferent smile. The knowledge of which buttons to push to reduce a submissive to my will comes the focus I bring to bear on their reactions, there is no need in most cases for the sub to speak.
As a submissive the feeling of total trust that my dominant knows what I need whether I'm aware of it or not or indeed whether or not I have voiced any such need is an integral part of my submission.
In cyber play response must be verbalised by the submissive which often seems to undermine the submission when playing with inexperienced cyber doms.
In dominant mode I find I need long and detailed discussion with the sub to find the key to their submission and constant feedback during play. It can be quite frustrating.
Do any other players have similar frustrations or have you found any ways to overcome these problems?

 

[FurryFury]

It works best for me when a relationship of mutual trust, interests and respect is established first.

During actual play it works best for me when each person contributes at least 50% of the typing.

If either is "carrying" the other it starts to feel like servicing or being serviced to me.

I can happily do it now and then for someone as a special thing but I really can't handle not typing and contributing at all when the tables are turned. I begin to feel like a worthless leech. I begin to wish for a book to read or something to do because I'm rarely, if ever engaged when I'm not contributing.

Yep.

I prefer skin to skin but when you can't get that, cyber can be great. At least until your run out of new ways to describe stuff. Or until you begin to hate yourself because you can't give more the other person.

 

[switchbitch]

It works best for me when a relationship of mutual trust, interests and respect is established first.

During actual play it works best for me when each person contributes at least 50% of the typing.

If either is "carrying" the other it starts to feel like servicing or being serviced to me.

I can happily do it now and then for someone as a special thing but I really can't handle not typing and contributing at all when the tables are turned. I begin to feel like a worthless leech. I begin to wish for a book to read or something to do because I'm rarely, if ever engaged when I'm not contributing.

Yep.

I wholeheartedly agree however finding D/S play partners who are willing to contribute equally it is difficult amongst the hundreds of two Word PM's

 

[FurryFury]

Wankers.

Ugh.

I wholeheartedly agree however finding D/S play partners who are willing to contribute equally it is difficult amongst the hundreds of two Word PM's

 

[FurryFury]

I usually write too much. To be honest I had to learn to WAIT and let the other person type in role play early on. GOD the loooong times it took some people was painful.

FF

 

[switchbitch]

I usually write too much. To be honest I had to learn to WAIT and let the other person type in role play early on. GOD the loooong times it took some people was painful.

FF

or in some cases just not painful enough in a couple of cases I have enjoyed quite intense play sessions however in both these cases they were BDSM noviceswho were pushing their personal sexual borders.while these were satisfying and enjoyablethey don't supply the bone deep satisfaction that comes with experience in either my submissive or dominant role.

 

[FurryFury]

I got my start in all things D/s while playing an online VtM game. It came up quite by surprise. I've always avoided power but I was playing a law enforcement character and had caught a perp. I remember thinking, "Shit! Why did he let me catch him? He could have done a million other things? Now I have to be all powerful and play this shit out."

Well I did. It got me so wet. I was WTF!?!

I began my research and found BDSM.

What lovely memories!



Re: Waiting on the other players took anywhere from minutes to days. Ugh.

 

[switchbitch]

I got my start in all things D/s while playing an online VtM game. It came up quite by surprise. I've always avoided power but I was playing a law enforcement character and had caught a perp. I remember thinking, "Shit! Why did he let me catch him? He could have done a million other things? Now I have to be all powerful and play this shit out."

Well I did. It got me so wet. I was WTF!?!

I began my research and found BDSM.

What lovely memories!



Re: Waiting on the other players took anywhere from minutes to days. Ugh.

thank you for your helpful feedback I have taken the liberty of sending you a pm on the off chance that you can be more detailed in sorting the wheat from the chaff.

 

[AsianWinterGirl]

I am relatively new to cyber play, but I have to agree. I am a submissive and not used to having to put voice to what I want need or desire. It runs contrary to everything I have been trained not to do. Its quite odd and I have to figure out what to do. Get confused some times.

I real life I can hear my Master's voice, and get all not non verbal cues and the communication. In cyber it is necessary I find to speak more than I would ever dare in a real world encounter.

Im enjoying cyber... dont get me wrong. But its a different dynamic and as basically a newbie Im trying to learn the ins and outs. Please pardon the pun

 

[switchbitch]

I am relatively new to cyber play, but I have to agree. I am a submissive and not used to having to put voice to what I want need or desire. It runs contrary to everything I have been trained not to do. Its quite odd and I have to figure out what to do. Get confused some times.

I real life I can hear my Master's voice, and get all not non verbal cues and the communication. In cyber it is necessary I find to speak more than I would ever dare in a real world encounter.

Im enjoying cyber... dont get me wrong. But its a different dynamic and as basically a newbie Im trying to learn the ins and outs. Please pardon the pun

please dont hesitate to share your learning curve, differing perspectives can often clear the mist for others myself included.

