Ideas for being dominant

[CanadaNorth]

I'm finding out that women like assertive men, especially in bed. Though some women are communicative in what they want, I would like to spring some new ideas, but I am stuck.

For example, a new woman I'm dating likes spanking and being mouth-fucked, and being told her mouth is only for my pleasure, etc. This is all great but I'm wondering if I should add more variety.

Can someone offer suggestions for some tame-to-medium kink ideas? Neither one of us want to be hard-core, i.e. no extreme humiliation, etc.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Stop worrying about what feels good to her.

What would you do if she turned into a living RealDoll and you still wanted to get a rock off?

 

[satindesire]

I'm finding out that women like assertive men, especially in bed. Though some women are communicative in what they want, I would like to spring some new ideas, but I am stuck.

For example, a new woman I'm dating likes spanking and being mouth-fucked, and being told her mouth is only for my pleasure, etc. This is all great but I'm wondering if I should add more variety.

Can someone offer suggestions for some tame-to-medium kink ideas? Neither one of us want to be hard-core, i.e. no extreme humiliation, etc.

Part of being Dominant is following through with what YOU want.

Dominance isn't just about oral sex and red asses, you know. Do you want her to cook you a three-course dinner wearing nothing but an apron and stilettos? Take Dominance outside the bedroom and be creative. You'll be amazed at how many ideas you can come up with if you -let- yourself.

 

[brigid_fitch]

Msg deleted by user (Drunk posting BAD)

 

[satindesire]

Here, here! My Dom is going away to a business convention next weekend and expressed that he felt bad asking me to drive 3 hours both ways just to give him a blowjob. Bullshit! A REAL Dom would TELL me to be there or suffer the consequences. And, if he really didn't want me traveling all that way, he'd make the consequences realistic.

This is why I want to dump my Dom--if he's so worried about my time, about my gas mileage, & about my time constraints. This isn't a Dom for me.

Keep your relationship in perspective. If you're not getting what you want from your Dom, leave him & find another. Remember: Even if you're a sub, you still have power. You're entitled to a Dom who meshes with your needs. There's no reason to submit to someone who won't live up to your expectations.

I'm sorry but I don't agree with you.

A real Dom has the right to feel bad about making you drive. A real Dom has the right to feel ANYTHING he wants, and if that doesn't mesh with what YOU want, that doesn't make him a 'fake' Dom, it just makes him not the kind of Dom you expect him to be.

Doms come in all flavors. Remember this. There is no such thing as a one-size fits all Dom.

For instance, if a Dom asked me to drive three hours just to give him a blow job, I'd tell him no. That's simply a ridiculously inane request in my opion. Unless he's willing to pay my gas and food both ways, and for my hotel, I'd tell him he's SOL. Am I less submissive than you? Probably not. Just different.

 

[YourCaptor]

I'm finding out that women like assertive men, especially in bed. Though some women are communicative in what they want, I would like to spring some new ideas, but I am stuck.

For example, a new woman I'm dating likes spanking and being mouth-fucked, and being told her mouth is only for my pleasure, etc. This is all great but I'm wondering if I should add more variety.

Can someone offer suggestions for some tame-to-medium kink ideas? Neither one of us want to be hard-core, i.e. no extreme humiliation, etc.

Assertive, basically I’d say that’s going on your cue, not hers. Remember she can always scream stop, so don’t treat her like a fragile child.

Here, here! My Dom is going away to a business convention next weekend and expressed that he felt bad asking me to drive 3 hours both ways just to give him a blowjob. Bullshit! A REAL Dom would TELL me to be there or suffer the consequences. And, if he really didn't want me traveling all that way, he'd make the consequences realistic.

This is why I want to dump my Dom--if he's so worried about my time, about my gas mileage, & about my time constraints. This isn't a Dom for me.

Keep your relationship in perspective. If you're not getting what you want from your Dom, leave him & find another. Remember: Even if you're a sub, you still have power. You're entitled to a Dom who meshes with your needs. There's no reason to submit to someone who won't live up to your expectations.

This is pretty funny, "here here, my dom (as if he belonged to her) won’t do things like I want them done."

