Warning Signs of a Batshit Insane Submissive

[intothewoods]

Can I just reiterate hopping from Master to Master? Seriously, that is NOT healthy! How hard is that to figure out?

 

[ataxia.girl]

Insane subs i think work best as a side hobby rather than a primary relationship partner. They may be amusing to watch\play with but probably not a good candidate to meet fundamental needs unless owning a crazy person is a need.

Daddy likes to say he doesn't want me to get too mentally healthy. Just healthy enough not to fuck up my life

 

[neci]

i once knew a woman who, after some rough sex, decided to add a couple more bruises to her body and then called the police on her S/O for domestic violence. it almost ruined his life. i later asked her why she did it. she stated she was mad at him, and she knew she could get away with it.

some warning signs: they play the victim role in almost all of their previous relationships. they take no responsibility for their actions. they are looking for someone to "save" them.

i would recommend a background check. there are lots of sites that are easy to use to find information, and most counties have a place you can run local checks for free. look for recent drug charges and domestic violence charges.

 

[kaycee217]

i once knew a woman who, after some rough sex, decided to add a couple more bruises to her body and then called the police on her S/O for domestic violence. it almost ruined his life. i later asked her why she did it. she stated she was mad at him, and she knew she could get away with it.

some warning signs: they play the victim role in almost all of their previous relationships. they take no responsibility for their actions. they are looking for someone to "save" them.

i would recommend a background check. there are lots of sites that are easy to use to find information, and most counties have a place you can run local checks for free. look for recent drug charges and domestic violence charges.

*shudders*

 

[midwestyankee]

i once knew a woman who, after some rough sex, decided to add a couple more bruises to her body and then called the police on her S/O for domestic violence. it almost ruined his life. i later asked her why she did it. she stated she was mad at him, and she knew she could get away with it.

some warning signs: they play the victim role in almost all of their previous relationships. they take no responsibility for their actions. they are looking for someone to "save" them.

i would recommend a background check. there are lots of sites that are easy to use to find information, and most counties have a place you can run local checks for free. look for recent drug charges and domestic violence charges.

Some people simply will not play fair, will they?

I bolded your middle paragraph because it rang completely true to me. Excessive victimhood is unhealthy at any speed.

 

[intothewoods]

random aside to MWY: for some reason I can't read "single blowjob" without thinking single scoop of ice cream. Like, hey, at least you didn't ask for a double scoop of fudge ripple.

 

[midwestyankee]

random aside to MWY: for some reason I can't read "single blowjob" without thinking single scoop of ice cream. Like, hey, at least you didn't ask for a double scoop of fudge ripple.

Hell, I didn't even insist on a helping of bruised nipple.

 

[neci]

random aside to MWY: for some reason I can't read "single blowjob" without thinking single scoop of ice cream. Like, hey, at least you didn't ask for a double scoop of fudge ripple.

Hell, I didn't even insist on a helping of bruised nipple.

would that be a maraschino cherry on top?

 

[midwestyankee]

would that be a maraschino cherry on top?

Only if maraschino cherries had really, really thick stems.

 

[DVS]

After having a "submissive" call me a Fake (and several other uncomplimentary adjectives) because I would not pick him up at 1:00 am and subject him to blindfolded bondage in the back of my car as I drove around, I wondered if the instinct that made me say no was correct.

Repeatedly hearing, "just come pick me up", "here's my address (and phone no.) so you'll know I'm real", "I'll leave the door unlocked", and other similar nonsense from someone I've only known online for an hour sets off some serious warning bells and flags for me. Couple that with a blank profile and I don't have a good feeling about meeting this person at all. Anyone else see bells and flags at such an exchange?

My first thought is he is not "batshit" insane ... just used to telling people what he wants and getting his own way (and some domme somewhere has let him get away with that). In my book ... that combination doesn't fly at anytime - especially if you don't know each other. Well, it's that or a police sting or worse yet, someone with the intent/ability to do real physical harm.

The way I see it, I am either horribly sheltered or hopelessly paranoid. I engage in real life aspects of TTWD frequently and safely - so I don't believe I'm sheltered or paranoid. I love my self-protection. It is ... and always will be ... my best friend!

Esclava

I wouldn't have picked him up. It could have been a trap to grab you. He could be faking it and have a friend in the shadows. I'd never trust someone so willing to be Dommed by a stranger. Sure, it could be real, but I'd never bite.

I once had a guy stop me on the street and ask me to come help him satisfy his woman. He said he couldn't satisfy her and he wanted someone to help. Sure sounded like crap to me, and so I politely declined. And I'm alive today to tell the story. Shit, that was about 30 years ago, too.

 

[Esclava]

I wouldn't have picked him up. It could have been a trap to grab you. He could be faking it and have a friend in the shadows. I'd never trust someone so willing to be Dommed by a stranger. Sure, it could be real, but I'd never bite. <snip>

Sure, it could be real ... and it could be hot ... but for me, it could only happen as a role play with someone I trust. My imagination works well enough to see a SO as a stranger!

