On Submission...

[ToPleaseHim]

I apologize for such a long post. Click away if you don't wish to read it. I'm eager to know how others would define their submission.
I found some old threads on the topic, but many of them had long since ventured off the opening topic (not surprised ). I've been asked to write on submission and what it means to me. I realize, reading through library threads and those turned up by multiple searches, that there are as many definitions of submission as there are people who identify with the term.

This is new to me and I've luckily found a PYL who is experienced and knowledgable. For the past year we've developed a friendship that has become much more. Submission, for me, is now so closely intwined with my feelings for him that I can't begin to separate them. It is more than surrender, it is to surrender to him. It's all about the power exchange.

I've always been a "good girl," a "people pleaser." And I've always crushed on male authority figures (teachers, professors, bosses, police). Deep down, and for a long time, I've wanted someone to control me. I've fantasized about being used by these men in authority and brought myself to crashing orgasms. I never knew this world existed...the world in which this is possible.

My fantasies are now more focused. It is he, and only he, who appears in my fantasies. To use me for his pleasure. To give me permission to act in ways I would never allow myself to do. To be his slut. To serve him loyally and obediently. To give him no cause to be disappointed in me.

This seems so mild compared to what others write on the site and by comparison to his past experience. But, this is where I begin.

 

[hopefullywishing]

When I started to look into the BDSM scene this is what I thought I wanted. Looking back at past relationships that I have had it makes sence.

What I have come to realize that I want is more and less all at the same time.

I want someone to love me, to touch me, to control my orgasims by letting me and not letting me have them. I want someone who will push boundaries when they realize that I am ready. I want someone who I can ask pressmison to preform the most basic human needs and have it be ok.
I want someone who know when I don't want or need the decision to be made for me. There are just some that I don't want to give up.
I know that having both will be hard to find but that is something that I am looking for.

Submission to me is putting someone else's happiness before your own, having them know that, respect that and are willing to make sure that you take care of your basic needs afterwards. This is more than just in sex.

 

[ecstaticsub]

You sound like me. Submission is about submitting. It really is about that simple to me. I obey his wishes, in all that I do. Sometimes it is as simple as giving him a phone call as a wake up call and other times it is something sexual, or much more more complex. In my own mind spankings, impact play, forced anal, needles etc are all just kinky toys that in some ways have nothing to do with my submission. That is all fun, kinky sex that I would do even if there were no power exchange.

My submission is more a state of mind, the feeling of being owned.

 

[YourCaptor]

Mild, as long as that's what he wants. Imagine if he told you to do some of that crazy shit for him.

Plus you know, in some ways its more fun to climb the slope, cause once you are at the top, what then.

Anyway its good to see another good girl on the site. Too few of you.

 

[rida]

Submission to me is about submitting. That is to be of use for my PYL's pleasure, comfort and satisfaction.

As such it takes different forms as it ultimately depend on what the PYL wants and needs.

Simple as that.

 

[BiBunny]

Submission: You're ultimately here for their entertainment; act accordingly.

 

[MrMentor7]

I agree with much of what has been said. Another way I see submission is trusting someone else to know what is best for the submissive. How one defines best is up to the submissive.

 

[Etoile]

Some people have submissive personalities and will submit to any partner. Some people only feel comfortable submitting to a particularly individual. Nothing wrong with either.

 

[rida]

In connection with Etoille post above, I've noticed a change in my "submissive" tendencies.

I've never been one to just submit to just anybody, not even when I had just discovered and embraced my submissive nature. Or so I thought.

However I have to admit that it is true that it was much easier to have my submission triggered by a Dominant personality or even by some sexual act such as anal sex. As soon as I realized it I made sure to be extra careful in my interactions and keep my guard up and up. It would feel tiring and even pretentious at times, but I realized that it was important for my own well being and those unconsciously triggered submission were not always welcomed and would leave me feeling uneasy.

Fast forward to now, with a better understanding on myself, with more vanilla sexual experiences, with more real-life experience in many BDSM related activities with a steady relationship with a Sadist and with the submission to Hubby also evolved to a constant undercurrent in our marriage and any vanilla sexual interaction totally gone from it, I found myself being better at "resisting" my submissive impulses.

