"Kinky" is Dead

[intothewoods]

What happens? A well known person gets caught cheating? Or a well known person gets caught doing "kinky" stuff?

The cheating part. In this case, people are shocked by the amount, but I personally find this less bizarre than Mark Sanford and his "soul mate" bullshit. I mean, that was bullshit, but a famous guy who's a horny slut? Not surprising and not all that interesting a story to me. I tried to find the kinky details discussed, but really all I could find were vague references to the roughness of the sex, and his dirty talk.

 

[kaycee217]

The cheating part. In this case, people are shocked by the amount, but I personally find this less bizarre than Mark Sanford and his "soul mate" bullshit. I mean, that was bullshit, but a famous guy who's a horny slut? Not surprising and not all that interesting a story to me. I tried to find the kinky details discussed, but really all I could find were vague references to the roughness of the sex, and his dirty talk.

Maybe it's because someone like Tiger doesn't need to be married? Also, Tiger is a celebrity and us mere mortals do enjoy seeing the famous people with "flaws."

 

[CrowdedStranger]

Fuct Up pretty much sums it up for me too....I always preferred 'twisted' or 'warped'...."kinky" makes me think of someone more fuctup than me...that makes me nervous

 

[Cattypuss]

Meh.

I use "kinky" to describe the whole spectrum of non-vanilla stuff, from pink furry handcuffs all the way through to snuff scenes.

I don't feel the need for a special word for me. I don't see it as a competition. I am who I am.

 

[Harmony_1985]

Yeah, see one of the dates I had asked about the whole "kinky" thing, because I mention it [lightheartedly] in my personals ad...

"Soo.... you mean like... *looks around cautiously* um.... *whispers* sp..sp... spanking?"

"No. Not like spanking."

*facepalm*

Thinking about it, maybe one of the reasons I claim "kinky" *is* because it's lighthearted and a bit self-deprecating. I take everything too damn seriously, so sometimes it's nice to chuckle at myself a bit.

This is totally it. The 'nillas throw around the term "kinky" for the stuff we consider tame.

When I came out as a submissive to my friends, 2 of them were like "you're kinky? So you like being spanked and handcuffed to the bed?"

I then had to proceed to tell them it's not all about sex, lol.

 

[JMohegan]

The other day I received a text message from a girl that I had hung out with (and fucked) a few times. It read: "When do you get back in town? I could use some kinky sex soon. "

I've been into BDSM for about 4 or 5 years. I'd describe myself as a freak in bed. But this message read so bland to me. Reading the word "kinky" did nothing for me. I think the closest I've ever come to using the word is when I've said, I have some "kinks."

Is the term "kinky" dead? Does it sound too cute to really describe that kind of activity?

I'd be turned off by the peremptory tone of that message.

Beyond that, the adjective doesn't matter to me one way or the other. The real problem is that she talks about sex as if it's a commodity.

Kinky, bent, perverted, deviant, whatever. There's really no adequate substitute for a craving for sex *with me*.

 

[where]

I was thinking this recently about Tiger Woods. I haven't read everything there is to read on his adventures, but I was surprised at how he was labeled kinky. As far as I can tell, he had a fantasy about a threesome and he is into rough sex. What am I missing? I mean, I guess kinky means weird sex of some sort, so I suppose it fits (in comparison to the general population).

I think kinky for many people is anything that isn't face to face heterosexual cock in cunt sex.

I'd be turned off by the peremptory tone of that message.

Beyond that, the adjective doesn't matter to me one way or the other. The real problem is that she talks about sex as if it's a commodity.

Kinky, bent, perverted, deviant, whatever. There's really no adequate substitute for a craving for sex *with me*.

is that a problem if they are fuck buddies?

 

[JMohegan]

is that a problem if they are fuck buddies?

It would be for me.

The OP's quote reads, to me, like the kinky female equivalent of the drunk guy in the middle of the party shouting, "Step right up, ladies. I'll take a hole, any hole. I need to get laid."

There's a certain objectification in that type of exchange, which may be great for people who get off on being objectified. But I'm not one of those people.

 

[00Syd]

I have no problem with the word "kinky." Its a good catch-all.

 

[subish2009]

It would be for me.

The OP's quote reads, to me, like the kinky female equivalent of the drunk guy in the middle of the party shouting, "Step right up, ladies. I'll take a hole, any hole. I need to get laid."

There's a certain objectification in that type of exchange, which may be great for people who get off on being objectified. But I'm not one of those people.

I agree. It's definitely not the use of the word "kinky" that makes that text not hot for me. It just sounds so detached. And that may be perfectly acceptable for this particular couple, but it's a turn-off for me.

 

[Andrianya]

I agree that kinky sounds so tame. Like 'let's be kinky and have sex on the floor tonight'. It just isn't a good sum up of what most of us here want. I would prefer terms like I will surrender tonight or be your slave for the night... but even those seem a little over done.
I will have to ponder, to be sure.

 

[kaycee217]

I have no problem with the word "kinky." Its a good catch-all.

Exactly

There's nothing wrong with using a relative term loosely.

 

[TheleHun]

The lady in question from the text message thought wild sex was her on top. And that seemed to be all the further she was really interested in going. Usually I don't bring up to a partner that I'm into more interesting activities until I'm certain it won't scare them away. Her whole basis for my "kinkiness" was from a comment that I wouldn't stop having fucking her if her roommate came through the door. Not something I find to be that crazy of an idea.

