On Submission...

[Etoile]

She runs the errand, even when she's right in the middle of something else and truly does not want to, because he told her to do it and that's the deal. He's in charge.

She complies with the request for a bj, even when she truly does not want to be awakened, for the same reason. She defers to his decisions regarding their weekend, holiday, or vacation plans, even when she truly wants to do something else, because again, that's the deal. The commitment she made when entering the relationship.

Same thing regarding allocation of chores, and a host of other issues involving shared day-to-day existence. Well matched couples have compatible personalities and rhythms of moods, and don't disagree often, but all couples get out of sync occasionally and disagree strongly at some point.

Why does she "put up with it"? Because she's wired to be more comfortable, in general, when someone else is in charge. And understands how he's wired as well.

She also sticks around because he's not a fucking idiot, he knows both her and himself very well, and he knows how to achieve a sense of balance, satisfaction, and fulfillment for both of them in the relationship overall.

That's the type of dynamic that works for me.

Love this post.

 

[Netzach]

Maybe she just particularly likes a particular person.

I'm looking over this and I'm laughing.

People pleaser. Um fuck, no.

Happiest when making others happy? You have to be kidding me. I'm pretty much the opposite of that.

Perfectly happy being acommodating when one particular person's around me, sure. One particular person, who's the embodiment of consistency, building me up instead of tearing me down, and general awesomeness, as well as compelling sexual attraction. Someone I pretty much would never kick out of bed, 2am BJ or otherwise, but I'm like that when the spirit strikes me.

Would I roll over for my husband if he were wired this way? Yeah, I would, I'm nice like that. But he's not. SOOOO not. And I don't care one bit, it's part of his charm.

Submission is nouning a verb. To submit. I don't think that you have to be "a submissive" to submit happily sexually or otherwise. It's a function of socialization to be able to when you feel it a good idea.

I think sometimes there's a right context for the majority of people. Some people need to go searching for it to be happy, some people blithely exist without finding it, some people bump into it fortuitously, a lot of people insist they can't, but they do every day in significant ways to get through life or to serve their fellow humans, some people can't do it intimately and stay healthy and they should not. But most people in the parameters of an intimate partnership are willing to do things to make the other person happy. Dominants respond to submissives. I've seen a lot of M/s relationships that are driven by the interests of the bottom - shit, I'd be lying to say that H's responses don't spur me on in directions that I would otherwise find less interesting - his responses make them interesting, it's a symbiotic dance of sorts. I may be leading, but the only reason toes aren't being stepped on is because we're both in agreement.

I don't feel like this reaction to T is something innate in my wiring that I *neeeed* to be fulfilled. It's a gratifying relationship, and I respond to his power and his powerlessness. I don't respond to the power of the other people in my life, nor other people I've met, remotely the same.

 

[BiBunny]

Maybe she just particularly likes a particular person.

I'm looking over this and I'm laughing.

People pleaser. Um fuck, no.

Happiest when making others happy? You have to be kidding me. I'm pretty much the opposite of that.

Perfectly happy being acommodating when one particular person's around me, sure. One particular person, who's the embodiment of consistency, building me up instead of tearing me down, and general awesomeness, as well as compelling sexual attraction. Someone I pretty much would never kick out of bed, 2am BJ or otherwise, but I'm like that when the spirit strikes me.

Would I roll over for my husband if he were wired this way? Yeah, I would, I'm nice like that. But he's not. SOOOO not. And I don't care one bit, it's part of his charm.

Submission is nouning a verb. To submit. I don't think that you have to be "a submissive" to submit happily sexually or otherwise. It's a function of socialization to be able to when you feel it a good idea.

I think sometimes there's a right context for the majority of people. Some people need to go searching for it to be happy, some people blithely exist without finding it, some people bump into it fortuitously, a lot of people insist they can't, but they do every day in significant ways to get through life or to serve their fellow humans, some people can't do it intimately and stay healthy and they should not. But most people in the parameters of an intimate partnership are willing to do things to make the other person happy. Dominants respond to submissives. I've seen a lot of M/s relationships that are driven by the interests of the bottom - shit, I'd be lying to say that H's responses don't spur me on in directions that I would otherwise find less interesting - his responses make them interesting, it's a symbiotic dance of sorts. I may be leading, but the only reason toes aren't being stepped on is because we're both in agreement.

I don't feel like this reaction to T is something innate in my wiring that I *neeeed* to be fulfilled. It's a gratifying relationship, and I respond to his power and his powerlessness. I don't respond to the power of the other people in my life, nor other people I've met, remotely the same.

I was about to say, "Maybe she just loves him," and then I read this post and decided it made more sense than what I might've said.

 

[JMohegan]

Love this post.

Thanks.

 

[unregistered]

 

[DirtyPet]

Well I've never been a people pleaser, still not and dont know how to be..I have always been the one in control of everything in a relationship..not the dom/sub stuff..just in control..I recently submitted to a master and we just split up..I find it difficult to even concider submitting to anyone else so where do I go from here? Leave that part of myself hidden? I have not found anyone that can control my dominant side like he did..soooo lol now what?

sorry if this is not the right place for this

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Well I've never been a people pleaser, still not and dont know how to be..I have always been the one in control of everything in a relationship..not the dom/sub stuff..just in control..I recently submitted to a master and we just split up..I find it difficult to even concider submitting to anyone else so where do I go from here? Leave that part of myself hidden? I have not found anyone that can control my dominant side like he did..soooo lol now what?

sorry if this is not the right place for this

This is absolutely the right place for your post. I'm so new to BDSM I'm sure I cannot offer you much meaningful advice, but I can sympathize. There is a part of me that wants nothing more in this world but to submit to one man. I cannot imagine submitting to another.

