Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
The 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'
- Thread starter BLoved
- Start date
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
I'm beginning to wonder if English is your first language.
00Syd
Secret Agent
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TypicalDeviant
Literotica Guru
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I like how BLoved has still not replied to your posts indicating massive logical fallacies in his arguments.
~smiles~
The self-deception in cognitive dissonance is mind-boggling.
TypicalDeviant
Literotica Guru
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- Apr 2, 2006
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Ditto.
I'm noticing that he's avoiding the tough questions (source, logical fallacies, etc) in favor of questions that can be answered emotionally, despite the presentation of a reasoned argument.
D
Daddy2mylilgirl
Guest
I don't think it's any coincidence that a few examples BL has used have been the KKK and Hitler/Nazis.
Seems he has learned from their histories how to discuss/debate his "True Love" message.
Seems he has learned from their histories how to discuss/debate his "True Love" message.
warrior queen
early bird snack pack
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2003
- Posts
- 31,500
BLoved - i'm curious as to why you never answer with links to credible studies, why you never reply to posts that call you out directly to back up your statements with something other than your own personal views, and why you never respond directly to posts that refute your cited examples (ie. the oyster thing, the 30,000 yr history, etc)?
oh wait..... silly me!
here i am asking you to respond directly to this post!
duh *needsaslappingforeheademoticon*
oh wait..... silly me!
here i am asking you to respond directly to this post!
duh *needsaslappingforeheademoticon*
TypicalDeviant
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 2, 2006
- Posts
- 716
Anyone familiar with the "Mall Ninja"?
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
Encore! *applauds*
BLoved
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2010
- Posts
- 1,457
As it would appear the casual players have decided they profit more from disruption than discussion I offer the following on ethics:
On Ethics
"Behave towards others the way you would want them to behave towards you, were the situation reversed."
Seems pretty straight-forward, doesn't it?
What about this one?
"Others will behave towards you the way they expect you to behave towards them."
You won't see that one written down anywhere, but it is nonetheless true.
There are those who expect the best in others, and do their best to offer the same.
And then there are those who expect the worst in others, and will do their best to meet their needs anyway they can.
One might generalize these two concepts as "Cooperation" and "Competition".
Cooperation seeks to harmonize relationships so that all may meet their needs and all may benefit.
Competition seeks private profit without regard for the consequences to others.
Each is a paradigm through which each individual makes choices.
The nature of each individual can be determined by their concern for the consequence of decisions to others.
Cooperation demands concern.
Competition scorns it.
________________________________________
The Ethics of BDSM
There is no concept more essential to BDSM than "Consent".
Without consent BDSM is assault, rape, forcible confinement, kidnapping ...
There are no doubts about this. For BDSM to be "consensual" it must depend upon "consent".
But how does one define "consent"?
For some, it is enough to show up at the door.
For others, it requires lengthy negotiations and a signed agreement.
It can be many different things to different people.
As one might expect, those who choose Cooperation and those who choose Competition have very different ways of looking at this.
Cooperation
Because the focus of Cooperation is that all needs are met and all benefit, those who follow this path concern themselves with issues such as competency.
It is not enough to say "Yes". For a yes" to have meaning, it must be the result of an informed consideration from a competent mind.
The individual must understand what they are agreeing to, and must be in a sober, adult state of mind.
This automatically invalidates consent from children, and adults with afflictions that affect their capacity to judge for themselves the consequences of their decisions.
It also invalidates the consent of those who have no idea what they are getting into. If they are unaware of the risks, they cannot make an informed decision for themselves.
Cooperation requires all of these assessments take place, so as to ensure that all will indeed benefit.
And even so, despite all of these precautions, problems can arise.
I will discuss more of that in "Living with Trauma: Cycles of Self-Destruction".
Competition
Because the focus of Competition is personal gain, without concern for the consequences of others, "consent" becomes a vague and nebulous concept.
Whatever definition is applied, it will serve the needs of the one seeking consent, not necessarily the one who gives it.
And this does not apply just to the idea of consent, it applies to all activities.
If one is willing to play fast and loose with consent, what is one willing to do when it comes to limits and safewords?
What about health and safety concerns?
Again, none of these are concerns for the one seeking consent.
His concern is his own personal gain.
