Feedback for the New Lit Author Cloudy

[Epmd607]

This is a place to discuss the work of the brand new Literotica author Cloudy.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=332850&page=submissions

There are currently two stories and five poems on her page. We hope she posts more for the sake of our discussion!

 

[Darkniciad]

Hmm... You know, I've got no use for Cloudy the poster, but I'm going to have to rain on what I think is the intended parade here.

I read "Possession" and quite liked it. The setting is engaging, and I had a good sense of the characters. Gabriel felt a little weak and spineless to me, but that's just my impression of him. Little things like the roots pushing up the sidewalk give you a chance to visualize the details, while the wider descriptions were done well, in my opinion.

There was one spot I noticed with two people speaking in the same paragraph, but I'm quite sure that it was simply a missed tap of the return key that slipped by editing. A few other punctuating things stood out to me, but I'm not an English teacher and they may very well have been right

I liked the shock transition from sex to murder, and the imagery for both was well done. The only quibble I have is that the climax feels a little quick. Can't even put my finger on what it is, but I just felt like there should be a bit more there. Maybe a bit more detail to the struggle, or a bit more concentration on the death, or perhaps an extension of Danielle's anguish at what just happened.

Horror's tough to write, and this was a good read.

 

[LaRocha]

Hmm... You know, I've got no use for Cloudy the poster, but I'm going to have to rain on what I think is the intended parade here.

I read "Possession" and quite liked it. The setting is engaging, and I had a good sense of the characters. Gabriel felt a little weak and spineless to me, but that's just my impression of him. Little things like the roots pushing up the sidewalk give you a chance to visualize the details, while the wider descriptions were done well, in my opinion.

There was one spot I noticed with two people speaking in the same paragraph, but I'm quite sure that it was simply a missed tap of the return key that slipped by editing. A few other punctuating things stood out to me, but I'm not an English teacher and they may very well have been right

I liked the shock transition from sex to murder, and the imagery for both was well done. The only quibble I have is that the climax feels a little quick. Can't even put my finger on what it is, but I just felt like there should be a bit more there. Maybe a bit more detail to the struggle, or a bit more concentration on the death, or perhaps an extension of Danielle's anguish at what just happened.

Horror's tough to write, and this was a good read.

We're just sharing a brand new author. Whoever wants to read and respond can post here.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Beware, there be dragons!

Dark, I think you've been had for a sucker. This isn't a thread to discuss anyone's writing but a rather unpleasant ad hominem attack that disgusts me.

 

[Epmd607]

Beware, there be dragons!

Dark, I think you've been had for a sucker. This isn't a thread to discuss anyone's writing but a rather unpleasant ad hominem attack that disgusts me.

You don't know what ad hominem means, obviously. Either comment on the stories or get off my thread.

 

[Darkniciad]

Beware, there be dragons!

Dark, I think you've been had for a sucker. This isn't a thread to discuss anyone's writing but a rather unpleasant ad hominem attack that disgusts me.

Nope. I took the thread for an attempt to encourage attacking the writing based upon the forum personality, and as a "gotcha." That's why I read the story, which I fortunately enjoyed, letting me start the thread off on the exact opposite foot from what I suspect is the intended purpose.

 

[Epmd607]

Nope. I took the thread for an attempt to encourage attacking the writing based upon the forum personality, and as a "gotcha." That's why I read the story, which I fortunately enjoyed, letting me start the thread off on the exact opposite foot from what I suspect is the intended purpose.

You've already commented. Either comment on something else or get on your bike back to the Author's Hangout. I'm sure there's a fantasy movie thread there where your expertise will come in handy.

 

[Darkniciad]

Very well, let us continue.

The second story "Soon" didn't quite grab me as much as the first. I think it wandered a bit at the beginning.

But, the theme of the title carried well throughout the story, and the way it was worked into the sex scene was perfectly placed. The dialogue of the characters feels natural for the most part, helping to set the mood and give a window into the characters in a short piece. Top it off with a well described, hot sex scene and just a touch of humor for the finale, and I can overlook where the beginning left me feeling a little flat.

I don't get poetry, so someone else will have to comment on those, if they're so inclined.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Nope. I took the thread for an attempt to encourage attacking the writing based upon the forum personality, and as a "gotcha." That's why I read the story, which I fortunately enjoyed, letting me start the thread off on the exact opposite foot from what I suspect is the intended purpose.

Don't fall in his snare. The scumbag knows exactly what he's doing and you succumbed.

Cloudy has been writing here for years, usually very successfully, and you encourage linking forum personality with literary skills. Just what scouries wants you to do.

Most of Cloudy's best work has been taken down, presumably for commercial publishing, and he's sick as a parrot.

This, and I do know what it means, is a despicable and pathetic ad hominem attack on a stalwart of lit, a wonderful advocate of native american issues and a feisty, in your face, pricker of overblown egos.

She may go over the top on the forum, but her writing is pretty good and she doesn't deserve this.

 

[Darkniciad]

Okie dokie. You lost me, but *shrug*

Don't fall in his snare. The scumbag knows exactly what he's doing and you succumbed.

Cloudy has been writing here for years, usually very successfully, and you encourage linking forum personality with literary skills. Just what scouries wants you to do.

Most of Cloudy's best work has been taken down, presumably for commercial publishing, and he's sick as a parrot.

This, and I do know what it means, is a despicable and pathetic ad hominem attack on a stalwart of lit, a wonderful advocate of native american issues and a feisty, in your face, pricker of overblown egos.

She may go over the top on the forum, but her writing is pretty good and she doesn't deserve this.

 

[manyeyedhydra]

I quite liked Possession as well. It's a creepy little horror tale with some rich background and description, even if New Orleans is a little over-used as a horror location.

