Top-opolis
- Thread starter rosco rathbone
- Start date
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
A beautiful bump.
bridgeburner
threadkiller
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2001
- Posts
- 2,712
A beautiful bump.
Oh, good show, Stella-O!
bridgeburner
threadkiller
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2001
- Posts
- 2,712
I'm wondering about classroom dynamics and the interpersonal relations of those on a campus in relation to their status as Top or bottom and thinking that it really has nothing much at all to do with sexual identification.
Or at least it doesn't for me.
I identify as a sexual bottom ---- that's what gets me hottest although I've most often been approached as a Top.
In my classroom everyday, however, I have to be the big A. I don't resent it in the least and woe to any student who tries to test my authority disrespectfully. I'm not particularly heavy-handed and my classes are definitely more casual than many, but there is no doubt about who is the boss in my classroom.
My general assumption is that this isn't at all unusual for those who identify as bottoms in the bedroom. We can be perfectly in charge --- even revel in that power --- outside the bedroom while still prefering to be the less aggressive and controlling partner.
Does it ever go the other way? I mean, are there people.......oh, this is such a dumb question. Of course there are --- folks who are bottomy in their wake-a-day lives and become lions in the bedroom.
I'm just wondering if I ever take those people seriously. Why can't I accept that reality as valid without thinking of people who lust for power in the regular world but can't get it?
Okay, so basically I'm just arguing with myself.
Any thoughts from the Brazil-Nut Gallery?
Or at least it doesn't for me.
I identify as a sexual bottom ---- that's what gets me hottest although I've most often been approached as a Top.
In my classroom everyday, however, I have to be the big A. I don't resent it in the least and woe to any student who tries to test my authority disrespectfully. I'm not particularly heavy-handed and my classes are definitely more casual than many, but there is no doubt about who is the boss in my classroom.
My general assumption is that this isn't at all unusual for those who identify as bottoms in the bedroom. We can be perfectly in charge --- even revel in that power --- outside the bedroom while still prefering to be the less aggressive and controlling partner.
Does it ever go the other way? I mean, are there people.......oh, this is such a dumb question. Of course there are --- folks who are bottomy in their wake-a-day lives and become lions in the bedroom.
I'm just wondering if I ever take those people seriously. Why can't I accept that reality as valid without thinking of people who lust for power in the regular world but can't get it?
Okay, so basically I'm just arguing with myself.
Any thoughts from the Brazil-Nut Gallery?
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
Up every mornin just to keep a job
I gotta fight my way through the hustling mob
Sounds of the city poundin in my brain
While another day goes down the drain
But its a five oclock world when the whistle blows
No one owns a piece of my time
And theres a five oclock me inside my clothes
Thinkin that the world looks fine, yeah
Tradin my time for the pay I get
Livin on money that I aint made yet
Ive been goin tryin to make my way
While I live for the end of the day
Cuz its a five oclock world when the whistle blows
No one owns a piece of my time, and
Theres a long-haired girl who waits, I know
To ease my troubled mind, yeah
oh my lady, yeah
oh my lady, yeah
In the shelter of her arms everythings OK
When she talks then the world goes slippin away
And I know the reason I can still go on
When every other reason is gone,
In my five oclock world she waits for me
Nothing else matters at all
Cuz every time my baby smiles at me
I know thats its all worthwhile,
yeah oh my lady,
yeah oh my lady, yeah, fade........
midwestyankee
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2003
- Posts
- 32,076
Your experience seems to be quite common. I know of quite a few sexual bottoms who work at rather high levels of authority — and who thrive in their jobs because of the mix of skill, knowledge, power, and assertiveness that they bring to the job.
I am, by all accounts, a rather mild person in my day-to-day work life. Working as part of a team suits me very well and I'm a very accommodating and selfless colleague. However, when the lights go down in the bedroom, I take charge in no uncertain terms.
intothewoods
Truth seeker
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2007
- Posts
- 10,966
Shit, y'all used to be deep. And rosco used to post a lot more.
rosco rathbone
1. f3e5 2. g4??
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2002
- Posts
- 42,431
I know. I used to have a lot to say. Feel like I've said it all now.
intothewoods
Truth seeker
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2007
- Posts
- 10,966
But I wasn't here in 2002! If only there were some mechanism for calling up this information...oh wait.
People who are nicer about me than I am use phrases like "laid back" or "easy-going", although my personal preference is for "apathetic". In vanilla life, while I'm always prepared to be sarcastic at people, I don't get into arguments or display much authority, and I'm fine with that.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
because you too have bought into the "live that lifestyle or else" mentality that our society has lately developed. If the guy quits his job, who's going to pay the rent?
Someone asked me why, if I were so butch-dyke and toppy and all, why I would be married and stay with my husband. The answer was because I had made a commitment that was worth keeping with a man who was still the most compatible person I have ever met, and indulging myself that way would not only hurt him but ruin the lives of two small children who did not deserve that-- and that doing the daily do is in itself an act of heroism.
And that if they ever wanted a return of the ecstasy I had just visited upon them they would remember their fucking manners.
Netzach
>semiotics?
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2003
- Posts
- 21,732
I'm very laid back until I'm suddenly not.
When the stakes seem important to me for whatever obscure reason, I'm like a dog with a bone.
JMohegan
.
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2006
- Posts
- 8,226
I'm wondering what you mean by "those people." What does it mean to be "bottomy" in non-bedroom life?