I'm now much "pickier" and it takes a very specific type of Dominant energy to trigger my submission. And I can control myself enough that even acts as anal sex or being tied up in ropes do not necessarily make me mentally "submit" to the person.

To bring it further, I'd say that I've started developing a little curiosity for flexing my Topping muscles. Muscles that I would have never imagined having at all.

 

[eastern sun]

To submit is to yield without resistance. To allow yourself to be penetrated. To surrender to the force of another. To accept what's given without reservation or complaint. And to act without hesitation in accordance with the other's will.

Yield. Allow. Surrender. Accept. Act.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Submission: You're ultimately here for their entertainment; act accordingly.

Awesome definition...

That says it all right there.

 

[subish2009]

Awesome definition...

That says it all right there.

Plus, that definition's kinda hot, too.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Submission: You're ultimately here for their entertainment; act accordingly.

That... and make their lives easier, better, happier... all those things.

 

[MrMentor7]

Awesome definition...

That says it all right there.

I tend to believe it only tells half the story, though.

 

[BiBunny]

I tend to believe it only tells half the story, though.

Half the story?

 

[Adakgirl]

there are as many definitions of submission as there are people who identify with the term.

Those are not necessarily definitions, they are individual opinions on what it means to them. My definition of submission is pretty much the same as the dictionary definition of the word.

submitting; the act of yielding to power or authority; surrender of the person and power to the control or government of another; obedience; compliance.
To yield or surrender (oneself) to the will or authority of another.
To subject to a condition or process.

 

[Nymphomaniacal]

If youre looking for dictionary definitions, I think Adakgirl pretty much covered it, but submission is one of those connotative words that is complex and different to everyone.

If youre looking for my connotative definition of the word, see the picture in my sig

 

[MrMentor7]

Half the story?

Just like the submissive is there for the dom's pleasure, I also think the dom is there for the submissive's pleasure. Perhaps I am stating the obvious?

 

[unregistered]

 

[CurlyKat]

To submit is to yield without resistance. To allow yourself to be penetrated. To surrender to the force of another. To accept what's given without reservation or complaint. And to act without hesitation in accordance with the other's will.

Yield. Allow. Surrender. Accept. Act.

I very much like this interpretation. It speaks a lot to where I am, personally, and to where I'm going or the goal I'm trying to reach. The last three words are much harder than they sound, too. Surrendering requires a great deal of trust and respect. It requires letting your guard down completely and totally.

Acceptance, for me right now, means two different things. The big lesson is that I absolutely must accept that he chose me, that he wants me, just the way I am. In submitting to him, I had to surrender everything, even those little paranoid parts that feel that this part or that part of me isn't good enough for him. I have to accept that he will do what he will with me. The second part is that I must accept what he wants, his desires.

Acting is just that. Submission isn't laziness. It isn't letting someone else take all of the responsibility so you can have it easier. I have to act on his desires to fulfill his will. Simple, but sometimes there's a learning curve that goes along with acting towards someone else's will instead of your own. I think that part ties back in with the surrender part, though. Once you've surrendered yourself, the actions tend to fall into place.

 

[JMohegan]

Just like the submissive is there for the dom's pleasure, I also think the dom is there for the submissive's pleasure. Perhaps I am stating the obvious?

Not really, no.

In the big picture sense, sure - the relationship must be mutually satisfying, fulfilling, etc. Otherwise it won't last.

In the moment, however, I'd say D/s is defined when the participants have different preferences for what happens next. The s defers to the D regardless. That's what distinguishes the dynamic from those in which conflicting preferences are resolved with compromise, negotiation, whatever.

 

[loneranger8921]

submission or love

I find many girls like to submit in hope it will create true love which seems to drive me away as a Dom or PYL.

 

[00Syd]

Boy, another thread on what it means to be submissive.





*yawn* This is the most boring circle jerk I've ever watched.

 

[JMohegan]

Boy, another thread on what it means to be submissive.





*yawn* This is the most boring circle jerk I've ever watched.

So why watch, much less comment?




Bad day?

 

[00Syd]

So why watch, much less comment?




Bad day?

Because I was being a really, really good girl the last few days by resisting my desire to leave a comment. Today, as my reward, I get to be bad!

Mwahahahahaha