BDSM + monogomy?!

[xxceler8]

I have been getting mixed information on this from various submissives so I thought I would ask here..

Firstly do you guys think its possible to even have an exclusive relationship while exploring your D/S side?

I wanted to ask some of you subs how you would handle yourself in certain situations.

Let's say a man approaches you while walking to your car, flirts, and gives you his number. Since you are owned, and your cunt belongs to your master, would you take the number and discuss meeting?

Would you send another man pictues of your cunt and ask to meet?

Don't get me wrong, I'm very free and open. I've only really had open relationships, so I'm trying to search for the boundries of a relationship like this.

 

[satindesire]

I have been getting mixed information on this from various submissives so I thought I would ask here..

Firstly do you guys think its possible to even have an exclusive relationship while exploring your D/S side?

Um...yes?

I wanted to ask some of you subs how you would handle yourself in certain situations.

Let's say a man approaches you while walking to your car, flirts, and gives you his number. Since you are owned, and your cunt belongs to your master, would you take the number and discuss meeting?

No. Being a submissive does not mean I am submissive towards EVERYONE. Just my Dom.

Would you send another man pictues of your cunt and ask to meet?

God no!

Don't get me wrong, I'm very free and open. I've only really had open relationships, so I'm trying to search for the boundries of a relationship like this.

I think you have some very odd ideas about what a "BDSM relationship" is "supposed" to be like. It's like every other relationship in the world, including monogamous ones, only the sexual practices are different.

There are bills to be paid. Arguments over family members. Chores to be done, kids to be taken care of. BDSM isn't some magical romance where you're sitting around a blazing fire serving drinks while you're wearing sheer gossamer and chains around your ankles, sweetheart. Reality is, there are PLENTY of normal monogamous couples who practice BDSM.

 

[xxceler8]

Well being around the adult industy for many years has left my ldeals and values jaded in terms of what is accepted in the confines of not just a relationship, but monogomy.

I'm still learning when a woman turns her submission off and on.

 

[satindesire]

Well being around the adult industy for many years has left my ldeals and values jaded in terms of what is accepted in the confines of not just a relationship, but monogomy.

I'm still learning when a woman turns her submission off and on.

Not all subs are women.

A woman doesn't "turn it off" necessarily, as much as she makes a choice to whom to submits.

A submissive woman will always be a submissive woman. It's part of our psyche, something we were born with, like hair color! I didn't choose to be a redhead, but here I am.

In life outside of my home, I am respectful of people, modest, and careful of how I speak. If another man, or another Dom/me approaches me interested in me, I will calmly and politely explain to them that I am married and not interested or available in a relationship or BDSM play outside of my marriage. If they demand something from me after being made aware of my intentions, then they are uneducated, immature, and stupid, and I have every right to tell them exactly that.

Submissive doesn't mean universal doormat for anyone who comes along. Nor does it always equate with unfaithfulness or poly/open relationships.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Well being around the adult industy for many years has left my ldeals and values jaded in terms of what is accepted in the confines of not just a relationship, but monogomy.

Monogamy means; one (1) sexual partner. Depending on how a couple defines sex, of course-- still, I don't think most monogamous couples would be happy with a partner that sent pics of his or her genitals to some stranger.

I'm still learning when a woman turns her submission off and on.

Which woman?

 

[midwestyankee]

Well being around the adult industy for many years has left my ldeals and values jaded in terms of what is accepted in the confines of not just a relationship, but monogomy.

I'm still learning when a woman turns her submission off and on.

You didn't really just blame all your accumulated ignorance on having worked in the porn business, did you?


Where have I seen this meme before? :tappingchin:

 

[FloggingMolly]

For me, I hope that my D/s relationship remains monogamous, as it is at present, though we've involved other women in the past as occasional threesomes, I'm happier as we are.

Just because there are many D/s relationships that involve regularly 'lending out' subs, or playing with others, or posters here in multiple BDSM related relationships, doesn't mean that they are the only way it can be done (or that one is 'right' and the other is 'wrong'?)