 

[vintage63]

I found that cyber D/s really pushed my submissiveness and the main aspect that I am interested in D/s.... the complete and honest communication. I struggled with such open and naked honestly when I was new to D/s and since cyber D/s was all about communication I truly grew here. It was this complete and open communication that helped me grow the trust and respect that created a true D/s relationship.

 

[Razerback]

Tangibility is lacking through an online medium. Which is why stimulation through and exchange of ideas is vital...Or is that a bad idea?

 

[switchbitch]

Tangibility is lacking through an online medium. Which is why stimulation through and exchange of ideas is vital...Or is that a bad idea?

Thank you
I think a very good one. The only problem I see is in the lack of implimentation of your suggestion ,"how do we encourage others to alter their dynamic"

 

[switchbitch]

I found that cyber D/s really pushed my submissiveness and the main aspect that I am interested in D/s.... the complete and honest communication. I struggled with such open and naked honestly when I was new to D/s and since cyber D/s was all about communication I truly grew here. It was this complete and open communication that helped me grow the trust and respect that created a true D/s relationship.

congrats glad you shared.perhaps there is hope.

 

[Aviator1976]

Cyber play

Cyber play takes a significant amount of conversation prior to arriving to the point where play can be pleasurable. Because D/s requires a high level of trust and comfort, it requires a lot of patience to build that up by simple online chatting.

 

[W8ting4MyRuca]

I would be a newbie to D/s in real life ... but have ventured a little in cyber. It is such a great mind fuck. Where can I play to gain more experience?

 

[switchbitch]

Cyber play takes a significant amount of conversation prior to arriving to the point where play can be pleasurable. Because D/s requires a high level of trust and comfort, it requires a lot of patience to build that up by simple online chatting.

Yes the Chatting needs to become the body rather than the punctuation of the play.

 

[vintage63]

Cyber play takes a significant amount of conversation prior to arriving to the point where play can be pleasurable. Because D/s requires a high level of trust and comfort, it requires a lot of patience to build that up by simple online chatting.

I completely agree. We talked daily for 4 months before I even began submitting and then it took many more months to get to real trust. I find that taking that kind of time makes it more organic and it feels deeper.

 

[CutieMouse]

In cyber play response must be verbalized by the submissive which often seems to undermine the submission when playing with inexperienced cyber doms.

I could use some clarification here - could you explain what you mean by the idea that verbalizing somehow undermines submission?

 

[switchbitch]

I could use some clarification here - could you explain what you mean by the idea that verbalizing somehow undermines submission?

I do not feel that it does.Simply that many do

 

[W8ting4MyRuca]

Using IM with engaging sub .... who is descriptiive, uses clever punctuation, and timely pauses helps somewhat.

What about needing to have previously heard the Dom/Subs voice before cybering?

 

[switchbitch]

Using IM with engaging sub .... who is descriptiive, uses clever punctuation, and timely pauses helps somewhat.

What about needing to have previously heard the Dom/Subs voice before cybering?

yes it's true that sometimes the memory of the voice when you are reading, can intensify the experience. Which is why products like MSN and Yahoo!can be of some benefit as I have only recently started using these products(I'm a technology chicken) I can only say that I have had some success with them.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm so into voices in my mind. Voices matter so much to me for so many reasons that hearing them in reality might only undermine my "vision" of them. LOL.

I don't enjoy phone sex either. Plus someone in my house might overhear. I wouldn't want my kids to overhear mommy having phone sex with anyone, particularly anyone who isn't daddy.

Using IM with engaging sub .... who is descriptiive, uses clever punctuation, and timely pauses helps somewhat.

What about needing to have previously heard the Dom/Subs voice before cybering?

 

[W8ting4MyRuca]

Done with the right person, who knows how to do the dance of cyber on IM ... it can really be exciting.

For those that have never tried it ... don't knock it until ... For those that have and that are learning ... practice makes perfect.

 

[KoPilot]

I've been text-based roleplaying for almost 10 years now. Very, very little of it was sexually oriented and more about building stories, and that's what I liked most about it. I would roleplay with people who would write paragraphs at a time, which that made it easier for me to treat the scenes as if they were real, and reply accordingly. I mostly fell out of it for the past 2-3 years, though, after joining a forum and realizing that nobody cared about plots and an overarching storyline. All of the threads ended up getting stagnant, going nowhere, and eventually dying.

I've recently revived interest in it, though, and thought that it might be an interesting way of playing with S due to the LDR. We intend on doing it long-format with an emphasis on story. Though of course that's not to say there won't be any spankings, or hot nasty sex.

For us, I think, because we're dating, and have been for almost 2 years now, that it might be a good way for us to get to know how the other ticks, too. And because there will definitely be some hot nasty sex in the roleplay at some point, I'm hoping it'll give us a chance to sort of get to know each other sexually a bit more as well.

It certainly isn't any replacement for real physical contact and interaction, but... it'll have to do until christmas.