He has no concern for the consequences to those he uses to get what he wants.
His is a strictly cost/benefit mentality. The less he can put in and the more he can get out, the better.
This is not an individual who is going to get to know the submissive, whether he gives that appearance or not. He doesn't want to know her. He wants to use her.
As long as she is willing to be used, he is happy. If she becomes unwilling, he will find another.
His concern is only for his own personal gain.
________________________________________
Love and Fear and BDSM
By now it will be obvious that those who focus on Cooperation act from Love. The degree to which they love isn't an issue, they love to some degree to care for the well-being of others.
And because they care for the well-being of others, health and safety risks are minimized, as are the risks that limits and safewords will be ignored.
This approach also recognizes the value of after-care.
Those who focus on Competition act from Fear. Their focus on personal gain without concern for others is a result of their fear they live in a dog-eat-dog world, and that if they don't grab what they want, they will never get it as no one will cooperate and give it to them.
For them it is 'use or be used'.
That some of them can cooperate in casual groups does not alter this.
Dogs hunt in packs yet will fight for the spoils.
Yet Love and Fear do not act on the domly types alone. They also motivate the submissives.
Some submissives give because the Love within them for another inspires them to give.
Some submissives give out of fear that if they don't they will not be loved, accepted, desired.
The one who loves is concerned for how her behaviour benefits another. Cooperation.
The one who fears is concerned for how her behaviour benefits herself (that others benefit is the cost she must pay to get what she wants). Competition.
The consequences for these couplings depends very much on the nature(s) of those involved.
The very best combination (and the one I seek) is a Cooperative Dom with a Cooperative submissive. Both are thinking of the well-being of the other.
The very worst combination is the Competitive Dom with a Competitive submissive. Her need for approval is a terrible weapon in the hands of a selfish dom. Simply by grinding down her self-respect he can make it impossible for her to leave. Those familiar with the symptoms of spousal abuse would recognize this relationship as being very similar.
With either of the other two combinations, there is an opportunity for healing, and an opportunity for abuse.
A Cooperative dom with a Competitive submissive can offer the submissive the experience that helps her overcome her low self-esteem. On the other hand the submissive can be emotionally abusive and drain the dom.
A Competitive dom with a Cooperative submissive has a chance to physically and emotionally abuse the submissive. Her need to heal the pain that caused his fear can lead her to return repeatedly and tolerate much before the abuse reaches a point where she cannot return. On the other hand, her love could be what he needs to turn his back on fear.
To the degree we believe in the best in others we will be inclined towards provide loving cooperation and will expect to find the best in others.
To the degree we believe in the worst in others we will be inclined towards taking what we want out of fear that no one will love us enough to give us what we want.
Love or Fear, we exist under the sway of one or the other.
Never both.
Self-Respect
Self-respect means to have a healthy concern for your well-being: mental, physical, emotional, and for those who believe in it, spiritual.
It means to take care of yourself, embrace healthy choices and reject unhealthy ones.
It means to be truthful with one's self. To be completely candid. To recognize the consequences for one's decisions and to accept responsibility for those consequences. Not just the consequences as they affect you, but also as they affect others involved.
This is not about how others see you. It is not about flattery or delusions of grandeur.
This is about you taking care of you. A quiet, calm, fair assessment.
That which promotes self-respect is healthy.
That which inhibits self-respect is unhealthy.
To the degree one exhibits these qualities is the degree to which one feels self-respect, and thus the degree to which one can feel and express love towards another.
To the degree one lacks these qualities is the degree to which one feels a lack of self-respect, and thus is susceptible to control by Fear.
Abuse
Abuse is the process of inhibiting self-respect.
The more one believes they are deserving of mental, physical, emotional and/or spiritual degradation, the more inhibited self-respect will be, and thus the greater the abuse done.
This is not a natural condition. Babies are not born believing this.
People are taught to believe this about themselves.
Considering we are all born with an aversion to such treatment, shunning away from it being a natural response, the fact someone believes themselves deserving of nothing better is evidence of past abuse.
At some point she was taught to expect no better treatment, to tolerate the treatment she got ... to see herself "deserving" the abuse.
Whether a submissive is predisposed to abuse because of past abuse, or whether she is unable to see that the dom she loves is incapable of giving love back, either in the hands of a Competitive dom will find his needs are met better the more they inhibit their self-respect.