 

[madam_noe]

If I may weight in, I am a switch, so both Dominant and submissive.

A true Dominant is not just a selfish ass, a true Top cares for the bottom. That doesn't mean they should express it by saying "I feel bad..." it's more they should do something nice.

Back to the original question, ideas for light/medium domination. I've always been one for orgasm control training. Tying a woman to the bed, blindfolding her and stimulating her with toys but not allowing her to orgasm until you allow it is always great fun.

Build her up and take breaks fucking her mouth or any hole you like, get off when you like, but keep reminding her that her body is your toy and you control her pleasure.

For the submissive pleasing the dominant is the best thrill but any act that shows clearly who is in control is thrilling for both.

 

[everbloom]

I'm sorry but I don't agree with you.

A real Dom has the right to feel bad about making you drive. A real Dom has the right to feel ANYTHING he wants, and if that doesn't mesh with what YOU want, that doesn't make him a 'fake' Dom, it just makes him not the kind of Dom you expect him to be.

Doms come in all flavors. Remember this. There is no such thing as a one-size fits all Dom.

For instance, if a Dom asked me to drive three hours just to give him a blow job, I'd tell him no. That's simply a ridiculously inane request in my opion. Unless he's willing to pay my gas and food both ways, and for my hotel, I'd tell him he's SOL. Am I less submissive than you? Probably not. Just different.

I completly agree. No matter what "stamp" is put on a reletionship, some people have differnt personalities and deviate from the "label" after all, we are programmed with reason, and just an opinion, I thought putting each others and your own feelings above a "label" is more important thatn anything.


By the "SOL" made me crack up so hard. XD

Edit: As for the actual question, what other women like can be very differnt. Just be careful on any advice, because what I, and your woman may like could be very very differnt, and in turn could lead to hurt feelings and what-not. I would suggest you dicuss what she might like, that way nobody gets hurt.

A few good tips that I don't think aren't very bad when intimate...

Spanking, thought I see you have already found this.
Hair pulling if done correctly, last thing you want to do is rip on her hair and have her punch you.
Wrists/Ankles pinned down/ perhaps with combination of whispering things in her ear...make the anticaption rise.
Gentle stroking as a tease.

That's all I can really come up with right now (incredibly tired.) I hope any of my advice is helpful to you!

 

[satindesire]

By the "SOL" made me crack up so hard. XD

*Grins innocently* What? I'm a nice girl.

 

[Aramis20]

Just ideas off the top of my head:

- Blindfolds
- Light Bondage
- Ice
- Candle Wax*
- Orgasm Control (As has been mentioned.)
- Clothes Pegs*

* I'm not sure how light you would class these, but to me they sem fairly light, so I thought I might aswell put them down.

 

[vintage63]

I am still new and trying to understand all this and I am not sure I do so maybe someone can clarify for me.

In my limited experience I loved pleasing my Master. I felt great content in having him proud of me and loved the challenge of it. Having said that I don't feel the "I am solely here to please him" . I want him to care for me too. Does that mean I am not submissive?

I think I should have a mentor to explain it all to me.

 

[FreakMyWhatNow]

My Dom and I both wrote to each other about our expectations. Maybe this would help?
He wrote about how He expects me to behave and about what pleases Him.
I wrote to Him about how I want to please Him, but also about how I know that being the Top isn't easy because you need to find ways to keep your partner stimulated and engaged. If it helps, I could show you what I wrote to Him. I tend to have a difficulty communicating my needs, so this really helped us, as He knew what I needed from Him. It's nothing fancy, but He responded positively because He liked that I was being open.
I don't think it makes you less submissive... you need to negotiate your relationship with your Dom and make sure that you want the same things.

 

[satindesire]

I am still new and trying to understand all this and I am not sure I do so maybe someone can clarify for me.

In my limited experience I loved pleasing my Master. I felt great content in having him proud of me and loved the challenge of it. Having said that I don't feel the "I am solely here to please him" . I want him to care for me too. Does that mean I am not submissive?

I think I should have a mentor to explain it all to me.