{{Big Hugs}} Stick around here while you work through this. The wonderful and experienced members will have more to offer.

 

[callinectes2]

She runs the errand, even when she's right in the middle of something else and truly does not want to, because he told her to do it and that's the deal. He's in charge.

She complies with the request for a bj, even when she truly does not want to be awakened, for the same reason. She defers to his decisions regarding their weekend, holiday, or vacation plans, even when she truly wants to do something else, because again, that's the deal. The commitment she made when entering the relationship.

Same thing regarding allocation of chores, and a host of other issues involving shared day-to-day existence. Well matched couples have compatible personalities and rhythms of moods, and don't disagree often, but all couples get out of sync occasionally and disagree strongly at some point.

Why does she "put up with it"? Because she's wired to be more comfortable, in general, when someone else is in charge. And understands how he's wired as well.

She also sticks around because he's not a fucking idiot, he knows both her and himself very well, and he knows how to achieve a sense of balance, satisfaction, and fulfillment for both of them in the relationship overall.

That's the type of dynamic that works for me.

Beautifully said. I have been trying to explain my relationship (unsuccessfully) to a dear friend. I think she would be able to wrap her brain around this explanation..may I "borrow" it for an email?

 

[JMohegan]

Beautifully said. I have been trying to explain my relationship (unsuccessfully) to a dear friend. I think she would be able to wrap her brain around this explanation..may I "borrow" it for an email?

Yes, of course. And thanks.

 

[insert____here]

someone who needs me to open for them, to bring myself up when otherwise i would stay down. someone strong enough to cope with my dark and theirs. someone who lets me see who they are in the truest light and trusts that i will accept them and even enjoy them for it. to allow this someone so far into myself, they have the ability to hurt or love me with equal ease. me accepting whichever one that person decides to give because they know me better than i know myself. understanding that this person will act on their own desires in ways that will ultimately make us both happy, even when i don't know which path to take down the road they have chosen to bring me.

wow, that's a bit obscure and long winded...not sure i can even clarify it to myself any better though.

 

[ShyVixen]

But making HIM feel good, physically, mentally, emotionally, whatever...that feels DAMN good and I could bask in that feeling forever.

That was very well put.

I feel like that about my relationship. Making Him feel good in any sense makes me extremely happy. Is that the submissive in me? Maybe. I like to think it is. I've never really analysed it to that extent.

For me submission is about yielding. I yield to Him in the bedroom, trusting Him to know my limits.

I could never be in a 24/7 TPE relationship, but lately I find my 'bedroom' submissive tendencies spilling over into our everyday life. At one point it would have frightened the hell out of me, now I just accept it as part of wanting to make sure He is happy, and in turn that I am happy.

 

[subsarah1989]

Awesome definition...

That says it all right there.

it does sum it up....in a very primitive way it is eloquent

 

[skinnysinner]

I apologize for such a long post. Click away if you don't wish to read it. I'm eager to know how others would define their submission.
I found some old threads on the topic, but many of them had long since ventured off the opening topic (not surprised ). I've been asked to write on submission and what it means to me. I realize, reading through library threads and those turned up by multiple searches, that there are as many definitions of submission as there are people who identify with the term.

This is new to me and I've luckily found a PYL who is experienced and knowledgable. For the past year we've developed a friendship that has become much more. Submission, for me, is now so closely intwined with my feelings for him that I can't begin to separate them. It is more than surrender, it is to surrender to him. It's all about the power exchange.

I've always been a "good girl," a "people pleaser." And I've always crushed on male authority figures (teachers, professors, bosses, police). Deep down, and for a long time, I've wanted someone to control me. I've fantasized about being used by these men in authority and brought myself to crashing orgasms. I never knew this world existed...the world in which this is possible.

My fantasies are now more focused. It is he, and only he, who appears in my fantasies. To use me for his pleasure. To give me permission to act in ways I would never allow myself to do. To be his slut. To serve him loyally and obediently. To give him no cause to be disappointed in me.

This seems so mild compared to what others write on the site and by comparison to his past experience. But, this is where I begin.

What you say is right for you, and for him. You will be best pleased when your submission tests the margins, when your dom/master/pyl just takes you out of the comfort zone, but ultimately for his and your pleasure. My experience is of similar feelings, I don't want to punish, i want to stretch and provide pleasure. Mine comes first, that is understood, but part of mine is from watching her submit, go a little further and realise the pleasure from that. I hope it works for you

 

[his_lil_secret]

Think CurlyKat has hit the nail on the head for me as well!

 

[subsarah1989]

Well I've never been a people pleaser, still not and dont know how to be..I have always been the one in control of everything in a relationship..not the dom/sub stuff..just in control..I recently submitted to a master and we just split up..I find it difficult to even concider submitting to anyone else so where do I go from here? Leave that part of myself hidden? I have not found anyone that can control my dominant side like he did..soooo lol now what?

sorry if this is not the right place for this

wow, i can imagine that this would be a scarry place to be in; however i am sure you will find someone who will be even more appropriate for you. i know i will.

 

[leatherbottomboy]

For me submission is who i am. i can't think of myself in any other terms. Before i met my present Master i was losing control of myself, having sex with whoever whether i liked them or not, simply because they told me to. Submission is so much a part of me i obeyed commands even after the person who gave them were long gone. i once,years ago, was told i was not allowed to pee standing up, i had to sit because i was only a slave and i obeyed even when He was around,was long gone from my life. i am so sexually submissive i feel very uncomfortable not being naked in the presence of a Dominant.

 

[Emergingwoman]

Submission: You're ultimately here for their entertainment; act accordingly.

Great definition!