Pain?

[the_other_char]

Hi. I'm totally new here, and have absolutely no experience with BDSM outside of erotica and my own fantasies. Given that, this question is probably a truely dorky newbie question. If it is, I'm sorry and feel free to ignore it. But here it is anyway.

I'd love to be dominated. I want someone to make me do whatever it is they want me to do. I absolutely love the idea of being hypnotised. The idea of somebody tying me up and fucking with my mind really turns me on.

But, you see, I've got this thing about pain. It ... umm ... hurts. Lol. Honestly, I can't see myself finding it a turn on at all. I'm a complete wimp with a low pain threshhold.

In other words, I don't think being whipped would do it for me, but having someone threaten to do it and totally convince me that the whip was about to fall would.

Do you need to use pain in order to seriously dominate someone? Or does this question make any sense at all?

Thanks for reading.

Char

 

[CutieMouse]

Do you need to use pain in order to seriously dominate someone? Or does this question make any sense at all?

Thanks for reading.

Char

Just because someone is submissive, it doesn't mean they are a masochist. On the flip side, just because someone is dominant, it doesn't mean they are a sadist.

In other words, submission and pain don't necessarily have to go hand in hand, in order to experience submission. The trick to things (as with any relationship), is finding someone for who is interested in the inverse of your own ideas re: BDSM.

 

[WriterDom]

I don't think anyone likes bad pain like stubbing your toe on a piece of furniture or getting your hand caught in a car door. But with a little warm up you might find a spanking or flogging enjoyable. At least keep an open mind to it until you try it.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Hi. I'm totally new here, and have absolutely no experience with BDSM outside of erotica and my own fantasies. Given that, this question is probably a truely dorky newbie question. If it is, I'm sorry and feel free to ignore it. But here it is anyway.

I'd love to be dominated. I want someone to make me do whatever it is they want me to do. I absolutely love the idea of being hypnotised. The idea of somebody tying me up and fucking with my mind really turns me on.

But, you see, I've got this thing about pain. It ... umm ... hurts. Lol. Honestly, I can't see myself finding it a turn on at all. I'm a complete wimp with a low pain threshhold.

In other words, I don't think being whipped would do it for me, but having someone threaten to do it and totally convince me that the whip was about to fall would.

Do you need to use pain in order to seriously dominate someone? Or does this question make any sense at all?

Thanks for reading.

Char

Three key sentences here: 1) mindfucks; 2) low pain threshhold; and 3) How does domination work?

Re: 1) Mental/psychological/emotional (MPE) domination may just be the most powerful of all, IMNSHO. (That does NOT eliminate pain-type activities, etc., which we all would agree, I think, are enhanced by MPE domination. Mindfucks are a very important part of this type of dynamic.)

2) Lots of folks have "low pain threshholds." That just means that the couple (or more ) involved have to be a little more creative in devising pain play that is effective and within the bounds of the receiver's tolerances if they want to have pain play as a part of their relationship. Some BDSM relationships have no pain at all involved. For instance, rope play (usually) isn't painful, but it certainly can be physically controlling and thus emotionally controlling as well.

3) See 1) and 2) above. Of course not! In the long run, dominance and submission rely primarily upon the mindsets of the PYL and pyl. Pain can be a factor in that D/s relationship, but it's not a necessity. The only necessity is that the partners have complementary ideation about their relationship... which brings us to Cutie Mouse's observations (underlined below). There's a reason that BDSM stands for "Bondage & Discipline" (BD), "Dominance/submission" (D/s), and "Sadism/masochism" (SM). Just as the acronym overlaps in its labels, so too can the relationships overlap from one category to another, if that's what the partners want.

Just because someone is submissive, it doesn't mean they are a masochist. On the flip side, just because someone is dominant, it doesn't mean they are a sadist.

In other words, submission and pain don't necessarily have to go hand in hand, in order to experience submission. The trick to things (as with any relationship), is finding someone for who is interested in the inverse of your own ideas re: BDSM.

I don't think anyone likes bad pain like stubbing your toe on a piece of furniture or getting your hand caught in a car door. But with a little warm up (and confidence that your partner will scrupulously observe your safeword) you might find a spanking or flogging enjoyable. At least keep an open mind to it until you try it.

I think you will find, as you wander through both the Talk and the Café forums, that a substantial number of pyls have expressed surprise, pleasure and pride that they have learned over time to not only tolerate but enjoy higher levels of whatever their limits had been in the beginning. Growth - physical, psychological, emotional - is an important aspect to any relationship, not just BDSM, and part of growth is surpassing what one *used* to consider the limits of their ability.

Good luck on your journey. The natives are (mostly) friendly and helpful guides through the jungle of our brand of relationship.

 

[graceanne]

CM, SW, and WD all pretty much covered it, but I wanted to 'second' what they said.

Not all pyls are masochists.

You evidently like mind fucks, which is perfectly normal.

And don't knock it until you try it. With warm up a spanking can be totally awesome.

 

[the_other_char]

Thanks for the responses. You've given me food for thought.

 

[ammre]

I don't like pain, but I like making people happy. I especially love making sadists happy becasue they get this childlike twinkle in their eye and glee... Unfortunately, that involves pain... It's about what you're willing to do and finding someone who matches it.

 

[XsnowbunnyX]

I apologize because I have absolutely nothing to contribute to this, but Char your feelings on it match mine perfectly!

"Yeah, that might be cool, but um.. wouldn't that hurt?" Love it.

 

[Anomily]

I'm pretty new to this stuff, too. I've also got a pretty low pain threshold but even with my limited experience I've learned to like some pretty mild pain quite a lot. When I first started out, it was pretty easy spank me with a bare hand hard enough that I couldn't take it. With practice and getting myself into the right mindset, I was gradually able to take more and more until he couldn't possibly hit me too hard with his hand, and eventually he could go pretty hard with the back of a hairbrush. If that relationship had lasted I probably could have gone even further. It really can feel amazing to expand what you're to tolerate and eventually enjoy. If you're even a little interested I would say go for it but make sure you trust the person to stop when it gets to be too much and know that it probably won't take long for that to happen at first.

If you don't want to go into the pain, being tied up is its own kind of fun. You don't need any pain to know who's the dominant one in that scenario

There's bunches of other stuff to explore in the field of non-pain D/s but I have no experience in that so I'll leave it to those who know what they're talking about. As for me, I'll be waiting for what they have to say, too. I've learned so much from lurking here the past year or so!

 

[AriannaKing]

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Sir_Winston54]

<snippage> I've learned so much from lurking here the past year or so!

So... quit lurking and start participating! You don't have to be a guru (Lit or otherwise) to be a part of discussions here. In fact, sometimes it helps if you *aren't* - it allows you to ask questions that may help clarify matters for others who are too shy to ask. You could learn even more!

 

[moblue]

I am a newbie also....but I LOVE to be spanked, have my nipples and clit pinched hard or bitten. Even pierced my own nipples a few months ago. Also like to be tied up and made to beg. But I am still not sure about the total sub thing. Out of bed I think I am way to controlling.

 

[swampydonkey]

This forum is my like my family. I like to pass my time here so As i am a newbie person but i don't seem to be a newbie. Because I like to talk about sexual things very much.