The 'ethics' of casual 'bdsm'

[BLoved]

He came here claiming to have the ONLY correct way to live BDSM. Everyone else is saying that their experiences have been very different, and Robert tells them they are lying to themselves. He is not been respectful at all of other people's experiences or ideas, and when his essays got some low scores he deleted him-- like a child having a temper tantrum.

He never went there to tell people that he has the ONE RIGHT WAY, he just said that he came to allow veiwers a choice of the type of BDSM (casual or love relation).

I have been following the posts since Robert came on Literotica. We talk about what goes on, and I enjoy hearing about everything.

I am trying to keep an open mind to what has been said, but it is much easier for me to do so because i've been through both. I personally would choose love relationship.
In this type of BDSM lifestyle i am encouraged to grow, and show what i feel in my heart to show.
When i was in a Casual relationship, with my ex master, he took everything and then some.

I know that others may have different veiws, and experiences. But thats the same with both Robert and myself.

This is why I worry for you. He may not respect your disagreement, when that day comes. He hasn't shown much respect here.

I would rather you STOP worrying about me.
I have learned many things in the past to protect myself.
I know when someone is being a fake, or not. I felt like i knew Robert from the writings, and then when we finially met, i felt like i knew him so much more.
If there is one thing that Robert has alot of, is Respect.
I am not sure how you describe respect, but it means "an attitude of deference, admiration, or esteem, polite or kind regarded"
I think that what Robert did, putting his work out there to HELP others shows alot of respect, and kindness.

If Robert was a predator, why would he take me to meet his mother?
I have been welcomed into the family with open arms, and his mother is VERY straight forward. I am sure that if she was worried for my life, or anything like that she would tell me to run, or would help me run.

Once again you seem to always try to put people down. ... Like bullies in a school yard.
Anyways I am done for the night. Off to cook dinner, and spend some time with my love..... take care.

 

[Etoile]

Thanks for 'worrying' about me. But there really is no need.

It would be really helpful if you had your own account; it's rather confusing when you post using his account. Or post in a different color from each other, or something.

 

[Etoile]

BLoved: Why do you care about other people?

 

[warrior queen]

My paradigm is based on 30,000 years of evolution that has produced the most successful species on the planet.

i thought you should know that your statement is completely incorrect.
anyone with a smidgeon of knowledge knows that the single most successful species ever on the planet earth were the Trilobytes.
they reigned for 300 million years - twice the span of dinosaurs, which were also greatly successful - and humans have survived, so far, for only one half of 1 percent of that time!

 

[Stella_Omega]

He never went there to tell people that he has the ONE RIGHT WAY, he just said that he came to allow veiwers a choice of the type of BDSM (casual or love relation).

That's not "just" what he has said. He has been preaching the One True Way in single sentence paragraphs for days and days and days now.

I have been following the posts since Robert came on Literotica. We talk about what goes on, and I enjoy hearing about everything.

I am trying to keep an open mind to what has been said, but it is much easier for me to do so because i've been through both. I personally would choose love relationship.
In this type of BDSM lifestyle i am encouraged to grow, and show what i feel in my heart to show.
When i was in a Casual relationship, with my ex master, he took everything and then some.

I know that others may have different veiws, and experiences. But thats the same with both Robert and myself.

And absolutely no one has said differently-- except Robert. We have asked that you double check your experiences and views, based on the number of increasingly worrisome things that Robert has said.

I would rather you STOP worrying about me.
I have learned many things in the past to protect myself.
I know when someone is being a fake, or not. I felt like i knew Robert from the writings, and then when we finially met, i felt like i knew him so much more.

having known a number of battered people-- men and women both-- I have seen that sense of knowing fall short of actual knowing, more often than not, sadly.

If there is one thing that Robert has alot of, is Respect.
I am not sure how you describe respect, but it means "an attitude of deference, admiration, or esteem, polite or kind regarded"

Those are some of the ways to define respect, and I do not see much of those qualities in Robert. Nor do I see a very important part of respect, which is 'allowing others their personal agency.'

I think that what Robert did, putting his work out there to HELP others shows alot of respect, and kindness.

I think it was for sheer ego gratification.

