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I always laugh at the notion of the Mighty Mammoth Hunter. It says so much about the fantasies of men, and so much about their ignorance of what kind of hunting actually sustains a clan.
~smile~
As you were the one to mention them, I take it you were indulging your fantasies regarding what men fantasize about.
Dude you'll have to explain that one, I am curious.
You claimed "Fighting to defend one's young is not love. That's your basic reproductive imperative at work."
I referred you to the oyster, because her "basic reproductive imperative" is to pump as many eggs as possible into the ocean. She spends zero time defending her young.
Indeed, the vast majority of species on the planet reproduce without any effort to defend their young.
There is no real need to explain that
Unless you want to resort to 'intelligent design' or Lamarkism it most certainly requires an explanation. These sorts of thing do not just spontaneously appear in three families as divergent as the ones you list.
"No Strings Attached"
"One Night Stands"
"Casual 'bdsm'"
Oya, lots of people are ignoring that emotional bonding occurs.
Only culturated humans could dream up something as neurotic as romantic love to screw up something like fucking.
callous indifference
Love can certainly coexist with abuse.
Ok, so I'm currently processing my feelings re: casual shenanigans. (Yes, I love that word now)
Now I'm sure you'll think that if you looked dysfunctional up in the dictionary you'd see me after reading this, but here goes nothing.
You're basically saying that intimate behaviour=intimate bond. What if, casual relations with other people deepens the bond between the existing couple?
I know, for myself, that I get a deep personal satisfaction watching my partner enjoy himself, as he does with me. And we've come out of those experiences much closer emotionally and with a greater understanding of each other.
I don't see how that's bad.
*laughs*
Ok, let it rip.
Well, I guess we should just concede to your definition. Only you, BLoved, can know the one true way to define love.
[/Sarcasm]
By the way, the posts say that love can coexist with abuse. Not that love is defined by being abusive.
Abuse is inspired by fear, not love.
If abuse has occurred, the abuser is acting on fear, not love.
Abuse and love, like fear and love, are mutually exclusive.
Abusers may claim to be acting on love, but that is merely denial.
When one has a clear understanding of what is and is not love, self-deception and other forms of denial become obvious.
perhaps you will understand why people dont agree with your claims.
Abuse is inspired by fear, not love.
If abuse has occurred, the abuser is acting on fear, not love.
Abuse and love, like fear and love, are mutually exclusive.
Abusers may claim to be acting on love, but that is merely denial.
When one has a clear understanding of what is and is not love, self-deception and other forms of denial become obvious.
Geez. It must be really fun to be this guy's "beloved."
I know, for myself, that I get a deep personal satisfaction watching my partner enjoy himself, as he does with me. And we've come out of those experiences much closer emotionally and with a greater understanding of each other.
I don't see how that's bad.
*laughs*
Ok, let it rip.
Using someone else for your partner's pleasure draws the two of you closer together?
In what way are the two of you not objectifying the individual whom you use for his pleasure?
What about the emotional needs of the person being used? He/she is left alone trying to address the disconnect between intimate behaviour and intimate emotional bonding.
Thus your dysfunction regarding love is transmitted to the third party.
If you're looking for certainty in an uncertain world, and have no interest in challenging that certainty, it can be quite compelling.
People make that choice all the time.
The third (or fourth or fifth ...) party are someones there on their own accord. Whether they are someone that we have met through an ad or in another way, they are aware from the beginning of what the rules of engagement are.
They are not used, but they are willing participant.
As I'm responsible for my own choices, they are responsible for their own. I might be naive, but I'm a strong believer on being responsible for your own actions. I'm/we are honest on what are we offering and we expect that the other party/parties is/are honest as well.
Can I be 100% sure that I've never fucked anybody that had not had any "disconnect between intimate behavior and intimate emotional bonding"? From the information I was privy to and assuming honesty in our interactions, I'd say yes. I'm pretty good at reading and figuring out people.
However if they lied to me (and themselves), I do not believe that letting them fuck me was me abusive to them.
It is called "leadership". I have a clear understanding of love, and those who listen, those who lack a vested interest in dysfunctional behaviour, find that understanding helpful when they try to explain events in their lives and try to define themselves and who they wish to be.
Those who wish to lead people into a love-less existence are forced to recruit those who are already invested in dysfunctional behaviour, and novices who do not know there is a better way to explore bdsm than through love-less encounters with abusive, immature strangers.
And let's not pretend you cared one way or the other.
This is the paradigm for casual 'bdsm': I'm alright, if you're not you only have yourself to blame.
Covers any and all forms of abuse.
I've had a similar experience ^_^
The third (or fourth or fifth ...) party are someones there on their own accord. Whether they are someone that we have met through an ad or in another way, they are aware from the beginning of what the rules of engagement are.
They are not used, but they are willing participant.
As I'm responsible for my own choices, they are responsible for their own. I might be naive, but I'm a strong believer on being responsible for your own actions. I'm/we are honest on what are we offering and we expect that the other party/parties is/are honest as well.
Actually, I care very much.
But all the caring in the world won't help an alcoholic if the alcoholic doesn't see the problem.
So it is with those who suffer from dysfunctional attitudes when it comes to love.
CM, you asked me for this discussion. You made a big fuss about how I wouldn't give my opinion regarding your relationship.
Now you are trying to eviscerate me for having given you that which you've repeatedly requested.
How dysfunctional is that?
*snip*
In fact, when I've asked questions on encouraging my husband to explore BDSM no one suggested I try out an expert first, no one encouraged me to seek experience outside of marriage. Rather, those with whom I've spoken were adamant in stating their positions against extramarital affairs/cheating.
*snip*