How Do I Let My Boyfriend Know...

[SexySlaveGirl4U]

Okay,
So I really have no idea how to let my current boyfriend know that i'm into BDSM without like...
Scaring him off.
I just don't really know how he would react to it.
Any tips?

 

[DarklyNightly]

It's simple. Tell him. Maybe he's also holding out on you? You wouldn't want that, would you?

You can't not share your erotic mind with your parter!

Good luck!

To add to this... ease him into it. Start with suggesting you experiment together. Go on a journey together, push your boundaries together and see where you end up!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

If y'all are into movies, pick up "The Secretary," or a similar movie that deals with relatively light BDSM themes. While watching it, it's not hard to (1) tell if the "appropriate" scenes are having a desireable effect, and (2) indicate to him - by squeezing his hand, perhaps pulling it onto your breast or thigh, etc. - which "appropriate" scenes are having an effect on you.

Leave some BDSM-related or BDSM-light reading material lying around where he'll run into it if he's a reader.

Hotlink him to a story or three here at Lit that turns you on.

Or... <gasp!> talk to him. The first girl I had hot monkey butt-secks with, when I very cautiously brought up the subject, looked at me and said, "Ohhhhh... I've been wanting to try something like that, but was afraid to bring it up! You *will* be gentle and go slow, though, won't you?"

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Go have some drinks together. Alcohol gives one the amazing ability to speak and hear the truth. Tell him with a sly grin that you've got some privileged info: you're really turned on by being paddled/tied up/called names/gagged/ordered around/bloppityblop/blop.

If he smashes his beer bottle and waves the jagged edges in your face while fumbling with a 911 call, it wasn't going to work.

 

[VelvetSin]

If he smashes his beer bottle and waves the jagged edges in your face...

He could be initiating a roleplay scene.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

He could be initiating a roleplay scene.

You're right! Withhold judgement on the beer bottle.

 

[VelvetSin]

You're right! Withhold judgement on the beer bottle.

The 911 call could just be a scare tactic to test resolve, too.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Okay,
So I really have no idea how to let my current boyfriend know that i'm into BDSM without like...
Scaring him off.
I just don't really know how he would react to it.
Any tips?

You could tie him down then tell him? He can't escape then.

 

[JMohegan]

Okay,
So I really have no idea how to let my current boyfriend know that i'm into BDSM without like...
Scaring him off.
I just don't really know how he would react to it.
Any tips?

I recommend not mentioning BDSM itself, but rather the elements that appeal to you. "I really like it when you take control in the bedroom" or "I've always had this fantasy of wanting to spanked."

Also, I recommend not advertising yourself as a SexySlaveGirl 4 random internet folks, if you're serious about getting it on with your current mate.

 

[DeRigger]

Tell him how you want him to behave
" you are a manly man"
" you are a dominant man"
" you are a man who is in control"
It worked on me

 

[AsianWinterGirl]

I agree with all the ideas on here. Basically you have to tell him. When my BF told me he was into it he mentioned it casually at a dinner out. He got into more detail at the bar, and later in bed he explained it all to me while I was on the edge of orgasm. Amazing what alcohol, sexual need, being unable to escape (he is a lot bigger than me) and trusting him all did. I would never give it up now.

Im not juding the beer bottle and 911 call theory either. Thats an option and will truly show if he is interested or not.

Whatever you do... talk it over with him. He might suprise you!

 

[ivantheterrible]

if you don't tell him, and you stay in this relationship you will eventually feel sexually unfulfilled. especially is it does nothing for him. but a lot of guys, love the idea of a submissive woman.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Click on this post.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I recommend not mentioning BDSM itself, but rather the elements that appeal to you. "I really like it when you take control in the bedroom" or "I've always had this fantasy of wanting to spanked."

Quoted for wisdom.

 

[YourCaptor]

Be as cryptic as you can possibly be, and then have a fit when he doesn't get it.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Be as cryptic as you can possibly be, and then have a fit when he doesn't get it.

Ahhh, the backstory behind that one.

 

[LunachickXXX]

Be as cryptic as you can possibly be, and then have a fit when he doesn't get it.

Oh dear. I have to say when I was younger I was guilty of this... I had a very sexual ex boyfriend...we'd fuck all the time. He considered himself a freak, kinky, edgy, bi...so I didn't think there would be much of a stretch if I requested to be tied up. He had no hangups or oppositions to it, he just shrugged and said "sure". We rented a hotel one night and I told him to tie me up with these scarves I had. He didn't put much effort into it, and within 2 seconds the "binds" were undone and my experience was ruined. He wanted to have sex after that and I wouldn't do it; I just wasn't in the mood. When he questioned me I got so mad I realize now that I had flipped out for no reason. In my head, I just thought he didn't care enough to put the effort into it and do it right...which is probably true. But to him, a knot is a knot...he didn't see the beauty in it, or realize how wonderful it would feel for me to have that experience...