<snip>some warning signs: they play the victim role in almost all of their previous relationships. they take no responsibility for their actions. they are looking for someone to "save" them. <snip>

Just FYI, I ended the conversation with that "submissive" (who wanted to be driven around bound and blindfolded) when he charged into victim mode. After I told him the only way I'd meet him was for coffee in a Starbucks where we could sit and talk - he complained that I was never serious about meeting him and shouldn't lie and tell people things in chat that I don't mean. Wal-mart is one of the safest places to meet with all their cameras and they have places we can sit and talk, called McDonalds (if you want to have a conversation that WILL contain BDSM comments across the family w/children at the next table)!

Was he Batshit insane? Perhaps, but definitely not someone I'd waste time meeting for coffee or anything else ...

Esclava

 

[Mystery_mr_x]

Long time lurker, first time poster.

I would say that another warning sign for any type of relationship is how well the person get along with your friends.

If the sub resents your friends, whether vanilla or BDSM, and complains about them it is a red flag.

Also listen to any advice your friends give you. A wise Dom/me will listen honestly to advice and then decide for themselves.

re-lurking now.

Bye

 

[Guest]

Gibberish

 

[shannon893]

Eager.

I agree with many of the other posters, people in general who seem to needy and eager are probably not quite right, or downright crazy.

Some of the situations that have been posted are nuts. It's relieving that for the most part people trusted their instincts and ran.

BTW I knew a man once who was convicted of drunk driving and his now ex-wife used it as leverage for custody of their children. How did he get the DUI? He and his then-wife were arguing (they had had alcohol w/dinner, but nothing excessive), and he said he was going outside to cool off, it was pouring so he sat in his car - she called the cops.

 

[TerribleChester]

I think there are more crazy subs out there than crazy doms.

That said, crazy can be interesting.

 

[Bustymagoo]

I believe a toxic relationship is bad on the spirit, mind, and sometimes even body, of anyone involved... Be they top, bottom, or sideways. lol
But in all seriousness (and being a "sub" whose had a bad, bad "master" experience) I do think everyone jumps to the aide of us "poor defenseless subs" and forgets that hey, tough guys(and gals) get hurt by bad relationships too. Hugs to all the tops who've survived bad relationships!

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I think there are more crazy subs out there than crazy doms.

That said, crazy can be interesting.

The first part I agree. The second part, has to depend on the type of crazy.

 

[Rayne_Clowd]

(LONG LONG RAMBLING POST SORRY - Nervous and just bad habit of over explaining)

Let me start by saying I am in no way qualified to comment. But I am hoping you will let that slide. I say this because I am new in every possible way to being a submissive. I have never had a Master dominate me in the flesh, I have tried techniques (spanking, restraints, being obedient, candles, gags and so on) during sex, but do not classify it as strictly BDSM or between a Dom and sub because my partners is/where not Dom's and currently my partner is more uneducated on things relating to the bdsm life style then I am, but curious enough to try and ask questions.

To be completely honest being submissive was once something I would have argued about and been offended at being labeled. I confess, I had huge misconceptions about what being submissive or a slave was and meant or required and had no real understanding of the inner workings of the relationships between Master and Sub.....in short I was ignorant to a lot of things, mainly because I had no exposure to them or knowledge...I was making assumptions about the unknown (yes I know how wrong that was). Now I was never ignorant enough to voice my assumptions, I was always respectful enough to say "to each their own" but I was certain it wasn't for me.

My embrace of the word submissive or acknowledging I had unfulfilled submissive desires was some what a surprise but then at the same time not such a surprise because now things about myself suddenly made more sense or felt more right. ....

Now this post in itself may sound like a warning sign given to Dom's to be wary of the crazy shifting sub, and because I am so new and inexperienced. But saying I am submissive is not something that happened over night and was just flicked on like a light switch. ( so I did not wake up one morning and decided to try on a new hat).

It happened gradually, It was something as I said I experimented with offline and yes on-line. For me it all started with reading about the life style I was simply curious about what drew others to it. I then started to play and write stories around it, I observed and listened when others cared to explain their points of view on it. I spoke to people who sad they were Dom's / Mistresses, I spoke to people who said they were male and female sub missives in the real world and on-line and I just kept reading and talking.

Now your probably asking why is she saying all this and explaining about herself? and what has this got to do with this topic.... Well it's simple, I realize from the outside, I quite possibly look like someone who has decided it's cool to say I am submissive, a wannabe. So wanted to try and offer some insight into me and my journey before people jump to that conclusion and discredit what I say next.

(as I said at the top nervous, this is my first discussion in this section of lit and I am unknown here and some bad experiences else where have caused me to be cautious and over explain)

As I said I have spoken to Dom's and to subs, so I have heard stories and I have seen relationships and even experienced them especially on lit swap and change like my undies every day and the key things I have seen that I think a Dom really should be wary of or at least cautious about is.........

1) Dishonesty / trust - when you catch someone out in a lie, suspect a lie and they feel the need to lie, something just always feels off.....or they break your trust repeatedly....this should be a big warning sign that you are not safe in this relationship. And that well obviously they are not as serious about it as you might be...they lie about small things you can guarantee they lie about big things.