If a teacher in charge of a classroom = toppy, does that mean that bottomy = a teacher who can't maintain control of a class full of kids? The latter isn't a person for whom I'd have much professional respect, regardless of sexual preference. No surprise that you'd have a tough time imagining that person in charge in the bedroom.
bridgeburner
threadkiller
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2001
- Posts
- 2,712
Yes, that's what I was thinking of. Thank you for making it more clear because I did a sucktastic job of it.
I have no trouble at all recognizing that bedroom Tops don't have to rule every second of their mundane lives. I know quite a few.
It's the folks who just CAN'T seem to exert any power in the day to day world that I wonder about. I can't imagine that all of these people are bottomy in bed.
Isn't it the desire rather than ability that defines the person sexually? You can be married with kids and fully monogamous with your spouse, but that doesn't make you heterosexual.
I suppose in the same way you can be incapable of exerting power over most others and yet still have the desire to do so.
No, idea where I was going with this. Dumb question if I'd just taken a minute to think through it.
bridgeburner
threadkiller
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2001
- Posts
- 2,712
No, that really isn't it ---- read my post above to JMohegan--- I just didn't express myself well the first time around.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
Glad to hear it
There are probably millions of those people exercising their desire on the internet-- some for better, some for worse....
JMohegan
.
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2006
- Posts
- 8,226
I don't think it's a dumb question. If they just CAN'T exert any power while out & about in the world, how will they muster the requisite confidence and assertiveness for control in the bedroom?
I sometimes wonder if cultural BDSM gives some people the necessary cover. Call each other Master and slave, spell out protocols and rules for deference, and all of a sudden it's easier to act like a whole new person - like at a costume party or in a play or something.
And then of course, as Stella says, there's the Internet! Online D can write himself into whatever masterly persona he always wanted to be, while doing whatever it is that online D-types do with an online s.
Soumis
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2006
- Posts
- 357
"Because I said so," has its moments
I find the vocabulary and definitions to make it more difficult to act accordingly within a bdsm context. The idea that a submissive must be x,y, and z, or do a, b, c because so it is writ rankles me.
PYL: "Kneel."
in my head: Why? Because I'm supposed to according to popular lit? Because kneeling is an appropriate sign of respect? Because that's where physics requires me? Because you said so? Because...?
Bless the PYLs that can tune my brain to the appropriate frequency.
I don't want to be a new person, which is one of the reason I balk at taking the popular labels seriously. Conformation to labels implies a lack of care or flexibility for the personalities involved. It also presents a paradigm for failure when we find upholding label standards that are not our own to be burdensome. I think this is why so many people come and go within the bdsm "lifestyle." It's not merely a matter of accepting the limits of the label, but the implication that the label trumps your personality when the two conflict.
An area of the public scene that I will speak with less fondness for is that it is subject to the same pitfalls of every community. Peer pressure, popular ideals and trends all set us up to be divided according to clique. There are cultural parameters for what a "Master" is, for a "Dom," and so on and so forth.
I'm not saying that someone who uses a label to don an alternate persona is in the wrong, merely that a label can feel as limiting as liberating.
Apologies for the rambling, this has been on my mind a lot lately, and a lack of sleep and marked quantity of wine have let it come out in spazzy form.
I find the vocabulary and definitions to make it more difficult to act accordingly within a bdsm context. The idea that a submissive must be x,y, and z, or do a, b, c because so it is writ rankles me.
PYL: "Kneel."
in my head: Why? Because I'm supposed to according to popular lit? Because kneeling is an appropriate sign of respect? Because that's where physics requires me? Because you said so? Because...?
Bless the PYLs that can tune my brain to the appropriate frequency.
I don't want to be a new person, which is one of the reason I balk at taking the popular labels seriously. Conformation to labels implies a lack of care or flexibility for the personalities involved. It also presents a paradigm for failure when we find upholding label standards that are not our own to be burdensome. I think this is why so many people come and go within the bdsm "lifestyle." It's not merely a matter of accepting the limits of the label, but the implication that the label trumps your personality when the two conflict.
An area of the public scene that I will speak with less fondness for is that it is subject to the same pitfalls of every community. Peer pressure, popular ideals and trends all set us up to be divided according to clique. There are cultural parameters for what a "Master" is, for a "Dom," and so on and so forth.
I'm not saying that someone who uses a label to don an alternate persona is in the wrong, merely that a label can feel as limiting as liberating.
Apologies for the rambling, this has been on my mind a lot lately, and a lack of sleep and marked quantity of wine have let it come out in spazzy form.
eastern sun
hungry little creature
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2005
- Posts
- 2,703
As someone who has embraced a label, I'd like to suggest that these labels and paradigms are like words in a language. Words have general meanings attached to culturally defined concepts. But once they're learned, we spend the rest of our lives using those words to express individual experiences.
Ultimately, it is the speaker who uses language, and how it is used reflects the nature of their thinking. We can be restricted by words/paradigms. But we can also play with them, stretching them, redefining them as the culture changes, even creating new words and idiomatic phrases.
It is the nature and condition of the speaker's mind and experience that is revealed in their use of these paradigms. And I think the internet has offered an incredible opportunity for us all to engage in the creation of this language.
eastern sun
hungry little creature
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2005
- Posts
- 2,703
bumping a favorite
Lizzie_Borden
Real & Spectacular
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2008
- Posts
- 4,157
Welcome Allure!
There's a lot of good stuff here. Just takes a bit to sort the wheat from the chaff.
Tell us a bit about you?
IrisAlthea
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2008
- Posts
- 5,437
Good choice!