If Robert was a predator, why would he take me to meet his mother?
I have been welcomed into the family with open arms, and his mother is VERY straight forward. I am sure that if she was worried for my life, or anything like that she would tell me to run, or would help me run

Oh please, how many mothers have you seen telling the world about their child's innocence all the way up to their conviction for murder?

No, sadly, there are more blind spots in a mother's eyes than you want to know about.

Once again you seem to always try to put people down. ... Like bullies in a school yard.
Anyways I am done for the night. Off to cook dinner, and spend some time with my love..... take care.

Take care! Engage your brains!

 

[warrior queen]

And which of you wishes to define "love" as including "abuse"?

there's no point defining anything in any way other than what you agree with.

i will say that my life works for me - as does every other poster's life, i suspect, in their way and by their personal terms.

the fact that you put yourself out there as some kind of 'expert on all things true love' does not mean you actually are one!
what it means is that you've found the way that works for you... and instead of quietly going about the business of living it, you have chosen to preach as if you and you alone know the only way!

you appear to be completely intollerant of anyone else who doesn't fit your rose-coloured profile.

i too, feel a twinge of pity for your partner - god help her if she ever trully disagrees with you!

 

[Keroin]

My paradigm is based on 30,000 years of evolution that has produced the most successful species on the planet.

My paradigm is based on something I saw written on a rest area bathroom wall somewhere around Costa Mesa, California.

And still my paradigm could kick your paradigm's ass!

 

[Soumis]

should have said this sooner

There is little I do not know and that which I do not know I deem unsafe to begin with. As neither of us wish to pursue a casual relationship with anyone, I feel confident that whatever direction she wishes to explore, I can accomodate her.

I'm done.

 

[intothewoods]

Thanks for 'worrying' about me. But there really is no need.
I am going home to my abusive parents to gather things. Il be there for 5 days.... if Robert was the possessive man that everyone on here is describing, ONE i would not be with him, and TWO he wouldn't allow me to go back there not knowing that i would return.

That is something that not very many are talking about here; Trust.
Robert trusts me knowing that i am going back to them for a short time. and he knows that its going to be hard. But my parents, as coniving as they are, will try to keep me there. However i would not stay there if it meant that i had to live or die. I would rather attempt death to come back to live with Robert than stay there with my possessive parents.

So there is no need to worry for me, for Robert is one of the many nicest men out there.

Thanks for the concern, but Robert and I both know that if something starts to change we always talk about it, and get eachother sides before coming up with a solution.

Its kinda like the whole debate everyone is talking about. What the real BDSM life really is about. Everyone has different points of veiw, and thats fine. But its the same with my life. Everyone is going to have many different veiws on how i should be living, but their not the right ones for me. I know the right path for me to follow and that is with Robert.

Er, how old are you?

 

[rosco rathbone]

Stop with the fucking Roberts already!

 

[BLoved]

Again, people that have no concern for the well being of someone else are not a monopoly of the BDSM community, nor of the casual sex one.

People who don't care about the well-being of another are certainly not looking for a relationship based on love.

Nobody can really know what motivates another person's actions, desires or behavior but that person him(her)self.

Congratulations, you've invalidated denial.

I, on the other hand, view behaviour as symptomatic of motive.

My starting point is mature adult that behave in a mature way.

Measured against what standard?

So that you know, the only reason why I bother discussing with you is as a public service. The matter is worth discussing, and I believe that such a presumption of righteousness as you have shown in many instances, actually belong to the "red flag" category.

Red flag because I have the integrity and courage of my convictions to argue in public the danger of casual 'bdsm'?

Because I base my analysis on 30,000 years of human evolution and not on a need to insist a priori that casual 'bdsm' must be viewed as "safe" before one's sanity is no longer questioned?

That is an interesting way of measuring 'maturity'.

 

[Etoile]

i thought you should know that your statement is completely incorrect.
anyone with a smidgeon of knowledge knows that the single most successful species ever on the planet earth were the Trilobytes.
they reigned for 300 million years - twice the span of dinosaurs, which were also greatly successful - and humans have survived, so far, for only one half of 1 percent of that time!

Also cockroaches. I deem anything successful that can survive WITH ITS HEAD CHOPPED OFF.

 

[00Syd]

Martyr complex.

 

[Etoile]

PS: We can't edit posts right now, but I want to add that I consider Mike the Headless Chicken a damn fine success, too.

