"Kinky" is Dead

[TheleHun]

The other day I received a text message from a girl that I had hung out with (and fucked) a few times. It read: "When do you get back in town? I could use some kinky sex soon. "

I've been into BDSM for about 4 or 5 years. I'd describe myself as a freak in bed. But this message read so bland to me. Reading the word "kinky" did nothing for me. I think the closest I've ever come to using the word is when I've said, I have some "kinks."

Is the term "kinky" dead? Does it sound too cute to really describe that kind of activity?

 

[reannerose]

The other day I received a text message from a girl that I had hung out with (and fucked) a few times. It read: "When do you get back in town? I could use some kinky sex soon. "

I've been into BDSM for about 4 or 5 years. I'd describe myself as a freak in bed. But this message read so bland to me. Reading the word "kinky" did nothing for me. I think the closest I've ever come to using the word is when I've said, I have some "kinks."

Is the term "kinky" dead? Does it sound too cute to really describe that kind of activity?

what other term would you use to describe the perverse ways that turn some people on? i think the word kinky is used as a generalization, perhaps over used lately.

 

[kaycee217]

The other day I received a text message from a girl that I had hung out with (and fucked) a few times. It read: "When do you get back in town? I could use some kinky sex soon. "

I've been into BDSM for about 4 or 5 years. I'd describe myself as a freak in bed. But this message read so bland to me. Reading the word "kinky" did nothing for me. I think the closest I've ever come to using the word is when I've said, I have some "kinks."

Is the term "kinky" dead? Does it sound too cute to really describe that kind of activity?

Poor you...

But seriously, like so many other things in life, kinky is a relative term. What's kinky for this girl might be bland for you, perhaps?

 

[Firebrain]

I find "kink" to be a really cheesey, cringeworthy word. I only use it sardonically.

 

[MisterSir]

I dislike thinking of myself as kinky, it's true. I prefer "perverted".

 

[Firebrain]

I think of myself as a deviant. I like the edge of danger that it has, like I have special super powers, hehe...kinky could simply not be a super hero (or supervillain, for that matter). He'd be the oft-mocked sidekick. Sidekink. See what I did there?

 

[Keroin]

I dislike thinking of myself as kinky, it's true. I prefer "perverted".

I lean toward "warped" with "bent" as a close second. "Bent" has a nicer sound but for a scuba diver it carries some rather unpleasant connotations.

So, yes, mark me down for "warped".

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm always wary when people describe themselves as kinky as some really have just emerged from a very sheltered life (or are young and just beginning to experience) and discovered something as common as an orgasm or anal sex and think that then makes them kinky because they enjoyed it. Often, when we have gone into detail about what we might begin to think of as kinky, spme have just about fainted or declared us any variety of nasty terms of description.

Catalina

 

[BiBunny]

I'm always wary when people describe themselves as kinky as some really have just emerged from a very sheltered life (or are young and just beginning to experience) and discovered something as common as an orgasm or anal sex and think that then makes them kinky because they enjoyed it. Often, when we have gone into detail about what we might begin to think of as kinky, spme have just about fainted or declared us any variety of nasty terms of description.

Catalina

That's always amused me, too, LOL.

 

[CutieMouse]

I'm a self-avowed kinky prude, because it amuses me to describe myself as such... [thus far] my idea of "kinky" has rather eclipsed that of the men I've attempted to describe it to.

 

[kaycee217]

I'm a self-avowed kinky prude, because it amuses me to describe myself as such... [thus far] my idea of "kinky" has rather eclipsed that of the men I've attempted to describe it to.

What is your idea of "kinky?"

 

[CutieMouse]

What is your idea of "kinky?"

Are you asking what the darkest corners of my brain gravitates towards?

When pressed (if they're interesting enough to get an answer), I explain that I am a service oriented submissive [masochist] with a penchant for mindfucks, humiliation and objectification. Upon deciding someone is interesting enough to commit to (ensuring likes/dislikes are similar enough) - the word "no" is removed from my vocabulary, by choice.They have access to me [in any manner they choose] at will; whatever definition of "f*ck toy" they prefer, is what they get. Period.