Nowadays I've learned that's not the way to do it. Be clear about the way you want things, if you want them a certain way. I found a more emotionally intuitive partner, and he understands my wants a lot better. He's not "into BDSM" on his own, but he does it for me because he wants me to feel fully satisfied. I don't subject him to things I know he doesn't want to do; but he dominates me very well, and is very obedient when I switch. If the things that you want are within their boundaries, I'm sure he will incorporate it out of the desire to please you.

 

[Marquis]

Tell him how you want him to behave
" you are a manly man"
" you are a dominant man"
" you are a man who is in control"
It worked on me

If y'all are into movies, pick up "The Secretary," or a similar movie that deals with relatively light BDSM themes. While watching it, it's not hard to (1) tell if the "appropriate" scenes are having a desireable effect, and (2) indicate to him - by squeezing his hand, perhaps pulling it onto your breast or thigh, etc. - which "appropriate" scenes are having an effect on you.

Leave some BDSM-related or BDSM-light reading material lying around where he'll run into it if he's a reader.

Hotlink him to a story or three here at Lit that turns you on.

All of these things were done to me before I had really formed a sexual identity of my own.

I've pretty much just gone with it since.

 

[Dom_Man1975]

The majority of men, and maybe even just the majority of people, get off on getting their partner off. It may help, as someone else mentioned, to not use explicit words like "BDSM", but if you just tell your partner what turns you on, he'll probably be down to try it. Men are complete freaks. Seriously. FREAKS. We'll do anything. And if you're with a man that won't do virtually whatever you want to try, then he's probably not the right man for you. End of story.

 

[A_Kefka]

Most men like to know they are pleasing their partner. And most men that I've heard talk about it are pretty oopen to trying new things in bed. So as long as you start mild and don't jusp right into the extreme end of things he will probably be up for trying it.

 

[HunnyBee18]

re: How to let him know

What started out to be a short reply has grown... so apologies for that.

I've been struggling with this one myself lately - I've been in the most amazing relationship for the past 8 years (This is the first man who ever brought me to orgasm, and I'm 39 years old). But there's still always been something missing. I've had submissive fantasies for as long as I can remember, even as a little girl. And I'd honestly not missed it til now.. just enjoyed them as a fantasy. But just recently within the past 2 months he's started being a little more dominant in the bedroom. Light spanks here and there (yes, all the right places) being the extent of his foray.. and I'm realizing just how much I want him to REALLY take charge in the bedroom, and just how insanely crazy it would make me if he did.
Don't get me wrong, the man is godly. It's almost like a game with him, to see how many times he can make me come in one night. I just want .... that one final piece of the picture.

Now, it's probably a lot easier for a dominant person to tell their partner, or to initiate what they want. But for someone who's really submissive?! Telling someone what you want them to do is incredibly hard, and really would ruin the experience for me - especially since I know he's sweet enough to do it "for me" whether or not he enjoyed it himself.

So, being the coward that I am, I bought him a gift certificate to an adult toy store, and told him to find something he'd like to try. That totally backfired. He's not willing to take that step without my input (very considerate... now if only I wanted him to BE considerate about this!). I doubt I'll make it through the parking lot without blushing, even before I get into the store. And I have no idea whether I'll manage to get my point across inside. I sure as heck won't have the guts to tell him I want him to tie me up, be forceful, take my 'final virginity'....

Sadly we've already SEEN the Secretary, or I would take the previously posted advice, because that sounds like the best idea I've seen so far. Are there any other movies that are similar? Quality movies?

 

[where]

I think you would be surprised how receptive someone is to at least some elements of BDSM. As a friend said to me recently, "the idea of you on a leash... wow... sexy"

 

[Maidinusa]

Okay,
So I really have no idea how to let my current boyfriend know that i'm into BDSM without like...
Scaring him off.
I just don't really know how he would react to it.
Any tips?

I put a handcuff key on my key ring and waited for him to notice

 

[HunnyBee18]

I put a handcuff key on my key ring and waited for him to notice

Or... on his keyring ;P

 

[Netzach]

I doubt I'll make it through the parking lot without blushing, even before I get into the store. And I have no idea whether I'll manage to get my point across inside. I sure as heck won't have the guts to tell him I want him to tie me up, be forceful, take my 'final virginity'....

You've been seeing this person for 8 years and you think the world of him, why is this still a huge "I can't possibly?"