The longer this goes on, the greater the damage done to their self-respect.
Living with Trauma: Cycles of Self-Destruction
As was described in the previous section, past abuse can predispose a submissive to accept more abuse.
This is not inevitable. Love has a healing quality when it comes to abuse.
Whether the love of one person can heal the abuse suffered by another very much depends on the individuals and the degree to which Love and Fear motivates them.
But there is no cure for abuse but Love.
Love helps to restore self-respect.
Love provides a solid foundation from which one can determine what is real, what is flattery, and what is delusion.
Love does not deceive.
But for those who do not find love, and for those combinations of people where the love of one was insufficient to overcome the fears of the abused, there continues this diminished sense of self-respect.
In their need for relief, they seek solace in the arms of others. But in allowing themselves to be used for the sake of the illusion of being desired they further undermine their self-respect.
Some, convinced they are not doing enough to be desirable, seek to go further, casting off limits if need be, ignoring safety concerns and pushing themselves to the brink of extinction, emotionally if not physically as well.
It is a vicious cycle which, if not stopped, eventually leaves the submissive incapable of accepting love, pushing away anything that looks like love.
After so much abuse, she simply no longer believes in it, or no longer believes herself worthy of it.
She may well go to the extreme of only seeking out situations where there is no chance of Love entering her world.
Jaded and calloused, she may even join in the abuse of others.
After so much abuse, the ability to relate to the feelings of others grows numb.
Just as it does for the domly types who abuse others.
________________________________________
________________________________________
The Case for Love
Love strengthens self-respect, in the lover and the one loved.
Love respects consent and the lack of consent.
Love tolerates no deception.
Love is patient and thorough.
Love never places a beloved at risk.
Love delights in the sharing of discovery and exploration.
Love needs no previous experience.
Love heals.
Love has meaning, not just for one night, but night after night after ...
Love isn't lonely.
Love is much more than lust.
Love challenges us to be our best, because it demands of us that we care for another as much as we care for ourselves.
As we would not deny ourselves our best, so too do we not deny our best to those we love.
To be our best we must be willing to grow, to learn, to explore and discover, always respecting our selves and each other.
Love offers all of this to those who have the courage to believe in themselves, to respect themselves, to respect others.
Love offers itself to those who turn their backs on Fear.
Love offers itself to those who choose to be what they were born to be.
Human.
-------
For those of you who wish to pursue love, I recommend A few tips for Submissives questing for a Beloved.
As has been demonstrated in this thread, in Book-burning, BDSM and the "One True (Casual) Way", and in Debating a Few Philosophies of BDSM - Love, Kink, Lust, Etc, casual players suffer from immaturity, a lack of self-control and dysfunctional attitudes towards love and intimacy.
That they are capable of revealing these traits in public without concern only reflects how much more abusive they are in private where there are no witnesses except their victims.
These are not the people you want to trust with your life or your heart.
True, getting involved in casual 'bdsm' is easy, just as it is easier to walk into an ambush than it is to get out of it. They rely on the impatience and eagerness of novices to lure in their prey.
Eagerness is good, but impatience can ruin your life.
Take your time to do it right. Find someone with whom you can share love and who is capable of loving you in return.
While you will find many in the casual community who prefer to define "love" as "abusive", those of us who are not suffering from chronic immaturity coupled with dysfunctional attitudes towards intimacy know that love is never abusive, and those who abuse do not love.
Don't get hooked up with those who believe love is abusive.
Don't let impatience rob you of your dreams.
Don't give up on love.
On Ethics
"Behave towards others the way you would want them to behave towards you, were the situation reversed."
Seems pretty straight-forward, doesn't it?
What about this one?
"Others will behave towards you the way they expect you to behave towards them."
You won't see that one written down anywhere, but it is nonetheless true.
There are those who expect the best in others, and do their best to offer the same.
And then there are those who expect the worst in others, and will do their best to meet their needs anyway they can.
One might generalize these two concepts as "Cooperation" and "Competition".
Cooperation seeks to harmonize relationships so that all may meet their needs and all may benefit.
Competition seeks private profit without regard for the consequences to others.
Each is a paradigm through which each individual makes choices.