All I ask in return is to be as loved for my "normal" parts as my darkest bits, and whatever their actions, my ability to earn a living and parent my children not be compromised (simply meaning certain activities may need to be planned well in advance).

Not many men have met the challenge thus far. LOL

 

[kaycee217]

Are you asking what the darkest corners of my brain gravitates towards?

When pressed (if they're interesting enough to get an answer), I explain that I am a service oriented submissive [masochist] with a penchant for mindfucks, humiliation and objectification. Upon deciding someone is interesting enough to commit to (ensuring likes/dislikes are similar enough) - the word "no" is removed from my vocabulary, by choice.They have access to me [in any manner they choose] at will; whatever definition of "f*ck toy" they prefer, is what they get. Period.

All I ask in return is to be as loved for my "normal" parts as my darkest bits, and whatever their actions, my ability to earn a living and parent my children not be compromised (simply meaning certain activities may need to be planned well in advance).

Not many men have met the challenge thus far. LOL

Does that frustrate you at all? Also, let's say you find a guy who can meet the challenge. What keeps him from abusing his "power?" Does the dynamic between you and him keep things in "check?"

 

[CutieMouse]

Does that frustrate you at all? Also, let's say you find a guy who can meet the challenge. What keeps him from abusing his "power?" Does the dynamic between you and him keep things in "check?"

It's a relationship, and like any relationship - sometimes things don't work out. I'd rather be single (and happy) than partnered (and settle for less than I deserve).

*shrug*

The thing that keeps a lover from "abusing" his power, is choosing the right lover in the first place. If everyone is on the same page, where is the abuse and what is there to be kept in check?

 

[kaycee217]

It's a relationship, and like any relationship - sometimes things don't work out. I'd rather be single (and happy) than partnered (and settle for less than I deserve).

*shrug*

The thing that keeps a lover from "abusing" his power, is choosing the right lover in the first place. If everyone is on the same page, where is the abuse and what is there to be kept in check?

Perhaps I'm naive, but I've wondered if the "drunk with power" phenomenon is also present in D/s relationships. But perhaps the "right" D/s relationship isn't really the granting of true power to one party at the expense of the other? Maybe the parties are on equal grounds, but their sexuality is manifested through power differential.

I don't know, I'm just trying to comprehend it all.

Thanks for answering my questions, CutieMouse.

 

[CutieMouse]

Perhaps I'm naive, but I've wondered if the "drunk with power" phenomenon is also present in D/s relationships. But perhaps the "right" D/s relationship isn't really the granting of true power to one party at the expense of the other? Maybe the parties are on equal grounds, but their sexuality is manifested through power differential.

I don't know, I'm just trying to comprehend it all.

Thanks for answering my questions, CutieMouse.

I'd guess the "drunk with power" thing is present; I'm cautious, picky, and obstinate enough to pretty much avoid it (after one or two false starts LOL).

I am also in no way shape or form less than my lover. Some relationships operate on that dynamic; mine don't. Sadistic/dacrophiliac-ish sorts of men? They are better off for having women like me in their lives, just as I'm better off for having men like them in mine. In the end, relationships are relationships are relationships.

You're welcome.

 

[ownedsubgal]

I dislike thinking of myself as kinky, it's true. I prefer "perverted".

same here. i absolutely loathe the word "kinky," because of it's light-hearted sexy fun connotation. "kinky" to me would be those good folks who spank or be spanked, paddle or be paddled, beat or be beaten, all because it gets them really hot and bothered and goshgollywow the fun!...no offense but i have never been able to relate to those folks. so no, i am definitely not kinky.

but a pervert... a deviant with needs and desires considered completely appalling and unacceptable by the society in which i live...yes, i am that.

 

[kaycee217]

One more question, CutieMouse.

Given your desires, do you ever have "normal" sexual relationships? They may not be ideal for you, but perhaps they keep you busy, bring you some pleasure, or whatever?