 

[Netzach]

You don't need other people - including submissive women - to tell you what your sexual boundaries are, do you?

If your partner's behavior bothers you it bothers you.

 

[xxceler8]

Do you think a woman is a true submissve, if outside of the bedroom they are very controlling or overbearing? Would their submissive side not carry over into their personal life? Would their demeanor not reflect that of a submissve person?

For example when are being seated at a resturaunt, should she not wait for you to choose your seat, then sit?

 

[Netzach]

Do you think a woman is a true submissve, if outside of the bedroom they are very controlling or overbearing? Would their submissive side not carry over into their personal life? Would their demeanor not reflect that of a submissve person?

For example when are being seated at a resturaunt, should she not wait for you to choose your seat, then sit?

Depends on the person. Depends on the person. Depends on the person. Depends on the person.

And dude - I dunno where you grew up but where I was we ALL leaned that dude seats girl or waits. Unless you *request* that there's no indication one way or another from her sitting first.

 

[MisterSir]

Do you think a woman is a true submissve, if outside of the bedroom they are very controlling or overbearing? Would their submissive side not carry over into their personal life? Would their demeanor not reflect that of a submissve person?

For example when are being seated at a resturaunt, should she not wait for you to choose your seat, then sit?

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

NO NO NO NO NO

Bad words. Bad phrase. Throw them into a metal box, throw that box into the ocean and throw the ocean into a bigger ocean, because there are few easier ways to get people ticked than ever accusing them of not being a true submissive/dominant.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Do you think a woman is a true submissve, if outside of the bedroom they are very controlling or overbearing? Would their submissive side not carry over into their personal life? Would their demeanor not reflect that of a submissve person?

For example when are being seated at a resturaunt, should she not wait for you to choose your seat, then sit?

"true submissive?"

Is someone telling you she'll play at being a sub in the bedroom but nowhere else?

Well then, that's the deal you get with her. You don't like her rules, play with someone else.

 

[satindesire]

Do you think a woman is a true submissve, if outside of the bedroom they are very controlling or overbearing? Would their submissive side not carry over into their personal life? Would their demeanor not reflect that of a submissve person?

For example when are being seated at a resturaunt, should she not wait for you to choose your seat, then sit?

There is no such thing as a "true submissive" because every submissive person is different from everyone else.

For example:

I use safe words. I expect to be sexually satisfied when I have sex, most of the time. I require foreplay, not just being used sexually whenever my Dom feels like it. I require his help in daily chores, because I simply cannot do everything on my own, nor do I feel like I should be expected to.

Does that make me LESS submissive than the next girl? Does that make me a 'fake' submissive? No. I am simply a "different" submissive.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Do you think a woman is a true submissive, if outside of the bedroom they are very controlling or overbearing?

do "i" think such a woman is a "true" submissive? no. but would a heck of a lot of other folks? yep.

Would their submissive side not carry over into their personal life? Would their demeanor not reflect that of a submissve person?

of course it should, and of course it should. but this is where it gets a bit complex...there are different "types" of submissive people. some people are very naturally submissive within a romantic relationship, but not at all submissive outside of that relationship. some are very naturally submissive to specific individuals who for whatever reason trigger that response in them, but not at all submissive to others. and of course you have those who enjoy playing the role of "submissive" within sexual confines only.

and then you have the weirdos like me who have an overall submissive demeanor and personality, for whom submission is not a conscious choice. ironically, this particular type of submissiveness is the most frowned upon in the lifestyle.

 

[fuckmeat]

Hi xxceler8

I'm afraid you're asking the wrong questions. A dom/sub relationship is like any other relationship in that the people in it make the rules. Some people identify as subs, masochists or slaves. Some identify as doms, masters/mistresses, or sadists. Some switch. It's far too simplistic to suggest that every sub is an overbearing alpha type in public. That's like suggesting every lesbian has a crew cut and only wears jeans and men's shirts. People are people and their individual personalities, quirks and foibles in no way preclude them from any kind of sexual kink or alternative lifestyle choice.