The nature of each individual can be determined by their concern for the consequence of decisions to others.
Cooperation demands concern.
Competition scorns it.
________________________________________
The Ethics of BDSM
There is no concept more essential to BDSM than "Consent".
Without consent BDSM is assault, rape, forcible confinement, kidnapping ...
There are no doubts about this. For BDSM to be "consensual" it must depend upon "consent".
But how does one define "consent"?
For some, it is enough to show up at the door.
For others, it requires lengthy negotiations and a signed agreement.
It can be many different things to different people.
As one might expect, those who choose Cooperation and those who choose Competition have very different ways of looking at this.
Cooperation
Because the focus of Cooperation is that all needs are met and all benefit, those who follow this path concern themselves with issues such as competency.
It is not enough to say "Yes". For a yes" to have meaning, it must be the result of an informed consideration from a competent mind.
The individual must understand what they are agreeing to, and must be in a sober, adult state of mind.
This automatically invalidates consent from children, and adults with afflictions that affect their capacity to judge for themselves the consequences of their decisions.
It also invalidates the consent of those who have no idea what they are getting into. If they are unaware of the risks, they cannot make an informed decision for themselves.
Cooperation requires all of these assessments take place, so as to ensure that all will indeed benefit.
And even so, despite all of these precautions, problems can arise.
I will discuss more of that in "Living with Trauma: Cycles of Self-Destruction".
Competition
Because the focus of Competition is personal gain, without concern for the consequences of others, "consent" becomes a vague and nebulous concept.
Whatever definition is applied, it will serve the needs of the one seeking consent, not necessarily the one who gives it.
And this does not apply just to the idea of consent, it applies to all activities.
If one is willing to play fast and loose with consent, what is one willing to do when it comes to limits and safewords?
What about health and safety concerns?
Again, none of these are concerns for the one seeking consent.
His concern is his own personal gain.
He has no concern for the consequences to those he uses to get what he wants.
His is a strictly cost/benefit mentality. The less he can put in and the more he can get out, the better.
This is not an individual who is going to get to know the submissive, whether he gives that appearance or not. He doesn't want to know her. He wants to use her.
As long as she is willing to be used, he is happy. If she becomes unwilling, he will find another.
His concern is only for his own personal gain.
________________________________________
Love and Fear and BDSM
By now it will be obvious that those who focus on Cooperation act from Love. The degree to which they love isn't an issue, they love to some degree to care for the well-being of others.
And because they care for the well-being of others, health and safety risks are minimized, as are the risks that limits and safewords will be ignored.
This approach also recognizes the value of after-care.
Those who focus on Competition act from Fear. Their focus on personal gain without concern for others is a result of their fear they live in a dog-eat-dog world, and that if they don't grab what they want, they will never get it as no one will cooperate and give it to them.
For them it is 'use or be used'.
That some of them can cooperate in casual groups does not alter this.
Dogs hunt in packs yet will fight for the spoils.
Yet Love and Fear do not act on the domly types alone. They also motivate the submissives.
Some submissives give because the Love within them for another inspires them to give.
Some submissives give out of fear that if they don't they will not be loved, accepted, desired.
The one who loves is concerned for how her behaviour benefits another. Cooperation.
The one who fears is concerned for how her behaviour benefits herself (that others benefit is the cost she must pay to get what she wants). Competition.
The consequences for these couplings depends very much on the nature(s) of those involved.
The very best combination (and the one I seek) is a Cooperative Dom with a Cooperative submissive. Both are thinking of the well-being of the other.
The very worst combination is the Competitive Dom with a Competitive submissive. Her need for approval is a terrible weapon in the hands of a selfish dom. Simply by grinding down her self-respect he can make it impossible for her to leave. Those familiar with the symptoms of spousal abuse would recognize this relationship as being very similar.
With either of the other two combinations, there is an opportunity for healing, and an opportunity for abuse.
A Cooperative dom with a Competitive submissive can offer the submissive the experience that helps her overcome her low self-esteem. On the other hand the submissive can be emotionally abusive and drain the dom.
A Competitive dom with a Cooperative submissive has a chance to physically and emotionally abuse the submissive. Her need to heal the pain that caused his fear can lead her to return repeatedly and tolerate much before the abuse reaches a point where she cannot return. On the other hand, her love could be what he needs to turn his back on fear.