Not at all. Ethical Domination means a power exchange between two consenting people who are erotisizing things that wouldn't be erotic should the consent not be there. A bottom wanting a Top to be nurturing and caring isn't strange, it's very common as a matter of fact. There's something really beautiful about a person doing terrible horrible sexy painful things to you BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT YOU.

BDSM works best when bottoms honor and value the gift the top brings to them, with respect for the hard work and personal vulnerability that is involved. And it works best when tops honor and value the gift the bottom brings: the bottom power that fuels the trust and belief which transforms that person into a Top. That is in itself a very nurturing act, whether the people are in a relationship or not. BDSM can be and often is a very loving and intimate thing between people who deeply care for one another.

 

[vintage63]

My Dom and I both wrote to each other about our expectations. Maybe this would help?
He wrote about how He expects me to behave and about what pleases Him.
I wrote to Him about how I want to please Him, but also about how I know that being the Top isn't easy because you need to find ways to keep your partner stimulated and engaged. If it helps, I could show you what I wrote to Him. I tend to have a difficulty communicating my needs, so this really helped us, as He knew what I needed from Him. It's nothing fancy, but He responded positively because He liked that I was being open.
I don't think it makes you less submissive... you need to negotiate your relationship with your Dom and make sure that you want the same things.

Thanks... I just get it all confused now that I am not in a D/s relationship and have so many questions all the time.

 

[satindesire]

Thanks... I just get it all confused now that I am not in a D/s relationship and have so many questions all the time.

Perhaps you should spend a little time reading up on BDSM? There are several very good books full of information that will help educate you to the intricacies of BDSM.

The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book, and The Loving Dominant are three excellent resources for BDSM information that don't cost a lot of money. You can buy them at Amazon.com.

 

[vintage63]

Perhaps you should spend a little time reading up on BDSM? There are several very good books full of information that will help educate you to the intricacies of BDSM.

The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book, and The Loving Dominant are three excellent resources for BDSM information that don't cost a lot of money. You can buy them at Amazon.com.

I think I have over read . I have been reading this board for a few years. Then read all kinds of book etc. Then met my Master online and talked with him for 9 months about everything!!!!. I can intellectualize it all till I am blue. It's more that I then engaged in a D/s relationship and "felt" is all. Now I just have to process all the feelings that came up with it and left with it too lol.

I will keep hanging out here and listen.

 

[FreakMyWhatNow]

Questioning is natural. Ultimately, you need to pave a path that works for you. Asking other people is a good idea. Reading a lot is a good idea. Thinking and reflecting about what you want is a good idea. Then you make up your own mind.... and tell us all to fuck off! haha

 

[vintage63]

HAHAHAHA Freakmywhatnow you are too funny. Thanks for the laugh.

Yes it will all come together. Or it won't and I will dream of it.

 

[VelvetSin]

Part of being Dominant is following through with what YOU want.

Dominance isn't just about oral sex and red asses, you know. Do you want her to cook you a three-course dinner wearing nothing but an apron and stilettos? Take Dominance outside the bedroom and be creative. You'll be amazed at how many ideas you can come up with if you -let- yourself.

It should be fresh in my mind when B crossed the line between “that guy that likes a bit of kinky stuff in bed” to “the Man that lets me put my inhibitions in his hands and play with them at his discretion,” but I'm not sure when or where that line was crossed. In a strict sense, I think it was just in the last few weeks, but looking back, it was a long time ago.

I think it was a lot of little things like what satindesire is talking about. I mentioned a little thing he did yesterday morning in another thread. He was ready to leave for work but I wasn't dressed yet. He would not give me the “have a good day” kiss until I asked for it just how he wanted. A few weeks ago I would have shrugged and walked off and let him (and me) go without if he was going to be that way. Yesterday, I wiggled and gave him everything he wanted because the way he said it made me want to please him (and myself). The kiss was the carrot, but the way he said it and carried himself was the motivation to go for the carrot and not say “screw you, I can get an apple out of the fridge.”

B isn't the sort to assign fairly useless tasks just to watch me do them, but it's a lot of little things like that morning game. He's just assertive both inside the house and outside in the real world. He rarely asks for what he wants, he states it and expects it to be met (but not in an asshole way, it's just matter-of-fact). He's sweet and caring, but he wants what he wants when he wants it, and that's that.

