Submissive but nervous?

[cryforme1v]

I'm really submissive, i'll do anything the boyfriend asks of me but while i'm doing it or after, i break down or go into a panic attack.
I was in a really bad relationship about 5 years ago, and for the longest time i kept myself in a closed box so to speak. I didnt care what happened to me. And now i'm seeing a guy that genuinly cares and is dominant but tries to keep his limits with me so i dont panic.
How do i get over my fears and panic attacks and actually enjoy being a sub again? I enjoy sex and my time with him when its "standard" but when we start having the fun i know he likes is when shit hits the fan for me.

I know this is a bit vague but not really sure what else to add.
Thanks

 

[MisterSir]

Get your arse to a kink-friendly therapist. That's all I've got, I'm afraid.

 

[00Syd]

Don't force it.

 

[Primalex]

when we start having the fun i know he likes

Interesting wording.

 

[Gary_1169]

love being tied up as well as tying up the girl,gagging sometimes. always have fun though.its nice to be both dom and sub.you should try it.

 

[GoldunAngel]

I kinda picked up on what Primalex quoted....you said "what he likes"....
is it NOT what you like? You've got to figure that out first, and if it is, don't force yourself, you have got to be open minded. Mind over matter....

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I kinda picked up on what Primalex quoted....you said "what he likes"....
is it NOT what you like? You've got to figure that out first, and if it is, don't force yourself, you have got to be open minded. Mind over matter....

Not necessarily.

Myself and Mr certainly sometimes 'have the kind of fun he likes', but I do not, or just don't want at that particular point in time.

My enjoyment lies elsewhere. In knowing that my performance of such has pleased him, and made him happy.

Thus, I really didn't see anything wrong with that wording in particular, except in the 'he doesn't like regular sex with you?' kind of way.

 

[Marquis]

God, reading this kind of shit makes me hate my fucking girlfriend.

GOD!

 

[Ravenwind]

Have him go very slow, incorporating a little at a time into a normal routine. It's all a matter of pacing. Don't try to push your physical or emotional limits right from the get-go. My Husband and I have both had our times of being unable to provide what the other needed (for me, it was swallowing- one incident of oral during a bout of morning sickness wound up affecting me for almost 13 years, until I was able to do it again. For him, it was my need for pain and constriction- we still have yet to find each others' limits, so each time we push it a little further). We had to work slowly, starting from 'hold it in your mouth a little before spitting' or 'just rest your hand on my neck a little', working our way up to 'okay, this time it isn't too this or that or... I can do it' or 'this isn't too hard, is it?', until finally reaching 'you better swallow it as it hits the back of your throat' or 'you're an interesting shade of blue'.

If your submission is based on more physical aspects, have him start off with something 'normal' that would lead the way to prepare for something a little less vanilla (such as caressing your hips and butt cheeks, so that you feel comfortable with the sensation of touch there), in time leading up to a mild form of it (such as light taps that make your butt jiggle), leading up to something harsher (such as smacks on the ass in the heat of passion), until eventually you find the idea of, say, having a crop used for punishment, as being a pleasurable one.

If it's purely mental, likewise, have him start off being the epitome of a gentleman- all manners, asking permission, etc, but with a gentle air of insistence (with statements of how he'd hate to be disappointed). Over time, have him stop asking permission (but still keeping the manners). Then lose the manners, where he simply states what he wants. Keep working your way until you find yourself comfortable and happy serving his demands with all the harshness that comes with it.

Whatever yours and his needs are, incorporate them slowly, always making sure that you feel 100% comfortable with what you're doing before you move on to something harsher, or some new direction.

 

[YourCaptor]

How bad is the panic? Is it a price worth it.

If not, and you know what the issue is, therapy can help.

If none of that, try time, develop the relationship farther. Do some crazy non sexual shit together.

 

[where]

sounds like you can't trust him. Or that the stuff he is doing is bringing up memories of the abuse you mentioned.

maybe you just aren't cut out to play in that way.