To the degree we believe in the best in others we will be inclined towards provide loving cooperation and will expect to find the best in others.
To the degree we believe in the worst in others we will be inclined towards taking what we want out of fear that no one will love us enough to give us what we want.
Love or Fear, we exist under the sway of one or the other.
Never both.
Self-Respect
Self-respect means to have a healthy concern for your well-being: mental, physical, emotional, and for those who believe in it, spiritual.
It means to take care of yourself, embrace healthy choices and reject unhealthy ones.
It means to be truthful with one's self. To be completely candid. To recognize the consequences for one's decisions and to accept responsibility for those consequences. Not just the consequences as they affect you, but also as they affect others involved.
This is not about how others see you. It is not about flattery or delusions of grandeur.
This is about you taking care of you. A quiet, calm, fair assessment.
That which promotes self-respect is healthy.
That which inhibits self-respect is unhealthy.
To the degree one exhibits these qualities is the degree to which one feels self-respect, and thus the degree to which one can feel and express love towards another.
To the degree one lacks these qualities is the degree to which one feels a lack of self-respect, and thus is susceptible to control by Fear.
Abuse
Abuse is the process of inhibiting self-respect.
The more one believes they are deserving of mental, physical, emotional and/or spiritual degradation, the more inhibited self-respect will be, and thus the greater the abuse done.
This is not a natural condition. Babies are not born believing this.
People are taught to believe this about themselves.
Considering we are all born with an aversion to such treatment, shunning away from it being a natural response, the fact someone believes themselves deserving of nothing better is evidence of past abuse.
At some point she was taught to expect no better treatment, to tolerate the treatment she got ... to see herself "deserving" the abuse.
Whether a submissive is predisposed to abuse because of past abuse, or whether she is unable to see that the dom she loves is incapable of giving love back, either in the hands of a Competitive dom will find his needs are met better the more they inhibit their self-respect.
The longer this goes on, the greater the damage done to their self-respect.
Living with Trauma: Cycles of Self-Destruction
As was described in the previous section, past abuse can predispose a submissive to accept more abuse.
This is not inevitable. Love has a healing quality when it comes to abuse.
Whether the love of one person can heal the abuse suffered by another very much depends on the individuals and the degree to which Love and Fear motivates them.
But there is no cure for abuse but Love.
Love helps to restore self-respect.
Love provides a solid foundation from which one can determine what is real, what is flattery, and what is delusion.
Love does not deceive.
But for those who do not find love, and for those combinations of people where the love of one was insufficient to overcome the fears of the abused, there continues this diminished sense of self-respect.
In their need for relief, they seek solace in the arms of others. But in allowing themselves to be used for the sake of the illusion of being desired they further undermine their self-respect.
Some, convinced they are not doing enough to be desirable, seek to go further, casting off limits if need be, ignoring safety concerns and pushing themselves to the brink of extinction, emotionally if not physically as well.
It is a vicious cycle which, if not stopped, eventually leaves the submissive incapable of accepting love, pushing away anything that looks like love.
After so much abuse, she simply no longer believes in it, or no longer believes herself worthy of it.
She may well go to the extreme of only seeking out situations where there is no chance of Love entering her world.
Jaded and calloused, she may even join in the abuse of others.
After so much abuse, the ability to relate to the feelings of others grows numb.
Just as it does for the domly types who abuse others.
________________________________________
________________________________________
The Case for Love
Love strengthens self-respect, in the lover and the one loved.
Love respects consent and the lack of consent.
Love tolerates no deception.
Love is patient and thorough.
Love never places a beloved at risk.
Love delights in the sharing of discovery and exploration.
Love needs no previous experience.
Love heals.
Love has meaning, not just for one night, but night after night after ...
Love isn't lonely.
Love is much more than lust.
Love challenges us to be our best, because it demands of us that we care for another as much as we care for ourselves.
As we would not deny ourselves our best, so too do we not deny our best to those we love.
To be our best we must be willing to grow, to learn, to explore and discover, always respecting our selves and each other.
Love offers all of this to those who have the courage to believe in themselves, to respect themselves, to respect others.
Love offers itself to those who turn their backs on Fear.
Love offers itself to those who choose to be what they were born to be.