More 'horror' than 'erotic horror' though, which means there's no point reading anything into the score. Stories like this (that don't have vampires, werewolves or horny demons basically) don't score very highly in the Erotic Horror cat unless they're phenomenally well written (Dr M and Varian P come to mind) and even then that's no guarantee.

 

[Epmd607]

I'm not surprised Elfin's angry. I wonder if she'll post a story this decade now that Cloudy has? ElfatoodleDoo is just mad that I schooled her in etymology over and over. I commented on Cloudy's poem, but this is the story feedback. I'll start a thread in poetry feedback for her poems.

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I'm not surprised Elfin's angry. I wonder if she'll post a story this decade now that Cloudy has? ElfatoodleDoo is just mad that I schooled her in etymology over and over. I commented on Cloudy's poem, but this is the story feedback. I'll start a thread in poetry feedback for her poems.

Dark, read and understand. This is scouries having a go at writers and commenters that leaves his incestous infantilia exposed.

He's laughing at you (and lit).

 

[Epmd607]

Dark, read and understand. This is scouries having a go at writers and commenters that leaves his incestous infantilia exposed.

He's laughing at you (and lit).

Would Scouries write stories in the Romance Category? I think not. No one reads the Romance Cat. I'm a much better writer than Scouries. Stop trying to make this thread about you and your Scourian hangups.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=857177&page=submissions

Also, I write excellent poems. Would Scouries bother trying to write serious poems?

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Would Scouries write stories in the Romance Category? I think not. No one reads the Romance Cat. I'm a much better writer than Scouries. Stop trying to make this thread about you and your Scourian hangups.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=857177&page=submissions

Also, I write excellent poems. Would Scouries bother trying to write serious poems?

My point proved!!

 

[Darkniciad]

My point proved!!

Methinks you give scouries more credit for creativity and subtlety than he's capable of. It does make your first post clear, where it looked like your fingers were way ahead or behind your thoughts upon first read.

I frankly don't understand what you're attempting to accomplish. If you're trying to suggest that nobody should post in the thread and let it sink to the bottom, then you're a little late. I would dare say you're rather curiously optimistic as well, especially if you believe this is a scouries operation. Likewise, your continued responses would be counterproductive to that goal.

Beyond that, you're simply coming off as overly defensive of cloudy, and frankly denigrating what she's just posted in a way by saying that her best stuff isn't here -- not intentionally, I'm sure, but that's exactly what I thought when I read that.

The "gotcha" factor I perceived -- which I believe is in plain evidence through some recent posts -- was accomplished the moment the OP hit the "submit" button. Otherwise, I posted on principle, despite my distaste ( to put it mildly ) of cloudy the poster, providing an immediate counter-point to what I believe was the desired second goal of the thread. I couldn't give two shakes about her personally, and have no doubt that she's capable of taking care of herself, but the whole concept just tweaked my ears when I thought about it happening to some n00b who wasn't prepared for the gamesmanship.

Got to read two good stories out of it as well.

I rather think that you're the one falling into the trap, but oh well.

 

[sr71plt]

I think it's great that Cloudy is posting her works on Lit. again.

And I don't think Scouries had anything to do with this thread.

 

[cloudy]

I think it's great that Cloudy is posting her works on Lit. again.

And I don't think Scouries had anything to do with this thread.

Thank you.

And thanks as well to Elfin and Dark for their ability to keep my forum posting and my writing skills separated - something LaCucaracha hasn't yet learned.

Oh, and beware - he also one-votes every story written by people who don't put up with his bullshit. Funny, really, since Laurel will just sweep them away.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

And this isn't her best stuff either. You've got to really pay attention to get a peek at that stuff.

 

[Epmd607]

Thank you.

And thanks as well to Elfin and Dark for their ability to keep my forum posting and my writing skills separated - something LaCucaracha hasn't yet learned.

Oh, and beware - he also one-votes every story written by people who don't put up with his bullshit. Funny, really, since Laurel will just sweep them away.

Yes, because we know each other sooooo well. I voted 3's on your poems, the "keep on truckin'" rating, didn't make it to the voting portion of your stories. I only skimmed one of your stories, that's why I set up this thread. I wouldn't actually take the time to read something you've written.

It's also funny that people believe every 1 vote will get swept, that it's not possible someone can say and mean, "I hate this story."

 

[cloudy]

Yes, because we know each other sooooo well. I voted 3's on your poems, the "keep on truckin'" rating, didn't make it to the voting portion of your stories. I only skimmed one of your stories, that's why I set up this thread. I wouldn't actually take the time to read something you've written.

It's also funny that people believe every 1 vote will get swept, that it's not possible someone can say and mean, "I hate this story."

No, you set up the thread hoping you could get others to attack me, like you do.

Backfired, didn't it?

 

[Lady_Guenivere]

I love your stories Cloudy...and I lurves you too!

 

[cloudy]

I love your stories Cloudy...and I lurves you too!

Thanks, doll.

 

[driphoney]

I just saw this thread. I've been hanging out in the AH too much lately.

I loved the poem Gospel.

I'll be coming back to more of your writing, Cloudy.

ETA: By the way, setting up a thread to tear down someone's writing because of your personal feelings regarding their posting comments is sad. Really sad.

Cloudy, you know you draw a lot of fire, so posting under your known moniker was brave.

 

[cloudy]

I just saw this thread. I've been hanging out in the AH too much lately.

I loved the poem Gospel.

I'll be coming back to more of your writing, Cloudy.

ETA: By the way, setting up a thread to tear down someone's writing because of your personal feelings regarding their posting comments is sad. Really sad.

Cloudy, you know you draw a lot of fire, so posting under your known moniker was brave.

I have stories/poems under another name as well, so...not all that brave.

Thank you.