2) The Submissive who says they are a submissive but then act like they are not by deliberately going against what their master/mistress instructs repeatedly out of spite or selfishness. Or just simply going against agreements and rules set down between the couple...chances are they are simply not who they say they are and are not trust worthy.

3) The submissive who does any of the above (possibly several times ) and then uses excuse of they did not think, they were not in their right mind, past pains and sufferings caused them to , its your fault they did. Basically it is never their fault and they never have any responsibility for their actions and they feel you should forgive them and feel sorry for them....Just because someone is submissive does not mean they are weak and unaccountable.

4) its already been said but the master/mistress swapper....someone who has many of each and they change every few weeks is probably just not a good idea, they are searching for something and are either lacking it themselves and need to look within rather then for the white knight OR they are playing a game.



and now your all thinking of adding the crazy sub who over analyzes and posts a novel in response to a question *giggles* so sorry I didnt mean to make it that long I was working on the post for a few hours while I ran back and forth doing stuff away from the computer.

 

[Fira]

Don't forget the supposed sub that asks every Dom she comes across to collar her after knowing them a week or less.

I personally know one that went bug shit crazy each time a Dom backed off from her. Sending them crazy PMs, pestering them via IMs. When that didn't work, she resorted to nasty posts on the forums. Never coming right out and naming names, but everyone knew who she was talking about. Each time, she was with someone else shortly afterwards and begging them to collar her. She now has a Dom...not sure how long it will last. I have to feel kinda sorry for the guy for what he's gotten himself into, to tell the truth. Maybe subs should be required to give references from past Masters or something.

I have to disagree with the issue about subs that don't follow orders and such though. Some Dom/subs ENJOY that part. It allows the sub to receive punishment (which is a given in BDSM...NO sub is perfect!) which some enjoy, and allows a Dom to feel more in control/dominant when they get to meet out that punishment. For some in the lifestyle, the defiance is part of the fun.

Another point to make...a sub that can't/doesn't take responsibility for certain actions. Depending on the infraction, they very well may NOT have been in control at the time. I once hit subspace so fast and so hard with someone (and this was before I even realized what subspace WAS...and he wasn't aware that I had slipped because I never had with him before), that I had to be told the next day how I had reacted to certain things. Do I remember all of it? No. Am I responsible for it? Yes and no. I do own up to my actions, but if I'm not aware of them or made aware of them, I cannot do so. I would expect to be punished for an infraction I committed while in subspace, as long as that infraction has been explained to me in detail, simply because it would reinforce my training and hopefully my training will be strong enough to prevent me from making the same mistake the next time I slip.

 

[Que]

I believe a toxic relationship is bad on the spirit, mind, and sometimes even body, of anyone involved... Be they top, bottom, or sideways. lol
But in all seriousness (and being a "sub" whose had a bad, bad "master" experience) I do think everyone jumps to the aide of us "poor defenseless subs" and forgets that hey, tough guys(and gals) get hurt by bad relationships too. Hugs to all the tops who've survived bad relationships!

Liked that a lot.

 

[Soumis]

I'll go ahead an volunteer an obvious warning sign of batshit insane submissives: Playing with batshit insane Doms/Dommes. Not saying that everyone doesn't have their own level of attraction to crazy, but you can judge a lot by partner.

 

[~Haze~]

The correlation between hot and crazy...

The first part I agree. The second part, has to depend on the type of crazy.

...and how hot she is.

One thing I've noticed is that I put up (and even enjoy - but am also ashamed to admit) with a hell of a lot more crazy from very attractive women.

I wish I was able to see past the superficial, but if there's one weakness, it's physical beauty.


Aslo...

There are a lot of good points in this thread, but most of the post don't differentiate between "bat-shit crazy women" and "bat-shit crazy submissives".

 

[Rayne_Clowd]

There are a lot of good points in this thread, but most of the post don't differentiate between "bat-shit crazy women" and "bat-shit crazy submissives".

I think that is because like someone once said to me...being submissive does not make you any less of a woman and so a bat-shit crazy female submissive is no different from a bat-shit crazy woman....I guess we need some more examples of bat shit crazy male submissives....but I don't know any bat-shit ones, so can't help.

 

[badmatt]

just found this thread

And I haven't had a chance to read it all yet, but I really want to give my best 'batshit insane submissive' sign...

So, a friend who knows a fair bit about my preferred kinks runs into a woman he knows and somehow they get on the topic of kinks. Random turn of conversation after random turn of conversation, he's basically told her that she's way too far around the bend for him, not to mention that he's (mostly) happily married, but he knows a guy she should meet. Without too many details he tells her a little about me, and without missing a beat she tells him where she's staying and to tell me to come meet her, "no questions asked, no limits at all."


...so yeah, for me, one of the biggest 'batshit insane submissive' signs is the 'no limits' disclaimer before really knowing anything about the dom you're about to submit to.

 

[CabbageRose]

(Regarding a previous post) What kind of Dominant has to rely on their on friends for advice? I've never known a Dominant that needed help from others in making decisions. Not unless they get off on others yanking their chain. The term player comes to mind on both ends of that type of friendship spectrum.