Human.
-------
For those of you who wish to pursue love, I recommend A few tips for Submissives questing for a Beloved.
As has been demonstrated in this thread, in Book-burning, BDSM and the "One True (Casual) Way", and in Debating a Few Philosophies of BDSM - Love, Kink, Lust, Etc, casual players suffer from immaturity, a lack of self-control and dysfunctional attitudes towards love and intimacy.
That they are capable of revealing these traits in public without concern only reflects how much more abusive they are in private where there are no witnesses except their victims.
These are not the people you want to trust with your life or your heart.
True, getting involved in casual 'bdsm' is easy, just as it is easier to walk into an ambush than it is to get out of it. They rely on the impatience and eagerness of novices to lure in their prey.
Eagerness is good, but impatience can ruin your life.
Take your time to do it right. Find someone with whom you can share love and who is capable of loving you in return.
While you will find many in the casual community who prefer to define "love" as "abusive", those of us who are not suffering from chronic immaturity coupled with dysfunctional attitudes towards intimacy know that love is never abusive, and those who abuse do not love.
Don't get hooked up with those who believe love is abusive.
Don't let impatience rob you of your dreams.
Don't give up on love.
Last edited:
BLoved
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2010
- Posts
- 1,457
Maturity doesn't show when everything is going your way. Even the most immature can appear happy when they are getting what they want.
Maturity shows when facing adversity.
The immature experience an emotional melt-down, throw tantrums, revert to schoolyard bully tactics.
Those who are mature respect themselves enough not to allow themselves the excuse to behave in such a manner.
The mature know the world is a big place, and not everyone is going to agree with their ethics, and that's okay ... no need to throw a tantrum.
For the immature anyone who disagrees with their ethics is a threat to be eliminated ...
TypicalDeviant
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 2, 2006
- Posts
- 716
We didn't ask you about ethics, we asked you to address holes in your argument. Furthermore, pointing out such holes is hardly "disruption".
Several people have asked you questions that you've ignored. We're pointing out that these questions relate to obvious, glaring logical fallacies in your argument. Most people would be eager to answer such questions, and thereby strengthen their argument.
Why won't you?
You came to a board of opinionated people, posted yours, and are now upset that we've deconstructed your argument. You're not a martyr, you're just someone who has an opinion with which most of us seem to disagree.
So,
http://i186.photobucket.com/albums/x153/yfunaro/celebs/olyphant.jpg
"answer the question, BLoved."
Last edited:
rida
rope grupie
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2007
- Posts
- 4,823
Personally, my biggest problem is not the lack of proof of the immovability of his opinions. I'm not wishing to change his opinion or anybodies for that matter.
My problem is the passive-aggressive delivery and the judgmental insults swung left and right as a way to rile people up, make them react and use the reaction as a proof of their immaturity.
meh.
D
Daddy2mylilgirl
Guest
Sound familiar to anyone else?
I had to change a few words to tailor it to the situation but I think it pretty much describes Bloved and how he's trying to get his "True Love" message out.
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
Please, people, if you can't keep yourself from responding to this idiot, IGNORE HIM. Every time you reply it makes it that much longer until he GOES AWAY.
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h284/graceanne1978/lit%20images/trolls/Do-not-feed-the-troll.png
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h284/graceanne1978/lit%20images/trolls/troll.jpg
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h284/graceanne1978/lit%20images/trolls/troll_2.jpg
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h284/graceanne1978/lit%20images/trolls/Do-not-feed-the-troll.png
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h284/graceanne1978/lit%20images/trolls/troll.jpg
http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h284/graceanne1978/lit%20images/trolls/troll_2.jpg
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
You've just painted your own portrait.
warrior queen
early bird snack pack
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2003
- Posts
- 31,500
BLoved........ yooooooo-hoooo!!!
still waiting for a direct response to the questions you have been asked!
please, dispense with the rhetoric, and just answer the simple questions! shouldn't be too hard.....
warrior queen
early bird snack pack
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2003
- Posts
- 31,500
once again, you've chosen to use inflammatory statements to rile people up instead of using factual information to back yourself up!