 

[BLoved]

This is a topic I have never understood, though, in all honesty, I've only seen it online and have never had anyone mention it out in the offline world.

Still, it's one I've never understood. If a partner was so great, why wouldn't that person still be with them. I have to admit that if any former partner asked me to be a reference they'd be disapointed.

And why should I trust the openion of some one else, whom I don't know from Eve? It just does not make sense to take the word of some one I don't know about some one I don't know to figure out if I might be interested in them.

But I think that topic has been covered here before as well, and most people here think the same way. At least on this board, most people would rather talk and interact with a person themselves before getting too involved rather than trust some one else's openion.

It appears in different guises. In this thread several have claimed that to learn a new techinique one must turn to an 'expert', a stranger who allegedly knows how to perform the technique safely.

That is another form of "reference".

And as far as I can tell your analysis of the reference concept is spot-on. And there have been several efforts in my past to use my lack of references against me.

 

[BLoved]

The thing that has been frightening me is that both his previous partner and child are dead, at least according to his story. If only one or the other had died while in his care I would be less concerned.

If you have a cure for cancer, let me know. My wife's cancer had spread before we were aware of its existence. She died during recovery after an operation to remove a tumour that was ibstructing a bowel. The death certificate lists sepitsemia as cause of death.

The hardest reality I had to accept was my helplessness. I could only encourage her, support her, listen to her and hope for her ... pretty small potatos considering I'd have taken the cancer for her if I could.

As for my son, he was in the care of another. I was running errands at the time. He choked on food, help was too far away.

Feel better?

 

[BLoved]

I'm going to say it because after a certain amount of abusing abuse victims by shitting on their relationships you get Nuclear Netzach in your thread and I just don't care.

"sound and fury, signifying nothing"

I would if I thought they actually existed.[/QUOTE]

My beloved is here, and is well aware they existed.

 

[BLoved]

tragic story, chicks dig it

I can only imagine the abuse you've endured to be able to twist reality in such a way.

You have my pity.

 

[BLoved]

Um. No.

Love is not a cure all. It does not heal deep emotional scars. It's at best a band-aid to cover deeper issues. It sits on the surface making you feel good and like all those past issues are magically gone, but deep down those issues are waiting to come to the surface again. If those deeper issues are not taken care of then eventually they will break through the "love" and ruin your relationship.

Careful, your dysfunctional attitude towards love is showing.

If that is how you wish to define love, then I can only say it is a poor excuse compared to the real thing.

Perhaps one day you will experience the real thing and then you will know the difference.

 

[BLoved]

I inherited my alcoholism.

Is that what you tell yourself?

Not a choice? No responsibility for choosing to be an alcoholic?

 

[Etoile]

Is that what you tell yourself?

Not a choice? No responsibility for choosing to be an alcoholic?

Uh, are you on crack? Everybody knows addiction is genetically linked.

 

[Daddy2mylilgirl]

Careful, your dysfunctional attitude towards love is showing.

If that is how you wish to define love, then I can only say it is a poor excuse compared to the real thing.

Perhaps one day you will experience the real thing and then you will know the difference.

LOL at you ignoring my advice to your "beloved".

I see how your relationship really is.

 

[BLoved]

What's your take on such activities within a relationship that meets all your other criteria?

As in, do you practice physical bdsm activities within a D/s relationship?

I do.

The intimacies shared depend very much upon the preferences of my beloved and the degree to which she has developed.

My wife was very much a masochist. My beloved is more into breath-play and outdoor bondage (though I must point out that we are still at the beginning of our mutual exploration and I'd be surprised if we do not find other things to share).

 

[BLoved]

Exactly. If we all put him on Ignore (either functionally or with our self-discipline) he would soon tire of posting in empty threads.

Then we could all get back to the business of this forum - which is to talk about real things with real people who really care.

~smile~

In other words, 'let's disrupt this discussion'.

So predictable.

 

[BLoved]

And I am absolutely delighted to say that they DO find me good enough to beat on a regular basis. Which is actually quite the complement for a pain slut, given how heavy handed Mistress can be.

Finding someone willing to beat you while not loving you is a compliment?

If that is what it takes to make you feel special then nothing I say will make a difference.

It is still my opinion that a healthy individual places more value upon him/herself than that.