'True submissive' is a bit of a loaded term here because the... ahem... bottom line is that there is no 'true' way to be submissive, just as there is no 'true' way to be bisexual, gay, genderqueer, TS/TG or straight. It's an intrinsic part of a person's sexual identity, so it's something deeply personal that varies from person to person. It might seem odd to compare dominance or submission to gayness in this way but I hope you can see what I mean.

If BDSM could be neatly divided up into half a dozen specific types, finding a compatible partner for a long term relationship would be as simple as matching a blood type. Guess what, it isn't.

 

[FloggingMolly]

If BDSM could be neatly divided up into half a dozen specific types, finding a compatible partner for a long term relationship would be as simple as matching a blood type. Guess what, it isn't.

<hijack>
There was something on the news recently about Japan having dating sites based on blood group compatabilty, plus discrimination in the workplace based on blood groups, very odd but interesting.
</hijack>

I agree with the others... its not a competition to be a 'true submissive' or have rules, an entrance exam or some sort of job spec. What is submissive in me, is different to the submissiveness of others.

 

[the captians wench]

Depends on the person. Depends on the person. Depends on the person. Depends on the person.

And dude - I dunno where you grew up but where I was we ALL leaned that dude seats girl or waits. Unless you *request* that there's no indication one way or another from her sitting first.

This has always been my experience. I've always been treated like a dirty cunt behind closed doors and a lady in public. Hold the doors open for me, pull my chair out, the whole bit.

I've always liked that.

 

[Etoile]

Oh my.

 

[Etoile]

<hijack>
There was something on the news recently about Japan having dating sites based on blood group compatabilty, plus discrimination in the workplace based on blood groups, very odd but interesting.
</hijack>

I've heard about those too. I wonder if I could be a mysterious sexual enigma because I don't know my blood type?!

 

[midwestyankee]

I've heard about those too. I wonder if I could be a mysterious sexual enigma because I don't know my blood type?!

Or maybe someone else does and that's the secret reason behind the reason why you were enabled to go to Japan.

 

[Etoile]

Or maybe someone else does and that's the secret reason behind the reason why you were enabled to go to Japan.

Maybe my soulmate will sit down across from me on the train to Tokyo!!


(I am in an exurb in the mountains, Tsukuba - the train to Tokyo is 45 mins express or 60 mins regular.)

 

[midwestyankee]

Maybe my soulmate will sit down across from me on the train to Tokyo!!


(I am in an exurb in the mountains, Tsukuba - the train to Tokyo is 45 mins express or 60 mins regular.)

I hope you're having a great time. And I hope you'll find the time to post some of your observations when you get back. Would love to hear what you think of the countryside and the people.

 

[Etoile]

I hope you're having a great time. And I hope you'll find the time to post some of your observations when you get back. Would love to hear what you think of the countryside and the people.

I am posting on my blog (see link in sig) and pix are going up here!

Now back to your regularly scheduled *facepalm* moments...

 

[intothewoods]

Do you think a woman is a true submissve, if outside of the bedroom they are very controlling or overbearing? Would their submissive side not carry over into their personal life? Would their demeanor not reflect that of a submissve person?

For example when are being seated at a resturaunt, should she not wait for you to choose your seat, then sit?

I just want to point out that controlling and overbearing aren't particularly positive traits, regardless of your sexual identity. One can be successful in their job, excel at management and be confident and assertive without being controlling and overbearing.

 

[RuReal]

Just to add to this. I will say I find the discussion amusing. My wife is almost an entirely different person at work than she is with me. By no means is she a door mat and I do not think that is a proper definition for a submissive personality that would work for me. It is not a matter of turning it off and on as someone said you have to choose who you are submissive too. Incidentally we are in a monogamous relationship at this point. Even if we chose to play with others it would be as a couple if it went sexual. One can do many types of BDSM play without involving sex the effects of power exchange alone can be very heady.