 

[CutieMouse]

One more question, CutieMouse.

Given your desires, do you ever have "normal" sexual relationships? They may not be ideal for you, but perhaps they keep you busy, bring you some pleasure, or whatever?

I did earlier this year... he knew about my orientation from the beginning, and I only lasted 3ish months before I grew frustrated, bored, and irritated as hell. LOL

It isn't as if my relationships are only about the sex/kink/deviant stuff... I still enjoy dinners out, lectures, museums, talking politics, discussing business, going antiquing, flopping on the couch and watching TV/movies, shopping, etc. My relationships look like everyone else's relationships - except to myself and my partner.

I'm actually dating now - most men don't garner a repeat performance, but I'm having some fabulously interesting conversations with interesting people. (I also work full time, raise 5 children part time, have hobbies, etc... my life is pretty dammed full actually - Lover or not. LOL)

 

[BiBunny]

I usually just describe myself as "fucked up." Hey, if the shoe fits....

 

[intothewoods]

I was thinking this recently about Tiger Woods. I haven't read everything there is to read on his adventures, but I was surprised at how he was labeled kinky. As far as I can tell, he had a fantasy about a threesome and he is into rough sex. What am I missing? I mean, I guess kinky means weird sex of some sort, so I suppose it fits (in comparison to the general population).

 

[kaycee217]

I was thinking this recently about Tiger Woods. I haven't read everything there is to read on his adventures, but I was surprised at how he was labeled kinky. As far as I can tell, he had a fantasy about a threesome and he is into rough sex. What am I missing? I mean, I guess kinky means weird sex of some sort, so I suppose it fits (in comparison to the general population).

The United States is a prude country, my dear.

 

[CutieMouse]

I was thinking this recently about Tiger Woods. I haven't read everything there is to read on his adventures, but I was surprised at how he was labeled kinky. As far as I can tell, he had a fantasy about a threesome and he is into rough sex. What am I missing? I mean, I guess kinky means weird sex of some sort, so I suppose it fits (in comparison to the general population).

Yeah, see one of the dates I had asked about the whole "kinky" thing, because I mention it [lightheartedly] in my personals ad...

"Soo.... you mean like... *looks around cautiously* um.... *whispers* sp..sp... spanking?"

"No. Not like spanking."

*facepalm*

Thinking about it, maybe one of the reasons I claim "kinky" *is* because it's lighthearted and a bit self-deprecating. I take everything too damn seriously, so sometimes it's nice to chuckle at myself a bit.

 

[intothewoods]

The United States is a prude country, my dear.

We are, and then we aren't. I mean, shit, the brouhaha over Tiger Woods is so beyond me. I mean, look, I get that he projected a certain image and that turned out to be bullshit, but at some point, is the public going to get a clue? How many times does this have to happen before we stop with the shock and awe?

Yeah, see one of the dates I had asked about the whole "kinky" thing, because I mention it [lightheartedly] in my personals ad...

"Soo.... you mean like... *looks around cautiously* um.... *whispers* sp..sp... spanking?"

"No. Not like spanking."

*facepalm*

Thinking about it, maybe one of the reasons I claim "kinky" *is* because it's lighthearted and a bit self-deprecating. I take everything too damn seriously, so sometimes it's nice to chuckle at myself a bit.

Right, with someone like that, you're a supah freak. And then I meet the dude in my local scene who does hanging scenes, girl on a dildo strapped to a car scenes, crucifixion scenes...That's beyond kinky, methinks.

 

[kaycee217]

We are, and then we aren't. I mean, shit, the brouhaha over Tiger Woods is so beyond me. I mean, look, I get that he projected a certain image and that turned out to be bullshit, but at some point, is the public going to get a clue? How many times does this have to happen before we stop with the shock and awe?

Right, with someone like that, you're a supah freak. And then I meet the dude in my local scene who does hanging scenes, girl on a dildo strapped to a car scenes, crucifixion scenes...That's beyond kinky, methinks.

What happens? A well known person gets caught cheating? Or a well known person gets caught doing "kinky" stuff?