BLoved
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2010
- Posts
- 1,457
~smile~
As the attentive reader will notice, they still cannot defend the lack of ethics involved in casual 'bdsm', they continue to blame others for their lack of self-control (Abusive spouse: 'Honey, I wouldn't have beaten you up if only you'd do what I tell you to do. You know how much it makes me angry when dinner is late. You only have yourself to blame.'), they continue to throw out red herrings ("logic", "studies" et al), and they continue to disrupt the discussion ("don't feed the trolls").
Not only can they not defend their lack of ethics, their inability to control their own immature behaviour, their need to distract, distort and disrupt, but they cannot even say what ethics apply to casual 'bdsm'.
Those are the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'.
These are the people you are supposed to trust with your life when you engage in casual 'bdsm'.
This is how they handle a situation where they are not getting what they want.
Any wonder they crave novices who are the least informed and most susceptible to the pressure tactics we've seen from them over and over and over?
They don't believe in live and let live. They seek to convert or conquer, because anything less creates the opportunity to object to their One True Way.
They are not content to place their arguments in favour of casual 'bdsm' before you and let you compare the arguments and come to your own conclusions.
They have no arguments in favour of casual 'bdsm' that aren't rooted in a dysfunctional attitude towards love and intimacy, and they know it.
So they distract, disrupt and distort because the bottom line is they figure their victims are idiots who exist solely to be abused. If you are smart enough to figure them out, you are of no use to them. You'll never put yourself in a position where they can get their hands on you.
No, they want the novices who have no idea casual players are dysfunctional or abusive.
As long as they can present their way as the only way in which you can engage in bdsm, they will have a steady stream of victims.
As long as they can continue to convince you that love and commitment is a waste of time they can continue to abuse their victims without facing consequences for what they do ... their victims either lose all self-esteem and take whatever abuse they wish to dish out, or their victims run and are no longer heard from again.
That's why they are in constant need of new recruits.
As the attentive reader will notice, they still cannot defend the lack of ethics involved in casual 'bdsm', they continue to blame others for their lack of self-control (Abusive spouse: 'Honey, I wouldn't have beaten you up if only you'd do what I tell you to do. You know how much it makes me angry when dinner is late. You only have yourself to blame.'), they continue to throw out red herrings ("logic", "studies" et al), and they continue to disrupt the discussion ("don't feed the trolls").
Not only can they not defend their lack of ethics, their inability to control their own immature behaviour, their need to distract, distort and disrupt, but they cannot even say what ethics apply to casual 'bdsm'.
Those are the 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'.
These are the people you are supposed to trust with your life when you engage in casual 'bdsm'.
This is how they handle a situation where they are not getting what they want.
Any wonder they crave novices who are the least informed and most susceptible to the pressure tactics we've seen from them over and over and over?
They don't believe in live and let live. They seek to convert or conquer, because anything less creates the opportunity to object to their One True Way.
They are not content to place their arguments in favour of casual 'bdsm' before you and let you compare the arguments and come to your own conclusions.
They have no arguments in favour of casual 'bdsm' that aren't rooted in a dysfunctional attitude towards love and intimacy, and they know it.
So they distract, disrupt and distort because the bottom line is they figure their victims are idiots who exist solely to be abused. If you are smart enough to figure them out, you are of no use to them. You'll never put yourself in a position where they can get their hands on you.
No, they want the novices who have no idea casual players are dysfunctional or abusive.
As long as they can present their way as the only way in which you can engage in bdsm, they will have a steady stream of victims.
As long as they can continue to convince you that love and commitment is a waste of time they can continue to abuse their victims without facing consequences for what they do ... their victims either lose all self-esteem and take whatever abuse they wish to dish out, or their victims run and are no longer heard from again.
That's why they are in constant need of new recruits.
Homburg
Daring greatly
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2007
- Posts
- 13,578
Can someone show me a social group or culture that does not seek, and rely on, new recruits to refresh numbers, bring in new ideas, add energy, etc? Any?
Everything from the glee club at you local school to even Bloved's Blessed Church of Consensual Hypermonogamy looks for new recruits. Without new recruits, groups become stagnant, insular.
Wait, dammit, now I'm trying to inject reality.
Everything from the glee club at you local school to even Bloved's Blessed Church of Consensual Hypermonogamy looks for new recruits. Without new recruits, groups become stagnant, insular.
Wait, dammit, now I'm trying to inject reality.
