Online friendship question

[Eilan]

Sorry for the lame title.

Today I went to a forum that I occasionally lurk on to find that one of the members passed away a few days ago. It's a small, close-knit community, so most of the other forumites were pretty devastated. Some of them had actually met the guy in person, while many others had gotten to know him well through posts, PM's, and emails.

I know that this is just a porn board but some of us have made friendships here (and on other sites, too) that are every bit as real as our RL friendships. However, if I died or ended up hospitalized because of a serious injury or illness, I'm not sure that anyone here would ever find out about it. As I read through the reactions of the other members, I started thinking that perhaps I need to have a way of letting people know if something like this were to happen to me.

Do you have family members or friends who'd be able or willing to let your online friends know if something had happened to you?

 

[bobsgirl]

Sorry for the lame title.

Today I went to a forum that I occasionally lurk on to find that one of the members passed away a few days ago. It's a small, close-knit community, so most of the other forumites were pretty devastated. Some of them had actually met the guy in person, while many others had gotten to know him well through posts, PM's, and emails.

I know that this is just a porn board but some of us have made friendships here (and on other sites, too) that are every bit as real as our RL friendships. However, if I died or ended up hospitalized because of a serious injury or illness, I'm not sure that anyone here would ever find out about it. As I read through the reactions of the other members, I started thinking that perhaps I need to have a way of letting people know if something like this were to happen to me.

Do you have family members or friends who'd be able or willing to let your online friends know if something had happened to you?

Several years ago when I ended up in the hospital with breathing issues, I thought about this too. I have some good friends here and elsewhere. So I made up an email list that I gave to one of my sisters. I periodically update it to add new ones, or sadly, remove some.

Cathleen, I know, would know who to contact. The grapevine usually works pretty efficiently I've found.

 

[SweetErika]

Several years ago when I ended up in the hospital with breathing issues, I thought about this too. I have some good friends here and elsewhere. So I made up an email list that I gave to one of my sisters. I periodically update it to add new ones, or sadly, remove some.

Cathleen, I know, would know who to contact. The grapevine usually works pretty efficiently I've found.

It does, and I'm glad you used it.

Eilan, we should ask our guys to make the necessary notification in case something happens to us. I haven't asked mine yet, but it's something I should tell him he should do at his discretion.

A year or two ago I got an email from a friend of a Litster who was killed in a car crash overseas. I didn't know him incredibly well, but I edited a long story for him, so we got acquainted. I was glad to know, and as the friend said, I'm sure those were his wishes.

 

[Eilan]

The grapevine usually works pretty efficiently I've found.

Yeah, it does, doesn't it? Someone on a different forum came across what he thought was the guy's obituary and then checked his Facebook page, where friends were leaving their condolences. He then informed people on the forum I lurk on.

The guy who died, BTW, had a fatal heart attack at 37. What the hell??

Eilan, we should ask our guys to make the necessary notification in case something happens to us. I haven't asked mine yet, but it's something I should tell him he should do at his discretion.

I haven't asked maddbradd, either. I'm sure he'd agree to it, but would he think about it if something happened?

 

[SweetErika]

I haven't asked maddbradd, either. I'm sure he'd agree to it, but would he think about it if something happened?

I'm sure he wouldn't immediately, but he probably would eventually, especially if you put a note in your address book, or wherever he'd find the info for your RL contacts.

 

[silverwhisper]

eilan quoth:
today i went to a forum that i occasionally lurk on to find that one of the members passed away a few days ago.

this has happened at least once i know for certain about at another of my forums, and i fear it happened a second time around 5-6 years ago but don't have the proper contact details to ascertain one way or the other, sadly.

eilan queried:
do you have family members or friends who'd be able or willing to let your online friends know if something had happened to you?

i think SJ knows how to get hold of the mrs if it comes to that, while phaedre knows how to get hold of folks who have my phone#.

i think the mrs would think to log into my blog page and post an update, for that matter.

ed

 

[wicked woman]

I'm sure he wouldn't immediately, but he probably would eventually, especially if you put a note in your address book, or wherever he'd find the info for your RL contacts.

I have a number of long distance friends that my family either isn't aware of or haven't met and wouldn't know how to contact. What I've done is made sure that every contact in my cell phone has a comment on whether they're to be contacted or not and if there are any limitations on how to contact them.

I think this is important even for non-internet originating friends. Decades ago I got a call from a friend of a woman I'd been very close to but when I moved to a distant city we weren't in contact as often as we'd like. The call was to notify me that my friend's Mom had died and when the funeral was. I really appreciated the call and made a point of making it to the funeral.

I've also seen the opposite of this happen. When I was in my 20s I had a LDR with a guy on the east coast that I'd gone to university with. Never met his family since they were in Ontario where I was. I was 'notified' that he was missing, when his ship was lost at sea during a storm, by listening to the radio. Trust me you don't want to find out that way! On the other hand I was lucky to find out because no one went through his address book to notify me.

 

[Quoll]

I spoke to Poss about this tonight, as much as she dislikes computers she said she would find a way to get any news across.
The way my PC is set up it will be very easy for her to do so, although I will make a list of e-mail/snail mail addresses just to be sure.
It's hard when friends leave or disappear for any reason, but at least having some kind of info can help.

 

[Phaedre]

I think that I have enough interaction with online friends that were something to happen then either I would find out about an online friend or my online friends would find out about me.

I'm fairly sure that with the cross pollinating between different forums that goes on means that each of us has a network which would eventually find out.

 

[MisterSir]

A handful of mine would be nice enough to inform the people I've only ever known through the maze of tubes I was a corpse, so yes.

 

[Recidiva]

I know my daughter or husband would let someone know.

I don't make distinctions between friends I met online or friends I met in real life, if only because I met my husband online.

 

[fire_breeze]

This is a great fear of mine actually, not so much that something happens on my end but rather on their end. I've made some very good friends on-line, and I'm always terrified that something will happen to them and I won't be able to help.

Scary thought.

 

[Eilan]

Thanks for the responses.

 

[Nightbird]

This is a very good thread and something I need to think about.

 

[great lover]

This is something I need to think about.

 

[CristinaRobo]

My husband and I both read the posts here, usually logged in under my name, though he did register separately. Due to grief issues, I'm sure it would not happen right away, but I'd like to think that sometime down the line the survivor (assuming we weren't both killed in a car crash) would eventually pass on the news.

 

[NippleMuncher]

To be honest, I don't know that I'm significant enough around here to be missed.

I suspect that if I were dead that my heirs that know my haunts would post a message of my passing.

 

[silverwhisper]

i would, FWIW.

ed

 

[Mac98]

Not that anyone would notice or care (on this site), but if ever I haven't been on for an extended period of time (say, several months), than you'll all know something happened to me .

But I'm sure I'll be fine.

 

[sadangel]

I have a hard backed journal in which I put all my wishes. Put the names of friends in real life and last known addresses and phone numbers. I am updating it to put in the links to the boards I go to where someone would be wanting to know what is going on. Such as Lit and a couple of others that I've been going to for like 6 years. I will put their real names and the names I know them by on the boards and a phone number.

I'll also put a note in my addy book online to contact so and so. Thanks to whomever asked this.

Most likely it would be posted in the Author's hanagout as that is where I have spent most of my time until recently.

 

[NippleMuncher]

i would, FWIW.

ed

Thanks ed, I would miss me too.