It's a confidence and force of personality thing I think. Some people have it in the public world but think that needs to dampen when with a loved one. A Dom (or at least the one I'm familiar with) just is that way at all times.

 

[FungiUg]

Firstly, there's no such thing as a "true dominant". No such beast. Consider, every person is different. Therefore, every dominant is different. So how can you label one "true". Oh sure, there can be honest (and lying) dominants, but that's not a value judgement.

With that out of the way... the original question was about medium kink ideas of being forceful sexually. This isn't about turning someone into a dominant (hah), it's about giving ideas of fun things to try.

Can someone offer suggestions for some tame-to-medium kink ideas? Neither one of us want to be hard-core, i.e. no extreme humiliation, etc.

So, fun things to try:

1. Read up. Literotica has a good section of BDSM erotica. Find 5 you like. Tell her to recommend 5 she likes to you. Then pull out the bits you'd like to try. Poking around discussion forums is good too, as lots of ideas come up there.

2. Light bondage and spanking. Lots of people do these who wouldn't consider themselves as into BDSM. Silk scarves or ties, or buy some leather restraints. Tie her to the bed and play with her.

3. Verbalisation. Think of things to call her or tell her while you're fucking or playing with her. You can try them out by txting them to her (That might get her hot and bothered.)

4. Lingerie. Get her to dress to please you. Think about what turns you on to see her wearing, and tell her to wear it. Actually, this can be clothing in general, not just lingerie.

5. Sex toys. If you haven't got any, get some. Tie her up, then play with her.

6. Blindfolds. Get her to wear one, then play with her. Simple really. Combine with bondage if you like.

7. Movies. Hard core porn if you're both into it, but I could recommend you watch Nine and a Half Weeks. It's a bit dated now, but there's some fun ideas in there.

There are some basic ideas for starting. The most important thing is to talk to her about what's happening and what's working for her and for you. You don't have to do it all yourself, she can help you explore too.

 

[Primalex]

For instance, if a Dom asked me to drive three hours just to give him a blow job, I'd tell him no. That's simply a ridiculously inane request in my opion. Unless he's willing to pay my gas and food both ways, and for my hotel, I'd tell him he's SOL. Am I less submissive than you? Probably not. Just different.

So if she doesn't like the order, it's bad - if you don't like it, it's..uhm..just your gorgeous submissiveness showing.

Or is it just the whore attitude that is showing? The price must be paid for your sexual gratifications.

 

[subgirl2]

Satin Desire is making a lot of sense. I have been taking it all on board. Now I just need to find myself a Dom. Thanks Satin

 

[satindesire]

Satin Desire is making a lot of sense. I have been taking it all on board. Now I just need to find myself a Dom. Thanks Satin

Oh, well, thank you angel! You are so sweet!

Concentrate on finding a nice Alpha male first. You can always bring BDSM into the relationship later, after you find someone you're emotionally compatible with. Lots of men have innate Dominant personalities. Assertive men with serious testosterone and a strong Alpha streak aren't really all that hard to find!

If you narrow your search too much, say, ONLY to people already into and familiar with BDSM, you may end up missing out on a very good relationship.

My husband (now my Dom) knew NOTHING about BDSM and I brought it up when we had been together for a little while. He's turned into a very good Dom. If I had limited myself to looking for people already involved in the Lifestyle, I never would have met him, or had my daughter, or gotten pregnant again with this baby!

 

[FungiUg]

Now I just need to find myself a Dom.

I saw one once. Can't remember where. *scratches head*

 

[lyinaboutitall]

I am still new and trying to understand all this and I am not sure I do so maybe someone can clarify for me.

In my limited experience I loved pleasing my Master. I felt great content in having him proud of me and loved the challenge of it. Having said that I don't feel the "I am solely here to please him" . I want him to care for me too. Does that mean I am not submissive?

I think I should have a mentor to explain it all to me.

Hi vintage!
I just wanted to say that it sounds like to me that you are both recieving pleasure and it suits you both. Just remember that there are no rules to this lifestyle. Do what makes you both happy and communicate