But I hear "kinky" and assume there is something wrong with a garden hose or somebody is calling their small fluffy dog.

My personal descriptors have been "deviant" (when I'm trying to polite) and "into fucked up shit" (when I'm being more truthful).

 

[ecstaticsub]

I like the word "kinky". Perverted and deviant sound like words describing something wrong. Kinky is fun, which is why I do what I do to begin with.

 

[sb2009]

yeah, it seemed like the person saying kinky was more what bored you. I like the word "kinky" it kind of is a jumping-off point.

"yeah, i like kinky sex"

"Oh, so what are you into?" etc....

 

[subish2009]

I think I like "kinky" for me and "deviant," "perverted," and "into fucked up shit" for Doms.

 

[Aquila1]

Meh.

I use "kinky" to describe the whole spectrum of non-vanilla stuff, from pink furry handcuffs all the way through to snuff scenes.

I don't feel the need for a special word for me. I don't see it as a competition. I am who I am.

*nods*

I don't mind the word kinky - simply because there are no real parameters ascribed to it. I definitely have my own internal kink-continuum, but I like the economy of using one word.

 

[human_male]

Poor you...

But seriously, like so many other things in life, kinky is a relative term. What's kinky for this girl might be bland for you, perhaps?

Lol. I was just thinking jeez, I hope one day I can get to the point where I'm so blaze about sex, a woman can say that to me and I'm like "Ho hum, she just wants kinky sex from me, what a bore."

 

[Harmony_1985]

To be fair, the term "kinky sex" is how I've explained it to friends who don't get what BDSM is.

 

[Homburg]

I'd be turned off by the peremptory tone of that message.

QFT. I had the same thought.

--

And I have no problem with the term. Vanilla people use all kinds of words that BDSM people use, but with different meaning, and vice versa. Why would "kinky" be special?

 

[Vulpesvulpes]

I prefer the term, "sick fuck".

Seriously, the term "kinky" doesn't bother me. In fact, I've used it often to describe myself. To the vanilla world, it means that I'm into something other than one-man-one-woman-missionary-position-with-the-lights-off sex. That's all anyone needs to know unless they are planning on playing with me. If they're intereted, we'll start a serious discussion of likes and dislikes.

What I can't stand is the attitude that some people seem to have that you have to be in a 24/7, no-limits, TPE relationship to be "real". The lines between kinky, perverted, sick, etc. are all just matters of our own perception. What's the difference between "real" and "poser"? If I've used nipple clamps, butt plugs, whips, straps, crops, gags, fists, etc. am I just "kinky" or am I "real"? Some people also seem to confuse the terms "poser" with "inexperienced". To me, if I claim to have had experiences that I haven't had or expertise that I don't have then I could fairly be called a "poser". If I'm aroused by the idea of experiences that I have yet to have, then I'm simply in-experienced, something that we all were at one time. /rant

back on topic:
If a fuck-buddy texted me and said that she was up for kinky sex, she would get what she wanted. In fact, I would be tempted to test her limits and see exactly how 'kinky' she wanted to get.

 

[subish2009]

<snip>
back on topic:
If a fuck-buddy texted me and said that she was up for kinky sex, she would get what she wanted. In fact, I would be tempted to test her limits and see exactly how 'kinky' she wanted to get.

That is a great and entirely appropriate response! Love it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

When you come right down to it, it is irrelevent what or who a person claims or professes to be. What matters is what or who they realy are. Words can be very cheap and easy, especially in today's superficial, attention whore like society.

Catalina

 

[DVS]

Telling someone you're kinky is just opening the door for them to either ask more questions or exploring within their own mind as to what you meant when you said you are kinky.

In society, the word kinky is a relative term that really means pretty much anything, depending on the person. Like CutieMouse has said, when saying you are kinky, some will assume you are into lighter things such as spanking, and maybe even bondage, if you are really, really kinky.

But, tell a kinky person that you are kinky and they might take your statement to mean you are more kinky than they are. So, if they are very kinky (in their minds) then you are really, really out there kinky.

 

[rida]

I've made peace with the word kinky.

At first it felt like it was reducing "serious" BDSM to some simple "spice for sex". Now that I'm over the whole "am I "real" or not" issue, I find that the word, as it has been stated by others, it helps convey to vanilla people that you are open minded when it comes to sex.

Each person will then add their own connotation to it according to their own definitions and limits. And from there, if the other person warrants it and the conversation goes there, we can explain what "we" mean by it.

The fact that I let my Sadist beat me up, dry fuck my ass, and not even for a moment think about getting some sort of sexual pleasure out of our encounters works for me. Same as when with a vanilla fuck-buddy that really wants me to enjoy myself and cum, I try to accommodate his desires.

My nature is to pleasure you, whatever shape that pleasure takes. And in itself it is not kinky at all. Kinky or perverted or deviant ... it all depends on my partner.

(as a side comment, my college boyfriend consider himself open minded and slightly kinky because he enjoys sex with the lights on, having her on top and doggy style, and is also not opposed to threesome, swapping and sort of "open relationships". He does consider thou those Japanese porn video with the woman "suffering" to be "sick" ... lol.)